Bra that opens when she finds “The One”

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Bra that opens when she finds “The One”

Introducing another startling love related invention that has come out of where else but Japan. Here we have the world’s first “smart bra.” This undergarment created by Japanese lingerie company Ravijour claims it knows how women really feel, so much so that the bra opens when she finds “The One.” But how does it know? When we fall in love, hormones secreted increase the heart rate. The bra has a built in sensor that detects this heart rate increase and opens the bra.

The garment works like a modern day chastity belt, keeping the girls locked away until the man of her dreams walks in and quickens her pulse. When her heartbeat reaches the crucial level the bra opens to end sessions of awkward fumbling just before the penultimate moment of truth.  Sure there are phone charging rain boots and hats that help you find Wi-Fi. But this may be the strangest wearable tech around. Ravijour has its own sexuality specialist on staff who states on the company’s promotional video, “When we fall in love, we experience an instant boost in excitement. That feeling is unlike any other excitement we encounter in life.”

The company’s hopes for this item are not small. Saying of his invention the creator of the smart bra stated, “Until now, the bra was just a piece of clothing to remove. But now it is an instrument to test for true love … destined to become a friend of women around the world.” What isn’t discussed is if the bra will open at times when the lady’s heart rate increases yet isn’t in the throes of passion with her beau? When she is just told of some horrible news, when she’s seeing a Thriller with friends or her parents, when something startling happens at work or she gets to be a guest on a game show. Will her bra open at these inopportune times? What if she wants to get involved with someone physically but isn’t in love? Where is this technology leading also? Certainly we don’t want too much tech in the bedroom.

There is fear of too much being revealed, especially through social media websites. In the age of “revenge porn” we are reminded that positive technologies often do have unforeseen consequences. Nor do we want to export all of our decisions about our bodies to some gizmo or smart device with a socially constructed idea of what courtship and love should be like. Sometimes the best lessons come from when we are unencumbered by outside forces such as societal views of what is proper when. Sure the smart bra seems fun, and is probably just a publicity stunt to get exposure, but we have to protect ourselves from the encroachment of technology into the more private realms of our lives. To learn more about technology’s impact on modern dating read, Love in the Time of Algorithms: What Technology Does to Meeting and Mating by Dan Slater.

Dating More than One Guy at a Time

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Dating More than One Guy at a Time

Can you really find love just dating one guy at a time?  It’s a number’s game and the more you know yourself, what you like and who is out there, the easier it will be if and when you are ready to choose a life partner. One common mistake women make is falling in love too easily, not properly vetting the guy and ending up alone and miserable. Other girls all of a sudden find themselves dating more than one guy and don’t know how they feel about it, if it’s right, and how they should do it. Relax. Dating more than one guy at a time is fun and easy. You don’t have to rush into commitment. There are good times and lots of lessons when you go and explore. That doesn’t mean you have to jump into bed with everyone. You can if you want. But do what feels right to you. Don’t feel pressured and if someone tries to pressure you into it, they don’t really like you to begin with. Always enjoy yourself responsibly. Still, if you really want to get the best long-term relationship, you have to get out there and date, and see who has possibilities.

Author Ronnie Ann Ryan whose book is called, I dated 30 men in 15 months in order to eventually meet my husband, calls this technique “volume dating.” If you are interested in them, you can feel comfortable balancing two or even three dates at one time. Don’t mix them up however. How would you like it if some guy did that to you? Let others know you are seeing other people and keeping your options open. Don’t feel pressured to let one lover know all the intimate details about another. But don’t pressure someone you are dating either. Take things slow and let each relationship unfold naturally. Sometimes you don’t get three dates out of someone. And today, younger people hardly date at all, just “hang out” or “hookup.”

It’s important to get to know the person. Let the emotional intimacy build way before physical intimacy does, if you are truly looking for the one. When just playing the field, watch their hearts and yours. You don’t want to get emotionally involved with someone who isn’t ready and willing to return such love.  Neither do you want someone who has fallen for you to get their heart shattered to bits. Set rules and boundaries. Mutually agree to them. Don’t see someone who can’t handle just dating. Be who you are, own who you are and know what you want. Love will be easy and soon the way forward will be clear.

Radical Acceptance is the key to Unconditional Love

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Radical Acceptance is the key to Unconditional Love

We are all familiar with the fairy tale ending “And they lived happily ever after.” But can this happen in real life? Sure it can. It all depends on your attitude in your relationship and your point of view. If you interpret this as your partner being perfect then you are going to be woefully disappointed. This disappointment will weigh heavily on the relationship, may even tear it apart. But if you see it as finding someone who is not necessarily perfect but perfect for you, this is something different altogether. Of course your partner will have faults, in this outlook, as will you. The point is to accept each other as humans who inherently have flaws and to work together to circumnavigate those flaws and find ways to be happy together. You need to accept your partner’s issues in a radical way.

Truly, radical acceptance is the key to unconditional love. That certainly doesn’t mean that you should put up with any abuse, neither physical nor emotional. It does mean that when your spouse or partner has left their wet towels on the bed for the umpteenth time that you shake your head and laugh, and instead of having a blow up fight about it, you realize that you aren’t reaching them and need to find another way to communicate how this makes you feel. Part of the difference is between focusing on someone’s flaws and accepting that person for who they really are. Of course if you are going to do this, your partner needs to know about it. In fact they should practice the same in return.

