Men Provide Less Emotional Support to Their Partner When Stressed

Men Provide Less Emotional Support to Their Partner When Stressed

Ladies, have you ever turned to your partner when he is stressed out, looking for emotional support and validation, but instead receive the sound of crickets in return? If you are lucky you may get cold, calculated logic, instead of understanding. Now you could just call up a friend, your mom, or your sis. But a significant part of any romantic relationship is providing emotional support for one another. If you cannot get that, what are you in this relationship to begin with? Don’t blame it all on the male portion of the population. Men are not socialized to express their emotions in our society. So they already come at a disadvantage. Those men and women in supportive relationships feel closer to their partner, and that ultimately is what everyone wants. They feel more confident too. The sex is better since both parties feel close to one another. Intimacy abounds. And this support spills over to other areas of life too. We have a rock to depend on, a partner to carry us through the hard times, and to help us reach our educational, career, and personal growth goals. Emotional support for both men and women is often sought from their primary, romantic relationship. But a new study published online by the journal Psychological Science, has some bad news. Researchers discovered that when stressed, women do a better job of providing emotional support to their partner than men.

An international team of psychologists conducted the study, led by Thomas Bradbury. He is the co-director of the Relationship Institute at University of California (UCLA). Bradbury said that men manage stress differently. The male of our species, or at least in our culture, when stressed are less comforting, supportive, or nurturing than women, according to Bradbury. This becomes more evident when a partner expresses her feelings in an emotional way. 189 highly satisfied couples, who had been together for a little over four years, participated. The average age for the men was 28, and for the women 26. The couples were then split up into three cohorts. The first had couples where the man was the only one suffering from stress. In the second, only the woman felt stressed. For the third, both parties were stressed. First, Researchers conducted a fake job interview with each active subject individually. Then they were asked to count down from 2,043 by 17 each time, as fast as they could. They also had to start over again from the beginning each time they make an error. These tasks as you might imagine caused participants tremendous stress. Researchers then took saliva samples from each, testing their cortisol level—the stress hormone. Afterward, the couples were put into a room and videotaped for eight minutes.

When each active participant went back to their partner, they all complained, talking about the stress they were feeling, and what they had experienced. Researchers analyzed the videos later on to see how supportive each partner was, and whether men, women, or both were equally supportive even when feeling stressed. Investigators measured the number of positive, supportive responses, to the number of negative or dismissive ones. They also recorded non-verbal cues such as hand holding, eye contact, lack of eye contact, and whether they sat close together or far apart. And even when feeling stressed themselves, women were more responsive to their partner’s emotional needs than men. Bradbury said that each partner can be emotionally available and supportive of the other. But women should also realize that their partner operates a little differently. When he has had a particularly stressful day, and use another method of approach than a full onslaught. On these days, perhaps wait until he has had some time to unwind, or talk and vent but in a calm, matter-of-fact manner. This may elicit better responses. Meanwhile, both partners can recognize the role stress plays in their own separate lives, and in their relationship together. But each person must remember that you cannot tell how stressed your partner is until you ask them.

If love is stressed-filled battle field, learn the rules of engagement by reading Men, Women and Relationships: Making Peace with the Opposite Sex by John Gray.

What your Zodiac Sign Says About the type of Lover you are

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What your Zodiac Sign Says About the type of Lover you are

Astrology, or using the positions of heavenly bodies in different “signs” or “houses” to describe phenomenon and predict future outcomes, has been utilized by humans in all different cultures for thousands of years. Some deny any correlation between the movements of the planets and stars and our life here on earth. Others believe deeply in it. Most of us are somewhere in between, curious if there is something to it, yet bending toward a modern mindset. Those who believe think that your sign will say how your personality is, who you are compatible with and who to stay away from. Why not give it a try and see what your zodiac sign says about the type of lover you are?

The first sign of the zodiac is Aries, a self-centered type who thinks the world revolves around them. They can be arrogant, stubborn and aggressive. They are also witty, resilient, dynamic and powerful. Aries gentleman love the thrill of the chase and women, charm the pants off her man until he kisses the ground she walks on. If this is you, try to find someone who has a sign that is less assertive.

Taurus is just as its totem suggests, thick headed and unmoving. A Taurus never admits when he or she is wrong. Gentleman of the Taurus personation believe that slow and steady wins the relationship. Taurus women like luxurious vacations and the finer things in life. Besides being stubborn, Taurus’s are strong, sure footed, and good at their jobs and making money, so they can afford the finer things.

