When you suddenly find out that your spouse is wearing diapers it’s difficult to know how to react. What are the dos and don’ts of the situation? You don’t want to hurt their feelings but you want to know what’s going on. The first thing to do is to directly ask them. Pick a low stress time when you both have time to talk. Take them aside and ask gently. Tell them you won’t judge them. Let them know you want to help and you are there for them no matter what. Generally speaking adults do not wear these unless they feel they need to. Most people find diapers degrading. There are three reasons people wear adult diapers. Either they are incontinent, they are adult babies or they have a certain sexual fetish. If it is a medical issue having to do with loss of bladder or bowel control, have them see a doctor right away if they haven’t already. This is an important medical condition that needs to be addressed. They will need you by their side for emotional support. They will feel very vulnerable and exposed as they endure a sequence of tests.
If it is a sexual fetish, take a step back and try to see it from their point of view. Diapers are soft and warm. And people have fetishes for certain materials such as latex and leather. Talk to them about it in a calm manner. Let them know you want to know more about it. How does it work for them? What do they see as your role? If it only goes as far as wearing it once in a while, maybe there isn’t any harm. But you should know exactly what is going on, if you feel comfortable or can ignore it. Remember the other reasons why you married them and give yourself some time to get over the shock. Reevaluate when you are ready. Keep talking to your spouse about it and get to know more. Maybe after the initial shock wears off, it isn’t such a big deal after all. If they are regressing into a baby-like state, the most confusing of the three, seek to learn more. Are they role playing, using toys and so on? How far does it go, what is involved and how do you fit in? Learn more about this phenomenon and evaluate carefully. Give yourself some time to understand it and get over your shock. Remember that they are your spouse and you love them. You might be hurt that they hid it from you for shame, pride, not wanting to upset you and so on. It hurts but understand where they are coming from, let them know that you want them to share these things in the future and that you are on their side, but cut them some slack. Write a list of concerns and address them with your spouse. Have ground rules if you decide to stay together, which are fair for both parties. Keep talking and the way forward will become clear. To learn more about diaper fetishes, read the advice of Penny Barber in her book, The Age Play And Diaper Fetish Handbook.