Advice for Dating Over 50

Seniors-Dating

Advice for Dating Over 50

If you are over 50 dating can be a whole different world. Most people are independent at this age, perhaps with adult-age children who are hopefully out of the house by now. These are the divorced empty nesters. They don’t take any guff and know exactly what they are looking for. Today, it’s much easier than in the past because of the internet. But even then sometimes there’s no one that strikes our fancy. A lot of singles in this age group don’t want to be alone but don’t want to feel as though they are settling either. It isn’t easy but a lot of people get in their own way, too. Here is some advice for those dating over 50. First, consider the law of attraction. What you focus on in your life is what you bring into your world. If you are focused on the idea that there are no good men or women left then that is the situation you will dwell in. But if you are secure and happy, entering into each situation in an open-minded and lighthearted way then perhaps the right person will find you. That’s because this newfound positivity will sooner or later attract those who are also secure, open and happy, the exact type most of us would like to date.

Consider how you feel about dating. It often fills 50-somethings with anxiety. Sometimes we just have an unlucky streak. If that’s the case, it’s a good idea to put dating aside and later on try again. When you come back to it in a week or two with fresh eyes, take a look at your meeting and selection process. Consider reworking your dating profile. What does it say about you? Who does it attract? Perhaps freshen it up with a new photo, an anecdote or insight and then ask a friend their opinion on it. A lot of people at this stage are afraid. They’ve lost out in one or more serious relationships. They may be bitter or carrying baggage. Perhaps they feel as though they’ve been through the meat grinder and don’t want to do it again. This idea that there is no one of high enough quality is a projection we use to protect ourselves from certain fears about love, while also protecting our status. Here, it isn’t us that have the problem but the available dating pool. Sooner or later those that say these things start to sound like a broken record. It becomes a battle worn, thin piece of armor other minds can easily pierce. Instead, jettison excuses. Deal with whatever interworking makes you feel negative or reticent. Talk it out with someone and work toward a new perspective on your life and your love life, one that’s positive and edifying.

Dating at this age is not easy. We often run in the same circles. Start to break out. Explore new hobbies or old ones you put aside in the days of yesteryear when the demands of kids and career got in the way. Read articles and books about dating at this age. Attend singles events. Try a different website or app for meeting someone new. Pursue interests that are social through Eventbrite, Meetup, a local civic organization or a charity close to your heart. Network with friends and others to see if they know someone who is single that would be a good match. Those who are friends will have other friends who you might have things in common with. Another thing, don’t so easily cast others aside. Some people make their wants and desires in a mate so extensive that they price themselves out of the market. Everyone is imperfect. But judgment has to be set aside for an exploration of who exactly the other person is. A first date is like an initial interview. Often it tells you little of the person before you. Give it until the third date before you say no for sure. Some of the happiest couples weren’t so hot for each other when they first met. It takes time for anxiety to wane, understanding to grow and love to blossom. For more advice for those of the female persuasion pick up a copy of, The Winning Dating Formula For Women Over 50: 7 Steps To Attracting Quality Men by Lisa Copeland.

The Reason Women End Relationships that They Shouldn’t

rejection

The Reason Women End Relationships that They Shouldn’t

Ever think about that one that got away? There was that one perfect relationship that for one reason or another didn’t work out. You wanted so desperately for it to. And you play it over in your mind every once in a while, wondering how things could have been different, how to keep it from blowing apart. Sometimes women end relationships that they shouldn’t, even though the reasons seem perfectly reasonable at the time.

See if any of these have been the case for you in the past, and make sure you avoid doing them the future:

The first is when it comes time to move in together. Some women have a timeline in their head. If they don’t move in with their boyfriend by a certain time than they believe the relationship isn’t going anywhere. This is usually somewhere between the first one to three years. If the man never brings it up, never suggests it, or if he rejects the idea than she is out of there. Believe it or not guys think about the big picture too. But what looks like a whole three years to a  woman seems like a small time in the sixty plus years a man believes he will have to commit to once he marries a woman. And generally speaking living together either ends in marriage or a painful breakup. So men try to be careful. Why not discuss the issue? If it’s been the time where you believe you should move in together broach the issue and see how he responds. Negotiate. If things last another year than agree to move in.

Some women pressure their men to introduce them to their family before the man is ready. Lots of women feel pressured to get married by their family or by outside pressure, their friends are getting married or that they feel just a general expectation. Talk to him and find out why he doesn’t want to take you home to see his family if it’s been long enough. Has he been hurt in a prior serious relationship or even a painful divorce? Does he have trust issues from a difficult childhood? Or perhaps he is embarrassed about his family, likes you and doesn’t want to disappoint you or feel embarrassed in front of you. Talk to him genuinely and sincerely. If you can get him to open up you may find out there is more there than meets the eye.

With the pressure to get married, many women punch out if their man hasn’t popped the question by a certain date. Sometimes it takes a man longer to sort out his feelings than a woman. But when a guy is ready to marry a woman he goes all in. If your guy is talking about the future with you, keep it in mind. He does care for you and will come around. Just keep talking about it and when he gets comfortable he will be all yours. The key to all of these situations is learning to see where your partner is coming from and keep communicating. For more relationship advice read, He’s Scared, She’s Scared: Understanding the Hidden Fears that Sabotage your Relationships by Steven Carter and Julia Sokol.

