What’s the Best Way to Breakup with a Hookup?

hookup

What’s the Best Way to Breakup with a Hookup?

Whether you are dating again after a divorce, staving off marriage, are too busy for a serious relationship or believe monogamy is antiquated system with no place in the modern world, you are immersed in the exciting albeit confusing, hookup culture.  And anyone who has spent any amount of time in it comes to a point where they have to break up with someone that they aren’t actually dating. The whole experience can feel like a double edged sword. You didn’t get the benefits of a relationship exactly but you still have to go through the worst part. Some people try to hint around as if they are all-of-a-sudden completely unavailable. But lots of people, of both genders, fail to take the hint. Of course, you may ask what the best way to breakup with a hookup is, but it all comes down to who you both are and how you relate. Do you do normal couple things but are still in the incubator stage of your relationship? Or is this a drunk dial booty call on a Friday night? Just as the punishment should fit the crime, the type of non-relationship you share with this person should determine the way you break up with them.

If you shared meals, hung out in bars or spent a significant amount of time together, this person is owed a face-to-face breakup. Just be honest with them. Sit them down and let them know that you want a plutonic relationship and still want to remain friends. If you aren’t feeling it anymore, say so. When you act like a couple the lines between hookup and relationship tend to blur. You’ll want to clear things up in a way that leaves no room for confusion. If this is the drunk hookup, let them know that it’s been fun but you just want to be friends from here on out. If you really aren’t attached a phone call might suffice, if it’s just a case of text and grind. Then there are those times where you just went out on one date and you are 100% sure the chemistry isn’t there and never will be. Just tell them so. Here perhaps over the phone might be alright as well. If you two have been hanging out a long time, or worse yet were at one time thick as thieves, this is the serious, sit-down breakup.  Perhaps they said or did something that soured you. Maybe you met someone else who flips your switch and lights you up like Las Vegas, or things just coasted into boringsville fast. Whatever the case, you have to sit this person down in a quiet, comfortable setting and explain why. Don’t let it feel like you are stomping on their heart. But they do deserve the truth. If you think they’ll make a scene, do it in a public place like a restaurant or coffee house.

Do go out of your way to let them down gently. Don’t gossip with your friends. Word does get around and then how will you look when it reaches your former hookup? If you are dropping this person, drop them. If you drunk dial them a week later and get it on, you’ll be in the same situation all over again. Erase them from your phone and email. Maybe keep them on your social media pages or else your actions may seem hurtful. Resist the urge of calling them and starting the cycle all over again, or don’t break up with them at all. Don’t dwell on the situation. Learn from this experience and integrate it into your future pursuits. Certainly even the most short-lived relationships can leave you with a good memory. Sometimes it helps to close with that memory and how you’ll cherish it. It leaves both of you feeling good. For more on traversing the harrowing landscape of love read, Sex at First Sight: Understanding the Modern Hookup by Richard E. Simmons III.

Show you care no Matter What Day it is

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Show you care no Matter What Day it is

So Valentine’s Day has come and gone. Some people love it for a chance to cherish their loved one. Others hate the commercial Hallmark holiday aspect. Still others don’t want to be reminded of being single. But the truth is that we shouldn’t need a holiday to remind us how much we love that special someone in our life. In fact, if you are only using that particular holiday to show how much you care for one another, you will soon be seeing less Valentine’s Days, at least with that particular person.

Show you care no matter what day it is. If you keep feeling and showing your gratitude toward your romantic partner in words and gestures, they will return the favor. A virtuous cycle will be created that will sustain and enrich your love and relationship for as long as the two of you keep it up. Here are some ways to display the tempest of passion that lies deep in your heart. If your lover works in the service industry, whether a barista, a waiter or waitress, or tending bar, go in, flirt with them and leave a little tip. You can’t imagine what fun this will be, especially if your lover’s coworkers don’t know you.

