Advice for Dating Over 50

Seniors-Dating

Advice for Dating Over 50

If you are over 50 dating can be a whole different world. Most people are independent at this age, perhaps with adult-age children who are hopefully out of the house by now. These are the divorced empty nesters. They don’t take any guff and know exactly what they are looking for. Today, it’s much easier than in the past because of the internet. But even then sometimes there’s no one that strikes our fancy. A lot of singles in this age group don’t want to be alone but don’t want to feel as though they are settling either. It isn’t easy but a lot of people get in their own way, too. Here is some advice for those dating over 50. First, consider the law of attraction. What you focus on in your life is what you bring into your world. If you are focused on the idea that there are no good men or women left then that is the situation you will dwell in. But if you are secure and happy, entering into each situation in an open-minded and lighthearted way then perhaps the right person will find you. That’s because this newfound positivity will sooner or later attract those who are also secure, open and happy, the exact type most of us would like to date.

Consider how you feel about dating. It often fills 50-somethings with anxiety. Sometimes we just have an unlucky streak. If that’s the case, it’s a good idea to put dating aside and later on try again. When you come back to it in a week or two with fresh eyes, take a look at your meeting and selection process. Consider reworking your dating profile. What does it say about you? Who does it attract? Perhaps freshen it up with a new photo, an anecdote or insight and then ask a friend their opinion on it. A lot of people at this stage are afraid. They’ve lost out in one or more serious relationships. They may be bitter or carrying baggage. Perhaps they feel as though they’ve been through the meat grinder and don’t want to do it again. This idea that there is no one of high enough quality is a projection we use to protect ourselves from certain fears about love, while also protecting our status. Here, it isn’t us that have the problem but the available dating pool. Sooner or later those that say these things start to sound like a broken record. It becomes a battle worn, thin piece of armor other minds can easily pierce. Instead, jettison excuses. Deal with whatever interworking makes you feel negative or reticent. Talk it out with someone and work toward a new perspective on your life and your love life, one that’s positive and edifying.

Dating at this age is not easy. We often run in the same circles. Start to break out. Explore new hobbies or old ones you put aside in the days of yesteryear when the demands of kids and career got in the way. Read articles and books about dating at this age. Attend singles events. Try a different website or app for meeting someone new. Pursue interests that are social through Eventbrite, Meetup, a local civic organization or a charity close to your heart. Network with friends and others to see if they know someone who is single that would be a good match. Those who are friends will have other friends who you might have things in common with. Another thing, don’t so easily cast others aside. Some people make their wants and desires in a mate so extensive that they price themselves out of the market. Everyone is imperfect. But judgment has to be set aside for an exploration of who exactly the other person is. A first date is like an initial interview. Often it tells you little of the person before you. Give it until the third date before you say no for sure. Some of the happiest couples weren’t so hot for each other when they first met. It takes time for anxiety to wane, understanding to grow and love to blossom. For more advice for those of the female persuasion pick up a copy of, The Winning Dating Formula For Women Over 50: 7 Steps To Attracting Quality Men by Lisa Copeland.

How to tell if He’ll be Faithful

Happy Couple

Wouldn’t you love to meet a man and be able to tell before you get involved if he’ll be true or wander astray? Certainly there’s no way to tell with guaranteed accuracy. But there are certain character traits most men who practice fidelity carry. Take a look at your guy and see if he makes the cut. Or, if you’re not dating someone, keep these in mind the next time someone fits your fancy. Here is how to tell if he’ll be faithful. Does he respect women? A man who has respect for the finer sex is far less likely to cheat. If he doesn’t view women as objects, he’s less bound to see you as one, or any potential gal on the side. Patrick Wanis PhD. Therapist and behavioral specialist says that, “The way you do anything is the way you do everything.” Dr. Wanis put this in more concrete terms saying, “If he respects women, he’s not likely to use one for a one-night stand.” Is your man emotionally intelligent? This is being able to recognize emotions in one’s self and others. Dr. Wanis says that if he does he is way less likely to cheat. Perhaps how you will feel about it and the guilt he will carry is enough of a discouragement from taking part in bad behavior. Look into how well he recognizes the emotions of others or thinks about how others will feel before he does things and you’ll get a sense of how much emotional intelligence (EQ) he has.

