A new study out of the University of Chicago suggests that how you sleep can tell a lot about you and your love life. That is your sleep pattern, whether you generally stay up late and get up late, or go to bed early and get up early. Those who went to bed and got up early had less sex but were more likely to be in long-term, committed relationships. Night owls or those who were more likely to stay up late and get up late had more sex but were less likely to be in a long-term, committed relationship. Mating short-term late in the evening may have come from our ancient ancestors, theorized researchers. In a press release the study’s lead author writes, “It is possible that, earlier in our evolutionary history, being active in the evening hours increased the opportunities to engage in social and mating activities, when adults were less burdened by work or child-rearing.” The study’s author and professor in Comparative Human Development Dario Maestripieri recruited more than 500 graduate students, and found further correlations between sleep pattern and behaviors in the matters of love.
Male and female night owls had more in common than just their sleep patterns. These types are generally more promiscuous, are more often single and are more likely to be risk takers. Those who went be bed early of course were just the opposite, less promiscuous, more likely to be in a relationship, and risk averse. But what was the reason for this difference? Researchers discovered that male and female night owls have higher cortisol levels. This is a hormone that is responsible for having lots of energy, high cognitive function, stress and the ability to become easily aroused. In an interview with the Huffington Post Professor Maestripieri stated, “Many people can self-identify as an early bird or a night owl. This study helps people understand why their sleep preferences are associated with certain behavioral and personality characteristics.” Surely this doesn’t mean that a night owl and an early bird can’t find love. But it will be harder for them to spend time with one another. One thing this study ignores is that people’s sleep patterns often change over the course of their lifetime. Once night owls in their 20’s may become early birds in their 30’s or 40’s. How old were these graduate students? Still, taken as an overall phenomenon, the results are quite interesting. This study was published in February’s issue of Evolutionary Psychology. To learn more about the role sleep plays in our lives, read The Secret Life of Sleep by Kat Duff.
The Kinds of Friends to help you Through a Divorce
When a marriage ends some people want to hole up and never see the light of day again. It’s true that everyone has their own grieving process. But this is a time when you could use the support of family and especially friends. Close friends will validate your feelings, comfort you, make you laugh and give you some insight. They can really help you endure those hard, dark days and aid you in reaching the bright, shining day at the end of this terrible storm that’s settled over your life. Don’t be too shy or too proud to reach out to those close to you. That’s what they’re there for. You’d be surprised how much people want to help if just given the chance. And if the roles were reversed, wouldn’t you be happy to do the same for them? There are different kinds of friends that can help you through a divorce. See if you have any of these in your social circle and be sure to reach out to them in your time of need. A divorce can drive you nuts. What you may need is a friend who’s logical that can show you how things work and tie the loose ends together for you. If you have sudden revenge fantasies, the logical friend will bring up karma. And if you suddenly want to get a face tattoo to celebrate your new singlehood, your logical friend is sure to talk you off of that ledge. This is a good friend to have when the tempests of emotion rock your inner core. Be sure to have one logical friend you can reach out to.
Next, you want the confidant and conspirator. This is the person who will back you up, and throw in a few things when you really need to badmouth your ex. They’ll take you out for a few drinks, maybe even introduce you to some cute singles they happen to know. This is the person you can get loud with, have adventures with, and find reasons to love your life again with. Divorce can feel like part of you was ripped out. It’s important to explore your past and other sides of yourself. That’s why the old friend is a good one to reach out to. You can sit and relax, reminisce with them and get insight into who you were, who you are and who you want to be. The old friend has probably known you a long time and can talk about your other relationships and what patterns emerge, helping you to see what perhaps you brought to the relationship that you should work on to make your next one spectacular. If you met a new friend, why not spend time with them? They can help you develop your new personality, post-divorce. If you have a friend of the opposite sex, don’t steer clear of them. Hang out with them. When you’re ready a little harmless flirting as practice can lift your self-esteem. They can also provide insight from the other gender’s point of view. The fuzzy friend is a great one to have. Dogs and cats know instinctively when we hurt. The gestures that they do and the unconditional love they practice can help heal your heart. Finally there’s the tried and true friend, the one who may be all of these friends combined, the one that’s always at your side. You know they’ll be there when you call. Definitely reach out to that friend. They’ll have you feeling better in no time. For more advice on getting over a divorce, read Chicken Soup for the Soul: Divorce and Recovery: 101 Stories about Surviving and Thriving after Divorce by Jack Canfield, Mark Victor Hansen, and Patty Hansen.
Some guys seem to have all the luck with women. Others couldn’t get a second look with hundred dollar bills stuck to their clothes. Why is that? What really makes a man attractive to women? Dr. Cindy M. Meston, author and professor of clinical psychology at the University of Texas, has been studying just that. According to the professor, women as always are more complicated as there are hundreds of qualities that could draw a woman to a man. However there are nine specific characteristics that really do stand out. Women vary so much it is hard to nail things down. It can change so much from one individual female to the next. But these nine are the ones women generally tend to like in men. Some of the items are things you have control over, other things aren’t. Women do like scars, tattoos and piercings according to research. The reason on an evolutionary level is that males who are physically fit and therefore have good genes can also afford to take part in dangerous and risky behavior. David Buss, an evolutionary psychologist, did an experiment where he questioned women from 37 cultures from around the globe. He found that women were attracted to a man who had a high income or earning potential and an impressive net worth.
Women like men’s faces and bodies with good symmetry. This also lends to them having good genes. The deeper the voice of a man, the more symmetrical his body so deep voices in men are considered sexy. Height is another factor. Women always want a man who is taller than them. The V-shaped man is one that is highly prized on the conscious level because it’s attractive to the eyes, and on the subconscious level it shows his great health, stamina and ability to provide. A sense of humor is always the number one trait women look for in a man. According to Dr. Meston women prefer men who make them laugh, while men prefer women who laugh at their jokes. Psychologically, women make a “love map” beginning at the tender age of eight. How you fit into that narrative says a lot about your chances and how things will progress. A man’s smell can make him more attractive to a woman, though it’s different for everyone what exactly she likes. It also hints at symmetry. Lastly, confidence is always one trait women turn to again and again that they find attractive. You can’t be a conceited jerk however as that is a turnoff, as is the passive pushover. Instead stick to assertive, confident while still being able to be vulnerable and humble. To learn more, read Why Women Have Sex by Dr. Cindy M. Meston.