Stop Waiting around Wondering if he will Marry You

waiting

Stop Waiting around Wondering if he will Marry You

There are lots of women who want to get married but stay in relationships where it isn’t abundantly clear where things are headed. So they avoid the subject at all costs. They wonder whether or not he wants the relationship to progress. Lots of young women think that when the moment is right, true love barges in, sweeps you up and carries you off. Many women pine for that day, wishing and waiting, but never think that in real life, it doesn’t always work like that. An awkward conversation with your partner as to whether or not he wants the same kind of relationship is usually how it goes. Those who want marriage the most are often the most reluctant to address the issue, for fear of rejection. It may even cause the relationship to implode. But if one person wants one thing, and another person wants something else, the relationship cannot last. Hanging on to a relationship that is doomed isn’t doing anyone any favors. Here are some other considerations for those who find themselves in this position.

You may be so invested that leaving is not a palatable option. Lots of women become preoccupied with how much work they’ve already put into the relationship, and where they are in terms of their child bearing years, but if you aren’t carefully considering whether or not this person has long-term potential, or even wants what you want, you are missing the point entirely. Some people fall into a groove. They get comfortable. It is usually a slow creep. Suddenly the two are cohabitating and in a routine. Though the situation does not fulfill her deeply, the woman usually becomes averse to breaking out of it. If he moves out for instance, she’ll have to find a roommate, and bear the brunt of the cost herself, until she finds one.

These decisions are not made easily. But settling for something you don’t want will leave a void. That hollow will grow and ultimately tear the relationship apart. Either that or you will live unfulfilled, numb, a lovelorn sleepwalker. If it does fall to pieces, you’ll wonder why you spent so much time with him to begin with, and all of that time wasted when you should have been looking for someone that fulfills you, and wants the same things you do. Realize that people change their minds. But if you can’t talk about the future with someone, or they have promised you some movement in the past and failed to deliver, then this person is not for you. They don’t have the same goals as you. If you want the right future you may have to sacrifice the present to get to it. Though it hurts in the beginning it is satisfying in the end. For more advice read, The List: 7 Ways to Tell If He’s Going to Marry You – In 30 Days or Less! By Mary Corbett & Sheila Corbett Kihne.

Daydreaming About your Relationship can make it Better

thoughts

Daydreaming About your Relationship can make it Better

Human beings are natural daydreamers. We do it in traffic, during that long, boring office meeting, looking out the window during that coffee break or for those last fifteen minutes before Friday night starts. Lots of times we don’t daydream about our relationships but just lovely idle thoughts that fill us with joy. When we have a relationship problem we often use our conscious mind and focus our attention like a laser beam on it. But all this sharp concentration can give you a headache. When trying to solve a difficult problem in other realms of life we often find that if we just let our mind go and wander freely, our unconscious mind and our imagination will bubble up to the surface and soon, offer solutions. It’s like when you just can’t think of the right word, concentrating won’t help. But when you aren’t even thinking about it, it comes to you just like that. Well, just like with those other problems daydreaming about your relationship can make it better. We can also use our imagination to see what could be in our relationship, to explore potentialities and give those dreams flight. We can see what is possible, what isn’t and inroads to make things progress.

One study showed that taking some time to daydream and reflect was healthy for the human brain. According to these researchers, not being allowed to daydream may actually make us out of sync with our lives. A human brain needs a break once in a while. It can’t always be on. So if you feel bad about taking some time to daydream, don’t. You are actually making yourself healthier and more adept at dealing with situations with an adequately rested brain. Lots of people have replaced daydreaming time with internet time. But they aren’t the same thing. If you are healthier, then your life and your relationship will be healthier, and if you consciously steer your mind here and there to daydreaming about your relationship you may have insights or revelations that you won’t otherwise have. You may see possibilities or breakthroughs in impasses you didn’t know you had. Allowing other parts of the mind to take control and relieving the conscious mind of its duties for a while can really help make advancements in your life you didn’t know were possible. Find a little time when you first get up in the morning, or before you go to bed at night, or during those boring times in the day. Sit back and let your eyes go unfocused. Close your eyes and concentrate on your breathing. Slow your breathing and soon you’ll be daydreaming away. For more advice on improving your relationship, read How to Improve Your Marriage without Talking about It by Patricia Love, ed.D. and Steven Stosny, Ph.D.

The Valentine Detective

Will-You-Be-My-Valentine

Have you received a Valentine from a secret admirer? It’s so exciting and scary to not know who it is. So what is your next move? Of course you’ll try to find out who it is, or else it could lead to a really embarrassing situation. Here are some ways you can play Valentine’s detective and unlock the mystery of whose heart you’ve unknowingly stolen. The first thing to do is to consider how it was dispatched (wikihow.com).  Was it delivered to your house? If so, who knows where you live? If that doesn’t bear fruit, look who has access to your home address. Talk to other people that live in your home and see if they saw anyone suspicious who may have dropped off the card. If so, get a description and see if it matches anyone you know. Use the description and quiz your friends. Perhaps they recognize the person who fits the description. If you received it at work or school it will definitely be one of your coworkers or classmates. Run through a list of potentialities and see if anyone sticks out. If not, go to the quiet people. Was there any chance encounter? During that small interlude, what was discussed? How did they act? Think back. You might have a shy admirer who has chosen to intrigue you with a grand gesture in order to win your heart.

Look at the evidence itself. Is it a card, a gift, or flowers? What is the nature of the gift? Where did it come from? What company sent it? You could try to call the company and see if they’d give you any information. Make a big deal about it, then drop the word “stalker” and see if they’ll produce a name for you. Look at the thing itself. Do you recognize the handwriting? What is the tone or message? Is it funny, sweet, or romantic? All of these things may be put together and qualities or characteristics teased out. You can start to see then a personality profile. Your job is to match who you think it might be to the personality profile. When you have a match, you have your Valentine. Now it’s time to approach this thing head on. Have a short list of suspects. Tell them straight out that you got a surprise Valentine’s Day present and you don’t know who it’s from. Watch them carefully and wait to gauge their reaction. They may have a “tell.” A tell is a nervous move a person does when they are lying, or withholding information. If they show a tell, press them harder. Tell them you know they know something and unless they tell you, blank is going to happen. See if you have a little blackmail or can turn the screws on them in some way. Get the right person talking and you’ll know exactly what you are dealing with. If you’ve got it down pat, not only are you going to nail your perp, you might be cut out for the police academy.