Some breakups make you wish you could tear the other person’s arm out and beat them with it. Some leave you crying and quaking. Others are an absolute relief. You feel like a heavy weight has been lifted off your shoulders. But more breakups are somewhere in between. Both parties made mistakes. There are irreconcilable differences. Many people still feel angry, hurt, upset, even a sense of longing for the way things were in the beginning. It’s hard to wish someone all the best after a breakup and even especially after a divorce. But to do so is not only classy, and shows that you will be fine on your own, you don’t want to look devastated. What good is that? Besides, self-love, that bright white light shining from inside of you will be the beacon to call your true love to you. This person clearly isn’t it.
You may feel justified for one reason or another to not take the high road, to not wish this person well. Vengeful thoughts often hurt the keeper of those thoughts far more than who they are directed to, so let them go. Forgive them for their transgressions and you will release yourself from the burden of hatred, anger and even the need for revenge. That doesn’t make it okay. And of course many people need to feel that pain and anger first, to get through the healing process. But don’t impede your own progress in reaching acceptance, for it will set you free.
Some people do forgive and accept, but only to a certain extent. The forgiveness comes with strings. Say the relationship wasn’t that bad but there were certain hurtful things said or done, as love is complicated. You may feel as though you were big enough to forgive them. You want them to be happy but not happier than you in the near future. You want them to find love but none so intense or gratifying as it overshadows what the two of you had, or so that it isn’t as satisfying as your next love affair. You want them to have success in their career or objectives but not be so successful as that envy leaks into your heart, or that you wish you had stuck it out with this person. Of course this line of thinking is selfish. It undercuts the spirit of letting go, of acceptance, of full selfless generosity. It speaks of still clinging to the past and not accepting how things are.
That splinter of the past will burrow its way into your heart and make you bleed if you let it. Instead, wish them the greatest love affair, the most success and the greatest happiness. Karma will only move to reward you. You can revel in your detachment and your ability to cope, come to terms, accept things as they are, and find happiness in the world as it is. For more ways to elegantly maneuver after a breakup pick up a copy of, Releasing a Person: Fast Recovery from Heartbreak, a Breakup or Divorce by Kathryn Alice.