Don’t let a Selfish Partner Hurt you

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Don’t let a Selfish Partner Hurt you

It may be hard to recognize the selfish, at least at first. Oftentimes they are social butterflies. Everyone loves and adores them. And everyone wants to cater to them, including you. But as time goes on and the charm starts to wear, as you get to peek more and more below the surface sometimes you start to see that this person’s whole world revolves around them. There isn’t room for you at all. You find yourself giving more and more, but they never return your energy or affection like they should. Instead, they suck you dry like a psychic vampire.

Don’t let a selfish partner hurt you. First, realize when a person is selfish and when you haven’t communicated your needs with them fully. Perhaps they don’t know what you want or how to fulfil your needs. Be patient. Communicate in lots of ways. See if they have a need to fulfill your desires but don’t know how to go about it. Help them. If they find excuses or are too resistant chances are they are selfish. But oftentimes one person in a relationship thinks the other should automatically know what they want. No one automatically knows what anyone wants. It isn’t a sign of love or not loving. It just means you have to learn to communicate your needs effectively.

Next, consider what the speech or behavior they are exhibiting is and if it is in fact selfish. What things do you do for them? Make a list. See what things they do for you. How does the list measure up? Some people look to date those that they can manipulate to get their own needs, wants and desires fulfilled without any concern or regard for the other person. Does this sound familiar? In a normal relationship the power dynamic is equal. But if you never do what you want to do, never go to the restaurants you want, never see the movie you want, never visit your family, and always undercut your desires to that of your partner, that person is indeed selfish. Your partner is probably convinced of how great they are and how lucky you are to have them. They think you need them and should get down on your knees and thank the heavens for putting them in your life. Talk about nerve.

If you think you are constantly being manipulated by a selfish person and no matter how many times you confront them, or try to get them to change, they don’t, make plans to end the relationship. Start drifting from them physically and emotionally. Detach from them. If they start freaking out show them the behavior you have to put up with. Use their words against them. Make it really uncomfortable for them. Then approach them about splitting up. Chances are they will be happy about it by then. No one wants to be in a relationship where they aren’t having fun, where they are being used. So turn the tables on them with coldness and you will have your freedom soon enough. For more advice read, Controlling People: How to Recognize, Understand, and Deal with People Who Try to Control You by Patricia Evans.

Is Negativity Ruining your Love Life?

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Is Negativity Ruining your Love Life?

Some of us see the glass as half empty, others as half full. Many of us ask, am I thirsty? Sure, overall philosophical outlook is one thing we tie our egos to. But there is something known as taking it too far. Misery may love company but company doesn’t love it back. Company excuses itself and hightails it outta there. The truth is being way too pessimistic repulses anyone except for the loathsome few who feel the same way you do. And who wants to date someone like that? Is negativity ruining your love life? Take a look and see if you’ve taken it too far and are driving potential suitors away with an overindulgence in pessimism.

Whenever you hear that something is up, do you always assume that the worst is true? Do you feel snubbed by a friend you waved to only to find out they didn’t see you? Perhaps you still don’t believe them. Always assuming the worst is a sign you are being too negative. When considering something that’s happening, do you look at it from the other person’s point of view, or do you agonize over your own point of view and what an inconvenience, a terrible decision or a slap in the face it is? Always consider the other person’s point of view. Otherwise you are way too wrapped up in yourself.

Are you always the victim? Do you meet every new catastrophe with, “That’s my luck”? Do you feel that no matter how hard you climb there’s always someone or something that knocks you off the ladder to success? Of course it’s okay to be upset, annoyed, even lick your wounds when life doesn’t go your way. But if you wallow in self-pity no one is going to think you are fun or interesting anymore. People back away from misery like backing away from a plague victim. Sure they seem nice and understanding but the whole time they are making their way to the door. Do you have high expectations of everyone, yet they often let you down? What is encapsulated in that particular philosophy is egocentrism. If all you can reflect on is how others have disappointed you, you are inadvertently putting yourself in the center of the universe.

