Advice for Dating Over 50

Seniors-Dating

Advice for Dating Over 50

If you are over 50 dating can be a whole different world. Most people are independent at this age, perhaps with adult-age children who are hopefully out of the house by now. These are the divorced empty nesters. They don’t take any guff and know exactly what they are looking for. Today, it’s much easier than in the past because of the internet. But even then sometimes there’s no one that strikes our fancy. A lot of singles in this age group don’t want to be alone but don’t want to feel as though they are settling either. It isn’t easy but a lot of people get in their own way, too. Here is some advice for those dating over 50. First, consider the law of attraction. What you focus on in your life is what you bring into your world. If you are focused on the idea that there are no good men or women left then that is the situation you will dwell in. But if you are secure and happy, entering into each situation in an open-minded and lighthearted way then perhaps the right person will find you. That’s because this newfound positivity will sooner or later attract those who are also secure, open and happy, the exact type most of us would like to date.

Consider how you feel about dating. It often fills 50-somethings with anxiety. Sometimes we just have an unlucky streak. If that’s the case, it’s a good idea to put dating aside and later on try again. When you come back to it in a week or two with fresh eyes, take a look at your meeting and selection process. Consider reworking your dating profile. What does it say about you? Who does it attract? Perhaps freshen it up with a new photo, an anecdote or insight and then ask a friend their opinion on it. A lot of people at this stage are afraid. They’ve lost out in one or more serious relationships. They may be bitter or carrying baggage. Perhaps they feel as though they’ve been through the meat grinder and don’t want to do it again. This idea that there is no one of high enough quality is a projection we use to protect ourselves from certain fears about love, while also protecting our status. Here, it isn’t us that have the problem but the available dating pool. Sooner or later those that say these things start to sound like a broken record. It becomes a battle worn, thin piece of armor other minds can easily pierce. Instead, jettison excuses. Deal with whatever interworking makes you feel negative or reticent. Talk it out with someone and work toward a new perspective on your life and your love life, one that’s positive and edifying.

Dating at this age is not easy. We often run in the same circles. Start to break out. Explore new hobbies or old ones you put aside in the days of yesteryear when the demands of kids and career got in the way. Read articles and books about dating at this age. Attend singles events. Try a different website or app for meeting someone new. Pursue interests that are social through Eventbrite, Meetup, a local civic organization or a charity close to your heart. Network with friends and others to see if they know someone who is single that would be a good match. Those who are friends will have other friends who you might have things in common with. Another thing, don’t so easily cast others aside. Some people make their wants and desires in a mate so extensive that they price themselves out of the market. Everyone is imperfect. But judgment has to be set aside for an exploration of who exactly the other person is. A first date is like an initial interview. Often it tells you little of the person before you. Give it until the third date before you say no for sure. Some of the happiest couples weren’t so hot for each other when they first met. It takes time for anxiety to wane, understanding to grow and love to blossom. For more advice for those of the female persuasion pick up a copy of, The Winning Dating Formula For Women Over 50: 7 Steps To Attracting Quality Men by Lisa Copeland.

Remaking Yourself after Divorce

Reinvent-Yourself

Remaking Yourself after Divorce

Everyone’s divorce is different. Whether you have kids or not, or if you’ve been married for a long or short time, and the reason for the divorce are all factors that can make it radically different. Some people are shattered. Others are relieved. There are those two who feel a little of both. But there are lots of newly divorced that feel lost. They don’t know how to be single. Sometimes their financial situation has radically changed. It’s also difficult to find momentum and a new direction for your life.  So what can you do? What steps should you take to remake yourself after a divorce? First, it’s really important allow yourself to mourn. Even if you mostly feel relieved, for most people there is still a sense of loss. Author and psychotherapist Florence Falk, Ph.D., MSW told Web MD, “You may feel remorse for what you did or didn’t do, or wonder what you did wrong. Don’t dwell on those feelings, but make room for them.” She continues saying, “Loss is loss. There is an empty space where something once filled it up, even if that something may not have been desirable.” Don’t wallow in self-pity. Some people push themselves to look all better when they really aren’t ready. It’s a process that is different for everyone. Don’t hold onto it, or push it away. Just let it run its own course and focus on healing.

