Locating a No Strings Attached Partner

NSA

Locating a No Strings Attached Partner

So you’ve decided that a no strings attached relationship is what you need right now. Whether you just got out of an exhausting divorce, a painful long term relationship, you’re swamped and don’t have time to date or you just want to sample from the glorious pool of dating prospects without getting tied down. Whatever your reason, you have your approach down. You’re feeling good and ready to get this thing going. The only thing you need is a worthy partner who will fulfil your every desire. Locating a no strings attached partner can be easy or difficult depending upon your social circle. Also, many people in the dating pool are looking for different things, from NSA to marriage and so many options in-between.

So how do you find someone who might fit the bill? First, think about some friends of friends that you find attractive. When you are in the same room together, why not try and flirt with them? Almost everyone likes to be flirted with. See if you can get their number. Find some time to hang out and you may be well on your way. If you have a confidant on your side, work with them and try to brainstorm. Think about acquaintances you often run into, too and flirt with them.

Is there someone you’ve had your eye on? Why not try to bump into them? Or better yet see if you can get someone to introduce the two of you. Start flirting and move on to texting. Take things slow and easy. Work into it. If you move too fast you may creep the other person out. Have you ever had a one-night stand or a hookup? Chances are that person would be interested in doing it again. Why not get in touch with them and see what they are up to. If you are like the rest of us, you may have had your fair share of jobs over the last five years. Did you run into anyone you thought was cute, hot or drop dead sexy? See if you can get in touch with them again. Call the office asking for someone. Make up a reason or an excuse and get to chatting with them on the phone. Flirt with them. Call back again but this time get their number. If they give it to you, you are well on your way to Hookupville, provided they are interested in this type of arrangement.

Are you in touch with some old friends from college or even high school? Chances are there is someone from the old days that makes you squirm in your seat. Do some sleuthing and see if they are single. Facebook and other social media sites are great places to connect with old friends who may be interested in a hookup. For more advice read, The Friends with Benefits Rulebook by Stacy Freedman.

Bra that opens when she finds “The One”

bra

Bra that opens when she finds “The One”

Introducing another startling love related invention that has come out of where else but Japan. Here we have the world’s first “smart bra.” This undergarment created by Japanese lingerie company Ravijour claims it knows how women really feel, so much so that the bra opens when she finds “The One.” But how does it know? When we fall in love, hormones secreted increase the heart rate. The bra has a built in sensor that detects this heart rate increase and opens the bra.

The garment works like a modern day chastity belt, keeping the girls locked away until the man of her dreams walks in and quickens her pulse. When her heartbeat reaches the crucial level the bra opens to end sessions of awkward fumbling just before the penultimate moment of truth.  Sure there are phone charging rain boots and hats that help you find Wi-Fi. But this may be the strangest wearable tech around. Ravijour has its own sexuality specialist on staff who states on the company’s promotional video, “When we fall in love, we experience an instant boost in excitement. That feeling is unlike any other excitement we encounter in life.”

The company’s hopes for this item are not small. Saying of his invention the creator of the smart bra stated, “Until now, the bra was just a piece of clothing to remove. But now it is an instrument to test for true love … destined to become a friend of women around the world.” What isn’t discussed is if the bra will open at times when the lady’s heart rate increases yet isn’t in the throes of passion with her beau? When she is just told of some horrible news, when she’s seeing a Thriller with friends or her parents, when something startling happens at work or she gets to be a guest on a game show. Will her bra open at these inopportune times? What if she wants to get involved with someone physically but isn’t in love? Where is this technology leading also? Certainly we don’t want too much tech in the bedroom.

There is fear of too much being revealed, especially through social media websites. In the age of “revenge porn” we are reminded that positive technologies often do have unforeseen consequences. Nor do we want to export all of our decisions about our bodies to some gizmo or smart device with a socially constructed idea of what courtship and love should be like. Sometimes the best lessons come from when we are unencumbered by outside forces such as societal views of what is proper when. Sure the smart bra seems fun, and is probably just a publicity stunt to get exposure, but we have to protect ourselves from the encroachment of technology into the more private realms of our lives. To learn more about technology’s impact on modern dating read, Love in the Time of Algorithms: What Technology Does to Meeting and Mating by Dan Slater.

