Breaking up is so painful, and being dumped, that’s the worst. But once you are over those negative emotions you will come to see that it all happened for a reason. Remember that things happen to even the best laid plans, and things usually happen this way because they are meant to. Now you know what it is you want and how to make a relationship work, which you can take into making your next relationship so much better. The most important elements are those you can take away with you and make your life healthier. Here are some things you learn from a breakup. You learn that it takes two people to have a relationship. If one person is engaged and the other person has checked out it simply will not work. Lots of times you’ll look back and wonder why you tried so hard to please the other person without realizing that the other person wasn’t giving back what you were putting into things. Next you learn that it’s important not to put all of your eggs in one basket. You have to be independent and self-sufficient. You never know what’s going to happen. But you can always count on yourself. So keep your finances separate and always know what you would do the next time you are in a relationship if it suddenly ends. That doesn’t mean to be paranoid, just realistic.
Remember that love is a verb. It’s a constant unfolding. You can’t force someone to unfold with you, nor can someone force you. It has to be a natural process that both parties take part in. Don’t think someone is going to change and suddenly wake up and step to. It’s not going to happen. The only person you can truly change in this world is yourself. You can either love someone with the faults they have, or you can’t. Don’t try to mold the perfect person, or even find the perfect person. Just find someone who is perfect for you. Remember to embrace yourself, even in a relationship. Explore your own interests and hobbies, and hang out with your own friends. Validation and happiness are internal, not external. Of course we all seek validation. It’s only natural. But it should come from deep within yourself. Loving the idea of being in a relationship and loving the person you are in a relationship with are two different things. Learn to know and recognize the difference. The heart heals. That’s the best thing about humans, we are resilient. Remember that you will find someone else, perhaps someone who fits you better. Remember that being single is in the end so much better, easier, more peaceful and fulfilling than being with the wrong person. Your well-being is more important than anything else. Focus on yourself, heal, and find yourself again. For more advice, read He Broke Up With You For A Reason: How to Learn from Your Mistakes, Grow Stronger and Move On to a Hotter, Smarter Guy by Amy Banks.