If he’s got these in his Search History, Delete Him

Online-Flirting-Is-Cheating

If he’s got these in his Search History, Delete Him

We are all guilty of looking at things we shouldn’t on the internet from time to time. But there are certain things that cross the line. Respect and trust need to exist in any relationship for it to be healthy and happy. But there are just certain things a husband or boyfriend shouldn’t be seeking out. If he’s got these websites in his search history, delete him from your life or expect trouble the next time you sign on to his shenanigans. It’s perfectly normal for a guy to seek out some porn. They are guys, they are going to look. But if you happen to find an over-obsessive amount, this is a deal breaker. It may mean he’s addicted to porn. He could then have trouble pleasing you.

Another phenomenon that is occurring, guys who expect their wives and girlfriends to act like porn stars in the bedroom. While you may be all about exploring your kinky side, just understand that the women in these films never get their needs met. So if you want him to go down south, or you wish to explore some of your own fantasies, you’d better come right out and talk about it or it could all be over. Another deal breaker in this realm is porn that is too extreme. Sure he may have a fetish which you enjoy or are at least willing to accommodate. But if you find out he’s really into some sick stuff, it’s time to hit the road. Next thing you know he’ll want to bring some of that stuff into the bedroom. FYI, if you’re up for it, a little bit of good quality porn between consenting adults can actually stimulate your love life form time to time.

If he’s been on dating sites since you two have become an item, get rid of him. He’s a player, a narcissist; he’s self-absorbed and doesn’t care about your feelings. He’s looking to cheat. One side note, make sure you two have verbalized that you are in a committed relationship. Some girls just assume. If you haven’t said it, it isn’t true. When you are only dating you can’t expect him to shut down his dating profile. You never know what might happen. He’s keeping his options open or still deciding on you. You may be in the same phase. But if you’ve said the three little words, be mine only and they said yes, then this guy is a heartless scumbag. He’ll give you a line of crap. If you fall for it, he’ll cheat on you anyway, and you’ll be in more pain and hate yourself worse for failing to see through his jive.

If your man has a long history of surfing gay websites, you need to confront him about it. There’s nothing wrong with different sexual orientations. If you fantasize about having two guys, and the relationship doesn’t mean that much to you emotionally, you may find it exhilarating. Otherwise, your man may run off with another man. How will you feel then? If you find him on Ashley Madison or some other type of cheating website, sign off on this relationship. He’s a cheater and a sneak. For help moving on if or when your break up read, You Didn’t Want Him Anyway: Get Over Any Man in 5 Simple Steps by Claire Casey.

Find out What Kind of Guy he really is

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Find out What Kind of Guy he really is

Manipulation is always thought of as a negative thing. The truth of the matter is that we manipulate each other all of the time. We sweet talk the boss into giving us more time on a task. We try and convince the cop not to give us a ticket even though we know we were speeding. We try to get our roommate to do our chores when we are short on time and high on assignments. The point is that finding out how people tick and using it to your advantage is fine, depending upon your intention and if it hurts the person in the end.

Of course you shouldn’t be callous and mean. No one should manipulate someone into a bad position just so they can rise in consequence. But there are normal interactions between people that can be looked at as manipulation that are really okay, like when a girl decides that she’d like to be settling down. You don’t want to waste time dating guys where the relationship isn’t going anywhere. Nor do you want to get emotionally invested in someone who will end up letting you down. Instead, here are some things you can do to find out what kind of guy he really is.

Not on the first date, but early in the relationship if you want to see if he’s a male chauvinist or insecure, wear heels. When you are tall and sexy and sticking out, he’ll have to deal with you. Watch how he takes it. If he’s laid back, cool, confident and aloof, he wins points. When he thinks he’s going to get lucky, play sick and see how he reacts. Does he get angry? Does he leave? Or does he try to take care of you or offer to keep you company? One trick some women try is to elicit the help of her sexiest girlfriend. She sends her out there to try to pick up her boyfriend. If he goes for it then he isn’t the one for you. The disadvantage to this strategy is that many a girl gets dumped by both her boyfriend and her friend, who end up together. So watch how that one might play out.

