The Happiest Couple’s Secrets According to Science

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The Happiest Couple’s Secrets According to Science

Is your relationship as happy as it could be? Thanks to some recent breakthroughs in research we have some indicators of what the most sublime duos do to perpetuate their love locked bliss. So if you want to know how to bump up the contentment quotient in your relationship, read on to see what the happiest couple’s secrets are according to science.

First, research has shown that celebrating one person’s good news fortifies the relationship considerably. In one particular experiment couples who celebrated small benchmarks three times a day for a week increased their bliss and decreased depression in their relationships. According to another study a happy marriage or long term relationship is worth $105,000 per year in terms of satisfaction. Who knew? Joyful couples have been found to have five positive interactions per day to one negative one. This is being called the “happy couple ratio.” Those who divorced however had eight tenths of a happy interaction to one negative one. It seems that if you increase the positivity, your marriage or long term relationship gets happier. This may sound simple to some. But look at your own relationship. How often do you interact positively versus neutrally or negatively? Observe your own relationship for a few days and see what conclusions you have.

Some of the ways to increase positive interactions within your relationship could be paying your sweetie a compliment. Just a simple text saying “Hi handsome” or “How’s it going gorgeous” would suffice, though doing a little more when something noteworthy comes along would be even better. A small gesture or gift from time to time is a great way to show your appreciation and love. Another positive move, reminisce together, bring up great memories you both share. Lastly, do something nice for your partner like cooking them dinner, giving them a massage, doing a chore for them, or watching the kids to give them a break. The biggest influence that determined the quality of a relationship was found by a whopping 70% to be the quality of the friendship between partners. Part of that close friendship includes talking more and spending more time together, five hours per week more actually.

Couples who spent more time in the bedroom were happier too. Those who had sex two to three times per week were the happiest. In fact, 55% reported being happier when they had intercourse every few days. When congratulating your significant other for accomplishments large or small, research suggests asking questions, saying congrats, showing enthusiasm and reliving the experience along with them. For more advice read, The Normal Bar: The Surprising Secrets of Happy Couples and What They Reveal about Creating a New Normal in Your Relationship by Chrisanna Northrup, Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D., and James Witte, Ph.D.

Little Changes You Can Make when You Become a Wife

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Little Changes You Can Make when You Become a Wife

Congratulations on getting married! It’s such an exciting time, the beginning of a marriage when you two have made that great commitment before friends and family, sealed the deal with an incredible reception and hopefully a honeymoon that will make anyone jealous. But what about after that? Sure a long term commitment is a big deal. But a marriage is an even bigger one. You should start with accommodating one another and showing your appreciation for the other person, especially at this early stage of the game. Here are some little changes you can make when you become a wife to show your husband how devoted to him you are, and how much you care.

It’s not necessary of course but it will be a great way to set the tone in your marriage, and let him know how you feel. One thing you can do is update your relationship status on Facebook. It’s a great way to show him, and everyone you know how happy you are and secure that your marriage will last. It will also send exes and others who have shown interest that you are indeed off the market.  Next, when an invitation or event comes up, make sure to do your new husband the courtesy of checking with him. This is especially important if you want him to return the favor. Setting the tone is important. And what one person does in a marriage is often mirrored by the other. Courtesy is returned with courtesy, and inconsiderate moves are also returned in kind.

Eat dinner together when you can. It’s a great way to reconnect after a long day. Studies have shown that families who eat together are far more healthy and well-adjusted. And your husband is your family now, right? To your friends, as soon as you get married they start to think you aren’t fun anymore. Don’t spend all your time with your husband. Have a girl’s night out every once in a while. Go for drinks or coffee with friends. Enjoy spending time together. Just because you’re married, doesn’t mean you should be attached at the hip. In fact, couples who spend some time apart with their own friends and pursuing their own hobbies are far healthier and happier than those who spend every waking minute together. When you stop on the way home for a little treat, like a cupcake at that place you’ve been itching to try, bring him home one too. It will make him so happy. It’s such a small, easy gesture that will mean a lot to him.

Tell people that you’re married. Don’t do it when it doesn’t fit into the conversation that you’re having. But when appropriate let others at parties, work related events and so on know. When you’re a girlfriend it’s polite to let it come up. But when you’re married, it makes a man proud to know that you are announcing it proudly and staving off potential rivals, instead of hiding it because you want the flutter you feel when someone finds you attractive. It’s important to set the tone early. It’s not just a new phase of the same relationship, a marriage shows that something has changed. You’ve made a broad and deep commitment to one another. Show him the advantages he gets for making you his wife. Show him your love and appreciation. He’ll return the favor. For more advice read, Wife School: Where Women Learn the Secrets of Making Husbands Happy by Julie N. Gordon.

Guys Are Drawn to the Damsel in Distress

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So many movies are the same. The lovely young maiden is trapped by the evil wretched villain. Her only hope, a knight in shining armor who swoops in to vanquish his opponent, free his lady love, sweep her up into his arms and ride off with her clutching him as the sun sets and the credits roll. But it isn’t just Hollywood that’s obsessed with the damsel in distress, guys fall for this female character, too. Many women, particularly in the West who are independent and can take care of themselves, hate this stereotypical heroine, and Hollywood and other media sources have heard and adjusted. This phenomenon still hangs on. So why are guys drawn to the damsel in distress? Mostly it’s because it makes him feel manly to be able to swoop in and save her. It makes him feel wanted, needed, important, a hero. It also makes her look feminine to him. Men throughout the ages have been traditionally the protectors and providers. Women, whether the modern feminist minded want to admit it or not, are also attracted to men who can make them feel safe and secure. Helping boosts a man’s ego. But saving a woman whom he also finds irresistible, that is a recipe for a man in love. Another thing, it’s easy to approach this woman. She needs help and he can provide it. It puts him at a superior standing.