When he gives his word does he keep it? Men who practice honesty and are reliable are far less likely to cheat.  According to Cheat on your Husband (With your Husband) author Andrea Syrtash “A person who has integrity shows his commitment and dedication through what he does not what he says.”  Said another way, actions speak louder than words. If he says he’s going to make some occasion or be somewhere to meet you, he does it, no matter if better plans come up or not. Does your man absolutely crave attention? It may seem exciting to be with a guy who likes and often does have the spotlight on him. But if he wants to be everyone’s favorite, he may take it too far with women and end up in the wrong place and doing the wrong thing. Says Dr. Wanis, “It could lead to sexual tension or an emotional connection if the behavior continues. One of the biggest reasons both men and women cheat is insecurity. When this is coupled with a need for attention you have a problem on your hands.” According to Dr. Wanis, “A man who is secure gets validation from his partner and doesn’t need it from multiple women at the same time.” If he feels secure in himself and his relationship, a loss of employment, financial issues or a health problem may not send him into bed with someone else for validation. Lastly, a man who is grateful for what he has isn’t going to go astray and mess it up. But one who needs more might. Lastly a good communicator who can tell you what his needs are is likely to stay faithful. But one who can’t tell you or doesn’t feel comfortable may look elsewhere to have them met. For more advice on this topic, read Men Who Can’t be Faithful by Carol Botwin.

Forming a Retirement Plan as a Couple

finance-issues-and-couples

You certainly can’t depend on social security as a means for sustaining you throughout your golden years. One of the most important things you can do in your life is saving for retirement. Financial experts state that the best time to start is as early as possible, generally when people start working full time in their twenties. Even if you are farther along, saving for retirement should start right away. One of the biggest issues couples fight about is money, that’s no surprise. So it’s important for you to sit down with your spouse and decide how you will plan for retirement. If you and your spouse have different visions of what retirement is going to look like, how to save for it and how much to put away per paycheck you could have a problem. Having a sit down meeting or more than one with your partner about saving for retirement and forming a plan as a couple is probably one of the most important things you can do to secure your future. What are your plans? Do you want to live a simple life? Take part in some of your hobbies? Travel or indulge is some dream you’ve always wanted to accomplish but never had time for? Write it down and then share it with your partner. Ask what they envision. Do your visions fit? If not, how can they both be accommodated?

Then there are some more practical questions such as when is it best to retire, how much will you need to live comfortably and what compromises will you both need to make to make your retirement dreams come true? Once you have a figure in mind it’s time to get busy figuring out how you are going to reach that goal. What is your income status? Are both of you working? How much will you put away from the paycheck or paychecks each week, two weeks or month depending upon how often you are paid? If one of you isn’t working or you have children certainly those things need to be taken into consideration. Next look at the retirement options available to you such as an IRA, you or your partner’s company’s 401K plan and others and see which one best fits your needs. Commit to a certain amount that is put away and don’t veer off. Have a system put in place that you both like that will help you retire. Keep in mind any financial situations such as if you are planning to have a baby, start a business, put a second mortgage on the house and so on and take that into consideration when doing your calculations. Revisit the issue every five years and see if your plan is on track or if you need to adjust or even revisit it. Saving for retirement, having a plan and putting it into place will ensure that the golden years are the happiest of your life. For more advice on this topic, read The Big Payoff by Sharon Epperson.

