Advice for Dating Over 50

Seniors-Dating

Advice for Dating Over 50

If you are over 50 dating can be a whole different world. Most people are independent at this age, perhaps with adult-age children who are hopefully out of the house by now. These are the divorced empty nesters. They don’t take any guff and know exactly what they are looking for. Today, it’s much easier than in the past because of the internet. But even then sometimes there’s no one that strikes our fancy. A lot of singles in this age group don’t want to be alone but don’t want to feel as though they are settling either. It isn’t easy but a lot of people get in their own way, too. Here is some advice for those dating over 50. First, consider the law of attraction. What you focus on in your life is what you bring into your world. If you are focused on the idea that there are no good men or women left then that is the situation you will dwell in. But if you are secure and happy, entering into each situation in an open-minded and lighthearted way then perhaps the right person will find you. That’s because this newfound positivity will sooner or later attract those who are also secure, open and happy, the exact type most of us would like to date.

Consider how you feel about dating. It often fills 50-somethings with anxiety. Sometimes we just have an unlucky streak. If that’s the case, it’s a good idea to put dating aside and later on try again. When you come back to it in a week or two with fresh eyes, take a look at your meeting and selection process. Consider reworking your dating profile. What does it say about you? Who does it attract? Perhaps freshen it up with a new photo, an anecdote or insight and then ask a friend their opinion on it. A lot of people at this stage are afraid. They’ve lost out in one or more serious relationships. They may be bitter or carrying baggage. Perhaps they feel as though they’ve been through the meat grinder and don’t want to do it again. This idea that there is no one of high enough quality is a projection we use to protect ourselves from certain fears about love, while also protecting our status. Here, it isn’t us that have the problem but the available dating pool. Sooner or later those that say these things start to sound like a broken record. It becomes a battle worn, thin piece of armor other minds can easily pierce. Instead, jettison excuses. Deal with whatever interworking makes you feel negative or reticent. Talk it out with someone and work toward a new perspective on your life and your love life, one that’s positive and edifying.

Dating at this age is not easy. We often run in the same circles. Start to break out. Explore new hobbies or old ones you put aside in the days of yesteryear when the demands of kids and career got in the way. Read articles and books about dating at this age. Attend singles events. Try a different website or app for meeting someone new. Pursue interests that are social through Eventbrite, Meetup, a local civic organization or a charity close to your heart. Network with friends and others to see if they know someone who is single that would be a good match. Those who are friends will have other friends who you might have things in common with. Another thing, don’t so easily cast others aside. Some people make their wants and desires in a mate so extensive that they price themselves out of the market. Everyone is imperfect. But judgment has to be set aside for an exploration of who exactly the other person is. A first date is like an initial interview. Often it tells you little of the person before you. Give it until the third date before you say no for sure. Some of the happiest couples weren’t so hot for each other when they first met. It takes time for anxiety to wane, understanding to grow and love to blossom. For more advice for those of the female persuasion pick up a copy of, The Winning Dating Formula For Women Over 50: 7 Steps To Attracting Quality Men by Lisa Copeland.

How to be a Little Sexier to the Ladies

Couple laughing

How to be a Little Sexier to the Ladies

Whether you are always given the “I see you as just a friend” talk, you’re going through a dry spell or you just want to keep your game nice and sharp, there are simple, easy, practical ways to become more of a ladies man without putting a huge dent in your wallet or sacrificing your true identity. Here are a few suggestions that, while they may not make you irresistible to women, will give you a little bump in the hot department. Here’s how to be a little sexier to the ladies. A study out of Penn State University in Harrisburg found that men who sounded more confident were more attractive. According to the study’s co-author from Albright College, Susan Hughes, PhD, in the days of our Stone Age ancestors women were attracted to the one who could protect and provide for her and their offspring.

Study co-author Melissa Harrison PhD said, “Women are born with a finite number of eggs, thus limited reproductive opportunities.” Personality traits such as intelligence and confidence were highly prized then as they are now by women. That’s great, but how do you use this knowledge to your advantage? Speak a little bit louder and higher than you normally do says Hughes. Other studies have shown that the number one quality women find attractive is a sense of humor. Work on your jokes, timing and delivery. A quick witty statement put in the right place may make her look at you the right way. It was found that women equate humor and wittiness with intelligence, although in the medical, neurological sense they aren’t the same. They don’t inhabit the same part of the brain.

