If he’s got these in his Search History, Delete Him

Online-Flirting-Is-Cheating

If he’s got these in his Search History, Delete Him

We are all guilty of looking at things we shouldn’t on the internet from time to time. But there are certain things that cross the line. Respect and trust need to exist in any relationship for it to be healthy and happy. But there are just certain things a husband or boyfriend shouldn’t be seeking out. If he’s got these websites in his search history, delete him from your life or expect trouble the next time you sign on to his shenanigans. It’s perfectly normal for a guy to seek out some porn. They are guys, they are going to look. But if you happen to find an over-obsessive amount, this is a deal breaker. It may mean he’s addicted to porn. He could then have trouble pleasing you.

Another phenomenon that is occurring, guys who expect their wives and girlfriends to act like porn stars in the bedroom. While you may be all about exploring your kinky side, just understand that the women in these films never get their needs met. So if you want him to go down south, or you wish to explore some of your own fantasies, you’d better come right out and talk about it or it could all be over. Another deal breaker in this realm is porn that is too extreme. Sure he may have a fetish which you enjoy or are at least willing to accommodate. But if you find out he’s really into some sick stuff, it’s time to hit the road. Next thing you know he’ll want to bring some of that stuff into the bedroom. FYI, if you’re up for it, a little bit of good quality porn between consenting adults can actually stimulate your love life form time to time.

If he’s been on dating sites since you two have become an item, get rid of him. He’s a player, a narcissist; he’s self-absorbed and doesn’t care about your feelings. He’s looking to cheat. One side note, make sure you two have verbalized that you are in a committed relationship. Some girls just assume. If you haven’t said it, it isn’t true. When you are only dating you can’t expect him to shut down his dating profile. You never know what might happen. He’s keeping his options open or still deciding on you. You may be in the same phase. But if you’ve said the three little words, be mine only and they said yes, then this guy is a heartless scumbag. He’ll give you a line of crap. If you fall for it, he’ll cheat on you anyway, and you’ll be in more pain and hate yourself worse for failing to see through his jive.

If your man has a long history of surfing gay websites, you need to confront him about it. There’s nothing wrong with different sexual orientations. If you fantasize about having two guys, and the relationship doesn’t mean that much to you emotionally, you may find it exhilarating. Otherwise, your man may run off with another man. How will you feel then? If you find him on Ashley Madison or some other type of cheating website, sign off on this relationship. He’s a cheater and a sneak. For help moving on if or when your break up read, You Didn’t Want Him Anyway: Get Over Any Man in 5 Simple Steps by Claire Casey.

My Invisible Boyfriend

invisible

My Invisible Boyfriend

Don’t you hate it when your folks, friends and others ask about your love life? Why are you still single? They so rudely inquire. Or they offer to set you up with someone you wouldn’t want to share a car ride with? MyInvisibleboyfriend.com (Or girlfriend) to the rescue! Now for $24.99 per month you can receive 100 texts, 10 voicemails and even a post card from a real person posing as your +1. You compose the cover story as to how you met, select the photo that best fits your type, click on a few traits and interests and voila! Texts will soon appear in a dashboard so you can see the backstory and context of the conversation. It’s the perfect thing to rescue you from nosy relatives and well-meaning friends. Plus, it could be fun to have a secret, pretend lover. It will even help you out if you are out with friends and they say, invite him along. He (or she) will give an excuse as to why they can’t make it. The service only goes so far. Any explicit texts aren’t let through, and all photos that you send will be erased. That might be a relief for some, those who occasionally drunk dial their boo. The website is the brainchild of co-founder Matthew Homann. Homann came up with the idea and bought the URL Invisiblegirlfriend.com after a painful divorce.

The entrepreneur financed it through a hackathon he pitched in St. Louis. Afterward, Buzzfeed picked up the story. Homann put in some extra time and elbow grease and got it off the ground, launching the beta site this January. The website teamed up with St. Louis-based CrowdSource which handles all the messaging. Your invisible bae is more than one person actually, and could be any of 200,000 employees. Usually it’s somewhere between four and seven people responding to you. Homann said he started the site as a defense for those who are single and get hurtful questions from others around them. He didn’t notice this phenomenon occurring until his divorce, he said. Lots of positive press came in the wake of the site’s launch, including from The Washington PostBusiness InsiderUSA Today and BuzzfeedBusiness Insider reporter Caroline Moss had her invisible boyfriend come from the city she requested, after including her zip code. She was surprised at the company’s attention to detail. Soon, the site will include gifts or flowers sent to the office and other such services.

