What does it mean when Your Date had a Quick Marriage before?

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What does it mean when Your Date had a Quick Marriage before?

Quickie marriages in celebritydom have become as cliché as the damsel in distress being saved by valiant heroes. But what about in real life? What does it mean when your date has had a quick marriage before? The truth is that most divorces occur after the first two years of marriage. And the social trend is being married over less time. So it may not mean much. Just like everything else, it’s far more complicated than just that. What you really want to do is find out the reason why the marriage ended, and the particulars before you toss this person into the discard pile.

There are many factors to consider. First, who was the one who broke it off, or was it a mutual thing? 75% of divorces happen when one person wants out of the marriage. And more often than not it’s the woman asking for a divorce. Many times people enter into marriage without knowing the responsibility, time and effort it takes to keep a marriage fresh and alive. Also, there are those who find it difficult to commit. They think they’re ready but once the marriage is in full swing it turns out that they aren’t.

Were they young when they got married? If you want to address this question a little more genteelly, ask if age was a factor. Young people are impulsive. They fall deliriously in love and rush off to get hitched, only to realize it isn’t built to last a short time later. But you shouldn’t hold someone’s youth against them, as long as they’ve tempered that impulsive passion with reason. Passion certainly isn’t a bad thing in a date. And impulsivity’s mature stage is spontaneity, another plus. It’s important that you ask your date for information over a period of time, and in a light or direct way. But make sure it doesn’t feel like an interrogation. Or else you may be pushing away a potential partner. Know that divorce is painful for most people. It may be hard to talk about, whether the person admits it or not. Get them comfortable with you. Ask them to share their story. If they don’t feel comfortable sharing the whole thing, or just want to sum it up for now, tell them that’s okay. Really listen. Don’t judge, at least not right away. Thank them for sharing it.

So it’s important that you keep an open mind, don’t jump to conclusions, really think about what the person said, and try to find what they may not be saying, but what they mean. They may not say nice things about their ex, depending upon the situation, but it just may be a defense to cover up the hurt. Be patient and figure out who this person really is, and what’s really going on before going to the next level with them, just as you should do with anyone. For more advice read, Dating the Divorced Man: Sort Through the Baggage to Decide if He’s Right for You by Christie Hartman.

A Kiss that will Make Her Swoon

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A Kiss that will Make Her Swoon

Guys, do you want your kisses to be so powerful her knees give out? Ladies, do you want your man to give you such kisses? Certainly you may already be or have a guy that already has top shelf kissing techniques. But everyone gets a little rusty sometimes and what better way to reignite that spark or pump up the passion than with some new lip locking moves? Keep the ER on standby because here is how to kiss that will make her swoon and run back for more. First, evaluate your kissing. How strong is it? How passionate? What turns a woman on more than anything is being desired. Let your kisses show your desire and adoration. She wants to be kissed slowly, longingly, with depth and meaning. Conjure up the feelings you have for her, the want and need and desire you have and let those pour forth through your kisses. She’ll feel it all the way down to her knees if instead of kissing her perfunctorily, as some situations call for, when the time and mood are right, surprise her. Pull her in when she least expects it. Don’t give her time to react or she may pull away, or ask “What are you doing?” Even if she does this, whisper to her, “You’ll see” or “Go with it.” A kiss shouldn’t be planned. It should be a spontaneous explosion of love that takes her by surprise, or builds in anticipation like slowly filling a balloon until it bursts.

If you are just getting together and shy or unsure when the time is right, work slowly into it. Be aloof but confident. Get closer and closer to her. Let her feel your body heat. Make eye contact with side glances. Generate an awkward silence or wait for one. Then slowly put your hand on her cheek or level her chin with yours and dive slowly toward her mouth. The sensations running up and down her spine will drive her wild. Be careful. Don’t speed into it or you are liable to hurt her and yourself by knocking heads. Do watch her nose. You may elicit something funny or painful there but nothing passionate. Don’t dive in before she’s ready if you are working up to an explosive first kiss. Be cognizant and pay extra careful attention. Look for signals. But when you get them move in and don’t hold back. Eye contact can be very sexy. Pull back between bouts and look deeply into her eyes. Do those little extras that add so much to the experience. Hold her chin or her cheeks with your fingers, stroke her hair, or pull her in closer. Holding her neck or her head can also be a turn on. Be in sync with your partner. There is a rhythm that happens when kissing, follow it. Don’t try to overdo it. You are loving someone not dominating an opponent. Done right, a superb kiss can send shivers up and down her spine. For more on this topic, read Seal it With a Kiss: Tips, Tricks and Techniques for Delivering the Knockout Kiss by Violet Blue.

Getting Different Dating Styles to Mesh

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Getting Different Dating Styles to Mesh

Not everyone dates in the same way. But what happens when his style and hers are completely different? Here are some ideas on getting your different dating styles to mesh. If one person rather hang out in a big group of friends while the other sees a date only in terms of one-on-one, you’ve got a problem. Both sexes might misinterpret this situation. The guy may feel like she’s being too controlling while the girl sees it as a chance for the guy to avoid intimacy. Instead, talk about it. Accentuate the positive. Think of a reason why you want to hang in a group or alone that surprises the other person. Perhaps you want to get to know different sides of their personality not available around friends, or you want your date to see how you interact with friends and get a sense of how your social life works and how they fit in. Why not trade one date alone and the next with friends, viola problem solved. Does one of you plan dates a week ahead while the other plays it by ear? Of course we all have a busy schedule, and respect for each other’s time is important, but spontaneity can also breathe life into a relationship. Try to compromise; the dates themselves can be arranged while the activity can be open to spontaneity, at least sometimes.