Take a look at your wardrobe. How many red clothes do you have? If you want to be sexier, wear a red shirt says a University of Rochester study from 2010. Standing against a red backdrop works, too. This color signals sexual excitement universally in all humans. Eroticism and passion are often fanned by the color red in imagery. There’s the red light district. It’s even the color of Valentine’s Day. To shave or not to shave, that is the question. Don’t shave. In fact, grow some heavy stubble. At least that’s what an Australian study found in 2012. Men with heavy stubble were found more attractive than those with a five o’clock shadow or were clean shaven. Researchers believe it’s because men with hairier faces are thought to be good fathers and are more masculine.

Smile when you meet her, when you are working a room, but not in photos. Women prefer a dark, brooding profile picture according to a Canadian study. Men who smiled in photos were thought to be less masculine. They were less dominant and more feminine. German and British researchers found that in real life, slow down your smile. A slow smile was associated with being flirty, trustworthy and authentic. Tilting your head forward can intensify this technique’s effect, the same research states. For more tips on how to successfully navigate the difficult waters of the feminine sex read, 10 Mistakes Men Make With Women & How To Avoid Them (The Wing Girl Method) by Marni Kinrys.

When Using Dating Apps look out for Scammers

TINDER-DATING-APP

When Using Dating Apps look out for Scammers

Only two years ago did steamy, hookup app Tinder hit smart phones across the nation. Today, they claim one billion matches among users. But not everyone on the app is who their profile says. 21 year old Kristin Shotwell, a junior at the University of North Carolina, was one day approached by a friend who showed her a profile, using her picture, of some girl named “Kim.” It said Shotwell was on the University of Georgia in Athens, when in fact she was on her own campus. Her friend texted her a screenshot of the Tinder profile. Shotwell told NBC News, “That is when it hit home, when I saw my face on a bio that had nothing to do with me.” Of course con artists have used love as a ploy forever. But dating apps are making scams much easier to pull off.  All a computer savvy con artist has to do is piece together a profile from information found on the internet, a photo here, a little information there and viola. For Shotwell, the profile and other photos were acquired from her Facebook page. But she says she made all of her photos private. The Internet Crime Complaint Center follows such crimes. The multi-agency entity says since 2012, dating app and website scams have cost Americans $55 million.

Though relatively new, Tinder boasts 10 million users. It has been so popular, corporate giant IAC recently bought more stock in the company. It is already a majority holder. Yet it felt the need to acquire another 10% to the tune of $500 million. Still, though popular, it may be a playground for charlatans. At this point, there is no way of knowing. It’s too new to have any statistics, yet. Security response manager Satnam Narang, from internet security giant Symantec told NBC News, “Because there are so many people using the app, it’s a ripe target for scammers.” Tinder matches you up with other users. You can select either to accept or reject them. But if a swim suit model or a shirtless man with a six pack responds very excitedly to your acceptance, you could be up against a bot. Bots are software that can give canned responses to questions. Some are easy to notice. They aren’t the best conversationalists. Ask something simple or even out of the ordinary and you are liable to foul them up. Still, every once in a while one slips under the radar. NTT Com Security consultant Chris Camejo said, “People are suckers when it comes to relationships. Show a guy a picture of a pretty girl and he will do pretty much anything.”

Many security experts agree. There are usually two types of scams you can run on a dating website. The first one is as mentioned, using bots. This is a low-quality, less time consuming, but high volume method. These scams are designed to deliver malware. Some also get users to adult websites. There are users on Tinder have reported, for instance, that after accepting a fake profile, they were brought to a game called “Castle Cash.” But Tinder in an email to NBC News said they were “aware of the accounts in question and are taking the necessary steps to remove them.” The other strategy is to have a fake profile, make contact and work a person, in order to get access to their money. This is analogous to the old swindle where a supposed U.S. serviceman, who after exchanging letters for some time, asks for a loan to buy a plane ticket, in order to meet in person. But once they receive the money, they never show up. Though Tinder has not had this kind of thing happen yet, other sites have. FBI Special Agent Darrell Foxworth in an interview on NBC said that these scams come from all over the world. Two Colorado women recently bilked 384 online daters out of $1 million, all told. Foxworth said that for the victims, “The emotions that they display range from anger to severe sadness and depression, and often times they criticize themselves for being duped out of their money.” He added, “It’s crushing emotionally and it can be crushing to them financially. It takes a toll.” Some aren’t outright financial cons, but instead mere hijinks. The scammer may be angry, lonely or just plain bored. Of course, it is important to be on your guard when using these sites. Most people are honest. But if you just get tripped up by a false profile, laugh it off. If they ask you for money get rid of them immediately, and report it if you can. For more on this subject read, How to Avoid On-line Dating Scams by Mitch Conway.

