Bra that opens when she finds “The One”

bra

Bra that opens when she finds “The One”

Introducing another startling love related invention that has come out of where else but Japan. Here we have the world’s first “smart bra.” This undergarment created by Japanese lingerie company Ravijour claims it knows how women really feel, so much so that the bra opens when she finds “The One.” But how does it know? When we fall in love, hormones secreted increase the heart rate. The bra has a built in sensor that detects this heart rate increase and opens the bra.

The garment works like a modern day chastity belt, keeping the girls locked away until the man of her dreams walks in and quickens her pulse. When her heartbeat reaches the crucial level the bra opens to end sessions of awkward fumbling just before the penultimate moment of truth.  Sure there are phone charging rain boots and hats that help you find Wi-Fi. But this may be the strangest wearable tech around. Ravijour has its own sexuality specialist on staff who states on the company’s promotional video, “When we fall in love, we experience an instant boost in excitement. That feeling is unlike any other excitement we encounter in life.”

The company’s hopes for this item are not small. Saying of his invention the creator of the smart bra stated, “Until now, the bra was just a piece of clothing to remove. But now it is an instrument to test for true love … destined to become a friend of women around the world.” What isn’t discussed is if the bra will open at times when the lady’s heart rate increases yet isn’t in the throes of passion with her beau? When she is just told of some horrible news, when she’s seeing a Thriller with friends or her parents, when something startling happens at work or she gets to be a guest on a game show. Will her bra open at these inopportune times? What if she wants to get involved with someone physically but isn’t in love? Where is this technology leading also? Certainly we don’t want too much tech in the bedroom.

There is fear of too much being revealed, especially through social media websites. In the age of “revenge porn” we are reminded that positive technologies often do have unforeseen consequences. Nor do we want to export all of our decisions about our bodies to some gizmo or smart device with a socially constructed idea of what courtship and love should be like. Sometimes the best lessons come from when we are unencumbered by outside forces such as societal views of what is proper when. Sure the smart bra seems fun, and is probably just a publicity stunt to get exposure, but we have to protect ourselves from the encroachment of technology into the more private realms of our lives. To learn more about technology’s impact on modern dating read, Love in the Time of Algorithms: What Technology Does to Meeting and Mating by Dan Slater.

If he’s got these in his Search History, Delete Him

Online-Flirting-Is-Cheating

If he’s got these in his Search History, Delete Him

We are all guilty of looking at things we shouldn’t on the internet from time to time. But there are certain things that cross the line. Respect and trust need to exist in any relationship for it to be healthy and happy. But there are just certain things a husband or boyfriend shouldn’t be seeking out. If he’s got these websites in his search history, delete him from your life or expect trouble the next time you sign on to his shenanigans. It’s perfectly normal for a guy to seek out some porn. They are guys, they are going to look. But if you happen to find an over-obsessive amount, this is a deal breaker. It may mean he’s addicted to porn. He could then have trouble pleasing you.

Another phenomenon that is occurring, guys who expect their wives and girlfriends to act like porn stars in the bedroom. While you may be all about exploring your kinky side, just understand that the women in these films never get their needs met. So if you want him to go down south, or you wish to explore some of your own fantasies, you’d better come right out and talk about it or it could all be over. Another deal breaker in this realm is porn that is too extreme. Sure he may have a fetish which you enjoy or are at least willing to accommodate. But if you find out he’s really into some sick stuff, it’s time to hit the road. Next thing you know he’ll want to bring some of that stuff into the bedroom. FYI, if you’re up for it, a little bit of good quality porn between consenting adults can actually stimulate your love life form time to time.

If he’s been on dating sites since you two have become an item, get rid of him. He’s a player, a narcissist; he’s self-absorbed and doesn’t care about your feelings. He’s looking to cheat. One side note, make sure you two have verbalized that you are in a committed relationship. Some girls just assume. If you haven’t said it, it isn’t true. When you are only dating you can’t expect him to shut down his dating profile. You never know what might happen. He’s keeping his options open or still deciding on you. You may be in the same phase. But if you’ve said the three little words, be mine only and they said yes, then this guy is a heartless scumbag. He’ll give you a line of crap. If you fall for it, he’ll cheat on you anyway, and you’ll be in more pain and hate yourself worse for failing to see through his jive.

If your man has a long history of surfing gay websites, you need to confront him about it. There’s nothing wrong with different sexual orientations. If you fantasize about having two guys, and the relationship doesn’t mean that much to you emotionally, you may find it exhilarating. Otherwise, your man may run off with another man. How will you feel then? If you find him on Ashley Madison or some other type of cheating website, sign off on this relationship. He’s a cheater and a sneak. For help moving on if or when your break up read, You Didn’t Want Him Anyway: Get Over Any Man in 5 Simple Steps by Claire Casey.

Engaging your Erotic Capital

erotic

Engaging your Erotic Capital

Most people have a celebrity that they go ga-ga over, someone dripping with sex appeal. Catherine Hakim, a sociologist in England, has a new phrase to quantify that special libido stoking quality that some people have, calling it ‘erotic capital.’ Well we have social capital—people who have a lot of friends and acquaintances and are good at networking, economic capital and cultural capital meaning a great artist for instance, or a very knowledgeable person. Why not erotic capital? This is what we used to call sex appeal. Of course in terms of capital this doesn’t just mean getting a lot of dates or finding your perfect match but it’s also an asset in climbing the ladder to success. Any type of advantage you can use for gain is referred to as capital. Sociologists have long studied the other three types mentioned above. But erotic capital helps people get ahead in a lot of ways, yet has been ignored by sociologists by and large. There are six main characteristics to erotic capital according to Hakim which are: sexual attractiveness, beauty, sexual competence, likeability-social skills, liveliness and style. According to Hakim sexual capital is learned. You don’t necessarily have it from birth. It’s also something that works on one group, not just a particular person or persons.

