How Can You Tell if Someone Likes You Or Just Wants to Get in your Pants?

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How Can You Tell if Someone Likes You Or Just Wants to Get in your Pants?

It happens when you least expect it. You meet someone and you can’t get them out of your mind. But what are their intentions? Though it does occasionally happen to guys, most of the time it’s the woman wondering whether he just wants to get in her pants or if he really likes her. Usually, this guy knows all the right things to say. You flirt easily and have a great rapport. The chemistry is real and it’s powerful. But in either case this could be true. So how can you tell? It’s in his actions as to whether he really wants to spend time with you or if he just wants to spend some time pressed up against you. Analyze the situation carefully and you can see through any player’s cover. First, how do you mainly interact? Are you constantly texting, emailing each other little articles you read online that remind you of one another and talking on the phone late into the night? Or do you mostly text and he drops off or disappears here and there, always reappearing with some catastrophe he dealt with or well-tailored excuse? If it’s the latter, you should watch your heart.

When you talk what do you talk about? If all he talks about is himself and he’s never inquired about your history, your likes and dislikes, hopes and dreams and more personal stuff, chances are he isn’t that interested. Guys who like you want to get to know the real you. They will go out of their way to show you that they remember something about you. A link on your page, a phrase or joke you share, a little thoughtful gift or a mention of something you are interested in such as your favorite band coming to town, or your team winning a game will show that he really cares. If there’s no personal touch, he doesn’t want to get personal, just physical. Have you ever met his friends? Or does he steer you clear of his crew? Guys who like you want to see how you interact with their friends. He wants to know if you can fit in with his circle, and vice-versa. But those that just want to get between your thighs don’t want to risk their circle looking down on them, so there will always be an excuse as to why you can’t tag along.

Do you pick him up, go to his place? Do you always go out of your way for him? Does it run in the other direction too? If not, he’s just not that into you. A guy who really likes you will make an effort. But if it’s all about him, or he isn’t that interested, he may not think twice about taking advantage of your time, money and more. When you hang out is all his attention on you or is he constantly distracted? If he likes you his focus will be on you. If he doesn’t it will be on his phone, his great fashion sense or daydreaming about getting your clothes off and what he will find underneath. Does he make last minute plans with you, or break plans last minute? If he doesn’t respect your time he doesn’t respect you.  Does he drop hints or make jokes about not wanting or not liking relationships? This is a red flag. Sometimes he could drop hints that he is only interested in a physical thing. If he is eager to get physical with you, to kiss and touch you he may only have one thing on his mind. Of course these days wanting a mere physical interchange isn’t considered wrong. But it could be wrong for some. Decide what kind of relationship you want. Otherwise, you may find you misinterpreted the situation and end up heartbroken. For more on interpreting the male of the species read, To Date a Man, You Must Understand a Man: The Keys to Catch a Great Guy by Gregg Michaelsen.

Stop Waiting around Wondering if he will Marry You

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Stop Waiting around Wondering if he will Marry You

There are lots of women who want to get married but stay in relationships where it isn’t abundantly clear where things are headed. So they avoid the subject at all costs. They wonder whether or not he wants the relationship to progress. Lots of young women think that when the moment is right, true love barges in, sweeps you up and carries you off. Many women pine for that day, wishing and waiting, but never think that in real life, it doesn’t always work like that. An awkward conversation with your partner as to whether or not he wants the same kind of relationship is usually how it goes. Those who want marriage the most are often the most reluctant to address the issue, for fear of rejection. It may even cause the relationship to implode. But if one person wants one thing, and another person wants something else, the relationship cannot last. Hanging on to a relationship that is doomed isn’t doing anyone any favors. Here are some other considerations for those who find themselves in this position.

You may be so invested that leaving is not a palatable option. Lots of women become preoccupied with how much work they’ve already put into the relationship, and where they are in terms of their child bearing years, but if you aren’t carefully considering whether or not this person has long-term potential, or even wants what you want, you are missing the point entirely. Some people fall into a groove. They get comfortable. It is usually a slow creep. Suddenly the two are cohabitating and in a routine. Though the situation does not fulfill her deeply, the woman usually becomes averse to breaking out of it. If he moves out for instance, she’ll have to find a roommate, and bear the brunt of the cost herself, until she finds one.

These decisions are not made easily. But settling for something you don’t want will leave a void. That hollow will grow and ultimately tear the relationship apart. Either that or you will live unfulfilled, numb, a lovelorn sleepwalker. If it does fall to pieces, you’ll wonder why you spent so much time with him to begin with, and all of that time wasted when you should have been looking for someone that fulfills you, and wants the same things you do. Realize that people change their minds. But if you can’t talk about the future with someone, or they have promised you some movement in the past and failed to deliver, then this person is not for you. They don’t have the same goals as you. If you want the right future you may have to sacrifice the present to get to it. Though it hurts in the beginning it is satisfying in the end. For more advice read, The List: 7 Ways to Tell If He’s Going to Marry You – In 30 Days or Less! By Mary Corbett & Sheila Corbett Kihne.