Fake a catastrophe in your life and see how he reacts. Does he back away or offer to help? If he’s really into you he will do anything to help you. But if he isn’t so emotionally invested he will make an excuse and get out of there. This separates the players from boyfriend material. You will also find whether or not he’s got leadership qualities. If he starts managing the crisis instead of kowtowing to your wishes then you now know his relationship style and how he operates in a crisis. Handling one of life’s disasters smashingly is one of those top relationship qualities for the long haul. Just be careful. Or else you’ll get stuck in one of those sitcom situations where awkwardness for you and comedy for everyone else ensues. For more advice read, How to Tell if Your Boyfriend Is the Antichrist: (and if he is, should you break up with him?) by Patricia Carlin.

Are you the Chick on the Side?

woman-waiting-for-text

Are you the Chick on the Side?

Are you dating someone who is acting funny? There are lots of players out there. If you are looking for a long term relationship you don’t want to waste your time. And there are lots of smooth players out there that will make you feel as if you are the only one, when in reality they are balancing a bunch of different girls at one time. So what are the warning signs? How do you know when you are the chick on the side?

First, have you ever been invited to his place? Do you even know where he lives? It’s okay if you two have just started dating. But after a couple of months or so, if you haven’t seen where a guy lives it’s just plain weird. He may live with someone or he has so many girls in and out that he doesn’t want to risk someone leaving something and tipping off one of his dates. He could also live with a woman and he’s afraid of tipping her off. He could also be embarrassed by where he lives, especially if you make more than him. What about his social networking sites? Are you two friends on Facebook, Twitter and so on? If not, does he have some excuse why not or does he say he doesn’t use these sites? If so, he may not want his main squeeze to be aware of you, so he locks down his sites or, if he’s a player, doesn’t use them for anyone but his closest inner circle to keep from being caught.

Is your guy territorial about his phone? If he takes all his calls in another room, turns the volume way down so you can’t hear it, and always has it locked than he may have someone else. He knows that his phone is one of the weak points, and an easy way to get caught, and so has minimized the chance of you overhearing something that will break the whole thing wide open. Does this guy make time for you? If he only texts you late at night, is always busy, and calls and texts intermittently, sometimes days later, then you are probably the chick on the side. A man makes time for the woman he’s interested in. So if he’s acting this way he is making time for her, not for you. If he has a really busy schedule however, he’s in medical school, receiving intense training, or some other career that is hogging all of his time, or if he’s an intense workaholic perhaps he’s committed to his job rather than another woman. Then you have to discover whether or not you can date someone who has limited time to spend on the relationship.

Does your guy plan everything out? If you want to meet unplanned for a lunch date, or you invite him somewhere right out of the blue can he go? If all of your dates are planned days or even weeks in advance, if he is never available on the fly this is bad news. He probably has to lie to his main squeeze to see you and can’t get away. Plan something spontaneous and enticing and see if he takes the bate or still refuses. Look for more than one warning sign. See if you can catch him. Or ask him directly if he’s seeing someone else. Don’t waste your time with someone who won’t make you the focus of his love life. Find someone who will. You are so worth it. For more advice read, Don’t Hate the Player, Learn the Game: How to Spot Ineligible Eligible Bachelors by Lyn Lewis, Ph.D.

Are you Just a Toy?

signs_your_man-is_using_you

Are you Just a Toy?

Mutual respect is the baseline for any healthy relationship. Without mutual respect it cannot take root. Sometimes when we are looking for someone not just to date but to get involved with, it can be hard to determine what their intentions are. Do they want a relationship? Or are you just a toy to them, someone to enjoy and cast off when they get bored? There are specific warning signs to look for so you don’t waste your time with the narcissistic, the callous, the diabolical or the fearful of commitment types, and instead focus in on what you are really after. No one wants to be cruelly tossed aside like yesterday’s plaything. Take a look at these indicators and make sure to steer clear of anyone who is displaying them.