Must Haves for the Single Girl

single-ladies

Must Haves for the Single Girl

Whether you are just out of a relationship, are playing the field or like Amelia Earhart you just love flying solo, there are certain things that are a must have for a single girl in this day and age. The little black dress isn’t the only thing you need. One thing you shouldn’t live without is an amazing photo of yourself. This is the shot where your face, hair and figure come together and blow the viewer away. Hang it on the fridge for when dates come over, use it as your profile photo on dating websites, and email it to would be blind dates and other suitors. You’ll be on their mind, no denying that. The next thing you need is that killer pair of heels. These can make you look sexy and stylish in any outfit from jeans to cropped khakis to your favorite skirt. You don’t have to tower over everyone. One-inch heels will make your strides confident and assured. You’ll be able to see more cute guys from the higher vantage point too. When it’s time to have a guy over, make sure you have one rocking CD in your collection. Just chick music will put him off. But if you have one Stones, The Clash or something a little edgy, it will show him that you’re well rounded, open-minded and not so thin skinned.

Get yourself one smooth pickup line that you can use in different situations. It can just be as simple as “Having a good time?” Have a line to detract would-be suitors that don’t cut the mustard. “Sorry, I have a boyfriend,” will do just fine. If you want to impress a date when you have him over why not stock your fridge with some nice microbrews? It’ll show you have great taste and really win him over, particularly if he’s a fan of the brand you’ve chosen. Have a business card ready. This is as true for business networking as it is for dating. It shows that you are a professional, an individual and you have your own stuff going on. Men love independent women in this day and age, especially if she has a particular passion or career path that models his own. Make sure you have an honest guy friend whom you can reach out to. Female friends are great to get relationship advice from. But if you don’t understand where your date is coming from, go to the source. If you have a guy you can trust you can go to him with particular situations and get insight from a guy’s point of view. What’s better than having someone on the inside to help you form your game plan? For more advice read, The Tao of Dating: The Smart Woman’s Guide to Being Absolutely Irresistible by Ali Binazir, M.D.

Watch how you use Social Media when Divorcing

Heartbroken-Twitter

Before you badmouth your ex on your social media sites, you might want to double think that impulse. A quick little message that takes seconds to compose might play out differently in the courtroom. Most people when going through their first divorce know little about the legal system and how it interprets messages on social media sites. But what you write on Facebook, Twitter and whatever else can affect divorce proceedings. So make sure you watch how you use social media when divorcing. One important thing to remember is that social media isn’t private. So whatever you post be it written, a photo, anything and on any site can be used against you in court. Blocking your friends or your ex and anyone attached to them isn’t going to change this fact. Aaron Abramowitz an attorney in Los Angeles recently put it this way, “Posting anything on social media is like standing on your front lawn and shouting it.” Blocking your ex isn’t effective. They can just go on someone else’s and take screen shots of what you have posted there, to turn over to their attorney. It’s best to keep what you are feeling private. Lots of people are starting to use social media like therapy. But remember it’s really just a public square.

You may think deleting a post can make a difference, but that isn’t the case at all. In fact, it may make things worse. Deleting a post can be seen as if deleting evidence, according to Caroline Choi a divorce attorney for Lowenstein Brown. She tells her clients instead to keep quite on social media. The reason according to Choi “once it’s out there, it’s out there.” Abramowitz says that “It comes up in child custody cases a lot.” Say a teenage son or daughter has photos of underage drinking or drug use on their Facebook page. The ex’s divorce attorney may make you look like an unfit parent. So it’s key not only to watch what is happening on your social media sites but those of the children as well. You may see a son building a half pipe for his skateboarding hobby. But your ex’s attorney could spin it as allowing dangerous activity to occur at your home. Make sure both you and your children’s pages broadcast only sound parenting. Also check and make sure what you have on your social media reflects what you are saying in court. If you are telling a judge you don’t have enough money to live on but you have photos of your last trip to a resort in the Bahamas, the judge may not believe you. Just remember to be civil, project a wholesome look on your pages, and save your gripes and rants for your friends to share at a bar, on the couch with tea and tissues or around the dinner table with two pints of Ben and Jerry’s. For more advice on getting through your divorce, read Divorce The Drama! by Melissa Sindeband Dragon, Esq.