Science Says What Kind of Men Women are Most Attracted to

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Science Says What Kind of Men Women are Most Attracted to

Guys are traditionally the pursuers, and even though we live in an enlightened society most women still prefer it that way. But lots of guys wonder what kind of man women are attracted to, and how to bring the best qualities out in themselves. Women tend to vary greatly in tastes. Lucky for most poor dolts who have hardly a clue, science has stepped in to try and answer the dizzying, age-old question of what kind of guy women want. Here are some of the things science has uncovered. If you’re flying without your wingman, you may find yourself cruising over lonesomeville for quite some time. For one thing, women rate men more attractive in group photos rather than when by themselves, at least according to a study out of the University of San Diego. Therefore, it stands to reason you look better when someone’s there with you. Researchers say this is due to something called the “cheerleader effect.” People look more attractive with their faces together, since incongruities in any one person are sort of evened out by the whole group. Another thing, women like men who know how to work a room. If you are always with an entourage and you’re the life of the party, or at least she thinks you are, you look high status and someone fun to be around.

Are you a single dad? Be sure to take your baby out cruising. Just keep it during daytime hours. Not only will you get father of the year, you might score a few phone numbers. A study in France found that men who cooed, smiled at and talked to infants were 40% more likely to score a woman’s phone number than those who ignored a baby. Researchers say it shows a greater propensity for being a good dad, should the couple have offspring. Some guys shave every day. Others sport a righteous beard. But why not shave every ten days? According to Australian researchers, men who did so were seen as the most attractive. This layer of stubble is thought to project just the right level of masculinity. Here’s some simple advice. Get some nice wheels and you’ll turn heads. If you can’t afford it, borrow some. A British study found that the same dude in a Bentley Continental was found way more attractive than one in a Ford Fiesta, even with the same clothes and facial expressions. Status is the reason, and the projection of resources which he may be willing to share with a certain, special lady.

If you’re an animal lover, taking your dog for a walk may not just be a necessity, but a way to meet someone. A French study found that women were three times more likely to give up their digits to a man walking his dog versus one who approached alone. Dogs break the ice. They also project kindness, sensitivity and thoughtfulness, all qualities women find appealing. Got a little extra time? Why not volunteer? A Cornell study found that women who knew a man volunteered found him a better candidate for dating and a long-term relationship, due to the fact that he was more selfless and compassionate. If you really want to get a woman to fall for you, make her laugh. A University of New Mexico study found that those guys who could make a sharp witted quip and make a woman laugh were more likely to have short-term, uncommitted sex than their straight-laced counterparts. These quick bursts reveal creativity and intellect, two qualities women greatly desire.

Lastly, if you want to get more hits on your dating profile, include the words “creative,” “ambitious,” and “laugh.” Dating sight Zoosk did a survey and found profiles that had these words got 33% more messages. Include words like “read” or “book” or exercise words like jogging, lifting weights and the like also increased message frequency. Be sure to take it slow. Mention “drinks” or “dinner” too quickly and your response rate will plummet 35%. So this advice improves your hit rate. But what about quality control? Read, How To Get A Date Worth Keeping: Be Dating In Six Months Or Your Money Back by Henry Cloud, and you’ll have that covered too.

Don’t Let Rumination Ruin your Relationship

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Don’t Let Rumination Ruin your Relationship

Ruminating is thinking about something from every angle, replaying mistakes over and over in your head and obsessing or over-thinking about important aspects of your life, such as your relationship or career. Obsessive behavior is often born out of rumination. Studies reveal that constant rumination can have negative side effects such as depression, anxiety, binge-eating, alcohol and substance abuse and even post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). What happens with rumination is that you get caught up in these negatives thoughts and they consume you. The more you think about them the more you get stuck in their pull and it becomes a viscous cycle.

Professor at Yale University Susan Nolen-Hoeksema, Ph.D, a psychologist says of this phenomenon, “when people ruminate while they are in depressed mood, they remember more negative things that happened to them in the past, they interpret situations in their current lives more negatively, and they are more hopeless about the future.” Rumination pulverizes our problem-solving skills by making us feel helpless, and that it is all just a waste of time. You become so obsessed with the problem and how it makes you feel that you cannot make any plans for actually solving the problem.