Many times couples have trouble over the guy wanting to keep things casual while the lady desires an air of romance. Going to bars and clubs, concerts and sporting events all the time can make your special lady feel more like a friend than a girlfriend. Instead, why not romance her from time to time? Or do little romantic gestures at the normal venues you go to. Like go to a nice dinner after a concert, or before. Sometimes frequency is the issue, one person wants to spend most of the week together while the other one only wants to spend time together a couple of times a week. Why not compromise and have three dates in a week? Call or video chat more often. You can even have a work date, study date or the like where you are doing other things but spending time together. What about a breakfast or lunch date? There are lots of ways to compromise on that one. What about if one person likes to spend all their time at home, while the other just loves to go out? Why not spend one date at home, the next at a venue? Choose a local tavern or coffee house that has a homey feel. This way one person can relax while the other can mingle, people watch or what-have-you.  For more advice, read Opposites Attract: How to Use the Secrets of the Personality Type to Create a Love that Lasts by Renee Baron.

The Best Way to End a Date

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We all know how to get a date, hopefully, and how to prepare for one. But ending a date is something that there is little advice for. Hollywood studies have shown that out of all the parts of a movie the beginning and end are what we remember most. And out of those two, it’s the end that sticks with us. This is true too of performances, presentations, speeches and of course dates. When a date is winding down and you know the end is near, it can be nerve wracking. So what is the best way to end a date? The first thing to think about is how you feel about this person. Are you really into them? Are they just okay? Or are you dating them just to pass the time? Experts state that most people make their evaluation of a potential partner within the first ten minutes of being together on the first date. Though this may be a bit presumptuous, and of course both parties reserve the right to change their opinion, it’s advised to start thinking about the end of the date before it comes to pass. Have a little outline of how you picture it going. If you’ve been out with this person before, have an idea of what you want and what they are expecting.

Keep the logistics in your mind. Does one of you have to get up early in the morning? Are you both smitten, or are you still figuring each other out? Decide where this date might head at the end, whether it be a kiss on the cheek or breakfast the next morning. If it is breakfast, be sure to have all the things necessary to provide for a safe and enjoyable evening. Make sure your date knows what is on the agenda. If they have plans the next day, but you were going to surprise them with a jaunt to your favorite little dessert nook, your plans might fall short. If you want to do something spontaneous that’s fine, in fact it’s very romantic. Then just ask your date if their schedule is free. It won’t be appreciated unless you are considerate in your planning. If you aren’t sure but something pops into your head, suggest it to your date. Discuss it. Or even leave it up to them. They may be excited about heading to that great tapas and wine bar. Or they may be allergic to the sulfites in the wine. It’s best to check first. Pay close attention to your date. What is their body language like? Are they open and reassuring or distant and cold? If you aren’t getting the right signs but you want to lean in for the kiss at the end, perhaps start small, an arm brush, a rub of the shoulder or back, or something like that. Feel it out and see how receptive they are. For more dating tips, read the advice of Amira Ruotola-Behrendt and Greg Behrendt in their book, It’s Just A Date!: How to Get ‘Em, Read ‘Em, and Rock ‘Em.

British Study Reveals Married Couples Kiss Once per Week

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Lots of couples struggle to keep the spark alive. Lots of advice is out there on how to do so, from having date nights, to going on adventures together, to scheduling sex. Usually the loss of the spark is the loss of passion and the couple’s sex life diminishes. But researchers overseas have uncovered something even more disturbing. A British study reveals that 20% of married couples kiss once per week. When 40% of couples in this category do smooch it only lasts for five seconds or less. The study was performed by the British Heart Association. Though this is a U.K. study, the findings are disturbing. Intimacy is one of the things we require from a romantic relationship, and marriage. To live without it in this way is a painful reminder of what happens to a marriage when time, effort and energy isn’t invested in it.  But the study was not without hope. Of those couples age 45 and older, 5% of them kiss over 30 times per week, a little over four kisses a day. This is even higher than younger couples, ages 18 to 24, though they may not be married. These younger couples kissed an average of four times per day.

Certainly, it’s important to keep things fresh in a relationship. Kissing perfunctorily, even if there isn’t passion in it, can help keep a pulse in the marriage. But if you are like most people you desire more than just that. Make sure you take care of yourself, eating right and exercising, not just to be healthy but to look good for your spouse, too. Compliment them on how they look. Make a conscious effort to say and show how much you love them. Flirt with them. Send them a steamy text, photo or write them a love note and hide it where they will find it later in the day. Seduce them. Plan romantic evenings together. Surprise them with some lingerie or an outfit they think is sexy on you. Wear an alluring scent from time to time, one that you know drives your spouse wild. Talk about your fantasies together and make plans to enact them. Go on dates and make out like teenagers. Be spontaneous and bring your spouse out on a surprise romantic getaway, a picnic, a site seeing tour or just a day trip. There are plenty of big and little things you can do. But don’t forget to kiss them passionately and remind them why they fell for you to begin with. For more guidance on how to maintain a happy marriage, read the advice of David Schnarch in his book, Passionate Marriage: Keeping Love and Intimacy Alive in Committed Relationships.