Always hold the door open no matter what sex your lover is. If you don’t cohabitate but you do run errands together, pay for their groceries, especially if they have been struggling to make ends meet. If you do cohabitate pay something extra just to say I love you. When you are out and about running errands, buy them their favorite candy, or a little toy that reminds you of them. For an added bonus hide it somewhere in the house and let them find it unexpectedly. Whenever you notice a change in clothes or hairstyle, notice it and comment on it. Ladies, guys like it when you notice and compliment too. It’s not just for women. Call your sweetie at lunch or in the middle of the day just to see how their day is going. Tell them you couldn’t stop thinking about them. If the mood strikes you say something dirty, or just flirt with them. Make something for them, a knit scarf, a painting, a poem, a song, a tchotchke; make it from the heart. Something you made will always be worth more because of the talent, time and care you put into it. Make them their favorite meal, or surprise them with a dinner out on the town. There are lots of ways to show that special someone in your life how much you care. For more advice read, 31 Days to Build a Better Relationship by Clinton Power.

My Invisible Boyfriend

invisible

My Invisible Boyfriend

Don’t you hate it when your folks, friends and others ask about your love life? Why are you still single? They so rudely inquire. Or they offer to set you up with someone you wouldn’t want to share a car ride with? MyInvisibleboyfriend.com (Or girlfriend) to the rescue! Now for $24.99 per month you can receive 100 texts, 10 voicemails and even a post card from a real person posing as your +1. You compose the cover story as to how you met, select the photo that best fits your type, click on a few traits and interests and voila! Texts will soon appear in a dashboard so you can see the backstory and context of the conversation. It’s the perfect thing to rescue you from nosy relatives and well-meaning friends. Plus, it could be fun to have a secret, pretend lover. It will even help you out if you are out with friends and they say, invite him along. He (or she) will give an excuse as to why they can’t make it. The service only goes so far. Any explicit texts aren’t let through, and all photos that you send will be erased. That might be a relief for some, those who occasionally drunk dial their boo. The website is the brainchild of co-founder Matthew Homann. Homann came up with the idea and bought the URL Invisiblegirlfriend.com after a painful divorce.

The entrepreneur financed it through a hackathon he pitched in St. Louis. Afterward, Buzzfeed picked up the story. Homann put in some extra time and elbow grease and got it off the ground, launching the beta site this January. The website teamed up with St. Louis-based CrowdSource which handles all the messaging. Your invisible bae is more than one person actually, and could be any of 200,000 employees. Usually it’s somewhere between four and seven people responding to you. Homann said he started the site as a defense for those who are single and get hurtful questions from others around them. He didn’t notice this phenomenon occurring until his divorce, he said. Lots of positive press came in the wake of the site’s launch, including from The Washington PostBusiness InsiderUSA Today and BuzzfeedBusiness Insider reporter Caroline Moss had her invisible boyfriend come from the city she requested, after including her zip code. She was surprised at the company’s attention to detail. Soon, the site will include gifts or flowers sent to the office and other such services.

Homann told CNN that although he’s thought about people getting too attached to their fake boyfriend/girlfriend, there hasn’t been any case thus far. It does have a disclaimer. One user said he received a text from his invisible girlfriend while on a date, and his date suddenly became more interested in him. Homann says it’s not just to escape the watchful eye of the ‘rents, but sometimes to fend off the unwanted advances of a coworker or hide a same-sex relationship from those who are less than approving. When using the service, you build your own mate complete with personality, interests, traits and more. Invisible boyfriends and girlfriends are prompt, friendly, supportive and caring, even more so than a real S.O. for some. But is this a good tool to get people off your back, get some breathing room and weave an illusion that is low maintenance? Is it an innocent caper or are you taking part in a hurtful lie? This brings up another question for the bitter and jaded, why should we slog through real dating scenarios when we can get a little cyber intimacy for what it costs to have a nice dinner and a cocktail? Of course, each person loves a different way, lives in a different way and has a different situation in their life that they have to deal with. The Dali Llama says that real love is not being judged. So perhaps we should give those who have invisible partners a break and even sovereignty over their own love lives. Just remember there is no service that can take the place of real love. But there are some like this one that can make us feel good, and get the nosy people off our back, at least for a little while. For those who would like some new strategies to tackle singledom read, If I’m So Wonderful, Why Am I Still Single?: Ten Strategies That Will Change Your Love Life Forever by Susan Page.