Do you Fear Physical Intimacy?

fear-of-intimacy

Do you Fear Physical Intimacy?

Some people, especially ladies who grew up in strict households, fear physical intimacy. They understand that they will be physically intimate with a man at some point in their lives. But with so many messages they never know when the right time is. They almost feel as though they aren’t supposed to enjoy sex or don’t even know what it really is. The truth is Mother Nature made it feel so good to perpetuate the human species. Looks like she did a pretty good job with 7 billion people on earth. But it isn’t just men that are supposed to enjoy sex. In fact, the evolution of the female libido has changed.

In the 16th century women were thought to be sweet, flushed temptresses who were controlled by the passions, and could suck a man in if he were not imbued with reason.  It was the Elizabethan era of the 19th century that saw many of these attitudes about women’s sexuality today, often codified in the phrase, “the Madonna or the whore.” This is a phrase feminists use to describe how women are supposed to act according to this ideology. Either they are completely chaste and don’t enjoy sex at all. Or they are overly hormonal nymphets who are only moved by carnal lust and selfish desire. The truth is, as more and more women come to see, they are built to enjoy sex.

Now, men are generally the driving force for coitus. The male member contains an impressive 4,000 nerve endings. But it’s not impressive compared to the 8,000 contained in the clitoris, another hint from nature that women are definitely supposed to enjoy physical intimacy. Beyond that and the libido, the penis has another function biologically. The clitoris however has no other biological function except to give ecstatic pleasure to its owner.  Some women absorb negative messages about female sexuality. These women grow up in households where sex is taboo and never discussed. They don’t explore their bodies and therefore don’t know what they like. When it comes time to become physically intimate with their mate, it’s all guesswork on his part, and hers. She may end up very surprised. But more often than not she feels scared, anxious, inadequate, all the things to ensure she’ll have a bad time.

Studies have shown that when a woman is comfortable and relaxed, this is the best mood for her to climax. Certainly no woman should be pushed into sleeping with anyone. She has to decide when she is ready, under what circumstances with whom and why. That’s different for each woman. But to have a good time the woman has to know what she wants and likes in bed in order to communicate this to the man. He’s not going to know automatically. This theory that some women have that a man automatically knows is a fallacy. Explore safely and responsibly. If you and your lover are at the point of physical intimacy work slowly, be patient, explore with enthusiasm, and if you still have hang ups getting in the way, see a therapist. For more advice read, Overcoming Intimacy Anxiety: How to Love When Loving Someone Scares You by Jordan Gray.

Post-Divorce Sex Life

SEX-AFTER-DIVORCE

Post-Divorce Sex Life

Though many people grumble at the idea of dating and sex after divorce, it doesn’t have to be a disappointment. In fact, you can have the time of your life. You can look at it as having a new lease on life. Having a new partner can be scary, exciting, but also worrisome. When you are used to one person you may not know how to move forward with someone new. You need to investigate questions about technique, birth control, and leaving your own relationship baggage at the door so that you can be free and have fun again. Here’s some ideas on how to renew yourself, get out there and enjoy your post-divorce sex life without anxiety. First, realize that you aren’t alone. There are so many divorced people out there having the same trouble as you are. So don’t feel discouraged. You are in good company. Start dating again. But don’t just get it over with. Keep looking until you find someone you’re excited about. Despite the off-putting misconception that all the good ones are taken, there are plenty of singles out there in all different age groups. Start to explore your interests. Join a writer’s group. Take a cooking class. Or volunteer on a neighborhood project. You’ll meet people who have the same interests as you do. And they might be single too. If you date a few duds, don’t get discouraged. You just haven’t gotten to the right person yet. But there’s someone out there for you. Don’t give up hope.

Next, boost your self-esteem and body image. You don’t have to be a supermodel to find someone to date. In fact, you may feel unattractive but that doesn’t mean you look that way. Instead, highlight your best features and put them forward. Take some deep breaths and relax. Realize that your date isn’t going to be perfect either. What you are looking for is someone perfect for you, someone you are perfect for. Flirt with someone. Chat with an attractive stranger. Go on a blind date. Try online dating. Why not invest in a new outfit or haircut? Why not both? When you get positive results don’t chock it up to a fluke. It’s because you’re hot. When you find someone you are interested in don’t rush the physical aspect to get it over with. But don’t drag your feet either. Let them know what you’ve been through and how you are feeling. Tell them when you think you might be ready. But be open to the possibility. Remember that when you fall for someone all these things usually fall into place by themselves, so don’t be overly worrisome. It’s best if you relax and enjoy the ride. Some people don’t want to wait, but instead find the time after divorce a time of sexual reawakening. Don’t hold yourself back. But don’t break hearts either. Just be honest with the person and let them decide. As for birth control, discuss your options openly and honestly and see how your partner feels. If you need some more information there are a wealth of free resources on the internet and your local library. Enjoy your post-divorce sex life. If you let it, you will enter a personal renaissance, one perhaps you haven’t felt in ages. For more advice read, Getting Back on Top: The Uncensored Guide to Sex, Dating and Relationships after Divorce by Ian Oliver.