Don’t ignore your feelings. Instead, this is the time to work through them. You may want to do this yourself, chat in depth with a close friend or family member, or talk with a therapist. Psychologist Robert Alberti says, “It’s common to sweep these emotions under the table, but you have to work through them or they’ll pollute your life going forward.” Just remember that almost anyone can benefit from therapy. It just means making a better you. Divorced people often have to rebuild relationships with themselves. They haven’t been single for a while. Divorce itself can make people feel damaged or tainted, though it’s not true. Divorce happens to all kinds of people for all kinds of reasons. Alberti says, “You have to work on getting confidence and faith in yourself and ability to believe in your own worth.” Reach back in time and see who you used to be. You will like that person and might want to resurrect them. Think about the things you couldn’t do with your ex. If you are an outside person, but they didn’t want to set foot outdoors, why not take up hiking, camping, and kayaking again? Alberti asks, “What were your hobbies and activities before the marriage? What did you defer in favor of the relationship? Exercising your interest in those again is important to rebuilding yourself.”

What’s more, find new sides to yourself. Try a new hairstyle, a new outfit or a new look. Do you want to go back to school? See the world? Volunteer in a foreign country or teach in the inner city? What dreams have you forgotten and what new ones can you unearth? Don’t feel silly or stupid for what your dreams are. Go get them. Make a list or a dream board. Alberti says, “As long as the changes you make are healthy and constructive, these are very appropriate.” He continues saying, “Think about who you want to be — the person you were before the marriage, or maybe a new person? What are some of the things you can do differently?” Don’t be afraid to be seen alone, flaunt it. You are in good company today. Falk says, “There are more than 30 million people living alone in this country today. That’s a lot of people, and there are a lot of opportunities for social connection. There are possibilities to pick up new friends and enter different kinds of groups that have to do with your interests. The social dimension after a divorce can be very rich.” Pursue your many fascinating pastimes and chances are you will meet new people. Writing classes, acting classes, dancing, painting, a social club or business networking opportunities abound. Making new friends, meeting new people, making business contacts and even finding someone special could happen to you, even before you know it. For more on this topic pick up a copy of, Rebuilding: When Your Relationship Ends by Robert Alberti, PhD.

Increase your Chances of Finding Love

finding-love

Increase your Chances of Finding Love

Some people don’t seem to be single for a second. Whether it’s bumping into someone at a local sporting event, getting chatted up at the coffee house or scoring in online dating, they never seem to have problems finding someone to date. Others go through feast or famine times, go through a dry spell here and there, or date with long stretches of singleness. Most people just chalk it up to that person being lucky in love. But the truth of the matter is there are certain things you can do to increase your chances of finding love. For instance, have you noticed that you take part in a certain routine? If your dating strategy has been tried a number of times with little to no results it’s time to change up your strategy. Perhaps go somewhere new or different. Go on a trip. Hang out in different bars and restaurants. Go and party in a new town. Explore a new hobby or attend gatherings for a hobby or interest that you have where you haven’t ever been before. Find ways to meet new people and have new experiences. Breaking out of your routine can really shake the cobwebs out of your psyche and introduce you to some new people, maybe even some singles who have potential.

Always feel good about yourself and your situation. People who wallow in self-pity aren’t attractive. Those who are lighthearted, fun and confident are the attractive ones. If you don’t feel good about yourself, work on your life. Find out what’s wrong. Is it a psychological problem? Do you have unaddressed baggage from your previous relationship? Find ways to work through it. Your happiness comes from deep within. Find that inner light and stoke it until your light fills up the whole room. Don’t do things that aren’t social. How can you meet someone walled up in your apartment watching videos online? Instead, get out there. Go to the museum, the park, a show, the local watering hole, see a band, attend a rally, go to an informational session, a lecture, or an art exhibition. Meet people offline and online. Make sure you see things clearly. Have the things you cannot negotiate on like respect, kindness, if you want to have children and so on. Don’t project these onto the people you date. But be flexible on other negotiable aspects. Always try to be positive. That isn’t always easy in the dating scene. But a bad date can turn into a really good story, and life lesson. It can even put you on the proper path. Learn to let go of negativity and embrace positivity in your life. Don’t let things get you down. Let that inner light shine through and it will call like a beacon the person you are looking for. For more on this topic read Relationship Roulette: Improve Your Odds at Lasting Love by Carol Diamond.

