Are Men Raised by Single Moms Better Husbands?

Are Men Raised by Single Moms Better Husbands?

There is no clear cut answer when it comes to men. But there is some agreement among psychologists that there might be advantages to marrying a man raised by a single mother.

He may be more helpful, independent, and sensitive to the needs of women, for instance. The so-called mama’s boy gets a bad rap in our culture. But LeBron James, Barack Obama, and others were raised by single mothers, yet show independence, leadership, and a can-do attitude. These aren’t the coddled whiners we often see in the movies or on TV. But they may be different than those raised by two parents. These men may have some further insight into interpreting emotions, effective communication, know what it means to chip in, and express their emotions in a mature manner. These are all good qualities when it comes to husband material.

A University of Reading study conducted in 2009 found that those boys who had a close connection with their moms had less worrisome childhood incidents and were likely to become hostile or aggressive later in life. Another study published in 2011 in the journal Child Development, found that a good mother-son bond predicted better romantic relationships later on. Of course, just because a man was raised by a single mother does not mean he has a healthy relationship with her. But the tendency is that they would be closer due to depending on one another for all those years.

Men raised by single women tend to have an enlightened view on gender issues and so are less likely to be chauvinistic. By having to work together with their moms growing up they have developed the skills a romantic relationship requires such as give-and-take, negotiation, and compromise. Some say these men are cleaner and are more inclined to pitch in around the house. That isn’t always the case. But they are more likely used to helping out with household chores, cooking, doing their own laundry, and so on.  One of the most crucial elements of a successful, long-term relationship is good communication. Guys raised by single mothers are more apt toward superb communication skills. While boys, they will have to get to know and understand their mothers emotions, which hopefully will transfer to understanding their wife better later on. Guys who have had the luxury of both parents have more of a safety net. But those raised by a single mother have to chip in more, come to terms with things, and so are more prone to getting active when there is a problem afoot, rather than sitting back and complaining about it.

Men raised by single mothers generally come from a background that isn’t necessarily indulgent. Chances are they had to fix a few things around the house, and so aren’t afraid to get their hands dirty. They may also be more responsible. These men are used to pulling their own weight and picking up the slack. They may be better with children because a lot of them helped with their siblings. These guys make their lunch the night before work, set multiple alarms in the morning, and get a few tasks done before breakfast. They are generally reliable because they had to be to make it this far. One disadvantage to a momma’s boy is that the mother will be very invested in the marriage. The mother could feel threatened by her daughter-in-law, which could affect the son. Still, despite this one pitfall, there are a lot of positive qualities surrounding a man who was raised by a single mother.

For those still searching for such a man read, The Surrendered Single: A Practical Guide to Attracting and Marrying the Man Who’s Right for You by Laura Doyle

When Dating a Single Mom, Look at it from the Kid’s Point of View

WORKING-MOM

When Dating a Single Mom, Look at it from the Kid’s Point of View

There are lots of things to consider when dating a single mom. If you are a person who needs considerable time or attention from the person you are dating, she may not be for you. She has other considerations single women without children do not have. If you want to have kids of your own someday that may or may not be an issue. You have to consider what her ex is like, how he will view you and what that does to the relationship, and whether her children like you or not.

There are lots of advantages to dating a single mom. More than likely she’s kind, considerate, she probably isn’t dating a whole bunch of other guys as well as you, she’s responsible, hopefully warm, and conscientious. These are all good qualities to be sure. So if you decide to date her you need to look at things from her perspective considering that she’s a mom. But you can’t forget one other additional measure. When dating a single mom, look at it from the kid’s point of view, too. Treat this child’s mom with extra consideration. Keep the child’s best interests and opinions at heart. This isn’t so much a concern for women with infants or toddlers. But with older children it’s very important. You have a mom, consider how you would want your mom to be treated by the man she’s dating and act accordingly.

Remember that her child comes first, and should. Don’t ever get between her and her child or make her choose between the two of you. That is a completely unfair choice and no one should be put in that position. Support her in her efforts rather than hinder her. Don’t try to be the child’s father. The relationship with the father could be simple or complicated. He may not even be around at all. Whatever the situation work to build your own rapport and relationship with the child or children if and when it becomes appropriate to do so.

Don’t force your way into meeting her kids. Instead, let her take the lead. When she’s comfortable go ahead and do so. Take an interest in what they are interested in. Find commonalities. If you and the child both like sports watch a game together, or take them all to a local high school or college game. Don’t try to win their love however. Spending time, being sincere, caring about them and giving your energy, patience and enthusiasm will win them over way before any big ticket purchases, and the former will last far longer and build a stronger bond. Realize that the mom is the world to these kids and treat her accordingly. She may be busy. But she deserves happiness just as much as you do, maybe even more because of the great responsibilities she has to juggle. For more advice read, It Takes Balls: Dating Single Moms and Other Confessions from an Unprepared Single Dad by Josh Wolf.

