If he’s got these in his Search History, Delete Him

Online-Flirting-Is-Cheating

If he’s got these in his Search History, Delete Him

We are all guilty of looking at things we shouldn’t on the internet from time to time. But there are certain things that cross the line. Respect and trust need to exist in any relationship for it to be healthy and happy. But there are just certain things a husband or boyfriend shouldn’t be seeking out. If he’s got these websites in his search history, delete him from your life or expect trouble the next time you sign on to his shenanigans. It’s perfectly normal for a guy to seek out some porn. They are guys, they are going to look. But if you happen to find an over-obsessive amount, this is a deal breaker. It may mean he’s addicted to porn. He could then have trouble pleasing you.

Another phenomenon that is occurring, guys who expect their wives and girlfriends to act like porn stars in the bedroom. While you may be all about exploring your kinky side, just understand that the women in these films never get their needs met. So if you want him to go down south, or you wish to explore some of your own fantasies, you’d better come right out and talk about it or it could all be over. Another deal breaker in this realm is porn that is too extreme. Sure he may have a fetish which you enjoy or are at least willing to accommodate. But if you find out he’s really into some sick stuff, it’s time to hit the road. Next thing you know he’ll want to bring some of that stuff into the bedroom. FYI, if you’re up for it, a little bit of good quality porn between consenting adults can actually stimulate your love life form time to time.

If he’s been on dating sites since you two have become an item, get rid of him. He’s a player, a narcissist; he’s self-absorbed and doesn’t care about your feelings. He’s looking to cheat. One side note, make sure you two have verbalized that you are in a committed relationship. Some girls just assume. If you haven’t said it, it isn’t true. When you are only dating you can’t expect him to shut down his dating profile. You never know what might happen. He’s keeping his options open or still deciding on you. You may be in the same phase. But if you’ve said the three little words, be mine only and they said yes, then this guy is a heartless scumbag. He’ll give you a line of crap. If you fall for it, he’ll cheat on you anyway, and you’ll be in more pain and hate yourself worse for failing to see through his jive.

If your man has a long history of surfing gay websites, you need to confront him about it. There’s nothing wrong with different sexual orientations. If you fantasize about having two guys, and the relationship doesn’t mean that much to you emotionally, you may find it exhilarating. Otherwise, your man may run off with another man. How will you feel then? If you find him on Ashley Madison or some other type of cheating website, sign off on this relationship. He’s a cheater and a sneak. For help moving on if or when your break up read, You Didn’t Want Him Anyway: Get Over Any Man in 5 Simple Steps by Claire Casey.

How to Write a Great First Message

online-dating

How to Write a Great First Message

Online dating seems to be the way a lot of people get together nowadays. Make a profile, upload some pictures and off you go. It’s a great tool and for some a fun way to spend a couple of hours searching and considering. But when there’s one profile you keep returning to, or someone who you just can’t wait to know more about, it comes time to message them. Some of us just freeze up. What do you say? There are others who aren’t intimidated but keep sending out messages and never get a response. So what’s the best approach? What can you do to make that first message great?  The first step is to actually write something. Don’t abbreviate or use internet lingo, use proper English. Double check your grammar and spelling. Daters on these sites want someone savvy and sophisticated, not a Neanderthal typing with hairy knuckles. Next, watch the physical compliments, especially guys contacting gals. Most women like to be told in person that they are beautiful or gorgeous, but online they want to know that you took the time to read their profile, and found something in there that attracted you. They want someone who is interested in who they are, not just their looks.

Just like everywhere else, there’s competition online. Beyond that, you don’t want to seem a flat, uninteresting dullard. Why not use a greeting that shows who you are? If you are both Star Trek fans, type them a Vulcan salutation. If you both like country music, hit them with a “Howdy.” Even if you just go for a “Hey there” it’s better than just a hello. A line from a movie you both like might work. Strike a casual tone however. Too formal and you might come off as a stick in the mud. Now include what you liked about the person’s profile, and what attracted you to them. What do you both have in common? Spend some time reading their profile and thinking about what would appeal to him or her. Do they like the same books, movies or music as you? Are they a fan of the same sports team? Are they vegan? Do they practice yoga? Do they have six dogs, seven birds and a tank full of man eating piranha just like you? The more things you have in common, the more things you have to talk about and hopefully, the better a match you will make. Use your commonalities to get the conversation rolling. Don’t be afraid to challenge them a little. Ask a question.  Posit a theory or give them some insight that most people fail to notice. Bring up something they might not know like a certain band they might like, a book that would blow their mind or a great little restaurant tucked away in a corner of their neighborhood. The more interesting, the more they’ll want to message you back.

