Bra that opens when she finds “The One”


Bra that opens when she finds “The One”

Introducing another startling love related invention that has come out of where else but Japan. Here we have the world’s first “smart bra.” This undergarment created by Japanese lingerie company Ravijour claims it knows how women really feel, so much so that the bra opens when she finds “The One.” But how does it know? When we fall in love, hormones secreted increase the heart rate. The bra has a built in sensor that detects this heart rate increase and opens the bra.

The garment works like a modern day chastity belt, keeping the girls locked away until the man of her dreams walks in and quickens her pulse. When her heartbeat reaches the crucial level the bra opens to end sessions of awkward fumbling just before the penultimate moment of truth.  Sure there are phone charging rain boots and hats that help you find Wi-Fi. But this may be the strangest wearable tech around. Ravijour has its own sexuality specialist on staff who states on the company’s promotional video, “When we fall in love, we experience an instant boost in excitement. That feeling is unlike any other excitement we encounter in life.”

The company’s hopes for this item are not small. Saying of his invention the creator of the smart bra stated, “Until now, the bra was just a piece of clothing to remove. But now it is an instrument to test for true love … destined to become a friend of women around the world.” What isn’t discussed is if the bra will open at times when the lady’s heart rate increases yet isn’t in the throes of passion with her beau? When she is just told of some horrible news, when she’s seeing a Thriller with friends or her parents, when something startling happens at work or she gets to be a guest on a game show. Will her bra open at these inopportune times? What if she wants to get involved with someone physically but isn’t in love? Where is this technology leading also? Certainly we don’t want too much tech in the bedroom.

There is fear of too much being revealed, especially through social media websites. In the age of “revenge porn” we are reminded that positive technologies often do have unforeseen consequences. Nor do we want to export all of our decisions about our bodies to some gizmo or smart device with a socially constructed idea of what courtship and love should be like. Sometimes the best lessons come from when we are unencumbered by outside forces such as societal views of what is proper when. Sure the smart bra seems fun, and is probably just a publicity stunt to get exposure, but we have to protect ourselves from the encroachment of technology into the more private realms of our lives. To learn more about technology’s impact on modern dating read, Love in the Time of Algorithms: What Technology Does to Meeting and Mating by Dan Slater.

BDSM Dating App Helps the Kinky Get Together


BDSM Dating App Helps the Kinky Get Together

Tinder has been so successful it has bred a near universe of similar apps with their own twist on its successful model.  If you are a shy guy, there’s Catch. Stylish sack jumpers who are also cerebral can meet on Hinge. Those who are very health conscious can find each other on SaladMatch. To select someone who knows how to give a proper salute try Uniform Dating. If you care about the person’s personality and not so much their looks give Willow a try. Black professionals can find possible mates on Meld. Try The League if you are wealthy and the other person’s net worth is of importance to you. The latest in this dating app tsunami is for those who want to get their kink on and find a partner that’s into the kinds of freaky things they want to do. Take Tinder and BDSM, put it in a blender and what shoots out is Whipir. This app does in fact allude to the likeness of the prior landscape-changing app. They also claim to be the only platform solely for the BDSM community. It is important to find someone who is open-minded enough, and trusting enough to allow us to explore our deep desires, and help us find out more about ourselves. We do so when we lead someone else through their deepest fantasies as well.

Whipir is user friendly offering free calls, real-time messaging and video chats. The usability of dating apps is one reason why people are pivoting away from the old-time desktop version which requires a lengthy profile process and often membership fees. Apps are so convenient and cost little if anything to use. Whipir is easy to navigate. You upload a normal photo, answer a few questions including your gender, location, kinky interests and level of experience and away you go. Your choices filter out other members and hopefully put you in front of people, or put people in front of you, that are looking for what you are. Then you can chat up those who seem as though they have potential and even send out a few “sparks.” These are interests you can propose to someone you might like to experience them with. This isn’t just for the initiated. Whipir invites the curious or those who have only just started exploring to join in the dark, titillating fun.

There are what they describe as “kink categories.” These include materials, accessories, objects, sounds and fashion. If you are into latex, love the smell of leather or can’t wait to be tied down, you imply it here. One unfortunate drawback though, it doesn’t get any more specific than these categories. So if you want to spank someone there’s no way of specifically knowing without chatting and finding out what another is into. Chief communications officer Daniel Sevitt told Refinery 29 that these categories were left vague on purpose. This was because they wanted to allow a broad interpretation of kink, and even to allow users themselves to define their own fantasies and interests, without the platform dictating it to them. There is another BDSM site called FetLife. They bill themselves as the Facebook of kink. This is more of a social networking site, whereas Whipir is an efficient dating platform modeled after Tinder. Analysts wonder due to the 50 Shades of Grey phenomenon if the app will become huge or sort of fizzle out. But if you are interested, Whipir may be the next great place to find someone to get your freak on with. If you’re interested in learning more about the intersection of technology and dating read, Love in the Time of Algorithms: What Technology Does to Meeting and Mating by Dan Slater.