Do you make dates for the near future? Or does the person you’re involved with only contact you at night? If you are only getting calls and texts as a late night thing, or dates are planned on the fly, this person isn’t really serious about you. How often are you contacted when this person is inebriated? If you are their common drunk dial, they may only be feeling it for you when they imbibe, not a good sign. What is the cuddling situation like? Even the meanest, most cold hearted or strangest person will cuddle if they like you. Not wanting to cuddle is a sure sign they want to keep a distance from you emotionally.

Does this person reach out to you when they are feeling insecure? Is cuddling okay when they’ve run into an ex and need validation? You could just be an occasional ego booster, with no real potential for a future commitment. Does this person go out of their way to see you? If you’re the one doing all the calling, the date planning, and driving over to their place just to see them, and you aren’t getting any of this in return you are probably just a toy. When invited to a special event by this person, do you get a special invitation, or are you just part of the big, impersonal invite? If they really cared about you they would go out of their way to show you they wanted you there.

How are you greeted when you see them? Do you get a big kiss, even on the cheek? Do you get a hug? Or only a head nod? If it’s just the nod, this person really isn’t into you. Test them and stop calling. See if they call you. Make them make the effort to plan a date in advance, or go out of their way to come see you. If they don’t do it, or make a big deal about it, you know you aren’t important or worth it to them. And if you’re looking for a long term relationship you know now that this isn’t working for you, and you need to move on. For more advice read, You Can Do Better: How to Improve Your Self-Esteem, Stop Dating the Wrong Men and Start Living the Life you Deserve by Ash Green.

Guys to Watch Out for

watchout

Guys to Watch Out for

Lots of women come out of a divorce or a long term relationship with no idea what they are looking for in their next love interest. After the healing process, lots of ladies want to get back out there and experience the dating scene. And why wouldn’t you? With internet dating it has never been easier to find singles to chat with, go out with and perhaps start a new romance with. But if you don’t know what you are looking for it can be easy to fall for Mr. Wrong. Red flags may stream across your face, yet you’ll sit there contently oblivious to what is about to sneak up on you and smack you across the face.

Consider what you are really looking for. Have a list, but don’t make your standards too high. Instead, you should include things like a good sense of humor, trustworthiness, intelligence, conscientiousness and the two of you should have chemistry. Now that you have an idea of what you are looking for, it pays to know which guys to watch out for as well. First, look out for the walking wounded. Both men and women have this problem. This is someone who never healed from their past relationship but instead jumped right into the next one. He has problems with his self-esteem. He’s looking for a rebound or a quick jump in the hay.

The next guy you want to watch out for is the smooth operator. He’ll have you in bed so fast you won’t know what hit you. And by the time you can scoop up your clothes and ask where this relationship is going, he’s out the door, won’t return your calls and has disappeared out of sight. These guys generally know what the right lines are and can push the right buttons. If the guy who is sweet talking you seems to be using lines, if he’s too good to be true, if your b.s. sensors are screaming and you have a weird feeling in the pit of your stomach about him, do not pass go, do not collect two hundred dollars. If you aren’t sure and none of these obvious warning signs are going off, evaluate his speech. What does he say to you? Are his comments mostly about your physical appearance? Does he show concern for the things you are interested in? Do you have deep intellectual conversations or is everything kept on the surface?

Ask for a little favor. See if he is willing to do it. If he backs away or always has excuses why he can’t help you or give in to a small request, this relationship isn’t for you. Is this guy scared of commitment? If you are looking for commitment and he has never been in a serious relationship, chances are he won’t now. If you have been dating a long time but he doesn’t want to use labels like “girlfriend”, you aren’t ever going to get a commitment out of him. Evaluate if you are okay with that. For more advice read, Dating Advice for Women: Stop the Dating Time Wasters and Go Out and Pick a Winner by Lisa Kelly.