Make him Feel Manly

dinner

Make him Feel Manly

We all know that women need validation. She needs to feel beautiful, valued, respected and desired. But what about the man? Of course he needs validation too. And the smart wife and girlfriend pumps up her man’s ego. The one who wants to get dumped emasculates him. But how do you make him feel manly and give him the validation he needs?  First, attend office functions with him. Dress up and charm everyone there. Lift him up and help him figure out the social dynamic and get ahead. In a restaurant, ask him to order for you, if you trust him to do so. Praise him when the meal is amazing, and about how well he knows you.

Send him a flirty or steamy text every once in a while. Let him know how desirable he is. Write him a little love note and put it in his jacket pocket, backpack or brief case.  Brag about him to your girlfriends, when he gives you something you want to brag about, even better, brag about him to his friends, or his family. Give him a massage when you know he’s sore or stressed. Make him his favorite drink. Surprise him with his favorite meal or take him to his favorite restaurant. Don’t nit-pick when driving. Give him some slack. Ask his advice whenever you are making a big decision in your life and thank him for his advice.

Let him help you with something around the house, fix something, move something, it can be something small, even opening a jar. Then praise him. Show appreciation for him when he helps you. Let him pick an action flick or thriller for movie night every once in a while, and show enthusiasm for it. If he’s into a particular sports team, watch a game with him. Take him to a local game, and be excited about it. If he’s into the outdoors, take him away for a surprise weekend getaway skiing, surfing, off road biking, camping or whatever he’s into.

If he’s into cars take him to a local car show when it comes around. Go to the car dealership and pretend you are shopping for a car, and test drive that new ride he’s been eye balling. Why not rent a muscle car for the weekend? If he’s into history take him to a reenactment or a museum. Buy him interesting books as little gifts, or videos or even documentaries. If he’s into barbecue or chili, go to the local chili cook off. Why not cook chili together? Surprise him with a trip to the local barbecue restaurant. Buy him a barbecue dry rub or sauce sampler for him to try. Find out what manly things your guy does and show him how much you care, and validate his masculinity all at the same time. For more advice read, Keep Your Man: Seven Ways to His Happiness by Angelina G. Bell.

Use a Pro to get your Ex’s Texts

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Use a Pro to get your Ex’s Texts

We all know how important texting has become in our love lives. Now they are becoming weighty evidence in divorce proceedings according to a survey by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers. Text messaging was present in the top three forms of electronic evidence used in divorce court today. But getting texts for your attorney can be difficult. You can either read them off the phone directly, or perhaps write them down for yourself.

The second method is to have them taken off the phone. This can be done even after the messages have been deleted. If there is some type of access code for security purposes, bypassing that would make the texts inadmissible in court according to John Simek, Vice President of a Virginia based computer security company called Sensei Enterprises, Inc. It’s like the difference between a suitcase that is open and one that is locked. Of this Simek said, “Then there is an expectation of privacy, and you’d better not be blowing by it.” Also understand that cell phone providers don’t store any messages on their end. So don’t go snooping in that direction, you’ll come up empty.

This is where you can use a trained pro to get your ex’s texts. According to Simek, a text message usually stays on the provider’s servers for about two weeks. But a case has to be filed before a security company can go in there and get a text. Otherwise, they have no leg to stand on legally. Searching the actual phone is really the best way to get at texts says Simek. Once a text has been deleted however, it can be hard to retrieve. Computer forensics companies can use several methods to try and retrieve these text messages. BitPim , Sim Card Seizure,  or Paraben Device Seizure are some of the methods used. Keep your fingers crossed.

“Normally it’s pretty volatile, these text messages,” says Simek. How your phone overwrites memory comes into play. But the forensics company will go through all of the internal organs of the phone to see if they can grab a hold of the steamy text your ex sent to their lover. These special software extractions can even get the date and time, important information where court is concerned. Some of the software programs even get inside the phone and take a photo of the text. These companies can even testify in court on how the text was extracted.  So the next time you have a text that can help pay off in divorce court, look up your local computer forensic security company. They may be able to ensure you get your hands on it, and your lawyer does too. For more assistance with evidence seeking read, The Everything Private Investigation Book: Master the Techniques of the Pros to Examine Evidence, Track down People, and Discover the Truth by Sheila L. Stephens.