All About Nabbing a Designer

Enjoying every moment at work

All About Nabbing a Designer

So you are interested in dating a designer. There are definitely some things you could pick up that would help you in your mission. But before you jump headfirst into the designer pool, inherently filled with coffee and deadlines, think about what it all means and how it might affect your life. Here is all about nabbing a designer. First, you may think this is an advantage, that your place will look fabulous. That’s fine, if you are going to allow them to make all the design decisions. Otherwise, it may lead to some fights. And how will you win? You’re not a designer. You don’t know anything about the rules of aesthetics, tungsten lighting and pantones.  You may want a more eclectic style that they wouldn’t be caught dead with.

Lots of patience will be in order, especially if you are used to dating someone who doesn’t care, or are used to getting your way on these things. When showing documents to them, realize what they do for a living. They may tear apart that report or cover letter you took hours creating. But if you let them help it will make you look amazing. They’ll also laugh at your outdated and outlandish software and confuse you with terms such as kerning.

Realize that designers don’t keep regular hours. Sometimes it will feel like they are always there, at other times they are sneaking in after you’ve gone to bed, as not to wake you. Any reputable designer won’t cut corners just to get home quicker, nor should you want that. It is the career they’ve chosen. They should be the best they can be, and if you love them you should support them.  Your designer will get excited about new fonts and will talk for hours about Adobe while your eyes glaze over. You are essentially living with a very talented visual arts nerd. It helps if you are a bit of a geek as well.

Designers think they know everything. Getting them a present is a nightmare and they never seem impressed. Your designer will secretly chuckle when you still have a mouse that has a wire, or if you use only one computer screen, because a pro uses two. If you decide to tie the knot, your wedding invitations will knock people off their feet. There are lots of advantages too. You will get great gifts. Designers are conscientious, detail-oriented, creative, and know how to get things done. Your aesthetic and other parts of your life will improve. Just know what you are getting into. Tell them Helvetica is cool, you’ll score major points. If you’re looking to impress them with a gift try buying them a book such as, 100 Things Every Designer Needs to Know about People by Susan M. Weinschenk, Ph.D.

The Age of Digital Infidelity


The Age of Digital Infidelity

Researchers have noticed a change in how we interact on the internet, in terms of our love lives. They are seeing the rise of what they call “digital infidelity.” University of Indiana researchers conducted a study which found that Facebook users often have “back-burners.” This is someone to fall back on if their primary relationship doesn’t work out. A back-burner could be an ex or a platonic friend where chemistry and romantic possibility exists. Men had double the number of back-burners women had, in this study. Still, the practice was common among both genders.

Respondents on average had two separate sexual or romantic conversations going on, besides their partner, at the same time. A similar find by OnePoll, a research firm, found that as much as 50% of women had what was called a “backup husband.” This is another love interest to dovetail into the role if their marriage ends in divorce. An official with OnePoll told the Daily Mail, “With sites like Facebook and Twitter, it’s easier than ever to stay in touch with an old flame.”

The rising trend has caught the attention of academia. Researchers are beginning to follow what they are calling “remote infidelity.” This is being described as emotional infidelity using your smart phone, or via social media. One of the leaders in the field of sex and relationship research, Dr. Helen Fisher said in an interview with Salon that a lot of people don’t even realize they are doing it. “If you’re rushing away from the dinner table with your family to check your e-mail it’s affecting your relationship,” she said. The Indiana researchers say however that this phenomenon is nothing new, just how we interact has changed, due to advances in technology. There have always been back-burners for those in relationships, the researchers point out. Emotional cheating and physical cheating occurred, as did lots of heavy flirting across offices and bars. Now they are done through apps and social media instead. The nature of technology has changed the game. For instance, texting is so easy, intimate–as it is only between two and can be done so effortlessly and secretly, that emotional cheating and flirting can take place at a level that wasn’t conceivable in the past.

