Signs you are falling in Love

closeness

Signs you are falling in Love

You’re getting those feelings again. Butterflies in the stomach. Goose bumps. A buoyant, prickly feeling when a certain someone is around. You have the hots for them, that’s for sure. But how do you know when it’s love, lust or just infatuation? Here are some surefire signs you are falling in love. Are you always thinking about them? Clear your mind and then think of the word love. Do you picture their face as soon as the word comes to mind? If so, your psyche has already decided for you. It happens instantly. You have no control.

What happens when you hear that person’s voice? Pay careful attention the next time you hear their voice. When you first recognize it’s them, do you smile? If you can’t help but smile cupid may have punctured your heart with his arrow. Do you two experience the what-seems-like-forever goodbye? When you just can’t seem to go, and keep looking back even as you are leaving, you are definitely smitten with this person. Do you two take part in long bouts of playful teasing? Lovers love to tease one another. It’s oh-so-much fun you never want it to end. How frequently are you talking? If you just want to spend every waking moment with the person, and no matter how much time you spend with them, it never seems like enough, you are head-over-heels in love.

Some people feel awkward around a new love interest but can’t pinpoint the cause. You want to be with this person and yet when they are around, you close up. You feel shy even if you aren’t normally that way. Your heart can start racing and you feel scared. You are just being overwhelmed by your emotions for a moment, it will pass. Some people fall in love this strongly, some don’t. Lots of people when they go ga-ga for someone read their emails and texts over and over again, relishing every word. They make grand gestures, make a scene or just act not themselves around the object of their affection. Sometimes you change and everyone notices the change in behavior but you.

Sometimes when two lovers meet a heat and an energy is exchanged between them. Locking eyes, exchanging smiles and sighs inhabit the empty spaces of their conversations. You can tell when you are in love when the world seems brighter and more alive. You kiss and hug everyone, including your lover, with more spunk and passion. You are more patient, caring and understanding of others. You miss them when they are gone and it hurts deep. When you find someone irresistible it is because you are in love. Now that you know, it’s time to find out if they really love you back. To learn more about this phenomenon read, The Art of Falling in Love by Joe Beam.

Drifting Apart

drifting

Drifting Apart

It stuns you when you first realize that you and your sweetie, you seemed like the perfect couple, are drifting apart. Sometimes just as perfectly as you fell for each other, as if it were only natural an event like a natural disaster, an earth shattering union over which the two of you had no control. But just as powerfully so too can each party find forces pushing them apart, and these can occur just as naturally and as inexplicably.

Sometimes we end up in a comfortable relationship that has no future. This kind of relationship has dueling emotions inside you. On the one hand you have your life goals. On the other you love this person and perhaps fear being single again and facing a big, black who-knows-what. Sometimes the fear of the unknown makes us stay in an uncomfortable situation. But the problem with that is we die a little inside for we are born to seek out our dreams. Scientists have proven that parts of the brain showing good, sound judgment shutdown when we fall in love. As the relationship progresses more and more we get to learn about our partner and deal with their shortcomings, and our own.

Once you have that down, you think you’ve got it all figured out. And you’ll live happily ever after. Or not. More likely it will be like a series of hurtles you’ll have to jump over. You’ll dodge them and do okay. Once in a while you’ll have a victory to celebrate. At other times a defeat to mourn. But when people have different priorities or if their values change, as are natural to do over time you can find the couple naturally drifting apart. The question is how far is this drift going to go? Can you relate to one another anymore? Is there trust and respect? Can you build a deep bond of connection and intimacy despite these differences? Each couple has to decide for themselves. It takes a big conversation.

Some long term couples and married couples decide to live together despite their differences. They share what they can but each also enjoy their separate lives. Others seek out a partner who fulfills all of their needs. Then there are those who try to change their lover, or spurn them for not being the person they fell in love with to begin with. Instead, talk about it. Discuss the drift. See when it occurred and why it occurred. Figure out if it makes sense to stay together and share your life together or perhaps you’ve grown too different after all. For more advice read, Help! My Spouse and I Are Drifting Apart by Dr. Bill Maier and Mitch Temple.

Which is better, Adultery or Divorce?

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Which is better, Adultery or Divorce?

When in a dysfunctional marriage where you both feel a real relationship is out of the question, but you decide to stay together for financial reasons, for the sake of the children or because it’s too painful or burdensome to get divorced, in this situation it’s difficult to know how to proceed. Is adultery then the only way forward? Or should they just go ahead and get divorced? In the long run, which is better, adultery or divorce? Each person and couple in this unfortunate predicament must evaluate carefully how they each feel, using their values, judgment and beliefs in order to decide what is best for them. So then since everyone is different, we can’t ask which is better in a large blanket statement, since everyone must evaluate for themselves. But in general, which of the two alternatives is morally a better choice, adultery or divorce? This is not in terms of a bilateral divorce where both parties decide to get divorced. Nor is it unilateral where one person wants a divorce but the other does not. This is when one person is interested in taking part in a romantic and physical relationship with another outside the marriage.

