Romance, Guy Style

Couple-Relaxing

Romance, Guy Style

We all know what women find romantic. But what about when it comes to men?  How you do sweep a guy off his feet? Flowers, candle lit dinners and moonlit buggy rides aren’t it. It can be difficult to guess what gifts or gestures he’ll appreciate. But not to worry, here are some ideas. Here’s romance, guy style. First, when you do something nice for your guy, don’t expect something automatically in return. It kills the mood. You don’t want him to show up with a bouquet of your favorite flowers and just after you swoon say, “Hey, what are you going to do for me?” Instead, make sure a gesture or a gift is just that, an expression of your affection. Of course he’ll be overjoyed and won’t be able to wait to shower you with gifts and appreciation. But let it come naturally. Don’t force it or expect it.

For gesture ideas, why not cook him his favorite meal or bake his favorite dessert? Not so handy in the kitchen? Take him out to his favorite restaurant. If he’s a sports guy, take him to a sports bar where they have the best burgers for the game. For guys, it isn’t about a one size fits all thing like flowers or candy. It’s really about tailoring what his hobbies or interests are to your gift or gesture. Get to know your guy and what he likes and ideas will come up.

Tickets to the game or the concert, a nice watch, a weekend away, a ski trip, a party on the beach, a surprise camping trip to a national park he’s been itching to make it to, a massage, all of these will show him how much you care. Guys often plan dates, outings and so on, though certainly not always. But why not turn the tails on him and plan something that will knock his socks off? If you want to do something little, why not leave a little love note for him, or even a steamy one? Leave them in his briefcase, knapsack, jacket pocket, in a book he’s reading, his luggage or his satchel. Some guys don’t like it when things are too sappy. Others are the sensitive type. Know which type your guy is and write your notes accordingly. Why not write something funny or witty?

Sometimes just lazing around together can be romantic. Sitting by the pool with drinks, easing into a hot tub or coffee and a long brunch in a great café will do the trick. Don’t forget that for guys the physical aspect is an important part of romance. Surprising him in lingerie is always a great way to wow him. And it will make you two closer, too. Isn’t that what it’s all about? For more advice read, 31 Days to a Happy Husband: What a Man Needs Most from His Wife by Arlene Pellicane.

How Can You Tell if Someone Likes You Or Just Wants to Get in your Pants?

Just-A-Booty-Call

How Can You Tell if Someone Likes You Or Just Wants to Get in your Pants?

It happens when you least expect it. You meet someone and you can’t get them out of your mind. But what are their intentions? Though it does occasionally happen to guys, most of the time it’s the woman wondering whether he just wants to get in her pants or if he really likes her. Usually, this guy knows all the right things to say. You flirt easily and have a great rapport. The chemistry is real and it’s powerful. But in either case this could be true. So how can you tell? It’s in his actions as to whether he really wants to spend time with you or if he just wants to spend some time pressed up against you. Analyze the situation carefully and you can see through any player’s cover. First, how do you mainly interact? Are you constantly texting, emailing each other little articles you read online that remind you of one another and talking on the phone late into the night? Or do you mostly text and he drops off or disappears here and there, always reappearing with some catastrophe he dealt with or well-tailored excuse? If it’s the latter, you should watch your heart.

When you talk what do you talk about? If all he talks about is himself and he’s never inquired about your history, your likes and dislikes, hopes and dreams and more personal stuff, chances are he isn’t that interested. Guys who like you want to get to know the real you. They will go out of their way to show you that they remember something about you. A link on your page, a phrase or joke you share, a little thoughtful gift or a mention of something you are interested in such as your favorite band coming to town, or your team winning a game will show that he really cares. If there’s no personal touch, he doesn’t want to get personal, just physical. Have you ever met his friends? Or does he steer you clear of his crew? Guys who like you want to see how you interact with their friends. He wants to know if you can fit in with his circle, and vice-versa. But those that just want to get between your thighs don’t want to risk their circle looking down on them, so there will always be an excuse as to why you can’t tag along.

