Avoid Embarrassing your Romantic Partner via Social Media

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Avoid Embarrassing your Romantic Partner via Social Media

Facebook and other social media sites can be a great place to interact with your significant other, especially if they are online all the time. You can leave sweet messages, make their heart swell when you change your relationship status, share photos of you two together, play public pranks on one another and mutual friends, and lots more. However, it can also be a place where you embarrass them or hurt their feelings.

If you have vowed to use social media for good over evil, and you want to use it as a tool to enhance your relationship, not tear it down, follow this advice to avoid embarrassing your romantic partner via social media. You don’t have to write that you miss them or love them on their wall. This may embarrass them in terms of how comfortable they are with PDAs. If you two aren’t kissing in public you definitely should not be sending this message. Why not text or message the person privately? What message are you sending doing it publicly, unless you are telling others to keep their hands off him or her? And if so, you may be looked at as jealous or clingy, not good qualities.

Don’t put everyday photos of you two cuddling or eating a normal dinner. Who wants to see boring photos on your social media? People go there to be entertained. Do something unique, special, funny. Show photos of you two in funny hats, at a party together, or a weekend getaway. Otherwise, all of his friends and family, and yours will think you’re a boring couple. Don’t connect to your significant other on every social media site. One or two is enough in the beginning of a relationship. Or else you will send the message that you want to lock him or her in, making some wonder if you are desperate. Don’t tell someone thanks for last evening and put an emoticon on their page. His or her family might check their page. Just text it. They will appreciate it so much more.

If you are a guy, don’t take photos of all the romantic stuff you do for her and put them on Facebook. Your guy friends may tear you apart. And what message are you sending? Instead, keep it private or let her do it for you. Don’t take a picture of them sleeping. It makes you look like a creeper, no matter what your gender. Don’t add all of his or her friends as your friends. Only add those you really like. It looks as though you are trying to be hard to get rid of. Lastly, don’t air your dirty laundry on social media. It will make you look bad and make them angrier than they were. By following these simple guidelines, you’ll be able to use social media not to embarrass your partner but instead to show how much you care. To learn more on the appropriate use of social media read, The Etiquette of Social Media: How to Connect and Respond to Others in the World of Social Media by Leonard Kim.

Having a Guy Friend Helps after a Split

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Having a Guy Friend Helps after a Split

What’s more painful than a breakup? Few things in life fit that description and it’s usually when you’re eyeing a casket or a terrible diagnosis. It happens more than once to most of us. Some aren’t as painful as others. There are lots that seem like a relief. Still when you’re a female there are things that can help you get over a breakup. Not just wine or a pint of Ben& Jerry’s. Having friends and family around can help a lot. What’s really helpful is having a guy friend around after a split.

Sure lots of girls want to verbally bash men. When you’re with your girlfriends go ahead and do that to your heart’s content. At least you can get all those negative emotions out of you, and feel validated when your friends do the same. But this ‘all men are pigs’ attitude may seep in.  It can then hurt your relationship with the opposite sex and when you’re ready, it may even set your dating life back. No guy wants to go out on a date with a woman who is closed and highly suspicious of him, particularly if she’s only suspicious due to his sex. What is she doing there to begin with? This closed attitude may then inhibit the next stage of your love life. Also, women are more emotional. But after the initial grieving phase, how many times can you watch the same romantic sappy comedy? How many times can you hear about the one who stole your friend’s heart and got away?

The benefit of having a male friend around is different. First, he reminds you that all hope is not lost. There are good guys out there, guys that are worth dating and being with. In the short term this thought may not be as comforting as calling all men dogs. But in the long run it will be much healthier for your psyche. The next benefit is that he isn’t interested in having a pity party. After a while your girlfriends may not either. In fact, they’ll sidle away and make excuses. Instead, he’s going to march into your room, give you a sadder story, then rip you from your cold den of solitude and make you go out, to the movies, a great restaurant, a club for a night of dancing, a bar, pool, darts and laughs or something else to forget your troubles. He’ll turn the tables on you instead of letting you wallow in misery. You’ll be able to leave that stage behind you and finally progress into the woman you are meant to be; a strong, self-loving independent woman who is ready for the next adventure of her life.