Some people have erotic capital but fail to use it to their advantage. So how can you engage your erotic capital? First realize that it depends on your gender. Women have far more erotic capital than men. They should be using it more to their advantage according to Hakim. Since men have a far more developed sex drive, women’s erotic capital is worth more. Hakim writes on this saying, “Men’s demand for sexual activity and erotic entertainment of all kinds greatly exceeds women’s interest in sex.” Experiments have shown that more attractive people are regarded as smarter, given more breaks and get ahead easier than those not so easy on the eyes. What she may be ignoring however is that there is a social and societal standard against women using erotic capital to their advantage. In fact, they may be labelled negatively by society for using their erotic capital to get ahead. What’s more women today feel that they often have to work harder, competing with online porn and the internet for male attention. With technologies like this in place, is erotic capital as powerful or useful as it once was? Certainly both sexes are aware that smiling, eye contact, flirting and other such similar moves can open doors where other forms of capital can’t. For more on this topic, read Erotic Capital: The Power of Attraction in the Boardroom and the Bedroom by Catherine Hakim.

His Porn Habit could hurt your Relationship

Thinking and working

His Porn Habit could hurt your Relationship

The porn industry earns $14 billion dollars in the U.S. annually and millions watch it.  Of course, the big driver of this is men, though some women and even couples enjoy watching together. But according to a new study out in the Psychology of Popular Media Culture his porn habit could hurt your relationship. When someone watches porn they become more accepting of extramarital affairs. As the researchers themselves point out in America, infidelity is one of the most common causes of divorce. The General Social Survey (GSS), the only survey of American’s social beliefs, was used. Researchers isolated 551 adults who were married for their study. These participants were then asked specific questions in order to find out how much pornography they consumed. Questions like, “Have you seen an X-rated movie in the last year?” Their opinions about infidelity were also recorded. Here researchers asked questions like, “What is your opinion about a married person having sexual relations with someone other than the marriage partner?” All the answers were recorded and the results soon became clear.

Researchers concluded that, “Pornography consumption was associated with more positive subsequent extramarital sex attitudes in both analyses.” From here researchers concluded that since infidelity is one of the leading causes of divorce in the U.S. and since watching stag films makes extramarital affairs seem “normative and rewarding,” that pornography can help cause divorce. The study itself concludes that, “If pornography consumption leads to more positive extramarital sex attitudes as the results of the panels suggest, pornography consumption may be a contributing factor in some divorces via extramarital sex behavior.” Certainly a little porn consumption once in a while shouldn’t lead to an extramarital affair. But viewing it often or compulsively can contribute to an attitude conducive to one. Some couples watch porn together and use it to enhance their sex lives and therefore their relationship. This could actually help solidify rather than pull apart your bond. But excessive porn watching can have damaging effects on the relationship. Another problem is porn related erectile dysfunction. Some guys get obsessed by internet porn and have trouble performing or finishing between the sheets with their wives or girlfriends. Talk casually about it and let him know why you are asking and if he does have a problem with it, make him feel comfortable but try to get him to open up about it, admit he has a problem and take it from there. For more on this topic, read Understanding Your Man’s Porn Habit: How it can Affect Your Family & Relationship by J. Westman.

Dumped because of Performance Anxiety

sexual-performance-anxiety

Sometimes everything seems to be going great and then out of the blue, a guy will dump you. What happened you ask yourself? Was it his porn obsession? Was it your weight? The answer might surprise you. There are guys out there who believe it or not dump women because they suffer terrible performance anxiety. They prefer smaller women or even porn for this very reason. A man has to rise to the occasion. Not only is he the expected pursuer but his performance is studied closely and open for rejection or ridicule. For a guy who has performance anxiety, this very pressure in and of itself can lead to a lack of rising to the occasion. The anxiety becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy and so he turns to porn, a source that is always welcoming, that will never reject him. Selecting small women is indicative of an anxiety of a different kind. He’s afraid the size of his member is not up to snuff. Another aspect is the mere performance itself. If he can’t satisfy the woman, it is the guy’s fault. If he can’t rise to the occasion, he feels he takes the blame. A smaller woman however is less intimidating. And in reference to porn, a man can easily project himself in the lead male role without having to wonder whether or not he measures up.

Guys who feel that they don’t measure up may select smaller women thinking that anatomically they are more compatible. What they fail to understand is that the size of one’s genitals does not directly correlate to the size of one’s body. Of course even if porn is an escape from this anxiety, it also exacerbates the problem. Guys in those movies are huge and can go for hours it seems, though this is truly scripted and staged and not at all what happens onset. If you are with a guy who seems nervous, puts off sex or retreats into porn, don’t chastise him. It won’t encourage him. In fact, he’s bound to be more reticent, pull back into his shell, or leave altogether rather than face his fear. Perhaps try and make him feel comfortable. Compliment him. Tell him how handsome he looks and how attractive he is to you. Get close to him. Ease him into it. Get him feeling comfortable. Make him laugh. It could even have been some time since he’s been with a woman. He may be shy. But he also may be rusty. Work on boosting his ego, but also make him feel comfortable. Gush over him a little. Come on to him when the time is right. Let him know what you’d like to do to him or what you want him to do to you, if you are so bold. Take over and give him the time of his life. Afterward, let him know how amazing he was. With a little confidence booster, he’ll be all man in no time, and all yours. For more on overcoming performance anxiety and other sexual dilemmas, read the advice of Barbara Keesling in her book, Sexual Healing: The Completest Guide to Overcoming Common Sexual Problems.