Bill in Massachusetts could make Sex during Divorce Illegal

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Bill in Massachusetts could make Sex during Divorce Illegal

If caught red handed between the sheets during your divorce, the law could have something to say about that if a new bill in Massachusetts passes, as it could make sex during divorce illegal. One stipulation of the proposed law is that you must have children living in the house with you and the divorce hasn’t been finalized yet. So after the divorce is finalized it’s perfectly legal to bring someone home if children are in the house, but it isn’t legal if divorce proceedings aren’t final? What kind of logic is that?

If a judge signs off on this tryst then you are off the hook, according to the bill. Wake a judge up in the middle of the night and see what kind of mood he is in to put his signature on an order like that. The bill actually reads like this “In divorce, separation, or 209A proceedings involving children and a marital home, the party remaining in the home shall not conduct a dating or sexual relationship within the home until a divorce is final and all financial and custody issues are resolved, unless the express permission is granted by the courts.”

State Sen. Richard Ross (R) filed the bill in the early months of 2013. He did so for a constituent of his Wrentham Selectman Robert Leclair. This bill was extended in March and will be on the floor of the state legislature in June. Senator Ross filed it on behalf of his constituent but according to a report he does not “support it.” Leclair, once the president of Fathers United for Equal Justice and having gone through a bitter divorce, is the primary architect and promoter of this bill. According to Russia Today, Leclair spoke of the bill saying that the bill would safeguard children during the divorce process. This law would have to be approved by the state legislature and the governor in order to be passed into law, a prospect that seems rather unlikely.

Certainly this bill will have personal liberty advocates up in arms. But it seems to be merely a way for a powerful man to publicly humiliate his wife by way of forcing a politician to propose an unjust or quixotic bill. This bill is a waste of state legislature’s time and the taxpayer’s money. In addition, bills such as this make a mockery of the legislative process. Certainly everyone except Leclair finds this utterly ridiculous. We’ll see if a defamation suit is filed by his ex-wife in the aftermath of this menagerie. For advice on getting through your divorce read, Conscious Divorce: Ending a Marriage with Integrity by Susan Allison.

Have You Engaged in One of these Taboo Relationships?

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Why is the forbidden so alluring? Why is it at times we most desire what we can’t have? Ever see a girl flirt a guy away from his girlfriend, only to dump him a short while later? She was just caught up in the game. She thought she liked him, but she only wanted him because the other girl had him. She was caught up in the madness of forbidden desire. Date long enough and you will at least have thought about, if not engaged in one of these taboo relationships. The first one is your boss. Many people have had fantasies of dating the boss, whether male or female. They don’t have to be old anymore either with so many young businesspeople doing start-ups, social enterprises, and other ventures. You could also be someone at a higher strata and be turned on by your employee. It could even be a coworker. Whoever it is at work, companies usually have rules about dating inside the company. And if they don’t, it still could be bad if the relationship goes wrong. But it is steamy when a behind the scenes romance is flowering in the office. Have you ever had the hots for a neighbor? You see each other in your bathrobes, perhaps catch one another sunbathing on the deck. Before you know it you are over for cocktails and getting to know them better. But watch out. It might get awkward at the neighborhood watch.

Has someone who’s taken been making flirty passes at you? If you haven’t been actively putting the kibosh on it, you may be enabling it. Do you like the attention? Of course, who wouldn’t? But just how far are you willing to let it go? They probably won’t leave whomever they’re with for you. And even if they do, can you ever really trust them? Have you ever dated someone much older? Experience can be sexy. So can independence. Having to reassure a lover can be awkward and a downer. But someone who’s older brings so much to the fore. However, where is the relationship really going? The same with someone who is much younger, sure they can validate you and make you feel great. But what do you have to really talk about? Older women dating younger men has become more common. There are plenty of resources available to women who are interested in this, such as the book Cougars and Their Cubs: Reasons Older Women Choose Younger Men by Tomei B. The teacher-student relationship can be steamy. It can also land someone in jail. College professors used to sleep with their students in the 1960’s and 1970’s. But today, it is surely looked down upon, and can even get the professor in trouble, perhaps cost him or her their job. An ex’s friend is also a taboo relationship that often comes up. Don’t sleep with them to get revenge. You will end up breaking someone’s heart and no one will respect you for it. Watch out for taboo relationships. They are certainly steamy but they can also get you in a lot of trouble. They are probably better off as realms of the imagination then things that take place in reality.

Managing Relationship Anger

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Everyone gets mad at their romantic partner from time to time. It’s inevitable. No matter how nice, kind, and considerate two people are to each other, they are bound to lock horns sooner or later. But relationships that last are the ones where the couple can control their anger, communicate clearly and without hurting one another, and come to an agreement on the best way to move forward. We all have trouble managing relationship anger from time to time. Sometimes we have a partner who doesn’t manage their anger well. If you’ve ever been yelled at, called names, had your sweetie give you the cold shoulder, or leave abruptly and in a huff, you know what I’m talking about. Whether it’s you or your significant other, here are some ideas on how to better manage that anger, improving your relationship dramatically. First, take a break from the situation. It may feel good to unload on your partner, but nothing constructive can happen in the moment. Instead, you are liable to say things you don’t mean, hurt your partner’s feelings, and even fracture the bond of trust. Instead, take a breather. Establish some ground rules when it comes to arguing. Let a time-out be your first go-to move. Sometimes people lash out at their significant other in order to relieve stress from something else going on in their life. But don’t take it out on your partner or else trouble in the relationship will undoubtedly occur.

