Find out What Kind of Guy he really is

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Find out What Kind of Guy he really is

Manipulation is always thought of as a negative thing. The truth of the matter is that we manipulate each other all of the time. We sweet talk the boss into giving us more time on a task. We try and convince the cop not to give us a ticket even though we know we were speeding. We try to get our roommate to do our chores when we are short on time and high on assignments. The point is that finding out how people tick and using it to your advantage is fine, depending upon your intention and if it hurts the person in the end.

Of course you shouldn’t be callous and mean. No one should manipulate someone into a bad position just so they can rise in consequence. But there are normal interactions between people that can be looked at as manipulation that are really okay, like when a girl decides that she’d like to be settling down. You don’t want to waste time dating guys where the relationship isn’t going anywhere. Nor do you want to get emotionally invested in someone who will end up letting you down. Instead, here are some things you can do to find out what kind of guy he really is.

Not on the first date, but early in the relationship if you want to see if he’s a male chauvinist or insecure, wear heels. When you are tall and sexy and sticking out, he’ll have to deal with you. Watch how he takes it. If he’s laid back, cool, confident and aloof, he wins points. When he thinks he’s going to get lucky, play sick and see how he reacts. Does he get angry? Does he leave? Or does he try to take care of you or offer to keep you company? One trick some women try is to elicit the help of her sexiest girlfriend. She sends her out there to try to pick up her boyfriend. If he goes for it then he isn’t the one for you. The disadvantage to this strategy is that many a girl gets dumped by both her boyfriend and her friend, who end up together. So watch how that one might play out.

Fake a catastrophe in your life and see how he reacts. Does he back away or offer to help? If he’s really into you he will do anything to help you. But if he isn’t so emotionally invested he will make an excuse and get out of there. This separates the players from boyfriend material. You will also find whether or not he’s got leadership qualities. If he starts managing the crisis instead of kowtowing to your wishes then you now know his relationship style and how he operates in a crisis. Handling one of life’s disasters smashingly is one of those top relationship qualities for the long haul. Just be careful. Or else you’ll get stuck in one of those sitcom situations where awkwardness for you and comedy for everyone else ensues. For more advice read, How to Tell if Your Boyfriend Is the Antichrist: (and if he is, should you break up with him?) by Patricia Carlin.

Things Women Should Understand About Men

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Things Women Should Understand About Men

Women are very beautiful, mysterious, complex creatures. It is their very complexity and mystery that at one time makes them so alluring and at another infuriating. Men however, though they can be complex, by and large aren’t as difficult or enigmatic. But still there are a few things many women should understand about men that often they don’t, and so cause static in their relationship.

For instance, do not look through his internet search history. Women often overthink their counterparts and then get into a tizzy when the answer is really simple. Trust that he’s a good guy deep down. But if you start to see what’s on his computer, you may be confused at what you might find. There may be something on there he searched on a whim or a dare, and you think it’s what his secret fetish is. Instead, if you are dating him, trust him and respect his privacy. Everyone deserves a little space. It will actually help the relationship to flourish. Know that you can’t change him. If you have your heart set on building the perfect man, start studying robotics. It isn’t going to happen in real life. One thing about robots though, they’re cold hearted. So find out what you can live with and learn to love the shortcomings in your man, and expect him to love your idiosyncrasies. If your man’s eyes wonder for a second, realize it’s not you or him, it’s mere biology. If his eyes linger for a while, then you may have a problem.

Don’t make him choose you over his friends. That’s an unfair position to put him in. He’ll pick his friends because they have a history and in spite of the imbalanced situation you put him in. Don’t allow anyone to come between you and your friends or family. Learn to forgive. Women will often bring up things from previous fights, even when it was years ago and they’ve said they’ve forgiven. But when they bring it up he knows automatically that she hasn’t forgiven or forgotten. It makes him ten times madder. Don’t bring up issues that are from the past when you said you had forgiven. When you do forgive, do it with your entire being, from the heart. That’s how men often do it. If you ask a question you’d better be ready for the answer. If you fear what that answer is, perhaps find out why you are asking. Why do you want to know?

Everyone has a history and no one should have that history used against them. Love is understanding and forgiveness in its essence, and without those what relationship can last? If you want to have a harmonious home life don’t overwhelm him as soon as he comes in the house. Let him cool down a little and then bring something up. Make him feel useful once in a while. Of course he wants you to be independent. But just like you he also wants to feel needed and important. He can see when you don’t wear the jewelry he bought you. So don’t tell him you love it and put it away forever. He wants you to seduce him, at least once in a while. Men feel insecure and need to be validated too. With these in hand your guy will be ga-ga every time you walk in the door. To learn more read the book, Understand Your Man: Secrets of the Male Temperament by Tim LaHaye.

The Kinds of Friends to help you Through a Divorce

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The Kinds of Friends to help you Through a Divorce

When a marriage ends some people want to hole up and never see the light of day again. It’s true that everyone has their own grieving process. But this is a time when you could use the support of family and especially friends. Close friends will validate your feelings, comfort you, make you laugh and give you some insight. They can really help you endure those hard, dark days and aid you in reaching the bright, shining day at the end of this terrible storm that’s settled over your life. Don’t be too shy or too proud to reach out to those close to you. That’s what they’re there for. You’d be surprised how much people want to help if just given the chance. And if the roles were reversed, wouldn’t you be happy to do the same for them? There are different kinds of friends that can help you through a divorce. See if you have any of these in your social circle and be sure to reach out to them in your time of need. A divorce can drive you nuts. What you may need is a friend who’s logical that can show you how things work and tie the loose ends together for you. If you have sudden revenge fantasies, the logical friend will bring up karma. And if you suddenly want to get a face tattoo to celebrate your new singlehood, your logical friend is sure to talk you off of that ledge. This is a good friend to have when the tempests of emotion rock your inner core. Be sure to have one logical friend you can reach out to.