From an ethical standpoint divorce is a far better choice as it does not involve deception. If you are in a loveless marriage but decide to stay together for financial reasons but are childless talk to your spouse about having an open marriage. At least if there is a way to communicate honestly about things, perhaps there is a chance not of reconciling the relationship but the mutual respect that both people shared. If the couple has children, it’s a much thornier issue. They will find out sooner or later that mommy or daddy has someone else. So how do you counteract this? Divorce would be the better option there. Or perhaps separation if the financial burden is too much. If this is a high conflict relationship get out. High conflict homes are the worst environments to raise children in. It would be much better to have two divorced but happier, well-adjusted homes than one miserable one together. The deception part of adultery, especially if it’s long term or serial adultery is the worst part. It shows a grave disrespect for the other person. Like it or not when we marry we attach ourselves to a legal and social union. It may not be easy when marriage falls apart. If you are in this situation, learn to talk to one another and solve things so you can find mutual happiness in some way. See what can be worked out. Give respect and expect it in return. Sooner or later all the tumblers will fall into place. To learn more about adultery in marriage read, Parents Who Cheat: How Children and Adults are Affected When Their Parents are Unfaithful by Ana Nogales, Ph.D.

Little Changes You Can Make when You Become a Wife

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Little Changes You Can Make when You Become a Wife

Congratulations on getting married! It’s such an exciting time, the beginning of a marriage when you two have made that great commitment before friends and family, sealed the deal with an incredible reception and hopefully a honeymoon that will make anyone jealous. But what about after that? Sure a long term commitment is a big deal. But a marriage is an even bigger one. You should start with accommodating one another and showing your appreciation for the other person, especially at this early stage of the game. Here are some little changes you can make when you become a wife to show your husband how devoted to him you are, and how much you care.

It’s not necessary of course but it will be a great way to set the tone in your marriage, and let him know how you feel. One thing you can do is update your relationship status on Facebook. It’s a great way to show him, and everyone you know how happy you are and secure that your marriage will last. It will also send exes and others who have shown interest that you are indeed off the market.  Next, when an invitation or event comes up, make sure to do your new husband the courtesy of checking with him. This is especially important if you want him to return the favor. Setting the tone is important. And what one person does in a marriage is often mirrored by the other. Courtesy is returned with courtesy, and inconsiderate moves are also returned in kind.

Eat dinner together when you can. It’s a great way to reconnect after a long day. Studies have shown that families who eat together are far more healthy and well-adjusted. And your husband is your family now, right? To your friends, as soon as you get married they start to think you aren’t fun anymore. Don’t spend all your time with your husband. Have a girl’s night out every once in a while. Go for drinks or coffee with friends. Enjoy spending time together. Just because you’re married, doesn’t mean you should be attached at the hip. In fact, couples who spend some time apart with their own friends and pursuing their own hobbies are far healthier and happier than those who spend every waking minute together. When you stop on the way home for a little treat, like a cupcake at that place you’ve been itching to try, bring him home one too. It will make him so happy. It’s such a small, easy gesture that will mean a lot to him.

Tell people that you’re married. Don’t do it when it doesn’t fit into the conversation that you’re having. But when appropriate let others at parties, work related events and so on know. When you’re a girlfriend it’s polite to let it come up. But when you’re married, it makes a man proud to know that you are announcing it proudly and staving off potential rivals, instead of hiding it because you want the flutter you feel when someone finds you attractive. It’s important to set the tone early. It’s not just a new phase of the same relationship, a marriage shows that something has changed. You’ve made a broad and deep commitment to one another. Show him the advantages he gets for making you his wife. Show him your love and appreciation. He’ll return the favor. For more advice read, Wife School: Where Women Learn the Secrets of Making Husbands Happy by Julie N. Gordon.

Writer interviews Couples all over the Country

interview

Writer interviews Couples all over the Country

Are you tired of all relationships being portrayed either like a Disney film, a scandal or a bitter divorce or split? So was Nate Bagley. What did he do about it? This intrepid writer took his life savings along with what he made on a Kickstarter and set about interviewing couples all over the country to find out what the actual state of romance in America was really like.

Bagley talked about his subjects on Reddit just before Valentine’s Day last year stating, “I’ve interviewed gay couples, straight couples, rich couples, poor couples, religious couples, atheist couples, couples who have been together for a short time, and couples who have been together for over 70 years.” In the Ask Me Anything section he said, “I’ve even interviewed couples in arranged marriages and polygamous couples.” His interviews were released in a documentary entitled, The Loveumentary. Here is the advice he shared on Reddit.

One of the biggest factors Bagley found in the happiest couples, self-love. Each person on their own had self-love and when they brought this to the relationship it made it strong, sturdy and secure. They tried to treat their partner then the same way that they treated themselves. This meant that they were emotionally healthy and brought that emotional health to the relationship. What’s more, they forgave transgressions more easily. They were also more likely to take responsibility for what they did wrong and apologize. The next quality he noticed was that the most successful couples also had the highest level of commitment. When things were going bad they knew that they could count on their partner, rather than fearing that their partner would abandon them in their hour of need.

The best couples had an extremely high level of trust between one another. And the trust that they had was from each person’s past behavior showing commitment, kindness and care. Lastly, they all were intentionally into one another. They didn’t give each other a peck at the door; they fell into each other’s arms. They did beautiful, loving, romantic and fun things together. They enjoyed each other’s company and couldn’t wait to spend time with one another. Seeking to understand one another and not fighting to win but to seek an agreement were also important. For more advice on creating a satisfying relationship, read 25 Habits of Super Happy Couples: How to Increase Intimacy, Keep Love Alive and Build a Successful Long Term Relationship by K.F. Dennis.