What to Do if You Find Yourself in a Toxic Relationship

blame

What to Do if You Find Yourself in a Toxic Relationship

Are you in a toxic relationship? Sometimes it dawns on you all-of-a-sudden. At other times, you slowly come to realize that something is very wrong. If you aren’t sure, here are some signs. Is there a lack of respect in your relationship? Do you avoid one another and loathe the time you spend together? Does the atmosphere fill with negative energy whenever you are in the same room? Does the idea of spending time with your spouse or partner fill you with dread? Is there a lot of contempt and insults flying like knives whenever you are in a room together? If any of these sound familiar, then the relationship is toxic. Sometimes things get way off track, or something happened that the relationship is having difficulty recovering from, the death of a child perhaps or infidelity on the part of one or both partners. At other times, it’s the buildup of many unresolved problems that start to drive a wedge between the two. The more differences the further apart they are.

In a toxic relationship you can feel emotionally abused, neglected, manipulated, taken for granted, or deprived of a sex life. Your spouse or partner could have cleared out the joint account, disappeared for days on end or buffeted you with one juvenile remark after another. Whatever the situation, when you find yourself in a toxic relationship, where there is no way of resuscitating it and bringing it back to life, you have to find a way to extricate yourself as painlessly as possible, and that can be tricky. Though many relationships can be saved, in the case of one or both parties hurting each other repeatedly, a clean break is best. There are three easy steps that you can use to get out with as little discomfort as possible. First, have a clear understanding of why you want to leave. A charming lover can muddy the waters, confuse you, woo you back and make you forget, for a time, why exactly it was you were leaving. You need to have concrete examples you can hang onto when things get confusing. You can even make yourself a little slogan or mantra to remind yourself of why.

Make a clean break. Decide when you are moving out or when you are breaking up with them, do it and then close off all avenues of contact. You don’t want to get sucked back in again. Many feel vulnerable after a breakup. That means you may be more likely to be receptive to their charms. Also, seeing and hearing from them will keep those wounds fresh. You want to be given the chance to heal and move on. Unfriend them from your social media pages and erase them from your phone. It may seem drastic but it will also be effective. If you work with this person or see them regularly, keep distance. Be professional if not slightly cold and don’t slow down to chat when you see them in the hallway. Give them a polite nod, say hello and keep moving. Sooner or later they’ll get the message and will stop trying to get your attention. Feel your self-worth. It is when we feel bad about ourselves that we are the most vulnerable. When we feel good about ourselves, we usually won’t put up with foolishness. Don’t get sentimental about the relationship. Remember what they put you through and that you deserve better. For more advice read, Psychopath Free: Recovering from Emotionally Abusive Relationships with Narcissists, Sociopaths, & Other Toxic People by Peace.

How Long Does It Really Take to Get Over Your Ex?

breakup

How Long Does It Really Take to Get Over Your Ex?

When you are in the midst of a breakup or a painful divorce, usually people are there for you. It’s the one good thing about it. What they say though is sometimes another matter. For instance, people will give you all kinds of wild and contradictory advice, including how long it takes to get over someone. For a long relationship, say lasting five years, some say it takes twice as long to get over. But does that mean you’ll be stuck in a rut for the next decade? Others say it doesn’t take double the time. Instead, take the duration of your relationship and cut it in half. How long does it really take to get over your ex? The problem is way more complex than a simple formula. Plus not everyone is the same. In fact, there’s a lot of deviation when it comes to dealing with the emotional pain that follows a breakup. Some people have a tryst with a new lover and feel rejuvenated. Others pine away, spending months on the couch in sweats watching romantic comedies and wondering why they aren’t feeling any better.

There are a lot of reasons a breakup is not easy. One is biological. Researchers at the University of Berkeley found that dopamine, the reward chemical, is released when you are in love, the same kind of feeling you get from a drug high. You are, in a way, literally addicted to that person and must go through withdrawal. But everyone withdraws in their own way. According to British psychotherapist Elly Prior there are seven factors that influence how long it will take for you to move on after a breakup. These are: how long the relationship was, whether or not the breakup was recent, how obsessive or intense it was, whether or not it was meaningful to you, how things ended, if domestic violence entered the picture and whether or not one or both of you had an affair. Other important factors include if this is your first breakup, if you have a support network in your life, what other stressors surround you, if property or possessions still have to be split up, if you suffer from depression, how you interacted with one another and whether or not you are surrounded by reminders, say a photo on a shelf or your ex constantly springing up on your newsfeed.