Do you pick him up, go to his place? Do you always go out of your way for him? Does it run in the other direction too? If not, he’s just not that into you. A guy who really likes you will make an effort. But if it’s all about him, or he isn’t that interested, he may not think twice about taking advantage of your time, money and more. When you hang out is all his attention on you or is he constantly distracted? If he likes you his focus will be on you. If he doesn’t it will be on his phone, his great fashion sense or daydreaming about getting your clothes off and what he will find underneath. Does he make last minute plans with you, or break plans last minute? If he doesn’t respect your time he doesn’t respect you.  Does he drop hints or make jokes about not wanting or not liking relationships? This is a red flag. Sometimes he could drop hints that he is only interested in a physical thing. If he is eager to get physical with you, to kiss and touch you he may only have one thing on his mind. Of course these days wanting a mere physical interchange isn’t considered wrong. But it could be wrong for some. Decide what kind of relationship you want. Otherwise, you may find you misinterpreted the situation and end up heartbroken. For more on interpreting the male of the species read, To Date a Man, You Must Understand a Man: The Keys to Catch a Great Guy by Gregg Michaelsen.

When it’s Necessary to ask your Partner’s Permission

talking

When it’s Necessary to ask your Partner’s Permission

We all like to be independent. But when in a relationship, it can be hard to tell what we need to run by our partner and what a decision we should make on our own is. And it’s a balancing act. Asking their permission for everything can seem too needy, and that you export all of your power and authority to your romantic partner. When you make too many decisions without their input, you start looking like a tyrant with a callous and cold heart, who doesn’t care what they think, or about being considerate of their wants, wishes and feelings. A careful balance must be struck. But how do you know when it’s necessary to ask your partner’s permission? Here are some easy to follow guidelines for most situations.

If you are unsure, it’s always a good idea to sit down with your partner and figure out what works in your relationship, for the two of you. But here are some general ones that pop up in most relationships. One major situation which breeds arguments and hurt feelings is seeing your ex. Whether you are friends, or just catching up after years over a coffee, this has to be discussed with your current flame, at length. This isn’t controlling you, it’s merely a courtesy. And you are sending a message. You are letting your partner know that this relationship means more than catching up with an old flame. They shouldn’t mind. And if they do, they have jealousy issues, which have to be addressed.

If you are in a new relationship, let them know when you are hanging out with a friend of the opposite sex, and that this person poses no threat. Again, this shouldn’t be a problem. One important part of dating is developing trust. And if they don’t trust you around friends of the opposite sex, huge red lights should be flashing in your head. Still, letting them know shows you are courteous and considerate of their feelings, a boon in any relationship. If you two are cohabitating and someone is coming to stay over, or even live there for a while, you definitely need to sit down with them and talk it out. You can’t just spring it on them. They will be so angry, and resent you for it. And what message are you sending, that they have no say in a place they live? The same goes for company. If you just bring people home without letting them know, it’s a lack of respect on your part and a shock on theirs.

If for whatever reason you aren’t coming home that night, send a quick call or text. You owe them that much. If you are too intoxicated have your friend do it. Your partner will thank you and be more understanding. But the shock of you not coming home and not being alerted will scare them, make them worry, and if you don’t call it means that you don’t care, or that their feelings aren’t important to you. If someone in your life needs a hand or support in something they are doing, don’t commit your partner without their say-so. You need to run it by them first. If you do, it means you are considerate of their time and opinion. If you don’t, it means that they are supposed to do what you say when you say it. Showing consideration for your partner will make your relationship stronger, and make it last. For more advice read, Love is Never Enough: How Couples can Overcome Misunderstandings, Resolve Conflicts, and Solve Relationship Problems through Cognitive Therapy by Aaron T. Beck, M.D.

