Signs her Jealousy is a Real Problem

deal-with-jealousy

Signs her Jealousy is a Real Problem

Everyone feels a twinge of jealousy around their significant other now and then. A little bit can make you feel special, and show you how much your girlfriend or wife cares. It’s great to feel so needed and loved. But if there is more than just a little it can cause serious problems in your relationship. The problem is that jealousy can rear its head in so many ugly ways; insecurity, resentment, anxiety and fear.  She can exhibit terrible trust issues. And nothing is worse than having a woman you adore distrust you no matter how many ways you prove your devotion to her. Is the special lady in your life exhibiting behavior that’s tearing you two apart instead of pushing you together? Here are some signs that her jealousy is a real problem in your relationship.

Are you able to talk about other women in her presence? If you can’t mention a coworker, a long-time female friend or the waitress at your favorite greasy spoon and how she knows what you are ordering before you ask for it, without your girlfriend getting an attitude, your relationship is in trouble. What happens when you have to work on a project with that female coworker? Or you have to do a campaign with an attractive single woman for a local charity you are involved in? You will have to interact with other women throughout life. And if she can’t handle that you are going to be spending a lot of time consoling her, dodging venomous barbs and getting the cold shoulder.

Truth be told, every guy flirts and every woman too. It’s done in a certain way to be nice, polite and friendly. There’s formal flirting and then there’s the kind of flirting that comes with courtship. The problem is while most girls can tell the difference, if yours gets huffy when you even speak to a girl, never mind speak to her nicely you’ve got a real issue on your hands. The next time you are checking in at the airline counter and the clerk is attractive or a neighbor makes small talk, you are going to be in the doghouse. Do you know what it’s like to be in the doghouse while going on vacation with a woman, at the very beginning of the trip? It’s not fun. All you’ll be thinking about is how much you are paying to not have fun. She’s too jealous if she’s watching your every move with other women.

Is she overbearing? Does she constantly watch over you, want to know where you are, what you are doing, who was on the phone and who you were with? If she’s reading your texts or emails, you’ve got a problem. That shows both a total lack of trust and a breach of privacy, which is a total disregard for your feelings in a paranoid quest to find out what, that there’s nothing there? These machinations of the mind will drive you crazy. You will get no rest. Aren’t you stressed out enough about work? A man’s home should be his sanctuary against the cold, brutal world. And his woman should be his partner, not his antagonist. If you’re the one feeling jealous in your relationship read, Jealousy: Relationship Help with Self-Esteem, Insecurity and Trust Issues by Robert Rain.

Use a Pro to get your Ex’s Texts

texts

Use a Pro to get your Ex’s Texts

We all know how important texting has become in our love lives. Now they are becoming weighty evidence in divorce proceedings according to a survey by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers. Text messaging was present in the top three forms of electronic evidence used in divorce court today. But getting texts for your attorney can be difficult. You can either read them off the phone directly, or perhaps write them down for yourself.

The second method is to have them taken off the phone. This can be done even after the messages have been deleted. If there is some type of access code for security purposes, bypassing that would make the texts inadmissible in court according to John Simek, Vice President of a Virginia based computer security company called Sensei Enterprises, Inc. It’s like the difference between a suitcase that is open and one that is locked. Of this Simek said, “Then there is an expectation of privacy, and you’d better not be blowing by it.” Also understand that cell phone providers don’t store any messages on their end. So don’t go snooping in that direction, you’ll come up empty.

This is where you can use a trained pro to get your ex’s texts. According to Simek, a text message usually stays on the provider’s servers for about two weeks. But a case has to be filed before a security company can go in there and get a text. Otherwise, they have no leg to stand on legally. Searching the actual phone is really the best way to get at texts says Simek. Once a text has been deleted however, it can be hard to retrieve. Computer forensics companies can use several methods to try and retrieve these text messages. BitPim , Sim Card Seizure,  or Paraben Device Seizure are some of the methods used. Keep your fingers crossed.

“Normally it’s pretty volatile, these text messages,” says Simek. How your phone overwrites memory comes into play. But the forensics company will go through all of the internal organs of the phone to see if they can grab a hold of the steamy text your ex sent to their lover. These special software extractions can even get the date and time, important information where court is concerned. Some of the software programs even get inside the phone and take a photo of the text. These companies can even testify in court on how the text was extracted.  So the next time you have a text that can help pay off in divorce court, look up your local computer forensic security company. They may be able to ensure you get your hands on it, and your lawyer does too. For more assistance with evidence seeking read, The Everything Private Investigation Book: Master the Techniques of the Pros to Examine Evidence, Track down People, and Discover the Truth by Sheila L. Stephens.