One simple formula isn’t enough to solve such a menagerie. You may feel like you are being swallowed up in a pit of hopelessness and despair. But realize that emotions such as these don’t stick around for long. Pretty soon it will start to subside. There of course will be moments when you are reminded of the person. But those also pass. It’s important to tend to yourself at this time. Vent, have a good cry, spend time with friends and reconnect with people you lost touch with. Think about your future and what dreams you want to fulfill now that you don’t have any dead weight pulling you down. Reflect also on what you loved about the person. If things feel incomplete, make your own ritual and find an appropriate way to say goodbye. You don’t need their permission. They don’t even need to be there. Do it on your own. Try to turn around a breakup or divorce and make it a positive experience, one that you learn from and makes you a better person. For more on breakup recovery read, How to Survive the Loss of a Love by Peter McWilliams and Harold H. Bloomfield.

Signs you May be Entering or are in a Bad Marriage

doomed

Signs you May be Entering or are in a Bad Marriage

When you see a disaster is eminent, the best plan is to get out before it’s too late. After that, it’s all triage. Nowhere else is this truer than when entering into a bad marriage—the consequences of which can follow you for years. Sometimes we’re blinded by love. At other times, something arises that cannot be reconciled. Either way, when the divorce is final, we often look for easy things to blame. We feel confused, overwhelmed, hurt and angry. But usually there are many things that lead to the decline and dissolution of such a relationship. Enjoy love but keep on the lookout for important warning signs. You may be able to duck a bad situation or likely recognize when your relationship is heading south. Do you remember your first fight? Few couples do. Well, maybe some women do. In any case, lots of couples fight about the same things, money being the topmost issue, confirmed in several studies. But if you start fighting about money early on, say as you’re boarding the plane on the way to your honeymoon, the marriage could be in trouble. That’s according to research out of Kansas State University. That’s because arguments about money early on affected the marriage even years later. Fighting about money was the “top predictor for divorce” regardless of socio-economic status or income level.

If you got married by an Elvis impersonator in Las Vegas at the spur of the moment, surprise–you might not make it. But if you dated for three years before deciding to get married, you have a 39% less likelihood of seeing the inside of a divorce court, according to researchers out of Emory University. Couples who dated for three years had far better odds than those who dated for less than a year. Are you both teetotalers? Or perhaps you both like to party until the wee hours. If you’re drinking habits diverge sharply, your relationship might soon too, so say University of Buffalo researchers. If one spouse drank heavily, the couple was more likely to get divorced. But the same results weren’t true when both partners tipped the glass often. Apparently, it’s the mismatch rather than the habit that causes strife.

Did you two talk about a prenup before marriage? If so, you are more than likely to keep your money when you two go your separate ways. That’s because the longevity of the marriage isn’t the utmost concern to both parties. Couples that don’t share a bank account are 145% more likely to divorce, says the National Center for Family and Marriage Research. The reason is financial generosity and sharing is conducive to marriage. It makes you a unit. Keeping things for yourself and separate is not, though of course we all need some individuality. Still, complete separateness denotes something. How much did you blow on the wedding? Some events seem to cost more than a mortgage nowadays. But one Emory University study found that the more you spend on the wedding, the less likely you will have staying power. That’s because spending more gave each elevated expectations for the marriage. When you aren’t ready for problems when they inevitably strike, there are no coping strategies set aside to deal with them. Those who coughed up $20,000 or more were 3.5 times more likely to divorce than those who spent $5,000-$10,000. Social networking sites have us all interconnected. They influence us more than we think. In fact, one study published in “Social Forces” Journal found that if a friend or neighbor got divorced, that person was 75% more likely to get divorced themselves. For ways to make you marriage strong whether entering into or already in the thick of it read, The Marriage Guide Book: How to Make Your Marriage Thrive by Vanessa Pagan.