Another important aspect is to accept yourself for who you are, and your partner doing the same. That means accepting your feelings. Some people swallow things that bother them in a relationship in order to keep the peace, but this is where repressed anger comes from and it can poison a relationship in the form of passive-aggressive behavior, sarcasm and more. Instead, both must commit to being honest and open with one another. But find ways to communicate your feelings in a positive way, and in a way where your partner will recognize, understand and be able to accept, perhaps even modify their behavior, or at least come to some sort of understanding and compromise with you. Radical acceptance is being able to love your partner with absolute empathy and compassion. It isn’t keeping them at arm’s length when things get hard but instead letting them in. It’s accepting their faults and even loving them because of their faults, as this is just a part of what makes them who they are. Radical acceptance is meant to free both parties, to feel accepted and loved way deep down, and feel empowered to communicate freely and in a positive way to overcome obstacles to intimacy and grow forever closer. To learn more on how to use this outlook to change your life read, Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life with the Heart of a Buddha by Tara Brach.

Celebrating Imperfection in Love

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Celebrating Imperfection in Love

Lots of women and men too are looking for perfection. They roll their eyes when they hear their standards are too high. They go for that great catch who is attractive, smart, has a high salary and that fancy car, only to be cheated on, let down, cast aside or somehow or other find some other character flaw that keeps them from relationship bliss. Others settle for less and complain the whole time without demanding more from their relationship or finding something new. Still other relationships start out great but as time wears on one or both partners start discovering the others’ faults. Instead of focusing on the positive or loving them anyway, they get more and more annoyed and irritated by these things as time wears on and this irritation drives them apart.

Certainly there are those qualities no one should put up with, physical or emotional abuse, negligence, being ignored, serial infidelity and disrespect.  But the imperfections lots of people see in their lovers or relationships generally aren’t that serious. But they become exasperated by them anyway. Instead of dwelling on imperfections celebrate imperfection in love. Nothing in the world is perfect. If you are going for perfect you will be constantly frustrated and never find pure bliss. In Japanese culture this is called Wabi Sabi, the art of finding the beauty hidden within imperfection.

Many Westerners have grown up with a fairy tale version of love. But this can’t exist in real life. Anyone who tries to bring perfection into their relationship will inevitably suffer from heartache. Instead, coming to terms with your own and your lover’s imperfections is what love is all about. Not only accepting but reveling in or loving them because of their flaws, giving total acceptance and receiving it in return is a mark of true love. That doesn’t mean you have to put up with your lover leaving their dirty socks on the bathroom floor. Certainly communication in a variety of ways has to be put forth to stop this phenomenon from occurring. It does mean that you shake your head and laugh as they’ve done it again, instead of sulking, complaining, nagging or wallowing in sorrow that this isn’t the relationship you wanted, the one that you saw so clearly in your head.

Wabi Sabi love is practical, natural and comes to understand that we are all human. Though we strive for perfection we cannot reach it. But it is exactly this striving and who we are despite ourselves that make us truly beautiful and unique. Find ways when you are modeling behavior that strives for perfection to instead bring a Wabi Sabi type of experience into your relationship. If you start displaying un-Wabi Sabi type behavior modeled after your parents, have your spouse or significant other call you by that parent’s name. Empathy is required, that is being able to “walk a mile” in your lover’s shoes. This again should not be used regarding toxic patterns but only the little foibles, faux pas and idiosyncrasies that make us who we are. To find out more pick up a copy of, Wabi Sabi Love: The Ancient Art of Finding Perfect Love in Imperfect Relationships by Arielle Ford.

Knowing Where to Compromise in a Relationship

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Knowing Where to Compromise in a Relationship

It’s hard figuring out when you’ve met the right person to settle down into a relationship with, cohabitate with, even marry. For some people you just know and it feels so right. But for others you never really know. It becomes a journey. Of course, a lot of this just like so much of our love life is illuminated by our past relationships, how we were treated by our primary caregivers as children, usually our parents, and how they interacted with one another. That said, lots of people also feel jaded. They’ve “been down this road before.” They thought they met “the one” and instead it turned out to be the wrong one.

We often rely on how we feel. Though a good indicator the heart is not the end all be all of our romantic decision making, nor should it be. Instead, the intellect needs to be involved as well. Too many people get swept up in how they feel, ignoring warning signs, bad behavior, or simply ignoring it to ride that wave of pleasure which ultimately washes them out. It surely isn’t an easy process to select someone who is right for you.  We assume it should be a natural process. But in fact, what is right for someone else may not be right for you. The selection process can be difficult but a blissful relationship is more than worth it.

Some people come out of a long-term relationship or marriage thinking about what they don’t want. But they give little consideration to what they do want. Or else they have a list of qualities they need so long it becomes impossible for anyone to fit the profile. Then there are those who question every aspect of their selection process. If they ended up with this horrible person how could their process be good? But there may have been a denial at play there. And perhaps this is a wakeup call to not ignore those negative qualities. So how do you know where to compromise in a relationship, what things to accept and what ones spell its utter doom?

Look for someone who makes you a priority. Make sure you two have chemistry, but it may be nerves in the beginning so try a couple of dates to make sure. Sharing a sense of humor is very important. It will not only make you enjoy one another’s company but will help you endure those hard times and relish the good ones. Make sure you have similar goals, lifestyle and moral outlook or else you won’t be able to get along very well. If two people are moving in opposite directions or have a different point of view it’s hard to reconcile them. Of course there are exceptions and everything is situational. Listen to what your partner says. Learn what they mean. Don’t be distracted by money or looks. Look for character. Find someone who has lots of character and you’ll find the person for you. For more on navigating the difficult waters of love majestically read, How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving by David Richo and Kathlyn Hendricks.