Telling your Ex you’re Pregnant with his Child

Early-Pregnancy

Telling your Ex you’re Pregnant with his Child

It’s frightening when you find out that you’re pregnant when you’ve already broken up with your ex. You could feel abandoned and all alone when you need help most. How can you break the news to him now? How will he take it? Telling your ex you’re pregnant with his child isn’t easy, but it has to be done. He is the father and has the right to know. What’s more, this will change the dynamic of your relationship forever. There are a few things you should keep in mind at this tenuous time. First, don’t blame him. When pregnancy is unexpected tension is high. Sometimes we look for someone to blame to help cope with and assuage these feelings that we are having. Remember that two people are required for pregnancy to occur. So if you are going to point the finger realize that it can just as easily be pointed at you. Realize that this is a serious situation. Oftentimes exes are an ex for a serious reason. Was it something that can be overcome or was it unforgivable? Whether he cheated, stole, lied or what have you, this isn’t the time to bring it up. Avoid throwing past mistakes in his face. It’ll only make matters worse. What’s important now is how you two are going to interact in the future for the sake of this child.

Don’t hide this child from the father. Not only is it not fair to the father it isn’t fair to the child either. Most men, if given the choice, choose to be in a child’s life. More often than not then you are robbing the child of their father. If and when they find out, either party may never forgive you. If you are still in contact with this person, do not break the news during an argument. Instead, try to have it during a calm situation when there is plenty of time to talk about it and no distractions. Face to face is certainly the best way to go about it. You don’t want him to associate this pivotal moment with any negativity. Give him time to accept the fact that you are pregnant. Sometimes when a pregnancy isn’t planned, one or both parties have a difficult time accepting it. It’s actually normal. People need time to come to understand and accept such a weighty matter. If he is not overjoyed immediately, don’t get upset with him. It can be a big shock. By the time the baby is about to arrive however, both you and he should be accepting of the pregnancy. Think about what your ex might say when he hears. Will he suggest reconciling for the sake of the child? Or will he be afraid he can’t afford a child and worry about the expense? Just take it one day at a time and see what is best for the sake of the child. For advice on co-parenting once the child is born read, Families Apart: Ten Keys to Successful Co-Parenting by Melinda Blau.

Single Moms are Just as Happy as Married Ones

mom-daughter-water

Single Moms are Just as Happy as Married Ones

One thing’s for sure, it isn’t easy being a single mom. There are specific financial, time related and psychological challenges. But a new study focusing on single moms in Poland found that they are just as happy as married ones. The research appeared in the most recent issue of the Journal of Happiness. Researchers conducted in-depth one-on-one interviews with single Polish moms to gain a thorough understanding of their happiness level. Poland was selected as it “has the worst system of public childcare provision in the EU.” Furthermore it’s not easy socially in the country to be a single mom as, “bearing a child out of wedlock is not socially accepted, and lone parenthood is not institutionally supported.” This makes it a good place to study the happiness of single moms as it rules out governmental or other programs. Furthermore, besides interviews researchers also used data from Social Diagnosis which is a study in the country that is still going on. Information on 7,633 mothers was culled from this study, 538 who never married, 6,594 who had married and 501 who were once married and now were either widowed or divorced.

Though single mothers have it hard in Poland, after studying the data collected from these two sources in depth, researchers concluded that single moms were just as happy as their married counterparts. The researchers wrote of the results, “Our findings illustrate that children are a focal point in an unmarried woman’s life, and that many important life decisions are made more responsibly for the sake of the child. Motherhood empowers single mothers, increases their sense of responsibility, and allows them to escape pathological environments.” In one interview, a mother discussed escaping an abusive husband. She said of him, “The man I used to be with, he had problems with alcohol and drugs. It was the reason why I left him. I didn’t think only about myself—but about the child, too. I had to start thinking… I had been hesitating before, I had wanted to leave him, but you know… love is blind. And it could be said that [my daughter] simply pushed me to do it.” Single moms did find raising a child alone to be stressful and tiring. But their children gave them energy and so much joy. Many explained that their children were their motivation for life. As one single mom utilized in the study said, “A child’s love compensates for everything.” If you are a single mom and need help finding your happiness or just managing the situation, read The Complete Single Mother: Reassuring Answers to Your Most Challenging Concerns by Andrea Engber and Leah Klungness.