Homann told CNN that although he’s thought about people getting too attached to their fake boyfriend/girlfriend, there hasn’t been any case thus far. It does have a disclaimer. One user said he received a text from his invisible girlfriend while on a date, and his date suddenly became more interested in him. Homann says it’s not just to escape the watchful eye of the ‘rents, but sometimes to fend off the unwanted advances of a coworker or hide a same-sex relationship from those who are less than approving. When using the service, you build your own mate complete with personality, interests, traits and more. Invisible boyfriends and girlfriends are prompt, friendly, supportive and caring, even more so than a real S.O. for some. But is this a good tool to get people off your back, get some breathing room and weave an illusion that is low maintenance? Is it an innocent caper or are you taking part in a hurtful lie? This brings up another question for the bitter and jaded, why should we slog through real dating scenarios when we can get a little cyber intimacy for what it costs to have a nice dinner and a cocktail? Of course, each person loves a different way, lives in a different way and has a different situation in their life that they have to deal with. The Dali Llama says that real love is not being judged. So perhaps we should give those who have invisible partners a break and even sovereignty over their own love lives. Just remember there is no service that can take the place of real love. But there are some like this one that can make us feel good, and get the nosy people off our back, at least for a little while. For those who would like some new strategies to tackle singledom read, If I’m So Wonderful, Why Am I Still Single?: Ten Strategies That Will Change Your Love Life Forever by Susan Page.

Creative Ways to send Love Notes

love-note-napkin

Creative Ways to send Love Notes

Are you tired of writing the simple love note and slipping it into their brief case, lunch bag or backpack? Are you in a long term relationship and have done it all already, but want to wow them in a new way? Or perhaps you are ready for a grand gesture to tell your sweetie just how you feel. Here are some creative new ways to send a love note that will be so moving they will cover your face with kisses as soon as they see you. If a little note is too ordinary, try sending an entire puzzle! Some people love puzzles. But this one has a message, one you choose. You can say those three little words, tell them how they light up your life, or how their smile is brighter than a thousand suns. But they’ll have to put it together to get the message. Remember to remind them that it’s easier to start with the edges and work your way in. Try differentgifts.com. It will cost around $30. Do you want to let them know how you feel but your short on time? Well, there’s the 365 Days of Romance tin. It will give you messages such as “Let’s watch your favorite move tonight” “I love your laugh” and others. They are like little fortune cookie size papers. Stick them wherever you want. But who doesn’t want to get a love note every day of the year? This one will run you around $10 at tokensofaffection.com.

Does your love have a thing for doctors? Also at tokensofaffection.com try the Love Doctor Prescription Kit. It comes with a prescription pad and a pen that looks like a syringe. It’ll cost you around $6 for the mini-kit. If you want to give a more personal touch, why not write a bunch of notes over the course of a few weeks? Hide them in a big plastic bag. One day leave a little trail of notes and let them find you with some chocolates and champagne. Perhaps have a skywriter write something for you. Mail them a love note at work with a little gift inside telling them how much you love them and miss them, and wanted to surprise them with how much you care. Ever consider sending a singing messenger? They’re still out there. A serenade is a wonderful way to melt someone’s heart. If you don’t play an instrument or sing yourself, elicit a friend. Write some lyrics or a love song. You could even hire a band, or if you know one convince them to perform it for your lover. Breakfast in bed with a love note under a glass or a dish conspicuously hidden can drive the message home. Why not make your love a collage with some of your best memories in photos or written about as part of the artwork? Hang a sign from the local train trestle or motorway. Put a little message on the dog or cat’s collar. You don’t have to spend money. All you have to do is be creative and know them, to show how much you care in a way they’d appreciate. To get started on this love note project, purchase My Basic Needs: Food, Clothing, Shelter, You: 30 Love Notes to Use Anytime, Anywhere by Lane Walker Foard.