No romantic partner wants to endlessly keep trying to fulfil your expectations. Sooner or later they’ll get frustrated and mosey on. If you can’t accept defeat then you are not focusing on one of the essential parts of being human. We all make mistakes. We all get kicked down the rungs on the ladder of life. We all feel this way sometimes. But it’s when you feel grouchy, irritable, negative and hopeless all the time that it’s a problem. If you feel like this, come to terms with it, understand it and begin to reverse it. Your love life and your life in general will improve considerably. For more advice read the New York Times bestseller, Emotional Freedom: Liberate Yourself from Negative Emotions and Transform Your Life by Judith Orloff, M.D.

How Can You Tell if Someone Likes You Or Just Wants to Get in your Pants?

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How Can You Tell if Someone Likes You Or Just Wants to Get in your Pants?

It happens when you least expect it. You meet someone and you can’t get them out of your mind. But what are their intentions? Though it does occasionally happen to guys, most of the time it’s the woman wondering whether he just wants to get in her pants or if he really likes her. Usually, this guy knows all the right things to say. You flirt easily and have a great rapport. The chemistry is real and it’s powerful. But in either case this could be true. So how can you tell? It’s in his actions as to whether he really wants to spend time with you or if he just wants to spend some time pressed up against you. Analyze the situation carefully and you can see through any player’s cover. First, how do you mainly interact? Are you constantly texting, emailing each other little articles you read online that remind you of one another and talking on the phone late into the night? Or do you mostly text and he drops off or disappears here and there, always reappearing with some catastrophe he dealt with or well-tailored excuse? If it’s the latter, you should watch your heart.

When you talk what do you talk about? If all he talks about is himself and he’s never inquired about your history, your likes and dislikes, hopes and dreams and more personal stuff, chances are he isn’t that interested. Guys who like you want to get to know the real you. They will go out of their way to show you that they remember something about you. A link on your page, a phrase or joke you share, a little thoughtful gift or a mention of something you are interested in such as your favorite band coming to town, or your team winning a game will show that he really cares. If there’s no personal touch, he doesn’t want to get personal, just physical. Have you ever met his friends? Or does he steer you clear of his crew? Guys who like you want to see how you interact with their friends. He wants to know if you can fit in with his circle, and vice-versa. But those that just want to get between your thighs don’t want to risk their circle looking down on them, so there will always be an excuse as to why you can’t tag along.

Do you pick him up, go to his place? Do you always go out of your way for him? Does it run in the other direction too? If not, he’s just not that into you. A guy who really likes you will make an effort. But if it’s all about him, or he isn’t that interested, he may not think twice about taking advantage of your time, money and more. When you hang out is all his attention on you or is he constantly distracted? If he likes you his focus will be on you. If he doesn’t it will be on his phone, his great fashion sense or daydreaming about getting your clothes off and what he will find underneath. Does he make last minute plans with you, or break plans last minute? If he doesn’t respect your time he doesn’t respect you.  Does he drop hints or make jokes about not wanting or not liking relationships? This is a red flag. Sometimes he could drop hints that he is only interested in a physical thing. If he is eager to get physical with you, to kiss and touch you he may only have one thing on his mind. Of course these days wanting a mere physical interchange isn’t considered wrong. But it could be wrong for some. Decide what kind of relationship you want. Otherwise, you may find you misinterpreted the situation and end up heartbroken. For more on interpreting the male of the species read, To Date a Man, You Must Understand a Man: The Keys to Catch a Great Guy by Gregg Michaelsen.

How Self-Loathing Affects Partners

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How Self-Loathing Affects Partners

Inadequacy can affect a relationship in a number of ways. Sometimes those who feel inadequate push their lovers away thinking that they aren’t good enough for them. But they don’t let the lover speak for themselves, a selfish act. Those who experience self-loathing often apologize over and over again for little insignificant mistakes, a behavior that can sometimes rake their partner’s nerves. Those who suffer from self-loathing often believe too that they are just one mistake away from ruining the relationship, or driving their significant other away. The other lover however may not feel that the bond is so tenuous. Still, this constant questioning weakens the relationship. When one person keeps on questioning it, the other lover may start questioning the relationship. Or they may decide that their self-loathing partner’s assessment is correct. They may feel that this person is too high maintenance or that their sucking all of their energy away. It’s hard to be with someone who suffers from self-loathing. Constant apologizing can also be a tactic to take the attention away from the one partner who feels inadequate and put it on the other when seeking apology. But inevitably the focus comes right back on the partner who loathes themselves, for their partner’s concern has been raised.

