If you are over 50 dating can be a whole different world. Most people are independent at this age, perhaps with adult-age children who are hopefully out of the house by now. These are the divorced empty nesters. They don’t take any guff and know exactly what they are looking for. Today, it’s much easier than in the past because of the internet. But even then sometimes there’s no one that strikes our fancy. A lot of singles in this age group don’t want to be alone but don’t want to feel as though they are settling either. It isn’t easy but a lot of people get in their own way, too. Here is some advice for those dating over 50. First, consider the law of attraction. What you focus on in your life is what you bring into your world. If you are focused on the idea that there are no good men or women left then that is the situation you will dwell in. But if you are secure and happy, entering into each situation in an open-minded and lighthearted way then perhaps the right person will find you. That’s because this newfound positivity will sooner or later attract those who are also secure, open and happy, the exact type most of us would like to date.
Consider how you feel about dating. It often fills 50-somethings with anxiety. Sometimes we just have an unlucky streak. If that’s the case, it’s a good idea to put dating aside and later on try again. When you come back to it in a week or two with fresh eyes, take a look at your meeting and selection process. Consider reworking your dating profile. What does it say about you? Who does it attract? Perhaps freshen it up with a new photo, an anecdote or insight and then ask a friend their opinion on it. A lot of people at this stage are afraid. They’ve lost out in one or more serious relationships. They may be bitter or carrying baggage. Perhaps they feel as though they’ve been through the meat grinder and don’t want to do it again. This idea that there is no one of high enough quality is a projection we use to protect ourselves from certain fears about love, while also protecting our status. Here, it isn’t us that have the problem but the available dating pool. Sooner or later those that say these things start to sound like a broken record. It becomes a battle worn, thin piece of armor other minds can easily pierce. Instead, jettison excuses. Deal with whatever interworking makes you feel negative or reticent. Talk it out with someone and work toward a new perspective on your life and your love life, one that’s positive and edifying.
Dating at this age is not easy. We often run in the same circles. Start to break out. Explore new hobbies or old ones you put aside in the days of yesteryear when the demands of kids and career got in the way. Read articles and books about dating at this age. Attend singles events. Try a different website or app for meeting someone new. Pursue interests that are social through Eventbrite, Meetup, a local civic organization or a charity close to your heart. Network with friends and others to see if they know someone who is single that would be a good match. Those who are friends will have other friends who you might have things in common with. Another thing, don’t so easily cast others aside. Some people make their wants and desires in a mate so extensive that they price themselves out of the market. Everyone is imperfect. But judgment has to be set aside for an exploration of who exactly the other person is. A first date is like an initial interview. Often it tells you little of the person before you. Give it until the third date before you say no for sure. Some of the happiest couples weren’t so hot for each other when they first met. It takes time for anxiety to wane, understanding to grow and love to blossom. For more advice for those of the female persuasion pick up a copy of,The Winning Dating Formula For Women Over 50: 7 Steps To Attracting Quality Menby Lisa Copeland.
Everyone gets nervous and excited about a date. It is kind of like a job interview for love. You work so hard to make a good impression, especially on the first date. Some people focus so much on how they are doing that they hardly bother to make out what’s going on from the other side of the table. And by the time they really figure out, it’s too late. They are enwrapped within a bad relationship. Sure you have to look your best and try to say the right things. But also keep careful attention to your date. You don’t want to be one of those people who has to make excuses for your date, or a poor relationship decision. And who wants to waste time with the wrong person? You want to spend you precious time with the right one. There are certain warning signs that a date and a subsequent relationship won’t go well. Have you ever been out with a date and he or she recognizes someone, and they have a very engaged conversation but your date doesn’t even introduce you or acknowledge your presence? This is a terrible sign. A date should be more than happy, even proud to introduce you. If you are cast aside now, during a date when someone is on their best behavior, how will they act when you are in a relationship together?
