Finding the Right Person

match

Finding the Right Person

Dating around is great. You get to meet so many different people, see your real likes and dislikes, and have so many romantic adventures. But there comes a time in almost everyone’s life, from the love bug who just hasn’t found the one to the player who is tired of the game, when it’s time to settle down and find love. Here are some strategies to help in finding the right person. First, you need to change your mindset completely. Most people date willy-nilly, pushed by the winds of fate to this person or to that. But this will be a conscious effort. It’s like looking for a job, the important part is meeting people and networking until what you’re looking for rises to the surface.

Now that you are in the proper mindset, don’t set out alone. Elicit the help of your friends. Who knows you better than them? You’ll want similar qualities to who they are, and they’ll know you so well that they’ll be great help. Send out a BOLO or Be On the Lookout. In other words have your friends and even family, if you are comfortable, on the alert for singles that match your criteria. It’s much easier when you have a whole legion of matchmakers at your side. You don’t have to sound desperate. Just tell them you haven’t met anyone you like lately and so you’re changing tactics. They know what you like so it should be easy. And offer to do the same for your single friends too. It makes it more like a singles exchange.

Take a look around. Sometimes people are emotionally involved with someone already, but they’ve written that person off for one reason or another. Do you have a friend or a coworker that you love to chat with? Do you guys share intimate details of you lives? Do you even have a pact that you’ll end up together if you or they never find anyone else? If you can picture yourself kissing this person than you are already into them. Shake off the denial. Have a talk with others that have seen you interact. And then why not hang out, flirt a little and slowly see if there’s any interest in taking things a bit further. You can always have some wine, and tell them it was the wine talking. A good friend would excuse and forget a little faux paus. But if it does work out you’ll have the right person for you, and they were in your midst all along. How funny and cute.

Attend social occasions, even if you don’t feel like it. Pump yourself up, slap a smile on and go out and mingle. You never know who you are going to meet. Too many singles have a negative attitude about social functions and don’t go, missing an opportunity to meet someone new. Or you might meet someone who knows someone perfect for you. So no social occasion is ever a waste. Look out for singles events in your area. Take up a new hobby that’s social; a sports team, book club, writers or artists club, whatever you fancy. And try internet dating. You’ll land the one soon and have a whole lot of fun in the process. For more advice read, Calling in “The One”: 7 Weeks to Attract the Love of Your Life by Katherine Woodward Thomas.

Making Time for Love as a Single Parent

singleparent

Making Time for Love as a Single Parent

Single parents are pressed for time no question. After homework, colds, soccer practice, career, and taking care of the household, who has time for dating? But don’t despair. Your love life doesn’t have to be consigned to the junk bins of time. In fact, there are plenty of single parents who squeeze in time for a vibrant love life. Want to know how they do it? Follow these steps to find out how others like yourself are making time for love as a single parent.

If you can’t get a sitter or find some time to go out and meet people, use your computer. Sign up for an online dating site, or even a few dating sites. Make some time to go through them each day. Respond to something, chat, flirt, or even send someone a message. Do it at night instead of falling asleep in front of the TV or in the morning before everyone else gets up. Reach out to your social network. Invite friends and family to set you up. Send an email and ask them to ask friends of friends who is single and who they can set you up with. It isn’t desperate, it’s inventive. You may soon have more dates than you can shake a pogo stick at. When it’s time to go out on a date, get one of your single friends to watch the kids. You can watch their kids when it’s time for them to go out. Pick lunch dates or meet for coffee if that’s more convenient. Find the times when you aren’t playing parent and make those date times.

If your kids are old enough to be home alone, let them. But keep them busy. Get DVDs, crafts, and other things to keep them occupied while you’re out of the house. When you go to functions, talk to other people, mingle. See if there are other single parents. You should have plenty to talk about, whether it’s a child’s soccer game or the science fair. Why not chat people up and if they are interested and you are too, see if you can meet sometime later. Actually, see if there are events in your town or city for single parents to meet. It’s much easier to date a single parent, there are plenty in every area including yours, and you will have a common subject to talk about and break the ice over.

Try seeing if there are any Meetup or Eventbrite groups or events in your area. Check with the local singles bar, singles event planning companies, the civic center in your town or city, or your house of worship if you are religious. Sometimes certain radio or entertainment venues have singles events, perhaps check into these as well. Check out Parents without Partners and see if they have a chapter or organize events near you. Their website is parentswithoutpartners.org. They have guest speakers, workshops, study groups and social activities. Just because you are a single parent doesn’t mean you can’t find love. It just means you have to be flexible and use your time wisely. For more advice read, Dating and the Single Parent by Ron L. Deal.

Find out What Kind of Guy he really is

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Find out What Kind of Guy he really is

Manipulation is always thought of as a negative thing. The truth of the matter is that we manipulate each other all of the time. We sweet talk the boss into giving us more time on a task. We try and convince the cop not to give us a ticket even though we know we were speeding. We try to get our roommate to do our chores when we are short on time and high on assignments. The point is that finding out how people tick and using it to your advantage is fine, depending upon your intention and if it hurts the person in the end.

Of course you shouldn’t be callous and mean. No one should manipulate someone into a bad position just so they can rise in consequence. But there are normal interactions between people that can be looked at as manipulation that are really okay, like when a girl decides that she’d like to be settling down. You don’t want to waste time dating guys where the relationship isn’t going anywhere. Nor do you want to get emotionally invested in someone who will end up letting you down. Instead, here are some things you can do to find out what kind of guy he really is.

