Some people don’t seem to be single for a second. Whether it’s bumping into someone at a local sporting event, getting chatted up at the coffee house or scoring in online dating, they never seem to have problems finding someone to date. Others go through feast or famine times, go through a dry spell here and there, or date with long stretches of singleness. Most people just chalk it up to that person being lucky in love. But the truth of the matter is there are certain things you can do to increase your chances of finding love. For instance, have you noticed that you take part in a certain routine? If your dating strategy has been tried a number of times with little to no results it’s time to change up your strategy. Perhaps go somewhere new or different. Go on a trip. Hang out in different bars and restaurants. Go and party in a new town. Explore a new hobby or attend gatherings for a hobby or interest that you have where you haven’t ever been before. Find ways to meet new people and have new experiences. Breaking out of your routine can really shake the cobwebs out of your psyche and introduce you to some new people, maybe even some singles who have potential.
Always feel good about yourself and your situation. People who wallow in self-pity aren’t attractive. Those who are lighthearted, fun and confident are the attractive ones. If you don’t feel good about yourself, work on your life. Find out what’s wrong. Is it a psychological problem? Do you have unaddressed baggage from your previous relationship? Find ways to work through it. Your happiness comes from deep within. Find that inner light and stoke it until your light fills up the whole room. Don’t do things that aren’t social. How can you meet someone walled up in your apartment watching videos online? Instead, get out there. Go to the museum, the park, a show, the local watering hole, see a band, attend a rally, go to an informational session, a lecture, or an art exhibition. Meet people offline and online. Make sure you see things clearly. Have the things you cannot negotiate on like respect, kindness, if you want to have children and so on. Don’t project these onto the people you date. But be flexible on other negotiable aspects. Always try to be positive. That isn’t always easy in the dating scene. But a bad date can turn into a really good story, and life lesson. It can even put you on the proper path. Learn to let go of negativity and embrace positivity in your life. Don’t let things get you down. Let that inner light shine through and it will call like a beacon the person you are looking for. For more on this topic read Relationship Roulette: Improve Your Odds at Lasting Love by Carol Diamond.
Introversion, once thought as a negative personality trait, is now being seen as a positive one. Forbes declared in a recent article why introverts can make good leaders, Lifehack covered the positive qualities of introverts and authors like Marti Olsen and Susan Cains also tackled the upside to introversion. But as it may add to other aspects, it’s not so great for your love life. Here’s how being an introvert hurts your dating life. The biggest one of course is that it’s harder for introverts to meet people offline. Introverts can’t stand networking. And they aren’t good at it. These are not the charmers or the ones who make small talk. They also generally have a smaller circle of friends. Their friends are generally more tight-knit however. But this makes it more difficult to meet people through friends, a time honored dating tradition. It also means you have less people to set you up, or play matchmaker for you. Introverts have trouble asking someone out. Their fear of rejection, especially in a social setting, stops them from approaching that cutie from across the bar, or chatting up someone in line at the coffee house.
Introverts are so focused on their inner selves that they often miss what’s going on around them. This could be social cues like flirting or establishing themselves in group conversation, thereby sticking out to potential mates. Instead, they are more likely to be wallflowers at parties, group discussions and social gatherings so they tend not to get noticed. Sometimes introverts appear unapproachable. Others may take their introverted ways as being uptight, snobbish or rude. Just sitting in silence or not engaging with people in a social manner can give some this impression. The best thing to do is to let people know you are introverted. Make an effort to follow conversations and give active listening cues, such as repeating back what you understand the person said. The upside is that introverts make great people to have in a relationship. They are focused, conscientious, and detail-oriented so you won’t perhaps find socks not in the hamper and will get a special, personalized gift for your birthday not to mention all the little things they notice about you and how sweet it is when they do something nice using one of your particularities as a jump off point. Introverts are productive and make great listeners. Online dating is a good place for introverts to get noticed, and socializing in small groups around common hobbies. But once past the dating stage, these people are keepers. So if you are an introvert, keep your chin up. Once you find the right one for you, they’ll find you hard to let go of. For more advice, read The Introvert’s Guide to Dating by Jordan Gray.
It’s hard to meet someone in the modern world with so much time spent on career, education, family and other responsibilities. Luckily there is some nice new love tech that can help you find that special someone. Take a look at these modern smart phone innovations and see if they may work for you. Do you want a mobile matchmaker that can locate singles for you in your neighborhood, in your area, or where you’re hanging on a Saturday night? An app out of Singapore helps you do just that. You can download the BEDD software at bedd.com. All you do is set up a profile along with a photo, answer some questions on what you are looking for in a date and when you’re out and about it will alert you to other subscribers in your area. When a match is found both phones let their owners know. Sense Six, a similar service is hitting U.S. shores soon. Keep an eye out for it if you want to know say how many eligible cuties are on your daily commute. It could help find someone at a party, on campus, at work, while shopping by yourself, out on the town, or when you may least expect it. And since you’re both subscribers it can help you break the ice, put you on equal footing and give you lots to talk about. You could even introduce them to that great sushi place right up the block. How did they miss that place?