If you are out on a date with someone and they call you by the wrong name, you should call it quits right from the get-go. This person does not hold you in a high regard. They can’t even remember your name? Was it their ex’s name that slipped out? If so they may still be hung up on them. You don’t want to be in the middle of that. You want someone to treat you in the superlative manner that you deserve. If your date answers their cell phone and doesn’t get off right away, or is engaged in checking their email right in front of you, don’t go on a second date with this person. They will be engrossed in their electronics from here on out, and you will always play second fiddle to them. If everything is going alright so far, but you find the conversation incredibly dull, in fact you are exhausted and don’t know why, then this person just doesn’t flip your switch. There’s no chemistry. Nerves can get in the way of chemistry. But then you shouldn’t be bored. So if you aren’t feeling it with someone, and if nothing is obstructing you from doing so, then it’s time to cut your ties and sail on. Sometimes a date is going great until you somehow touch on a subject that you two are on different sides of, for instance if you are of different religious or political persuasions. How a situation such as this is handled can tell what the future relationship will be like. You won’t always agree. If this person steamrolls over your point of view, or callously attacks it without any regard for your feelings, a follow up date certainly isn’t in order. To find out how to find love and avoid pitfalls along the way read Dating with Pure Passion: More than Rules, More than Courtship, More than a Formula by Rob Eagar.
So you went out and spent a whole day or evening together. It was fun and romantic. You two had chemistry and really clicked. Who could ask for more? But when it came time to seal it with a kiss, you came up empty. A spectacular date but no kiss, what gives? Don’t erase them from your contacts just yet. There might be more going on here. They’re into you, if you felt those vibes. So there must be another reason. See if any of these might fit your situation and give you some perspective. The first step to take is to evaluate whether or not your date is shy. Not only may they have low self-esteem but they could also lack certain interpersonal skills, for instance the ability to gauge a date’s level of interest in a kiss. While you’re wondering when they’ll move in for the kill they’re hopelessly wondering whether or not they’ll be rejected. Check some signs for shyness. Do they avoid eye contact? Is it difficult to make conversation, at least at first? If you think you’re date is shy, send out some stronger signals. Sit closer to them. Take their hand. Put your arm around them. Lean in and give them the “come hither” eyes. If these still fail to elicit the proper response, why not kiss them yourself? Or just say something funny, like “You know what the only thing that would make this date better is?” If they can’t guess, pucker up and lean in. You’ll get that kiss.
If they aren’t shy, consider their values. Are they very religious or conservative? This might be the reason why. Mormons for instance take physical contact very seriously. You may have a series of romantic dates without any lip action happening. The best thing to do is to have an open and honest discussion about their faith and what it says about dating, love and relationships. See if there are any areas of agreement. Can you adjust your expectations? If you can’t see eye to eye perhaps this isn’t the right person for you. Another reason, it’s possible your date just isn’t interested. If you two have been on several dates without one lip locking session to speak of, ask them what they are looking for in a partner. If they explain it’s someone just like you, look to see if there’s another reason. If you can’t make heads or tails out of the situation, why not address it with them directly? “I was wondering why we haven’t kissed yet,” is a straightforward question that will get your either an answer or that snog you’ve been looking for. Lastly, consider your own behavior. Are you sending out stay-away signals inadvertently? If there’s a lot of flirting on your part, then perhaps it isn’t you. But if you are avoiding any kind of touch like hand holding, a pat on the knee, your legs touching as you sit together and so on, you are wearing really conservative clothing and your body language, things like arms crossed and not making eye contact says “Stay away” instead of “Bring those lips over here” you might have found your answer. Search your feelings. Is it too soon after a breakup? Are you not into this person? Or do you just feel awkward or uncomfortable on the date? Make the conversation open. Talk to your date about how you are feeling. If they are worthy they will put you at ease, and perhaps kiss you. For advice on having a successful date, read How to Overcome Nerves and Make a Great First Impression: From Getting Your Dream Job to Finding Your Dream Date by Mary Roberts.