Gemini is the free spirited type. They are creative but also considered flighty, inconsistent and noncommittal. They can stab you in the back. They get bored easily and can’t concentrate on one thing for long. Guys who are Gemini’s go from one relationship to the next. Female Gemini’s are always trying to reinvent themselves and often look for validation from their man.

Cancers are dramatic, emotional and moody. You can take a Cancer anywhere, to a party or home to watch a movie. Guys who are Cancers can be clingy. Women can be nurturing or emotional vampires, sucking your psychic energy.

Leos are always the center of attention. They are funny, loud, exciting, and they crave attention.  Men have swagger and bravado, the women are bossy. Cater to her vanity and she won’t dwell on fights.

Virgos are nit-picky, over-analyzing, intellectual, cultured, cool and perfectionist to the point of OCD. They may seem calm on the outside but they are going crazy inside over-thinking everything. Virgo men want their women looking just so out in public, and the women give what they want to get back in a relationship. If you aren’t up to par, she’ll drill you into shape.

Libras believe in balance and harmony. They don’t argue and they’re fair. A Libra guy wants to maintain his independence, even in a relationship. The women want to be completed by their men, and still won’t ever feel completely whole.

Scorpios are very sweet. Just don’t cross them or you will feel their sting. These people hold grudges forever. They are as passionate in love, however, as they are when they hate.

Sagittarius people are positive, fun, sarcastic and often feel that no one understands them. That’s because they probably don’t. These are the love them and leave them type. They feel like they should sample all that life has to offer, and will move on just like that.

Capricorns are dependable, sincere, hard-working and boring. These are creatures of habit. They will commit easily and be faithful, but you two may have to work extra hard to get out of a rut.

Aquarius is the friendliest. Everyone loves them. They also love their freedom, can be moody, and sometimes hard to count on. It’s hard to get this sign to commit.

Finally, there’s Pisces with their head in the clouds. These are the dreamers and the romantics. They can also be easily let down with the realities of love not fitting in to their preconceived notions. For more on this topic read, Astrology- The Complete Guide to the Zodiac Signs: Find True Love, Your Perfect Career and Your Personality Profile by Mia Rose.

Study Reveals who’s More Romantic, College Guys or Girls

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Study Reveals who’s More Romantic, College Guys or Girls

Whether it’s that beautiful romance or the fun of playing the field, college for most people is one of the most exciting and pivotal times in their dating life. Noting the importance of this time in one’s life, researchers decided to answer the question of who’s more romantic, college guys or girls, and the study reveals some interesting results. Undergraduate men were far more likely to choose a romantic relationship over education and career goals according to the study. These results threaten to turn traditional notions of gender roles on their head. But not so fast. One question, however, is how a romantic relationship is defined. Are they talking about true love, marriage and children or merely a chance to get under the sheets with someone who’s caught his eye?

Duke University’s Medical Center’s Catherine Mosher and the University of Albany’s Sharon Danoff-Burg conducted surveys on undergraduate university students. 80 male students and 157 female students participated, ranging in age from 16 to 25. Reaching goals in different relationships such as family, friends, romantic relationships, marriage and children were measured by the questions in the survey. Goals outlined were financial success, physical fitness, travel, owning a home, career and education success and societal contributions. How much they were willing to sacrifice for romance was also measured.

The results were that both genders felt the need to achieve goals individually but also in their romantic relationships. 51% of female students chose romance over personal goals, compared to 61% of male students. “Charming companions” were more easily traded for travel, educational and career goals. The number of female students choosing a relationship over their career goals came out to 20% compared to 35% of male students. 15% of female students would jettison their education goals for love while 30% of male students said they would do the same. In an interview with LiveScience Mosher said, “I think that those are the issues in which people find tension often in real life, between having a career and making time for relationships.” But how romance was defined wasn’t clear. Were guys really into relationships or were they more than likely letting biology do the thinking for them? According to Kruger, “Maybe for the men they’re thinking close romantic relationship, but that doesn’t necessarily mean long-term commitment of getting married and having children.”

In terms of evolution and traditionally men strived for high status in order to have access to a higher or wider pool perhaps of potential mates. Kruger says, “So in a way it’s kind of like saying, you’re doing all this stuff to strive for something, but if you can get that ‘thing’ without additional striving, wouldn’t you?” Women on the other hand had been so focused on their career and educational goals that they didn’t want any relationship to come in and mess up their plans. Heterosexual men also get more emotional support from the opposite sex. For more on how to balance career and romantic goals pick up a copy of, Married to the Job! How to Balance Your Relationship and Career in the 21st Century (Love Lockdown Series) by Steve Cain.