This feeling of being a man, of doing manly things and becoming secured in one’s manliness helps to build the male ego. When he feels important, wanted, needed, and essential it feeds his ego, makes him feel manly and gives him a sense of pride that he is doing something good for a woman who deserves his services. The trick is to be a damsel in distress and at the same time not to be needy. This is easier said than done. Guys do want a woman to be independent. He wants her generally to have her own friends, career and passions in life. But he doesn’t want to feel as though she doesn’t need him at all. If you want to get closer to him but still maintain your independence, simply ask for his help in something. It could be a little matter. To fix something, ask for help in using a technical piece of equipment for instance if you are both working in the office together. The copier is always a source of consternation for any office worker. If there isn’t anything mechanical or technical around, ask for his advice or opinion on something. Thank him later on and let him know how much he helped. Once you’ve primed his ego in this manner he’s bound to warm to you. Remember not to use this all the time if you happen to be dating a guy or else you may come off as needy. But a little request for help now and then can pique his interest in you and let him know he’s needed and desired. For more tips on how to attract a man, read the advice of Ellen Dugan in her book, How To Enchant A Man: Spells to Bewitch, Bedazzle & Beguile.

What to do when Your Spouse Wears Diapers

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When you suddenly find out that your spouse is wearing diapers it’s difficult to know how to react. What are the dos and don’ts of the situation? You don’t want to hurt their feelings but you want to know what’s going on. The first thing to do is to directly ask them. Pick a low stress time when you both have time to talk. Take them aside and ask gently. Tell them you won’t judge them. Let them know you want to help and you are there for them no matter what. Generally speaking adults do not wear these unless they feel they need to. Most people find diapers degrading. There are three reasons people wear adult diapers. Either they are incontinent, they are adult babies or they have a certain sexual fetish. If it is a medical issue having to do with loss of bladder or bowel control, have them see a doctor right away if they haven’t already. This is an important medical condition that needs to be addressed. They will need you by their side for emotional support. They will feel very vulnerable and exposed as they endure a sequence of tests.

If it is a sexual fetish, take a step back and try to see it from their point of view. Diapers are soft and warm. And people have fetishes for certain materials such as latex and leather. Talk to them about it in a calm manner. Let them know you want to know more about it. How does it work for them? What do they see as your role? If it only goes as far as wearing it once in a while, maybe there isn’t any harm. But you should know exactly what is going on, if you feel comfortable or can ignore it. Remember the other reasons why you married them and give yourself some time to get over the shock. Reevaluate when you are ready. Keep talking to your spouse about it and get to know more. Maybe after the initial shock wears off, it isn’t such a big deal after all. If they are regressing into a baby-like state, the most confusing of the three, seek to learn more. Are they role playing, using toys and so on? How far does it go, what is involved and how do you fit in? Learn more about this phenomenon and evaluate carefully. Give yourself some time to understand it and get over your shock. Remember that they are your spouse and you love them. You might be hurt that they hid it from you for shame, pride, not wanting to upset you and so on. It hurts but understand where they are coming from, let them know that you want them to share these things in the future and that you are on their side, but cut them some slack. Write a list of concerns and address them with your spouse. Have ground rules if you decide to stay together, which are fair for both parties. Keep talking and the way forward will become clear. To learn more about diaper fetishes, read the advice of Penny Barber in her book, The Age Play And Diaper Fetish Handbook.

The Feelings of Love Are the Same the World Over

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When a team of Finnish scientists asked all different people from many different cultures to map out how love feels in the body, the results were remarkably similar. Happiness and love alighted a person’s entire body with warm, positive emotions. Depression on the other hand made feelings less pronounced in the limbs and the head. Fear gave powerful sensations to the chest. Anger made the arms active. Researchers hope that these findings, what they call body emoticons, will one day aid in the curing of pernicious mood disorders. Our mood alters our body without us even thinking about it. This is a fact that scientists have known for hundreds of years. What they don’t agree on is whether the changes in the body are particular to each emotion or is a pattern that the body uses to recognize emotions. Lauri Nummenmaa, a Palo Alto University psychologist, led the study which included Finnish, Swedish and Taiwanese teams. 700 volunteers were utilized in this study.

Each volunteer viewed a black silhouette on a screen. They were then asked to think about an emotion. The researchers would ask them to concentrate on one of fourteen selected emotions- anger, pride, and love among them. They were then to paint where they felt stimulated on their body onto their silhouette. On the next silhouette they were asked to paint areas of their body that were shut down due to an emotion they were asked to think about. Not every person painted theirs the same. But when the researchers put them together they recognized that the patterns were the same throughout for each particular emotion. For depression for instance, each person painted a pain in the chest. Many people feel this symptom when depressed. There is even research that suggests changing your body stance and so on can actually change your mood and perception. Scientists now believe that each emotion is felt in a particular set of body parts, in a particular pattern. Participants enjoyed the silhouette experiment. In fact, there is even a link to be able to participate online (http://becs.aalto.fi/~lnummen/participate.htm). It just goes to show that we are all human, that the feelings associated with love and other emotions are the same the world over. These findings will soon be published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences. For more insight on the relationship between emotions and physical feelings, read the advice of Deb Shapiro in her book, Your Body Speaks Your Mind: Decoding the Emotional, Psychological, and Spiritual Messages That Underlie Illness.