The other quality the self-loathing have is feeling that their partner is too good for them. They are haunted by guilt. Some people normally feel this way when they get together with someone they have strong chemistry with. But it usually fades with a little bit of time. However, the self-loathing never have this sensation subside. Here, even though the self-loathing believe that they are showing their lovers reverence and esteem, the irony is that the focus is actually brought back upon themselves.  Both of these behaviors display the inadequate person’s need for reassurance and attention. These people are usually high maintenance and needy or clingy. The truth is the self-loathing are constantly seeking validation from their partner. But they aren’t actually dealing with the root of the issue which is buried within themselves. Instead, their constant validation seeking will not only never satiate them, it is likely to drive their partner away as it will drain them of precious psychic energy. The relationship becomes boring and tiresome, and a lot of work, not really that much fun. The last problem is the self-loathing are oversensitive. If you are suffering from self-loathing, seek help. Watch what you say to your partner. Sensor yourself somewhat. And work through your issues. If you love someone who has self-loathing problems, get them to seek help. For advice on being nicer to yourself read, Self-Compassion: Stop Beating Yourself Up and Leave Insecurity Behind by Kristin Neff, Ph.D.

Getting your Way Too Sensitive Boyfriend to Break Up with you

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Getting your Way Too Sensitive Boyfriend to Break Up with you

Are you over a guy who is far too sensitive but you don’t know how to break it off? If he’s devastated by little annoyances, how will he feel when you tell him it’s over? You could just tear off the Band-Aid once and for all. But he may come crawling back, talk about how insensitive you are, refuse to accept that it’s over, even grovel and want you back. The following process should only be taken up if you have no other choice. It could backfire, leave you looking bad, or end up hurting them. It’s pretty extreme. A face-to-face direct breakup is always best. But if you’ve tried before and have always taken him back or you know that he won’t take it to heart and will keep badgering you, this method should do the trick.

You can begin by acting more selfishly. When he tells you how bad his day was, top it. Interrupt him when he has big news of something you need to tell him first. Make sure each conversation ends up revolving around you. Next, deprive him of the sympathy he’s looking for. Just say that whatever it is is a downer and move directly on.  Refuse to be a shoulder for him to cry on. When he does hug you don’t give him a hug back, just a cold tapping until he stops. Don’t talk about anything he is upset about, or let him draw you in.

When he says he loves you, don’t say it back. If he brings it up, avoid the subject. If he makes a big deal just say it under your breath, or unintelligibly. Get very annoyed, irritable and moody. Increase this more and more. Let him know you aren’t mad at him. In fact, you want more space to avoid snapping at him for no reason.  Don’t give him any affection. Accept it coldly and don’t reciprocate or initiate affection. When he tries to hold your hand, tell him you hurt it and pull it away. Don’t make conversation with him. When he initiates conversations just give him one word answers. Spend as much time away from him as you can. Delve into work or school. Be super busy. Then at night tell him you are exhausted from your tough day at work or school and need to go straight to bed. No time to talk, sorry. Soon, he’ll be ready to break up with you.

Just hear him out. If he talks about your cold and distant behavior, tell him you don’t have an explanation for it, it’s just how you feel. Don’t hug or do the one last kiss thing. Try to move on if you don’t want him creeping around. Either that, or make some time for yourself where he isn’t allowed to check in or sidle up to you. This is a really good method in getting your way too sensitive boyfriend to break up with you. It may take a little more time than you assume, depending upon how sensitive he is. But in the end, if a face-to-face breakup is out, it should prove effective. For more advice read, How to Break Up With Him: Expectations and Important Things to Consider by Amor Andruzzi.