You can come through Divorce a Stronger Person

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You can come through Divorce a Stronger Person

Going through a divorce can be one of the most heart wrenching and financially burdensome periods of one’s life. How could it ever make you happier? You’d be surprised. The brightest light is only witnessed after dwelling in the darkest places. Remember that divorce is only one part of your life, an interlude between your married life and your single life. It isn’t your complete life. Your existence isn’t defined by it. It’s merely something that happened to you. You can come through divorce a stronger person if you choose to. Of course you have to grieve for the marriage. That’s a natural part of healing psychologically. But too many people wallow in self-pity after a divorce. Or they are overwhelmed with the question, “What do I do?” It’s time to start looking at things bit by bit. Learn to become more self-sufficient. You don’t need your ex, even if they did provide or help to provide a certain amount of financial or other type of stability. You can do that yourself. Whether you have to figure out how to pay the rent or when to get the oil changed, it can be an adjustment. But in the long run you’ll learn how to do each and every thing you lack. You will become more independent. You’ll learn that you don’t have to rely on anyone for anything. You can do it all yourself. The most important lesson you’ll learn is that you can be with someone if you want to be. You won’t need to be. That very fact will attract much higher caliber people your way.

You will also develop a clearer identity. Before your identity was confined to that of the marriage. But now you are unencumbered. You merely represent yourself and come as yourself. If your ex used to embarrass you in public places you know what a joy this can be. But you aren’t overshadowed or compared to or even associated with another person. You can control completely what is reflected upon you. And you don’t have to worry about that person you were with messing it up. You look so much better without them pulling you down. And why not explore the other relationships you have? Work on your work relationships and improve them, you family relationships, those with your pets, your mentors and more. Spend some time working on you, and just you. What is something you’ve always wanted to try but never had the opportunity? Well, you don’t have a terrible spouse weighing you down anymore. You are free to make any decisions you see fit. If you have children you still have to keep them in mind. But you are the captain of your own destiny. And without a bad marriage in the midst, you can focus on strengthening the other relationships in your life. With having stronger relationships and being more capable you’ll gain confidence. And that’s really the sexiest quality of all. For more on getting stronger after a divorce read, Rebuilding: When Your Relationship Ends, 3rd Edition by divorce expert Bruce Fisher.

Have You Engaged in One of these Taboo Relationships?

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Why is the forbidden so alluring? Why is it at times we most desire what we can’t have? Ever see a girl flirt a guy away from his girlfriend, only to dump him a short while later? She was just caught up in the game. She thought she liked him, but she only wanted him because the other girl had him. She was caught up in the madness of forbidden desire. Date long enough and you will at least have thought about, if not engaged in one of these taboo relationships. The first one is your boss. Many people have had fantasies of dating the boss, whether male or female. They don’t have to be old anymore either with so many young businesspeople doing start-ups, social enterprises, and other ventures. You could also be someone at a higher strata and be turned on by your employee. It could even be a coworker. Whoever it is at work, companies usually have rules about dating inside the company. And if they don’t, it still could be bad if the relationship goes wrong. But it is steamy when a behind the scenes romance is flowering in the office. Have you ever had the hots for a neighbor? You see each other in your bathrobes, perhaps catch one another sunbathing on the deck. Before you know it you are over for cocktails and getting to know them better. But watch out. It might get awkward at the neighborhood watch.

Has someone who’s taken been making flirty passes at you? If you haven’t been actively putting the kibosh on it, you may be enabling it. Do you like the attention? Of course, who wouldn’t? But just how far are you willing to let it go? They probably won’t leave whomever they’re with for you. And even if they do, can you ever really trust them? Have you ever dated someone much older? Experience can be sexy. So can independence. Having to reassure a lover can be awkward and a downer. But someone who’s older brings so much to the fore. However, where is the relationship really going? The same with someone who is much younger, sure they can validate you and make you feel great. But what do you have to really talk about? Older women dating younger men has become more common. There are plenty of resources available to women who are interested in this, such as the book Cougars and Their Cubs: Reasons Older Women Choose Younger Men by Tomei B. The teacher-student relationship can be steamy. It can also land someone in jail. College professors used to sleep with their students in the 1960’s and 1970’s. But today, it is surely looked down upon, and can even get the professor in trouble, perhaps cost him or her their job. An ex’s friend is also a taboo relationship that often comes up. Don’t sleep with them to get revenge. You will end up breaking someone’s heart and no one will respect you for it. Watch out for taboo relationships. They are certainly steamy but they can also get you in a lot of trouble. They are probably better off as realms of the imagination then things that take place in reality.