What’s more, when a problem looks hopeless, all the people around you become tired of your negativity sooner or later. Says Nolen-Hoeksema, “When people ruminate for an extended time, their family members and friends become frustrated and may pull away their support.” So why do people ruminate if it can be so destructive to personal and romantic relationships? Some people are just overloaded with stress in their lives. Nolen-Hoeksema adds that, “Some people prone to ruminate have basic problems pushing things out of consciousness once they get there.”

According to the professor, women are more apt to ruminate than men. So how do you reduce the problem? First, do things that make you feel positive. Volunteer. Get some exercise. Take part in your favorite hobby or past-time. According to Nolen-Hoeksema, “The main thing is to get your mind off your ruminations for a time so they die out and don’t have a grip on your mind.” Next, empower yourself. Instead of wallowing in the thought that there is nothing you can do, make plans on how to conquer your problem or fear and follow through with those plans. Finally, replace rumination with positive self-reflection. The difference? Focus on the things you can change, the positive things you can do to make your situation better. Don’t let rumination ruin your relationship. To read more pick up a copy of, Women Who Think Too Much: How to Break Free of Overthinking and Reclaim Your Life by Susan Nolen-Hoeksema.

Getting Over someone You Adored

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Getting Over someone You Adored

Sometimes you just can’t wait to get rid of someone and move on with your life. Then there are those relationships you regret ever getting into. There are the ones who sting and the ones that cut deep. But the worst of all is getting over someone you adored, someone you feel that you just can’t live without. You’d rather go without limbs, eyes and vital organs than your lover and can’t believe they’d even think of leaving you. Perhaps it’s just a passing phase, or they’ve suddenly become mentally ill. How will you go on living? The end of a relationship can consume your entire life. Some have even contemplated suicide. Whether it’s feelings of abandonment, inadequacy, guilt, misplaced anger or rejection just know that you are going to be okay. You’ll get through this. Someday you’ll wonder what is was that you saw in this person. First, it may be cliché but with time it will hurt less and less until one day you’ll be free and feeling great. Allow yourself the proper time to get over it. Don’t obsess over your ex. Instead, focus on you, how you are feeling and your healing. When you’re ready get back into the swing of things. Even if you don’t feel like it, fake it until you make it. Be social and engage with others. Start to reconnect with your own past. Find out what you want to do with your life. When you get to make decisions like that, single life can start to feel quite liberating.

Try different projects, volunteer, reconnect with your faith or explore a path you’ve always wanted to try. Lots of people find comfort in writing. Why not start a journal or even a blog? If you are into the arts take a local class. Spend some time thinking about improving yourself. What patterns do you see creeping up in your own life that are destructive? What can you do that’s a healthy alternative? Go on a road trip with a friend, visit a country you’ve always wanted to see, volunteer at your local homeless or animal shelter, tutor a child and feel what it’s like from other people’s point of view, in order to gain some perspective. Take up some new activities. Visit new places. Explore your interests, yourself and your world. When you are ready consider dating again. What would you be looking for? What did you learn works for you in past relationships and what hasn’t worked? Why not reconnect with past loves and see what they think of you and your relationship now in hindsight? What were the lessons that they learned? What did they learn about you? What really happens when you lose a major love is you find yourself, the love of your life. Once you reemerge a stronger person you will seek and find the person you’re meant to be with. So enjoy the journey inward that will lead to a quest to find love in the time to come. To explore this topic further pick up a copy of, Getting Past Your Breakup: How to Turn a Devastating Loss into the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You by Susan J. Elliott.