Things Women Should Understand About Men

YOUNG-COUPLE-LOOKING-UPSET

Things Women Should Understand About Men

Women are very beautiful, mysterious, complex creatures. It is their very complexity and mystery that at one time makes them so alluring and at another infuriating. Men however, though they can be complex, by and large aren’t as difficult or enigmatic. But still there are a few things many women should understand about men that often they don’t, and so cause static in their relationship.

For instance, do not look through his internet search history. Women often overthink their counterparts and then get into a tizzy when the answer is really simple. Trust that he’s a good guy deep down. But if you start to see what’s on his computer, you may be confused at what you might find. There may be something on there he searched on a whim or a dare, and you think it’s what his secret fetish is. Instead, if you are dating him, trust him and respect his privacy. Everyone deserves a little space. It will actually help the relationship to flourish. Know that you can’t change him. If you have your heart set on building the perfect man, start studying robotics. It isn’t going to happen in real life. One thing about robots though, they’re cold hearted. So find out what you can live with and learn to love the shortcomings in your man, and expect him to love your idiosyncrasies. If your man’s eyes wonder for a second, realize it’s not you or him, it’s mere biology. If his eyes linger for a while, then you may have a problem.

Don’t make him choose you over his friends. That’s an unfair position to put him in. He’ll pick his friends because they have a history and in spite of the imbalanced situation you put him in. Don’t allow anyone to come between you and your friends or family. Learn to forgive. Women will often bring up things from previous fights, even when it was years ago and they’ve said they’ve forgiven. But when they bring it up he knows automatically that she hasn’t forgiven or forgotten. It makes him ten times madder. Don’t bring up issues that are from the past when you said you had forgiven. When you do forgive, do it with your entire being, from the heart. That’s how men often do it. If you ask a question you’d better be ready for the answer. If you fear what that answer is, perhaps find out why you are asking. Why do you want to know?

Everyone has a history and no one should have that history used against them. Love is understanding and forgiveness in its essence, and without those what relationship can last? If you want to have a harmonious home life don’t overwhelm him as soon as he comes in the house. Let him cool down a little and then bring something up. Make him feel useful once in a while. Of course he wants you to be independent. But just like you he also wants to feel needed and important. He can see when you don’t wear the jewelry he bought you. So don’t tell him you love it and put it away forever. He wants you to seduce him, at least once in a while. Men feel insecure and need to be validated too. With these in hand your guy will be ga-ga every time you walk in the door. To learn more read the book, Understand Your Man: Secrets of the Male Temperament by Tim LaHaye.

Where’s the Line between Flirting and Cheating?

SEXTING

Where’s the Line between Flirting and Cheating?

A certain amount of casual flirting often exists in normal, adult interactions between members of the opposite sex. But where is the line drawn between flirting and cheating? Communication technology has further blurred the lines. Texting, email and social networking sites have made communication and flirting so much more convenient. It becomes far easier to overstep. It may even be easier in today’s world to conduct an affair, with so many sites such as Ashleymadison.com available. Interactions online somehow don’t feel as real. Online flirtation gratifies us instantly without the drawback of being nervous in person, or having someone else overhear. This ease with little consequence not only makes the act of flirting and perhaps something else easier, with less negative effects, and with the technological disconnect from real life, it also can make lovers more jealous, nervous and paranoid as to what their lover is doing online. If they aren’t cheating or flirting outside the confines of the relationship, then they may be spying on one another and using these new technologies to do so undetected. Looking at their partner’s phone or cruising their social media sites are the types of breaches of trust that go on. A recent survey unveiled at the 2013 APA conference revealed that couples even have a hard time determining what is considered infidelity and what is considered normal flirting. Here are some ways to clear up any ambiguity in your relationship so to head off this problem from infecting your relationship.

First, discuss what you think cheating is, and find out what your partner thinks is cheating. If you are entering into a monogamous relationship, you have to understand that this varies from culture to culture and even person to person. Let them know what you are comfortable with and what you aren’t and find out the same from your partner. Remember being monogamous is your choice. No one can force you to do it. If you feel you cannot keep this promise or something is bothering or pressuring you to do otherwise, discuss it with your partner before making any decisions. Make sure you establish what it means to be in a relationship and what it means to still be an independent individual. Display the kind of behavior you want to see in your partner. If you want them to be trustworthy, you yourself should also be that way. Don’t make any rules neither of you can hold up to. If you aren’t allowed to smile and make small talk with the opposite sex, you won’t be able to say work with a colleague of a different gender. Make sure your rules make sense and it’s comfortable for both of you. Understand human behavior. Everyone is attracted to people outside of their relationship. Everyone is going to look. But they shouldn’t stare right in front of you, or ignore you. That’s rude. Understand what is normal and what isn’t. Don’t lie about problems that have arisen. If you were at the office party and kissed someone, tell your partner. Find out why you did it. There is a problem in the relationship that needs fixing. Either work on fixing it, or decide that this relationship isn’t for you. Don’t limit your lover’s world and don’t give up important aspects of yourself to be with this person. Make sure you maintain your sense of self, make rules that make sense and stick to them. For more on this topic read the book Boundaries in Dating: How Healthy Choices Grow Healthy Relationships by Henry Cloud & John Townsend.