When angry, schedule a time to talk. Use what psychologists call a scale. Let your partner know from one to ten how angry you are. If you are at an eight, you might want to give a little more time for yourself to calm down. Try counting to ten, take some deep breaths, exercise, utilize breathing techniques, yoga, meditation or visualization, whatever you like to do to center yourself and get you to relax. When your partner is upset, acknowledge their feelings. Sometimes validation of their feelings or just acknowledgement is all they need in order to feel better. Tell them you know why they are upset, that you’re on the same team, and that you’ll conquer the problem together. Be the bigger person. Don’t lose your cool, your composure, or your dignity. If someone lashes out at you, instead of yelling or insulting them to get even, ignore it. Try to find out why. If someone won’t budge, budge yourself and see if you can dislodge their anger, get them over it, and then talk things through. When someone can get past the anger and display the problem, revealing feelings of vulnerability or pain underneath, then real healing can begin. Remember to keep in mind that all couples fight. It’s healthy for people to argue. Just do it creatively and constructively, and have it help mold your relationship into a better one. If you want more advice on how to reduce conflict in your relationship, look into some books on the topic such as Kiss Your Fights Good-bye: Dr. Love’s 10 Simple Steps to Cooling Conflict and Rekindling Your Relationship.

Is your Mouth Getting you in Trouble with your Spouse?

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Some people are the straightforward type. They don’t know how to sensor themselves when it comes to others. They have a hard time reading social cues. Their interpersonal skills are less than stellar. Of course, they have tons of other great qualities. But communication skills are not part of them. Other people know lots of nuance, subtlety, and plenty of other verbal and nonverbal strategies. They communicate very well and know how to get their point across in a variety of different ways. They know exactly how others will take what they are trying to get across. But what happens when these two types get together in a relationship? If your mouth is getting you into trouble with your spouse or significant other, or you have someone in your life whose mouth is getting them in trouble with you, read on for some advice as to how to curb it and get them back on track. If your mouth is getting you into trouble, it’s time to sit down and play things out in your head. What was said? How was it taken? Can you see what you did to offend? If not, talk it over with a close friend. What have you said in the past and how has it offended people? Perhaps, make a pact with yourself to avoid these subjects or specific phrases.

Think about what you are going to say before you say it. If you don’t know how it is going to be taken or you have a funny feeling, don’t say it. Sometimes people are stuck in a place where they don’t care what people think about them and so they don’t filter themselves. When they are in a new situation, with in-laws or their romantic partners parents for instance, the may have trouble filtering what they say. Instead, realize that words can hurt just as much as fists. If you are unsure, take your spouse or partner aside, share it with them, and see if it’s okay to say. If they aren’t available, have a confidante you can rely on in public. Look at people’s eye contact or body language while you are talking. If they are making faces, their body language isn’t good, they are staring angrily at you, or avoiding eye contact stop what you are saying, apologize, and change the subject. Make a little joke if you can to relieve the tension. But if the joke might make things worse, skip it. Showing that you care is the most important thing. People will forgive you most of the time, if they know you and know you have this problem, faux pas are easily ignored.

How to Counteract Relationship Anxiety

Counteract Relationship Anxiety

In one sense, a certain level of nervousness adds extra care to a relationship. But if it’s more than that, it spells trouble. If you are always worried about the relationship, you can’t relax and enjoy it. And in fact those very worries cause the rift themselves, so it’ a vicious cycle of anxiety and division, one degree of anxiety adding one more layer of space. To break the cycle here are some techniques to counteract relationship anxiety (Psychology Today):

  • One of the problems is when one person just assumes things about the other. It takes some practice and self-reflection to see when you do this. If you’ve assumed something about your partner and worried about it, but it turned out to be wrong, or you were just way off, you start to worry whether or not you know this person at all. Instead of getting all gunked up in that morass, be proactive. Ask your partner whatever it is you’re assuming about them, their plans or their behavior. Using statements like “Are you…?”, “Can you…?”, and “Did you…?” can clear up a lot of ambiguity without anyone second guessing the relationship. And who doesn’t want their relationship to run more smoothly? If you’re just going on reading your partners signals without asking, you may be interpreting and second guessing yourself forever.
  • Any thoughts that you have that create anxiety, target those specifically and see where they stem from. If you avoid these they’ll just grow and grow until something disastrous occurs. Instead, be assertive and plan your strategy of attack. Get out a pencil and paper and write down all of the things you’re anxious about. Go over the list and make a question out of each one for your partner. Then address these with your partner. Just be honest, tell them about what you thought and what you’re thinking. Don’t hit your sweetie up with an interrogation. Just ask them outright during a time when they aren’t stressed. You can schedule a little time just to chit chat and talk about a couple of things that were concerning you. Tell your partner how you feel and what you thought about. Use direct but polite and respectful language. Have patience. Really listen. If you are nervous about the future, take a deep breathe. It may be easier said than done but instead of always focusing on things to come why not focus on the positive things that are right within your midst?  Enjoy looking deeply into your lover’s eyes. Feel all of your feelings and notice them. Use your senses and relish the moments you have together. Savoring the relationship will put you at ease. And the beauty and ease of your relationship will make your partner want to plan a future with you.