Have you ever drunk dialed someone? Sure it can feel so right at the time. But in hindsight it’s often embarrassing. How can you stop this from happening? Never fear, an app called Dialing Under the Influence by Virgin Mobile Australia has come to save you. You have to enter 333 plus the number you want to avoid dialing while under the influence. You won’t be able to get through until six A.M. the next morning. The cost is a quarter per call. What if you are a shy guy who doesn’t have any female friends or any women in his life he can practice on? How can you ever get a girlfriend when you have no experience? In Hong Kong and other places there are virtual girls online to cut your teeth on. Enter V-girl.com. This is a virtual girlfriend you can woo like a real girl. But be warned. These aren’t your laid back tomboys. These are some serious high maintenance women. Think of a Tamagotchi pet on steroids. But instead of walks and food, you have to provide them with gifts, flowers, and lots of sweet talk. It’s not a charity date. You have to pay too and the charges are taken off of your credit card. The more time you spend the further your relationship with her develops. Ignore her you’ll get the cold shoulder. For more advice on meeting someone new, read Love Will Find You: 9 Magnets to Bring You and Your Soulmate Together by Kathryn Alice.
Food is very sensual. But can it put people together? Actually, there are a few companies betting on it. These are cooking classes for singles. First, the instructions for how to prepare a gourmet meal are covered in detail. Then participants are broken up into groups and make it themselves. One would think that embarrassment might arise from being less skilled than someone else. But in fact, this leads to more conversation and helping each other out. Focusing on the activity takes the pressure off. It puts the focus on preparing the meal instead of what you are going to try and say to each other. So it’s a terrific icebreaker. One company providing this service is called Gourmet Gatherings, find them at gorumetgatherings.com. They organize events in several cities including Chicago, San Francisco and Santa Monica. Another is called Best Chefs; their website is bestchefs.com which operates in Chicago. There’s also Serendipity-SF, find them at serendipity-sf.com coming out of San Francisco. Serendipity-SF offers many different classes including Asian fusion, Tuscan Cooking and even baking with chocolate.
Not only are participants given instructions on how to make the meal but also tips like how to slice certain herbs or vegetables. So the classes aren’t just a way to meet people. They are very informative. Teams are coed so it’s easier to meet people. But they do try and keep friends together so don’t shy away just because you think you have to show up solo. They often use ingredients that are considered aphrodisiacs. But it’s all part of the fun. Each group is generally given a different recipe. For instance, one group makes the appetizer, one the main course and so on. These single students are given detailed instructions. But there are ample opportunities to mingle. And at the end of the event recipes, participant emails and photos are sent out to everyone. It’s even possible some lucky lady or handsome guy might swoon for more than just your recipe. And if you love to cook or just want to find someone who does, this may be a great way for you to connect over your love of all things culinary. Just watch and see if the food isn’t the only thing getting hot and steamy when you and some other singles get together to mix it up at one of these cooking events. For more dating advice, read Become Your Own Matchmaker: 8 Easy Steps for Attracting Your Perfect Mate by Patti Stanger and Lisa Johnson Mandell.
Across the nation this newest craze is hitting pubs, restaurants, cafes, and other singles events near you. It’s a silly activity that’s so much fun, breaks the ice like a sledge hammer and brings people together in competition and laughter. It’s a single’s board game night. Cranium, Taboo, Pictionary, Clue and other games are making hearts flutter. Imagine your eyes meeting and that feeling of butterflies in your stomach as you announce to that cutie across the table from you they owe you $2,000 in rent because they landed on Boardwalk and you have a hotel. There’s no better way to break the ice. It brings out people’s sense of laid back, wholesome fun, it’s light, competition gets the sparks flying, and you can communicate easily over a shared interest. After the game is over you can tell who you’ve had chemistry with. And when the game is going, small talk isn’t an issue. Afterward you can always use what happened in the game as an entryway into conversation. The interactive component means that you can learn a lot about someone in a laid back environment. Now you don’t only have looks to go on but you can tell how fair someone is, how well they communicate, how they attack problems and issues and how they interact socially.
There are game nights for specific populations. For instance a Christian’s event is held by the Unity Church of Houston Texas, and another in Los Angeles. A game night for gay men is held in New York City organized by New York’s Urban Outings. For more cerebral and sophisticated players check out organizers in your area that run games like Betrayal at House on the Hill or Settlers of Catan. Why not search Meetup, Eventbrite or other event organizing websites and see if there are any singles board game nights near your location? There are organizers in many major cities across the country. Grab a few single friends and go. Even if you are shy, who doesn’t love playing board games? It can really open you up and take the pressure off you. It’s ingenious because the focus is on the game while at the same time you can shoot side glances at the people you are playing with to see if there is anyone you are interested in. It will help you relax and be able to reveal yourself through funny little remarks, teasing, goading, even a little trash talk if your group is fun, thick skinned and durable. Who knows, maybe in years to come you’ll be playing that same board game on your anniversary! For more dating advice, read How to Get a Date worth Keeping: Be Dating in Six Months or Your Money Back by Henry Cloud.