Is Online Adultery the New Norm?

online-adultery-booming

The first adultery website was Ashley Madison, launched in 2002. Their motto “Life is Short, Have an Affair.” Today there are lots of related websites from Heatedaffairs.com to Datingforcheaters.com. Millions subscribe to these sites for extramarital nookie, making many wonder, is online adultery the new norm? According to Ashley Madison founder Noel Biderman, these websites are just providing a new way to connect. The desire itself to cheat on a spouse is an ancient urge. In an interview with AFP, Mr. Biderman stated, “No one can show me a culture on the planet where infidelity doesn’t happen. Infidelity was always there.” Even websites that portray themselves as normal dating venues according to Biderman are “overrun by would-be affair seekers.” Though no one has studied the intentions of daters on other sites, Ashley Madison is no small operation. It brings in $100 million per year, is available in 35 countries and caters to 25 million members. 22% of husbands and 14% of wives will cheat sometime in their married lives according to the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy. But this begs the question as to whether sites like Ashley Madison are increasing infidelity or merely providing a new avenue for a desire that must be satiated either here or through some other route.

Professor of sociology at the University of Washington Pepper Schwartz weighed in on this question, stating “It’s hard to know if the new technologies increased infidelity because we have no bottom-line data.” She surmised however that it could increase infidelity by making it easier to find a conspirator to cheat on one’s spouse with. According to Ashley Madison, most of their clients are men in their forties. That said, the clientele by and large come from all different backgrounds and socio-economic levels. Not only that, the reasons that drive them to these adultery websites are varied as well.  According to Professor Schwartz, “Some are looking for sex because they are in sexless marriages with people they love or don’t want to leave for other reasons but cannot have sex with. Others are stimulation junkies — they just can’t be satisfied with sex with only one person, even if they love that person. Some people want to ‘shake up’ their lives, there are people with a ‘kink’, something they enjoy about sex that their partner wouldn’t do.” Though they provide the venue, most cheating sites are unapologetic for the service they provide. A spokesman for Datingforcheaters.com, a site with three million members, states simply that these people are “adults.” Ashley Madison’s Biderman has a similar take, “I believe in people’s freedom, they have the right to choose who they want to be, especially when it comes to sexuality.” To learn more on this topic, read the insight of Marlene M. Maheu and Rona Subotnik in their book, Infidelity on the Internet: Virtual Relationships and Real Betrayal.

Website Publicly Shames Husband’s Mistresses

homewrecker

Shesahomewrecker.com is a website that publicly shames husband’s mistresses or whoever boyfriends cheated with. Whether they cheated once or multiple times, the website cares not. Women post the names and photos of the women their boyfriends or husbands have slept with along with stories of what happened and why this person should be publicly shamed. These posts are Tweeted out along with their city and state. Some commenters even go as far as finding other personal information to post on there. If you are thinking that this is against our right to privacy, think again. The website has covered itself with this legal statement, “all posts and comments on Shesahomewrecker.com represent the opinions of the original poster and are not endorsed, approved or representations of the opinions of Shesahomewrecker.com or its owners.” So if one of these cheaters were to file a lawsuit, it is the poster that is responsible, not the website. Posters who post therefore, whether wittingly or not, are opening themselves up to liability. What’s worse is that the website has a lively Facebook page donning almost 250,000 likes. Commenters using their real names post horrible comments about others on there, and share intimate details about themselves, their lives, and the lives of others without any regard that this is a public forum.

Ariella Alexander is thought to be the owner of this website. She has her own blog “I’m in Love with a Serial Cheater” where she chronicles her agony over her husband John’s affair with a woman named Nikki. There are lots of titillating and scandalous goings on. But after a time, one starts to question whether this is all a desperate call for attention, and perhaps a way to make advertising revenue off of shesahomewrecker.com and her blog. The vitriol these ladies take in attacking their boyfriend’s lover isn’t shocking, but their willingness to put it all out there on a public forum forever, and possibly endure a defamation suit is startling. Of course, they are still suffering with tremendous pain due to being cheated on. This is doubly worse when a marriage and children are involved. Still, to think that a child who is five can see that site at ten is heartbreaking. Shouldn’t they be shielded from the pain their mother endured? And what if this becomes their stepmother? What’s even more punishing is how random commenters jump on the bandwagon, even providing phone numbers and more of the cheaters on the site. It’s a mob mentality that used to exist at public hangings and some other of the worst offenses to civility in history. Surely, cheating shouldn’t be tolerated. But people who don’t know the situation intimately and aren’t involved should mind their own business. Love is messy. Cheating exists. But to publicly humiliate someone for life, and to aid and abet it as a stranger, shows that our society has a long way to go before we can really call ourselves civilized. Ladies, don’t feel you are off the hook. There is also a version for cheating wives and girlfriends called hesahomewrecker.com. For guidance on how to get through an affair, without publicly humiliating anyone, read the advice of Leigh Richwood in her book, What To Do When Your Spouse Cheats: Take Practical Steps To Survive.