The online dating industry has been studied and culled by researchers. What they’ve discovered is startling. A 2011 Pew Research study found that those who have smart phones and use social media have larger networks than those that don’t; one third larger. Those connections of course lead to other connections. That moves into endless possibilities, endless connections and so many more choices than ever before. Most experts believe that relationships rely on three things for success: the strength of the emotional bond between the two, each person’s satisfaction level and whether or not there are other available mates for one or both parties. The internet has now increased availability exponentially, which makes one wonder whether or not it is making relationships more unstable.

A niche industry exists of spyware technology. mCouple is one such app, letting you see your lovers every Facebook message, call and text. In advertising the manufacturer’s state, “You and your partner are madly in love and want to be closer than ever before? mCouple is a mobile tracker that can help you stay in touch 24/7!”But of course reverting to this type of method to keep tabs on your partner is stalker mentality. It is unhealthy and threatens the very emotional bond which keeps a relationship strong. Plus healthy relationships are built on trust, and those who trust one another don’t spy on each other. Indiana University researchers say that the presence of these back-burners and backup husbands doesn’t have a thing to do with the strength of the primary relationship. So what one might call the age of digital infidelity, another may say is just a modern twist on the same old courtship dance that has been going on for millennia. For more on the intersection of love and the internet pick up a copy of, In Real Life: Love, Lies & Identity in the Digital Age by Nev Schulman.

Should we Beta Test Marriages to Avoid Divorce?


Should we Beta Test Marriages to Avoid Divorce?

A beta test, for those outside the computer world, is testing a product before its commercial release. The idea is to work out all the bugs to make sure things go smoothly when it’s ready for launch. So should we beta test marriages in order to avoid divorce? Millennials seem to think so. A recent survey of 1,000 adults found that almost half of Millennials support the idea of a trial period during which they could test drive a marriage to work the kinks out, or walk away if it wasn’t right for them. The older generation may be horrified, as they were infused with the idea that “’til death do you part” as gospel. But people are living much longer nowadays. Lots of generation Y and Millennials came from divorced parents. What’s more, their environment in the technical landscape is constantly changing, so being locked down to one person after marriage seems like a concept from the primordial past. This generation has more choices for dating and in all other aspects than people have ever had before. So 20-somethings are wary, anxious and skeptical of the idea of traditional marriage and so are finding other options, ones that work for their culture and social environment.

Jessica Bennett of Time says that this generation who has seen tremendous changes in society and are poised to see many more, especially in the realm of technology, should be given the freedom to revamp marriage and make it work for the modern world. This isn’t the first time we’ve heard this however. Anthropologist Margaret Mead back in the 1970’s forecasted “serial monogamy.” That is marrying one person, getting divorced and marrying again, or being in long-term relationships one after another. Biologist and anthropologist Helen Fisher also believes that two people aren’t necessarily meant to be together forever. Generally speaking the honeymoon period lasts around four years. This equates according to Dr. Fisher with the time it takes to raise a child from infant until it can start walking and being more independent. After that time early humans, Dr. Fisher believes, handed over the children to be raised by the entire village. Men and women therefore were free to pursue foraging, hunting and other relationships. These were serial, short-term monogamous relationships in order to produce children in a healthy manner. Lots of Millennials nowadays, and many others and some divorced baby boomers and gen X and Y, are living together long-term. There are Millennials today shirking marriage altogether preferring long-term cohabitation to tying the knot. Many say they want to avoid the excruciating emotional and financial consequences should they be facing divorce.

There are those proposing open marriages, and others who say practicing a marriage that is “monogamish,” meaning partners can stray over pre-agreed upon conditions, can help to keep marriage going. Some are saying no matter what changes occur this is the beginning of the end of the institution. Others are not so extreme. Author Stephanie Coontz has an idea to help prolong the institution; five year contracts. Couples would consciously decide to “reup” every five years. A transition period in life or a major life event may also prompt a reup. This renewal would include “… new set of vows that reflect what the couple has learned.” Certainly it’s important to note that America has the highest divorce rate of all the countries in the West. What’s more, research has shown that the longer one waits to get married the higher the chance that the couple will stay together. In the last 40 years cohabitation has increased 1,000%. Many scholars believe that merely changing and updating marriage for the circumstances of the modern world can preserve it. Though these new practicalities may save the institution, it doesn’t help us make decisions in our love life in the first place. In fact, it may make decisions even harder to make. Researcher Melissa Lavigne-Delville says, “This is a generation who has not had to make as many long-term commitments as previous generations, so the idea of not having an out feels a little stringent.” But Lavigne-Delville admits “Divorce has happened for a long time. Maybe we should rethink the rules.” To learn more about marriage and how it’s changed read, Marriage: A History by Stephanie Coontz.