Worry if you’re Always Spending Time with Others

double_date

Worry if you’re Always Spending Time with Others

When you plan vacations is it always with other couples or do you two go alone? When you plan weekends together, are you always hanging around with friends? Do you two ever spend time together alone anymore? You should worry if you and your partner are always spending time with others. Of course you should enjoy doing some things with other couples and other things alone. Each couple has to find the right balance. Of course sometimes couples do have a robust social life. But at other times spending all of their free time around other friends is a way to ensure that they don’t have to spend any time alone with each other. When other people aren’t around all of that fun, excitement and adventure is gone too. It can get pretty lonely in a relationship without a mutual connection. Friends can’t be around all of the time. And your relationship should be sustaining and fulfilling. In most cases there has just been a natural drifting apart. If a couple doesn’t spend time and invest in a relationship this will happen over time. Intimacy and connection have to then be reestablished.

Some people at this point decide to be friends and not lovers. They decide to be roommates not a couple or spouses. Sometimes they decide to stay together for the kids. At other times it’s because the emotional or financial burden of a divorce is too much for them. Some couples separate for a certain amount of time, or that amount of time is not even given. Instead of getting to this point, why not sit down with your partner and remember all of the reasons you initially fell in love with them? Reminisce with them and see if the nostalgia reignites any of those old feelings. Do something exciting you’ve always wanted to do but with just the two of you. Science has proven that taking part in exciting activities together that bring you both out of your comfort zone can reignite the spark. Try to turn each other on again. Have fun together. Plan activities you used to like to do, or something you both want to try out. Find ways to show your appreciation for what your partner brings to the relationship. Write them a nice email, get them a card, surprise them with a massage or a night on the town. Buy them a trinket with deep meaning, write them a poem or perform a song in their honor. Reinvest in your relationship and see if you can bring back that spark and reignite it into an inferno of love. For more on this topic, pick up a copy of Growing the Sparks, How to Bring Back the Sparks and the Magic in Your Relationship by Paul McLovett.

How do you know when you’ve found the one?

heartleaf

How do you know when you’ve found the one?

Love at first site is great for the movies. But it hardly ever happens in real life. Most happy, healthy, long term committed relationships developed over time. The two had to dig past the surface area stuff to see things about their mate below the surface. And these are the things that they identified with, what made them fall in love. So how do you know when you’ve found the one? It’s different for everyone. But there is usually a magical moment, something that one or the other person does, either a grand romantic gesture, but more often than not it’s something small but telling and perfect that puts the couple on the road to monogamy and long term love. One thing is noticing little things about one another. Instead of putting your own music on, ask what your sweetie wants. Know what their favorite food or type of food such as Mexican or Italian. Or if you cook make them their favorite meal as a surprise, without them even asking. Sometimes little things like this are so touching it reaches down into a person’s heart and makes that connection. It’s all about being considerate, noticing the little things, and going out of your way to show how much you care about them.

When you do something for your sweetie, even if it isn’t your cup of tea, like say put on music they like that you aren’t so fond of, you are sending a message. You are essentially saying their happiness is so important to you, even more than your own tastes. And that’s a message that resonates in the heart. Sometimes we have a checklist of what we want in the ideal mate. But we then find a situation that makes us swoon, and throw our list out the window. Instead of sticking tenaciously to a list, see it as a set of guidelines, ones that may change or develop as this process moves on. There has been many a woman or man who said they didn’t want to date someone with kids for instance, until they saw their date interacting with the children. Then their heart melted and that item on the list was crossed off, never to be revisited. So have some flexibility there. Some people fall in love when they are in a pickle, and their love interest comes and helps them out. A guy who leaves his apartment to meet a woman he’s dating to change her tire in the pouring rain. A gal who comes over with chicken soup, tissues and a load of DVDs when her boyfriend is sick, a writer who helps his math major sweetie with her English Comp paper or calms her down when she’s freaking out over her final, gives her tips, quizzes her and helps her study. Sometimes it’s a certain gesture that just clears away the fog of uncertainty and makes the path forward clear.  It is the greatest joy when that path is the main thoroughfare to the city of love. For more advice, read Finding the Right One After Divorce: Avoiding the 13 Common Mistakes People make in Remarriage by Edward M. Tauber & Jim Smoke.