Some women, those who generally can separate sex and love, also have a little tryst with a cute male friend that they don’t want to have a long term relationship with. It validates them and helps boost self-esteem. But don’t do it if it’s a mistake, or either of you have feelings the other doesn’t reflect back. Otherwise, make sure to interact with your male friends during a breakup, too. It will help tremendously. For more advice read, The Single Woman’s Sassy Survival Guide: Letting Go & Moving On by Mandy Hale.

Surviving Dinner with an Ex

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Surviving Dinner with an Ex

There are many reasons why you might end up at dinner with your ex. You share the same friends and you want to show that the breakup isn’t devastating to you, whether or not that’s true is another matter. You may work at the same place and this is a business meeting. Perhaps you have to discuss a weighty issue post breakup. Or you drunk dialed your ex and you’re too proud to back out or admit it is a mistake. Whatever the reason there are some guidelines you can follow for surviving dinner with an ex.

Do not show up to this function inebriated. In fact, keep your alcohol consumption to a reasonable level at all times. You don’t want something uncomfortable slipping out. You certainly don’t want to make a scene. If anything you want to look calm, cool and collected. Be sure you are punctual and have absolute control over yourself. Fake it until you make it if you have to. If you feel an emotional outburst coming on, excuse yourself and have it in the bathroom. The better your façade the better you’ll look and the more your ex will wonder if indeed they hadn’t made some mistake by not trying harder to be with you. If you do make a scene, try to recover from it as gracefully as possible. Make a joke, make amends with whomever you’ve offended and make an excuse to leave.

Don’t mention this date on your social media sites. Whatever you say it won’t make you look good. You don’t want your ex catching wind of it either. Do not use social media as a form of therapy to deal with the emotions surrounding this meeting. It will seem too emotional and desperate. An online pity party or a bunch of replies of support may feel good at the moment. But if your ex reads it how will you feel? How will your ex act then at dinner? It’s better to play your hand close to the chest. If you want support, validation and advice meet with your close friends offline.

If this is an ex you broke it off with who wants to reconnect but you aren’t interested, give this person all the signs to say so. Don’t be warm and flirty then surprised when they say they still have feelings for you. Expect even if they broke up with you that they still might try to get back together with you. Understand what that means from a logical standpoint. What broke you two up to begin with? Sometimes these sorts of meetings will be an emotional whirlwind. You’ll laugh and reminisce. You get sucked back in. Soon you’re dating again and then everything comes back to you. The relationship comes to a screeching halt when you figure out why you and this person don’t work. Don’t get caught up. Give yourself time. Think things through. You can survive this dinner. With these tips you’ll be on top of your game, and they’ll be lamenting the end of your previous relationship. For more advice read, Love at First Ex by Grace Fraga.

How to be Healthy throughout a Divorce

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How to be Healthy throughout a Divorce

It’s estimated that 40-50% of marriages end in divorce today. Though many are civil, they are all uncomfortable, draining and even painful. Then there are the problems of moving, adapting to a new financial situation, transitioning to being single again, and, for many, single parenthood. Helping children to get used to a new lifestyle is tumultuous as well. Depression, loneliness, misplaced anger, insecurity and anxiety can envelope you at this time. Lots of people let themselves go when they are going through a divorce, and wallow in these negative emotions. A recent Gallup poll found that those who are divorced scored lower on well-being measures including physical and emotional well-being. Keeping yourself healthy throughout a divorce and afterward can feel very challenging. This is especially true for women. Even after a divorce women have a higher risk of suffering from depression, making it crucial to know how to cope with negative emotions in a positive way. So how do you stay healthy throughout a divorce and in its aftermath? First, don’t wallow in isolation. Lots of people feel that they want to be alone. But then they spend too much time alone and this isolation begins to wear on them, or exacerbate their problems. Sometimes it has to do with pride. But there is no shame in reaching out for help and support. It takes a really strong person to do so actually.