Not on the first date, but early in the relationship if you want to see if he’s a male chauvinist or insecure, wear heels. When you are tall and sexy and sticking out, he’ll have to deal with you. Watch how he takes it. If he’s laid back, cool, confident and aloof, he wins points. When he thinks he’s going to get lucky, play sick and see how he reacts. Does he get angry? Does he leave? Or does he try to take care of you or offer to keep you company? One trick some women try is to elicit the help of her sexiest girlfriend. She sends her out there to try to pick up her boyfriend. If he goes for it then he isn’t the one for you. The disadvantage to this strategy is that many a girl gets dumped by both her boyfriend and her friend, who end up together. So watch how that one might play out.

Fake a catastrophe in your life and see how he reacts. Does he back away or offer to help? If he’s really into you he will do anything to help you. But if he isn’t so emotionally invested he will make an excuse and get out of there. This separates the players from boyfriend material. You will also find whether or not he’s got leadership qualities. If he starts managing the crisis instead of kowtowing to your wishes then you now know his relationship style and how he operates in a crisis. Handling one of life’s disasters smashingly is one of those top relationship qualities for the long haul. Just be careful. Or else you’ll get stuck in one of those sitcom situations where awkwardness for you and comedy for everyone else ensues. For more advice read, How to Tell if Your Boyfriend Is the Antichrist: (and if he is, should you break up with him?) by Patricia Carlin.

Getting a Male Friend to Stop Hitting on You

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Getting a Male Friend to Stop Hitting on You

It can be awkward when a male friend hits on you. You hate to reject them because you don’t want to hurt their feelings, or hurt your standing within your social circle. On the other hand, you don’t have any interest, or chemistry, so there’s no point in leading him on. It’ll just get worse down the line. How do you let them down gently, yet firmly enough so they won’t try again? Here are some ways to get a male friend to stop hitting on you. First, put a little space between you and him.

Cut out the smiles. Sometimes being friendly can be interpreted as flirty. Some guys see what they want. But don’t give him any ammunition. Why not introduce him to other, available women who might be interested in him? Perhaps he’s just in a dry streak and needs to meet someone new. Go through your rolodex or your phone. Check out your friends on Facebook. Be his matchmaker. When you go out, make it a mission to point out women who might be interested in him. You can kill two birds with one stone that way. Approach other women and tell them he thinks their cute and wants to say hello. Get him to buy women a drink at the bar.

If you want to turn him away, talk about other guys in front of him. The guy you’re dating, the guy at work you think is cute, your crush. It will turn him off and dampen his desire. When you get a text, pretend it’s a flirty or steamy one from the guy you are interested in. He may think the deal has been sealed and move on. Tell a story to him where a female friend of yours is being hit on by a guy who is her friend, and sound disgusted by it. See how he feels about that. Don’t hang out with him one-on-one. Instead, cancel when it occurs that way. Make up an excuse if you have to. Or invite others along to give you a cushion.

Don’t drive with him. Definitely don’t be alone in the car with him if you can help it. If you have to go in his car, bring another friend along and sit in the back seat. That sends a pretty clear message without being offensive. Be a little cold and distant if none of this works. He will back away from you. Once he gets the hint, he’ll stop hitting on you. He’ll understand borders. That awkwardness will fade. And hanging out with your friends will be fun again and carefree. For more advice read, The Relationship Cure: A 5 Step Guide to Strengthening Your Marriage, Family, and Friendships by John Gottman, Ph.D.

Do Guys Always have someone on Deck?

jealous-girl

Do Guys Always have someone on Deck?

Have you and your boyfriend broken up, and before you know it they are dating someone else? What gives? Did they have someone on deck or did they just jump into a rebound relationship that quickly? Some men hate being alone. So they do have a girl on deck just in case they become single again. Others find it best to attract another woman when they are with someone. So they have a woman they like to call and date casually from time to time, not only for validation, fun, and to bring to those awkward plus one events, but if she finds him attractive it will make other women attracted to him as well, and even bring out some healthy female competition. So he may call her up or start dating her again until he can find the one he really wants.

Sometimes men have female friends who are interested in them waiting in the wings. Maybe the guy didn’t even know she had a crush on him. You just assume that she was waiting to swoop in and snatch him up, and you might be right. But if you were thinking he had his eye on her the whole time it may not be the case. This happens to women as well.

When a man is young he tends to want to sow his wild oats. In his late teens and early twenties he wants to experience life to the fullest. That also means dating different kinds of women to see what he likes but also help him figure out who he is. Just as women go through a process of exploring their identities at this time, so do men. They also find out more about themselves via the women they’ve dated. It becomes a growing experience. But when it comes time to settle down in the later twenties or the early thirties, it generally isn’t someone he’s had in his rolodex a while, although it can be. Many times a man will come to the conclusion that he let the right woman go, and he will go and pursue her. Some women believe that this means he’s had her on deck for some time, when in reality he was in denial about his true feelings for her, and only now realizes who it is he should be pursuing. And sometimes two people just happen to get together when the time is right. Although it may look like he had her waiting in the wings, it was really an organic happenstance.

In the end, don’t worry about your ex having someone he can go back to. Instead, get over your heartbreak and look for the man you’re meant to be with. Dating games can be fun, but they can also be nasty, crude, quizzical and confusing. If you are into someone who is exciting but unreliable, realize that you probably will get your heart broken. But if you are going for the guy with a heart of gold, your chances of suffering from these games are slim to none. Date the right kind of guy and you won’t have to worry about someone waiting in the wings, anxious to take your place. For more help with getting over your ex read, It’s Called a Breakup because it’s Broken: The Smart Girl’s Breakup Buddy by Greg Behrendt & Amiira Ruotola-Behrendt.