Talk about yourself, but don’t brag. Be humble. Arrogance is a turnoff. You don’t have to write an enormous amount. A paragraph or two will suffice. Be yourself. Don’t be weird unless the person you are messaging has already shown an affinity for your type of weirdness. Can you be relaxed and funny? Go for it. Not sure how it will come off? Then just be upbeat. If you still aren’t getting responses check your selection process. If your search filter includes the words “Ivy League” while you barely finished high school, you might want to rethink that. Make sure the person you are messaging would find it reasonable to date you and vice versa. If you are only going on classic chiseled features, the perfect body, a prestigious career and high salary when you spend your days shouting “You want fries with that?” you may be setting yourself up for a fall. Lastly, be sure to be nice. Sometimes we try to elicit a certain response with something witty and acerbic but come off as mean or bitter. Keep things positive and G-rated, at least at first. For more tips on making your online dating a success read, Love at First Click: The Ultimate Guide to Online Dating by Laurie Davis.

Advice for Dating Over 50

Seniors-Dating

Advice for Dating Over 50

If you are over 50 dating can be a whole different world. Most people are independent at this age, perhaps with adult-age children who are hopefully out of the house by now. These are the divorced empty nesters. They don’t take any guff and know exactly what they are looking for. Today, it’s much easier than in the past because of the internet. But even then sometimes there’s no one that strikes our fancy. A lot of singles in this age group don’t want to be alone but don’t want to feel as though they are settling either. It isn’t easy but a lot of people get in their own way, too. Here is some advice for those dating over 50. First, consider the law of attraction. What you focus on in your life is what you bring into your world. If you are focused on the idea that there are no good men or women left then that is the situation you will dwell in. But if you are secure and happy, entering into each situation in an open-minded and lighthearted way then perhaps the right person will find you. That’s because this newfound positivity will sooner or later attract those who are also secure, open and happy, the exact type most of us would like to date.

Consider how you feel about dating. It often fills 50-somethings with anxiety. Sometimes we just have an unlucky streak. If that’s the case, it’s a good idea to put dating aside and later on try again. When you come back to it in a week or two with fresh eyes, take a look at your meeting and selection process. Consider reworking your dating profile. What does it say about you? Who does it attract? Perhaps freshen it up with a new photo, an anecdote or insight and then ask a friend their opinion on it. A lot of people at this stage are afraid. They’ve lost out in one or more serious relationships. They may be bitter or carrying baggage. Perhaps they feel as though they’ve been through the meat grinder and don’t want to do it again. This idea that there is no one of high enough quality is a projection we use to protect ourselves from certain fears about love, while also protecting our status. Here, it isn’t us that have the problem but the available dating pool. Sooner or later those that say these things start to sound like a broken record. It becomes a battle worn, thin piece of armor other minds can easily pierce. Instead, jettison excuses. Deal with whatever interworking makes you feel negative or reticent. Talk it out with someone and work toward a new perspective on your life and your love life, one that’s positive and edifying.

Dating at this age is not easy. We often run in the same circles. Start to break out. Explore new hobbies or old ones you put aside in the days of yesteryear when the demands of kids and career got in the way. Read articles and books about dating at this age. Attend singles events. Try a different website or app for meeting someone new. Pursue interests that are social through Eventbrite, Meetup, a local civic organization or a charity close to your heart. Network with friends and others to see if they know someone who is single that would be a good match. Those who are friends will have other friends who you might have things in common with. Another thing, don’t so easily cast others aside. Some people make their wants and desires in a mate so extensive that they price themselves out of the market. Everyone is imperfect. But judgment has to be set aside for an exploration of who exactly the other person is. A first date is like an initial interview. Often it tells you little of the person before you. Give it until the third date before you say no for sure. Some of the happiest couples weren’t so hot for each other when they first met. It takes time for anxiety to wane, understanding to grow and love to blossom. For more advice for those of the female persuasion pick up a copy of, The Winning Dating Formula For Women Over 50: 7 Steps To Attracting Quality Men by Lisa Copeland.

