When it comes to dating after 50, it’s all about tolerance. There are things you can tolerate and things you can’t. The trick is to figure out which is which. Do you have qualities the other person just has to have such as the same culture or religion? This isn’t a line of thinking that goes with any one sex. Both men and women have deal breakers. Women sometimes hang on to relationships that aren’t good for them, though some men do it too. They think they can change the person they are dating. With the right kind of love, and since you are the right kind of person you think you’ll change them. But frustration builds and actually hurts the relationship when these plans don’t work. They simply can’t work. Because the problem is that no one can change unless they come to the conclusion themselves, the old lead a horse to water model. There are women who decide settling is better than being alone, and that she’s with a good man. The truth is for people over 50 today, with the divorce rate so high, there are lots of people to date. There are also lots of ways to meet people. So there is no reason to feel cornered.
Some people are very attached to their pet. They won’t be able to tolerate someone who doesn’t like pets, or doesn’t enjoy the dog or cat as much as they do. You’ll have to figure out where you fit in the family and vice versa. Do you have adult children? What about your mate? If they have kids who are teens, are you okay with that, even when your kids are grown and moved out? Some people can’t tolerate smokers, while others can’t give up their cigarettes. Know how you feel about smoking before dating someone who does. Is it important for you to have someone you can share an occasional bubbly with or is someone in AA okay? What is the situation in the bedroom? Each person is different and it’s important to know whether you are compatible. What are the money issues? Who pays and how does it all work? The value of dating at this age is you really know yourself and you aren’t often hemmed in by social obligations like getting married or having children. There’s a lot more freedom, but you still want to enjoy it with the right person. Thinking it through now and knowing what you can tolerate in a relationship and what you can’t, and what your mate should be able to tolerate and what they shouldn’t have to put up with, is what it’s all about. Enjoy this very special time in your life and the new freedom it affords you. For more, pick up a copy of Over 50 Dating Secrets: #1 Senior Dating Guide For Mature Singles by P. David O’Brien and Over 50 Dating.