Memorable Outdoor Dates

Happy Couple Growing Old Together

Memorable Outdoor Dates

Are you the outdoorsy type? If you can’t stand being cramped indoors and want to share your love for the great wooly wilds out your back door, these date ideas are for you. Just make sure your love interest is likeminded when it comes to trekking through the wilderness or you may find yourself hiking solo. But if you both like hitting the trail and basking in all the beauty and wonder of the great outdoors, these dates are for you. If you know your sweetie loves to hit the trails, why not find a local lookout point, a waterfall, or something of note? Make sure you find out how treacherous it is and run the hiking level past your honey or you may be hauling two packs up the mountain. Easier is better than harder when you are just getting to know each other, unless you are both experienced hikers or some other such expert. Have a picnic lunch ready for when you make it up there. For those who love animals, but want to keep it less strenuous why not a zoo or a local animal reserve? A wolf or bird sanctuary can be fun, too. For a cute option, go to a petting zoo. Pick-your-own farms are good ways to get some fresh air, do something different and get to know someone. There are often events and shopping opportunities, too, which are great for dates. Take advantage of a volunteer opportunity if you are both community minded and want to give back. Americorps or volunteermatch.org will give you lots of ideas from helping build homes for the homeless to building dog enclosures for a local animal shelter.

An amusement park can make a great date, especially if you are both adrenaline junkies. And a recent study found that a couple who has survived a dangerous encounter are more likely to be casualties of cupid’s arrow. A water park would be great fun, too. What’s more romantic than going on a boat? Sailing is romantic but perhaps a little too complicated unless the goal is to see if you two jive when doing something complicated together. Perhaps a day cruise would be nice. You can see yourself and your date chatting and laughing over some lovely scenery and enjoying the sunshine and the sharp briny air of the sea. A circle line cruise or site seeing cruise can give you a great backdrop for getting to know each other and setting the mood. For more fun, try water sports, a beach date or going to the lake. Fishing or visiting a swimming hole might be nice for a laid back date if your lover is so inclined. If you want to see if your love is in the stars, suggest stargazing. Go to a presentation of the local astronomy club. Horseback riding can be a great date scenario; it’s fun, active, takes the pressure off of trying to make conversation, and who knows what will happen? Finally, how about an outdoor concert? Lots of communities have them, especially in the summer time. Pack a picnic with wine, cheese, some fruit and other tasty vittles and you’ll never want to have a boring, indoors date again. For more dating ideas, read 41 Outdoor Dates by Drake Cyrus.

Advice for Singles from Married folks

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Advice for Singles from Married folks

There is a lot of dating advice out there. But how do you know what advice is good and what isn’t? Would you take dating advice from someone who is single, bitter and twice divorced or someone in a successful marriage? Generally people who are successful look back and find some nuggets of wisdom to share. Here is some advice from married folks for singles. First, don’t stick too tenaciously to your checklist. Oftentimes, we set standards too high, or we look at physical standards that in no way match what we are really looking for, personality traits, which will keep us truly happy. Women will say for instance that they want a man who is tall and has a full head of hair and follows their same political or religious bent. But what ends up happening is they marry a short, bald man with opposite political or religious beliefs, that has a good personality, is kind, considerate, sincere, and has an amazing sense of humor. Men do this, too. Women certainly aren’t the only ones who are guilty. So instead, why not list the character traits, an inexact outline, of what you are looking for, or toss the checklist altogether and let nature take its course. Don’t settle for someone who isn’t right for you either.

Next, don’t be down just because you’re single. Celebrate your freedom. Too many people who are married with children wonder what they were nervous about back when they were seeking the perfect mate. But when they do get married they regret not living life to the fullest when they were unattached. So enjoy your single years. You don’t want to regret wasting them later on. Ladies, don’t try to change a guy in order to make him what you want. Both of you will end up frustrated and the relationship isn’t bound to last. Instead, find someone whose positive qualities capture your heart and whose negative qualities you can look past, accept, and even learn to love. Otherwise, you will just be wasting your time in a relationship that is doomed from the start. No matter what gender, if you ask someone out or things don’t pan out, thank your lucky stars, don’t curse them. You’ll realize why when you find that person who is right for you. Travel as much as you want and can. Find inexpensive ways to travel. Why not volunteer for development projects, or teach overseas? Not only might you find someone interesting and exotic outside your own social circle, you’ll have lived life to the fullest while you could. To learn more about the perks of being single, read Going Solo: The Extraordinary Rise and Surprising Appeal of Living Alone by Eric Klinenberg.