It’s Peak Online Dating Season

ONLINE-DATING

It’s Peak Online Dating Season

Did you look around the New Year’s party for someone to kiss once the ball dropped? It might feel lonely but in fact, you’re in good company. Experts say that now is peak online dating season, so it’s time to dust off that profile and dive right in. The “season” lasts between now and Valentine’s Day. Researchers at Facebook a short while ago determined that the time people are most likely to change their relationship status is between the months of January and February. Some even secretly try out online dating at this time and swear it off at other times of the year. Two of the biggest dating websites, Match.com and Plenty of Fish, say their peak season starts on January 4th between 5 P.M. and 8 P.M. Match.com gets even more exact saying peak traffic begins at 7:52pm CST on Jan. 4. People find after the rush through the holidays that they have lots more time, time they use on their computers, tablets and smart phones.

The other reason is despite the tidings of good cheer, for many it’s lonely during the holiday season. One-third of 18-34 year olds were lonesome over the holiday break in the UK, according to one survey. And singles often see happy couples and yearn for someone in their life. This left-over feeling from the holidays is invested anew in the search for a significant other, come the turn of the New Year. But for a limited time only. So what website will give you the best chances at finding someone worth your time? In terms of sheer numbers, Match.com is one of the biggest, with 2.4 million users in North America alone. If you’d rather meet someone with an exotic flare, Plenty of Fish boasts 9 million users worldwide. It shouldn’t be hard to find a date on either of these sites. But one that you make a connection with, that’s going to take a little something extra. After New Year’s it’s a rush to find a date. But after Valentine’s Day, interest drops off. Love of all kinds fills the void after the holidays. Another thing that researchers have seen an after-holiday spike in, porn searches. Condom sales and conception rates both see a spike around the holidays and in their aftermath as well.

Researchers believe that the dark and gloomy winter months make us consumed with our tablet or laptop. The New Year is also a chance for a clean slate and a fresh start. Why not a new start to your love life? This is when we consider what we really want in life. It is also a time of reflection where we review what the past year was like and make sure we don’t make the same mistakes again, dating or otherwise. Some people lunge into online dating only to be disappointed. Just do it for fun. Don’t take it too seriously. Try not to do it for more than an hour per night or else you’ll get burned out. Really strive to look for people you have lots in common with. You really want someone you can talk about things with, and share what you love together. Don’t serial date. You’re likely to get burned out. If you do, take a break then start again anew. Make sure your profile says something positive and either funny or insightful to draw the right person in. Have it beta tested. Let a close friend read it. For more tips and exciting facts about online dating be sure to read, Love at First Click: The Ultimate Guide to Online Dating by Laurie Davis.

Wow them with your Emails

dating-online

Wow them with your Emails

With online dating, or people who are shy that you meet offline, email is the preferred method of communication. You work up from there to the phone call and if things go well, the first date. But you’ve got to get past the email phase first. So how do you wow them with your emails?  Here are some great ideas. First, write subject lines that set you apart. Don’t just say hello. Use what you know and be witty, funny and creative. Write a little thing about something you both like. If you are both fans of the same sports team, mention it, or the same rock band. Make it catchy and exciting. Compose your email so that your focus is on them. Read their profile carefully and find out everything you can, legally that is, about this person. But the other option is to ask them. Ask them about themselves. Find out more about them. They will love all the interest and attention. And they’ll be thrilled to ask you about yourself. Do pump yourself up. But be reasonable. And don’t play yourself as something you’re not. When the phone call or date stage becomes imminent your date might be in for a shock, and you some explaining to do. You don’t want them to be disappointed. And all of that work will be for nothing. Be polite but don’t agree to things you don’t agree with. Be who you are.

Do keep your email short. A few paragraphs should suffice; a page, a page and a half at the absolute most, unless you are some great romantic poet or a burgeoning novelist. Even then perhaps keep those to your works. Let things progress naturally. You don’t have to let them know your whole life story or everything you think about all at once. Leave them wanting more is a great Hollywood sentiment that bodes well here, too. Make sure your exit is graceful. Don’t do anything too flamboyant. Avoid coming on too strong. You are just in the figuring things out phase. You don’t want to scare them off before things have had a chance to develop. They may think you’re clingy or desperate. So err on the side of caution. Keep things a little casual, at least at first. Keep them wondering. Of course you’re interested, but are they the only one? Be a little mysterious if you think it suits you. Ask some of your friends if you aren’t sure whether it suits you or not. Ask them about their favorite book, movie, TV show, actor/actress, music group or what have you and research these. Research what they want to do for a living or are doing. Research everything and drop little tidbits here and there. Next thing you know, you’ll be riding the midnight train to firstdatesville.  For more online dating advice, read Cupid’s Guide to Online Dating: A Practical Guide to Finding Love Online by R.C. Lane.