Reach out to friends, family, mentors and other people who are close to you during this period. They will be there for you with open arms, advice, and comfort. Sometimes we just need someone to listen and validate how we are feeling. Let them know what form the comfort should take and they will be more than happy to oblige. It can also be beneficial to reach out to divorce support groups in your area. DivorceCare is one such group, but there are many others. When you get divorced it seems that so many priorities get in the way that your needs settle way down at the bottom of the list and hardly ever get addressed. Getting enough sleep should be a priority however. Preparing and eating healthy meals, getting enough exercise and making sure your emotional needs are met should also be on the docket and not at the bottom of the list, but near the top. You, your children, your coworkers and your family and friends are counting on you to be the best you you can be. They can’t make it without you. You are an essential part of their lives. But don’t just do it for them, do it for yourself. The healthier the lifestyle you commit to, especially during a divorce, the better off you will be and feel in the long run. Lastly, don’t perpetuate the feeling bad cycle. Everyone needs a chance to mourn. But if you are going to be sullen all the time people at first will be sympathetic, but if too much time has passed they will begin to put space between you and them. Find the positives in your life. Look for moments of joy. Laugh. Be lighthearted and find the positives in situations. Choose to be happy. It won’t be easy but it will be right. For more help with divorce recovery read, The Grief Recovery Handbook: The Action Program for Moving beyond Death, Divorce, and Other Losses including Health, Career, and Faith by John W. James and Russell Friedman.

Common Little Infidelities that Can Lead to Big Trouble

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Common Little Infidelities that Can Lead to Big Trouble

Most people wouldn’t dream of cheating. But often there are other little infidelities that can enchant us, leaving us oblivious to what’s occurring and lead us into big trouble. These romantic faux pas can cause a rift in our relationship, or even a blow up fight. For some these seemingly mild missteps can lead down the slippery slope of an actual affair. Little infidelities don’t occur in a vacuum. They are indicators that something is amiss in your marriage or relationship. Take a look and see if you are taking part in any of these. Do you flirt? Most of us do over the course of the day. But there is the kind of flirting that is polite, the kind that is just playful and fun—that makes you feel good, and the kind that feels like cheating, so wrong yet you can hardly stop. That’s the kind that could actually lead somewhere. If there is a deep, sexual tension that you don’t want to let go of, if you seek out this person just to feel this with them and lament that your primary relationship no longer gives you the same feeling, it is time to talk it over with your partner, and investigate ways in which you can reignite the spark. If you continue to follow this path, making little excuses for yourself along the way, you may end up in the arms of another and in one short embrace lose your primary relationship for good.

Are you confiding in someone of the opposite sex? When it is something light, a small problem perhaps, this isn’t a big deal. But if you are sharing your deepest, darkest secrets with someone other than your significant other, this is a surefire sign of emotional cheating. The reason is opening up in such a way is an act of emotional intimacy. In a long-term committed relationship, we expect our significant other to share such intimacies with us, and vice versa. If this is a close friend of the opposite sex that you are using as a shoulder to cry on, you could soon see the molten fires of jealousy in your partner’s eyes. Studies have shown that women find emotional intimacy more hurtful than physical intimacy. Men operate the other way around. Yet, no matter what form the infidelity takes, it can wreak havoc on the relationship. Why not give your significant other a call when you want to talk about something, rather than latching on to this other person? Of course in extreme cases, a death in the family for instance, immediate grief and the need to be consoled urgently is quite understandable.

Some people spend so much time at the office they often end up with an office-husband or wife. They may dish about everything to this person, feeling a strong bond with them from spending so much time together. Watch out. This situation can instill deep jealousy in your partner, even if you don’t see it on the surface. They may appear stoic on the outside, but are foaming over with hurt and grief within. It’s okay to have someone you are close to at work, but know where the boundaries are and where to draw the line. What makes this more complicated is, that line is different for different people. Have a conversation about it, and what they think is crossing boundaries in terms of interactions with a colleague of the opposite sex. With your office mate, don’t share intimate details of your love life with them, even if they share with you. There is a difference between dishing to your friends, or venting to them and doing so with someone of the opposite sex, especially if you are attracted to them. If you two have been hitting it off and feeling chemistry, they might even see this as an invitation. Finally, are you dressing more attractive than usual to impress someone at the office, PTA, social club or volunteer project? If you are wearing cologne or perfume when you don’t normally, and really turning up the pizzazz in your outfits when a certain someone is around, think about why you want to impress this person. What is going on in your primary relationship? How can it be changed to bring those feelings back in that space? Perhaps a date night, exploring fantasies together, or tackling your problems in a new way. Use this phenomenon as motivation to hone and rework your primary relationship to make sure the needs that are expressing themselves here are met where they are supposed to be satisfied. If it is too late, and you need to bring yourself back from the brink after your infidelity, or your partners pick up a copy of,  Not “Just Friends”: Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity After Infidelity by Shirley P. Glass and Jean Coppock Staeheli.