Singles Cooking Classes

cooking-classes

Singles Cooking Classes

Food is very sensual. But can it put people together? Actually, there are a few companies betting on it. These are cooking classes for singles. First, the instructions for how to prepare a gourmet meal are covered in detail. Then participants are broken up into groups and make it themselves. One would think that embarrassment might arise from being less skilled than someone else. But in fact, this leads to more conversation and helping each other out. Focusing on the activity takes the pressure off. It puts the focus on preparing the meal instead of what you are going to try and say to each other. So it’s a terrific icebreaker. One company providing this service is called Gourmet Gatherings, find them at gorumetgatherings.com. They organize events in several cities including Chicago, San Francisco and Santa Monica. Another is called Best Chefs; their website is bestchefs.com which operates in Chicago. There’s also Serendipity-SF, find them at serendipity-sf.com coming out of San Francisco. Serendipity-SF offers many different classes including Asian fusion, Tuscan Cooking and even baking with chocolate.

Not only are participants given instructions on how to make the meal but also tips like how to slice certain herbs or vegetables. So the classes aren’t just a way to meet people. They are very informative. Teams are coed so it’s easier to meet people. But they do try and keep friends together so don’t shy away just because you think you have to show up solo. They often use ingredients that are considered aphrodisiacs. But it’s all part of the fun. Each group is generally given a different recipe. For instance, one group makes the appetizer, one the main course and so on. These single students are given detailed instructions. But there are ample opportunities to mingle. And at the end of the event recipes, participant emails and photos are sent out to everyone. It’s even possible some lucky lady or handsome guy might swoon for more than just your recipe. And if you love to cook or just want to find someone who does, this may be a great way for you to connect over your love of all things culinary. Just watch and see if the food isn’t the only thing getting hot and steamy when you and some other singles get together to mix it up at one of these cooking events. For more dating advice, read Become Your Own Matchmaker: 8 Easy Steps for Attracting Your Perfect Mate by Patti Stanger and Lisa Johnson Mandell.

Newest Singles Craze

wouldyourather

Newest Singles Craze

Across the nation this newest craze is hitting pubs, restaurants, cafes, and other singles events near you. It’s a silly activity that’s so much fun, breaks the ice like a sledge hammer and brings people together in competition and laughter. It’s a single’s board game night.  Cranium, Taboo, Pictionary, Clue and other games are making hearts flutter. Imagine your eyes meeting and that feeling of butterflies in your stomach as you announce to that cutie across the table from you they owe you $2,000 in rent because they landed on Boardwalk and you have a hotel. There’s no better way to break the ice. It brings out people’s sense of laid back, wholesome fun, it’s light, competition gets the sparks flying, and you can communicate easily over a shared interest. After the game is over you can tell who you’ve had chemistry with. And when the game is going, small talk isn’t an issue. Afterward you can always use what happened in the game as an entryway into conversation. The interactive component means that you can learn a lot about someone in a laid back environment. Now you don’t only have looks to go on but you can tell how fair someone is, how well they communicate, how they attack problems and issues and how they interact socially.

There are game nights for specific populations. For instance a Christian’s event is held by the Unity Church of Houston Texas, and another in Los Angeles. A game night for gay men is held in New York City organized by New York’s Urban Outings. For more cerebral and sophisticated players check out organizers in your area that run games like Betrayal at House on the Hill or Settlers of Catan. Why not search Meetup, Eventbrite or other event organizing websites and see if there are any singles board game nights near your location? There are organizers in many major cities across the country. Grab a few single friends and go. Even if you are shy, who doesn’t love playing board games? It can really open you up and take the pressure off you. It’s ingenious because the focus is on the game while at the same time you can shoot side glances at the people you are playing with to see if there is anyone you are interested in. It will help you relax and be able to reveal yourself through funny little remarks, teasing, goading, even a little trash talk if your group is fun, thick skinned and durable. Who knows, maybe in years to come you’ll be playing that same board game on your anniversary! For more dating advice, read How to Get a Date worth Keeping: Be Dating in Six Months or Your Money Back by Henry Cloud.