The Difference between Nice Guy and Good Guy

Polite-Man

We know the old saying that nice guys finish last. But how does the good guy fair? And what’s the difference? The nice guy is a pushover. He tries to please everyone but himself. Nobody respects the pushover. And a girl has to respect you to fall for you, or at least be interested. The nice guy lacks self-confidence. He doesn’t project or pursue what he wants but instead lets others walk all over him. By comparison, the good guy has a well of inner strength. He is nice but he doesn’t let others take advantage of him. He knows what he wants and gets to work pursuing it. A good guy therefore doesn’t have to cut a woman down to look good by comparison. And he isn’t threatened by a powerful, independent, self-possessed woman. In fact, he’s intrigued by her. A good guy is bold enough to pursue a woman. And a woman wants to be pursued. A nice guy doesn’t have enough confidence. He doesn’t think he measures up. A good guy isn’t passive aggressive, manipulative, or controlling. Instead, he is positive, and communicates in a productive manner, keeping the other person’s feelings in mind. The nice guy swallows his feelings and doesn’t communicate them, or fumbles through them when doing so.

Good guys have vision. They know what they want out of a relationship and where he wants it to go. He has a vision for his future and the type of lady he wants to share it with. A good guy is secure. He doesn’t need constant reassurance. He’s mature, focused, and a leader. A good guy is authentic. He doesn’t take part in back handed flattery. Instead, everything he says is genuine. If he compliments you, rest assured that he means what he says. A good guy works hard to win his lady over. And when he gets her he treats her right. He’s a gentleman. He asks about her. He cares about her. He takes her feelings into consideration. When he buys her a gift, it’s thoughtful and sweet. He knows her and knows what she likes. He may even pick something that has sentimental meaning between the two. The good guy has staying power. He’s in for the long haul. He wants to win his lady in the end and make her his. So when you think of a good guy, think of a hero or even a superhero. This is a great guy to have as your partner in a relationship. The nice guy really is trying too hard to please others and not himself. If you know a nice guy, point this out to him if you are friends, if you can, if he won’t get offended. You can also help him by referring him to books providing advice, such as Why Nice Guys Finish Last- The Nice Guy Syndrome Explained By A Woman- Special Edition For Men by Nancy Colliver. For the good guy, if you’re interested, let him know, subtly. If he’s interested, he will pursue you. And you will love it.

How to Tell If Love is Real

True Love

Have you had a series of bad relationships before? Now you are in a healthy one but your love sensors may need to be recalibrated. Or perhaps you are in a relationship but you’re so mixed up you don’t know how to tell if your love is real. Not to worry. There are some very clear telltale signs to tell where a relationship is at. First, are you two comfortable speaking your minds? Do you occasionally raise your voice or tell him or her when something isn’t right? The fact that you are comfortable enough to get angry, annoyed, and raise your voice is a sign that you are comfortable with this person. A relationship where you are walking on egg shells just to make sure your partner doesn’t get upset isn’t real love. The next sign is if you’re not constantly focusing on the relationship. You can go about your day feeling secure that your relationship is okay. If you are constantly worrying about the other person, for good reason, not that you are just worrisome or insecure, then the relationship is not solid and therefore cannot be a robust, healthy, loving relationship. But if you can get through your work, classes, or whatever it is that you are doing, focusing on what you need to do, and feel healthy and secure enough in your relationship that you don’t need to worry, this is a sign of a strong, loving relationship.

Have you ever had an emotional breakdown in front of your significant other? If you’ve cried in front of them, whether it was for an important or silly reason, and they supported you, comforted you, and took care of you, this is a sign of love. If they moved away from you, acted as if they didn’t know what to do, or asked for some space afterward, this may not be love. If your relationship surrounds physical encounters, this may not be true love. But if you’re not physical every time you get together, but the relationship revolves around being together and how you feel about one another, this is a sign of real love. How do you two deal with silence or a gap in the conversation? If they are uncomfortable and you two rush to fill these silences, the relationship is still too new. If you’ve been together a while though, beware. If you two endure silence comfortably, that it isn’t a threat to your relationship but simply a pause, this is a sign of a strong, loving bond. Do you find yourself not sweating the small stuff in life, such as not getting a particular assignment at work, having to park at the back of the lot, or getting caught in the rain? If things that normally irk you are shrugged off, you are in love. For more advice concerning the topic of real love, try reading the book, Real Love in Dating – The Truth about Finding the Perfect Partner by Greg Baer.