You know how it goes. With the end of the date approaching, both of you are there. The little hairs on the back of your neck are pricking up. The air is so thick with anticipation it feels like the two of you are caught in a lightning storm. Questions of should I, shouldn’t I, do you go hard or go soft rattle through your mind. But not to worry. We’ve debunked the secrets of a perfect first kiss. Follow these steps and you’ll be diving into that heavenly first kiss with panache. The first secret is to get the timing right. Easier said than done, right? Jump the gun and you look presumptuous. But wait too long and it seems as though you aren’t interested at all, or it’s getting weird and that will kill the romance. So when is the right time to move in? Do it within the first or second date. If you wait to the end of the second date however you’ve waited too long. Do not wait until the end of the first date and do it, unless your date is very traditional. Instead catch them off guard. Be ready to swoop in and claim your love. Pull them aside when walking together, say out of the restaurant or wherever you’ve gone, take them in your arms and lay it on them. Make it not only dynamic but memorable.
Ladies, the first kiss isn’t only the guy’s responsibility. And if he’s into you, and chances are if he’s going on a date with you he is, kissing him is a total turn on for him. He’ll be putty in your arms after that. Guys love to be desired just as much as women do. It can also be a rush for both partners when she takes charge. And nothing adds passion like a rush both partners can feel. It makes the moment feel bigger than both people. Don’t slobber all over them, don’t chew on their face, and do not be all tongue. Kissing should be equal parts sensual and provocative. It can sometimes be one and sometimes the other. But the first kiss should evoke passion. Don’t be too eager with the tongue, you might be sending the wrong message. Pull away for a second here or there. That little second of anticipation really pumps things up. And always keep them wanting more. Don’t try to invent new ways of kissing at this time. Inventiveness can come later if your date is into it. Right now stick to the fundamentals. One of the best things about a kiss are the little moves one makes to ramp up the sensuality. Try raking your hands through your lover’s hair. Put your hand on their chin or grab their jacket and pull them in. Kiss up their neck, their ear and lead your way slowly to their mouth. Now go forth and put your new kissing knowledge to the test. For more on this topic, read How to Kiss a Girl for the First Time by Jessica James.
We all know how to get a date, hopefully, and how to prepare for one. But ending a date is something that there is little advice for. Hollywood studies have shown that out of all the parts of a movie the beginning and end are what we remember most. And out of those two, it’s the end that sticks with us. This is true too of performances, presentations, speeches and of course dates. When a date is winding down and you know the end is near, it can be nerve wracking. So what is the best way to end a date? The first thing to think about is how you feel about this person. Are you really into them? Are they just okay? Or are you dating them just to pass the time? Experts state that most people make their evaluation of a potential partner within the first ten minutes of being together on the first date. Though this may be a bit presumptuous, and of course both parties reserve the right to change their opinion, it’s advised to start thinking about the end of the date before it comes to pass. Have a little outline of how you picture it going. If you’ve been out with this person before, have an idea of what you want and what they are expecting.
Keep the logistics in your mind. Does one of you have to get up early in the morning? Are you both smitten, or are you still figuring each other out? Decide where this date might head at the end, whether it be a kiss on the cheek or breakfast the next morning. If it is breakfast, be sure to have all the things necessary to provide for a safe and enjoyable evening. Make sure your date knows what is on the agenda. If they have plans the next day, but you were going to surprise them with a jaunt to your favorite little dessert nook, your plans might fall short. If you want to do something spontaneous that’s fine, in fact it’s very romantic. Then just ask your date if their schedule is free. It won’t be appreciated unless you are considerate in your planning. If you aren’t sure but something pops into your head, suggest it to your date. Discuss it. Or even leave it up to them. They may be excited about heading to that great tapas and wine bar. Or they may be allergic to the sulfites in the wine. It’s best to check first. Pay close attention to your date. What is their body language like? Are they open and reassuring or distant and cold? If you aren’t getting the right signs but you want to lean in for the kiss at the end, perhaps start small, an arm brush, a rub of the shoulder or back, or something like that. Feel it out and see how receptive they are. For more dating tips, read the advice of Amira Ruotola-Behrendt and Greg Behrendt in their book, It’s Just A Date!: How to Get ‘Em, Read ‘Em, and Rock ‘Em.