Is a Little Spying Ever Okay?

Snooper

Is a Little Spying Ever Okay?

In today’s internet and smart phone world, it’s never been easier to cheat. What’s more, technology has made it easier not only to physically cheat, but to flirt, sext, take part in virtual sex, even cheat emotionally—something women feel betrayed by most. There are plenty of online venues to get your cheat on without your sweetie ever being the wiser. So is a little spying okay? Yet, trust is an integral part of any relationship. Intimacy cannot exist without it. Is going through your partner’s browser to see all the porn in there, check their phone for texts or emails in their inbox from persons unknown normal or does it actually hurt the relationship? If there is one piece of dating advice for women and even men to follow for a healthy, well-adjusted relationship it is that no spying should take place. It will inevitably ruin the relationship. Unless the evidence is piling up that this person is cheating. If so however, it’s best to confront them about it, especially with the evidence that you have. Give them the chance to refute it and tell their side. Don’t feel bad or kick yourself if you’ve considered scrolling through your lover’s phone. Many people get the urge, especially if you’ve been the victim of infidelity before or know that the person you are dating has cheated on someone prior to you. If they’ve cheated on you before, have they made amends for it? Has the air been cleared? Was it one time or more than once? Perhaps consider these questions and if they have cheated more than once, this person probably isn’t trustworthy and you should not be in a relationship with them, or give your heart to them.

Some people justify the search by saying that they are just proving themselves wrong, or right. But instead of confirming or disconfirming you’ll only be supplanting this feeling with more worry, or guilt. Either one will weigh your relationship down. Obviously there is a lack of trust on your part. Follow it back to its source. Do you have a problem trusting? Or is the problem the other person? Some people too are just seriously affected by the many articles and how the media portrays online cheating, showing it as pervasive and prevalent. This too can take a little curiosity and soon have you raving in paranoia. Some even say that trust is overrated. Some couples are allowing for a search of all of their electronic devices by their significant other before bed, and do it openly. In a relationship that has been rocked by infidelity, this may be comforting in the beginning but sooner or later trust does have to be reinstituted into the relationship. Or else both parties will feel as though they are living in more of a dictatorial regime than in a healthy, well-adjusted relationship. Psychologists tell us that for intimacy, what we would call passionate love, to exist in a relationship both parties must trust emphatically. Both should be able to be vulnerable in front of one another without fear that it will be used against them or in reprisal. This vulnerability builds intimacy. Every wall we ourselves build or the one’s our lovers erect decreases trust, the ability to be vulnerable and therefore love. No relationship can be fully healthy or satisfying in this situation.

Instead, select someone who is trustworthy. Let your guard down and reveal yourself slowly. There is no need to rush into a relationship. Get to know one another first well before committing. Keep the lines of communication open. Encourage your lover to open up and tell you about their inner most needs, wants, and desires and work together to fulfill them. Slowly open up and do the same and have yours fulfilled by them. Be emotionally supportive and invite your partner to open up. Open up to them, too. But while in this process keep your eyes open. Lots of people, especially women fall in love and are so enamored with the feeling that they don’t pay attention to things their lover is doing. They dismiss negative inclinations because they don’t want those feelings to end. But instead they ignore the problem until it gets bigger and bigger and they find out they are being cheated on. Instead, watch your lover carefully. Reveal yourself slowly. If they take part in less than stellar behavior perhaps this isn’t the person you should be with. Don’t be naïve in love, nor should you be paranoid. Instead, be guarded but open to opening up for the right person. Anyone can be cheated on. There is no way to guard against it that is foolproof except picking the right person, and investing in your relationship. Spying will only hurt the relationship one hundred percent of the time. But investing in a relationship and in the right person will satisfy you in equal measure. If you think your significant other is being unfaithful, read Spying on Your Spouse: A Guide for Anyone Who Suspects a Partner is Cheating by Kelly Squires.