Next, you want the confidant and conspirator. This is the person who will back you up, and throw in a few things when you really need to badmouth your ex. They’ll take you out for a few drinks, maybe even introduce you to some cute singles they happen to know. This is the person you can get loud with, have adventures with, and find reasons to love your life again with. Divorce can feel like part of you was ripped out. It’s important to explore your past and other sides of yourself. That’s why the old friend is a good one to reach out to. You can sit and relax, reminisce with them and get insight into who you were, who you are and who you want to be. The old friend has probably known you a long time and can talk about your other relationships and what patterns emerge, helping you to see what perhaps you brought to the relationship that you should work on to make your next one spectacular. If you met a new friend, why not spend time with them? They can help you develop your new personality, post-divorce. If you have a friend of the opposite sex, don’t steer clear of them. Hang out with them. When you’re ready a little harmless flirting as practice can lift your self-esteem. They can also provide insight from the other gender’s point of view. The fuzzy friend is a great one to have. Dogs and cats know instinctively when we hurt. The gestures that they do and the unconditional love they practice can help heal your heart. Finally there’s the tried and true friend, the one who may be all of these friends combined, the one that’s always at your side. You know they’ll be there when you call. Definitely reach out to that friend. They’ll have you feeling better in no time. For more advice on getting over a divorce, read Chicken Soup for the Soul: Divorce and Recovery: 101 Stories about Surviving and Thriving after Divorce by Jack Canfield, Mark Victor Hansen, and Patty Hansen.

Does having an Au Pair Equal an Affair?

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In a dual income household with children, it can become next to impossible to take care of the housework, the kids and excel in one’s career all at the same time. Sometimes a nanny or au pair is required to make sure the kids have everything they need including attention, the household is taken care of and so everything runs smoothly like clockwork. For loving parents who are also highly invested in their careers, an au pair seems essential. But many women fear the risks of their husband going astray or even running off with the au pair. This is compounded by the fact that these are usually attractive girls in their twenties who are often from foreign and exotic countries. When she is attractive the wife’s radar often goes up. Plenty of sitcoms, books, movies and more have covered this phenomenon and have made many a wife and mother uneasy. So does having an au pair equal your husband having an affair? The truth is that though it is possible it is actually a fairly uncommon phenomenon.

For one thing, trying to secure an American husband who is already married with children is in and of itself a messy endeavor. She will have to deal with you as the kid’s stepmom. A constant toxicity will be in the air. Who wants to live with the stress of that? The children will surely resent her too for breaking up the family. So unless she thrives on drama the chances of her running off with your husband, though possible, are quite slim. The potential of an affair is another issue. Certainly she wants to keep her job and her reputation. But put two people of the opposite sex together and alone and there is always the possibility of your husband going astray. To minimize this problem first look at your screening process. If she doesn’t have any good references there is no point in hiring her. Does she send a photo wearing conservative clothes instead of a bikini? You may want to avoid taking on an au pair you would consider your husband’s “type.” This is better for the comfort of the entire household. Lastly, the best way to make sure your husband doesn’t go astray, besides marrying someone who is committed and trustworthy, is keeping him satisfied. We are all busy. But if you are going to have a marriage you have to invest a little bit of time and effort into it. And if you go the extra mile and take his breath away, he’ll have no need or desire to consider other possibilities. For more advice, read The Truth about Cheating: Why Men Stray and What You Can Do to Prevent It by M. Gary Neuman.

The Qualities Men are Really Looking for

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The way to win any war, conquer any negotiation, make any sale or make love really work is to instead of focusing on our own position and feelings as we naturally do, try to see things from the other person’s point of view with perfect clarity and meld the two together. In other words, understand your and their point of view and look for places of agreement, start talking and as more and more things are accomplished grow into tougher and tougher issues. So instead of thinking about what you are looking for in a man, instead try to find out what qualities men are looking for in a woman, and see what kind of man fits into what you are looking for who would be looking for you. What kind of guys do you attract and why is that? What would you have to do to attract the kind of guy you want? The first and most important quality is sincerity. You need to have an honest heart and tongue to win the heart of a real man. And a real man should be nothing but honest with you, and you should expect as much. Not only that but she should be strong enough and honest enough to communicate directly how she feels, and know that he is not a mind reader, and can’t instinctively know what to say and do. A man wants a woman who has empathy. Women want this too, someone who understands where they are coming from and who they are.

He would like a woman that at least tries to see things from his point of view. Honestly, how do you expect him to see things from your point of view if you aren’t willing to extend him the same courtesy? Just as a woman wants to be accepted for who she is, so does a man. Don’t judge a man for his past, especially if you don’t want that kind of behavior reciprocated. It’s not forgiveness, just a mutual acceptance of what happened and how that’s okay now because now you are together, shared between partners. Love is vulnerability, the ability of two people to show and accept, even love each other for exactly who they are, because of and not despite their shortcomings. If you can feel comfortable revealing your true self and know that your partner will do the same in return, this is true love. Being trustworthy also means being trusting. If you believe in him and hold him up, if he’s worth your time he will do the same for you. Don’t constantly question him, go through his phone or spend hours wondering what he’s doing, what’s going on and who he is with. Mutual trust has to exist if a relationship is to be healthy, well-adjusted and fulfilling. Most men want a woman who has dreams to accomplish and a passion for life, same as a woman is often looking for in a man. He wants a woman that’s supportive. She believes in him and tries to help him fulfill all of his dreams and their dreams together. For more advice on this topic, read Women Men Love, Women Men Leave: What Makes Him Want to Commit? by Connell Cowan and Melvyn Kinder.