How do you know you’re in the Right Relationship?

Couple-Flirting

How do you know you’re in the Right Relationship?

Are you in a happy relationship with physical and emotional chemistry and a deep bond of trust? But you are still wondering if this is the right relationship, if this is the person you should stick with long term, even marry? There is no exact method you can use to find out if you are in the right relationship or not. But there are some indicators that this relationship is good, right, resilient, and will last. But how do you know you’re in the right relationship?

First, notice whether or not you have a plan B. What would you do if it all came apart right now? Of course you’d be devastated. That shows how much you really love this person. But not having a plan B means that you weren’t expecting it to end. If there’s no exit plan, your psyche is planning to go the distance with this one, and it should be consciously noted and recognized fully. Are there any subjects that you ignore? Are you harboring any resentment, anger, frustration or worry? Or do you two talk about and settle all of your differences? If superlative communication is the foundation of your relationship, if everything is out in the open and no hidden or unresolved issues linger behind the surface, if you two can settle all of your differences through talking it out, and you and your partner feel comfortable enough to discuss anything together then your relationship is in excellent shape.

Staying with just one person for the rest of your life can cause great fear and anxiety, no matter if the person is male or female. But if you think about staying with the person you’ve fallen in love with until you grow old, and you don’t feel fearful, but perhaps happy, inspired, content or even blessed, this is the right relationship for you. Some people feel that arguing is an unhealthy practice for a relationship. In fact, the exact opposite is true. Any relationship where arguments never occur means that one or more parties are harboring some problem, slight, or resentment that they haven’t shared with the other. Instead, healthy relationships have their fair share of squabbles. But how do you fight? Do you fight fair? Do either of you say things you can’t take back or don’t really mean? Is there a spiteful element? If not, and you two fight fairly than this is a good relationship to be in.

How about trust? Is either of you sneaking around, looking at the other’s texts, email, or social networking sites? If so, there are trust issues at work here. If not, this is a well-adjusted relationship. If nothing comes between you two, if your bond is strong no matter what happens, this is the right relationship for you. Stick with it. For more relationship advice read, The New “I Do”: Reshaping Marriage for Skeptics, Realists and Rebels by Susan Pease Gadoua and Vicki Larson.

When it’s Necessary to ask your Partner’s Permission

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When it’s Necessary to ask your Partner’s Permission

We all like to be independent. But when in a relationship, it can be hard to tell what we need to run by our partner and what a decision we should make on our own is. And it’s a balancing act. Asking their permission for everything can seem too needy, and that you export all of your power and authority to your romantic partner. When you make too many decisions without their input, you start looking like a tyrant with a callous and cold heart, who doesn’t care what they think, or about being considerate of their wants, wishes and feelings. A careful balance must be struck. But how do you know when it’s necessary to ask your partner’s permission? Here are some easy to follow guidelines for most situations.

If you are unsure, it’s always a good idea to sit down with your partner and figure out what works in your relationship, for the two of you. But here are some general ones that pop up in most relationships. One major situation which breeds arguments and hurt feelings is seeing your ex. Whether you are friends, or just catching up after years over a coffee, this has to be discussed with your current flame, at length. This isn’t controlling you, it’s merely a courtesy. And you are sending a message. You are letting your partner know that this relationship means more than catching up with an old flame. They shouldn’t mind. And if they do, they have jealousy issues, which have to be addressed.

If you are in a new relationship, let them know when you are hanging out with a friend of the opposite sex, and that this person poses no threat. Again, this shouldn’t be a problem. One important part of dating is developing trust. And if they don’t trust you around friends of the opposite sex, huge red lights should be flashing in your head. Still, letting them know shows you are courteous and considerate of their feelings, a boon in any relationship. If you two are cohabitating and someone is coming to stay over, or even live there for a while, you definitely need to sit down with them and talk it out. You can’t just spring it on them. They will be so angry, and resent you for it. And what message are you sending, that they have no say in a place they live? The same goes for company. If you just bring people home without letting them know, it’s a lack of respect on your part and a shock on theirs.

If for whatever reason you aren’t coming home that night, send a quick call or text. You owe them that much. If you are too intoxicated have your friend do it. Your partner will thank you and be more understanding. But the shock of you not coming home and not being alerted will scare them, make them worry, and if you don’t call it means that you don’t care, or that their feelings aren’t important to you. If someone in your life needs a hand or support in something they are doing, don’t commit your partner without their say-so. You need to run it by them first. If you do, it means you are considerate of their time and opinion. If you don’t, it means that they are supposed to do what you say when you say it. Showing consideration for your partner will make your relationship stronger, and make it last. For more advice read, Love is Never Enough: How Couples can Overcome Misunderstandings, Resolve Conflicts, and Solve Relationship Problems through Cognitive Therapy by Aaron T. Beck, M.D.

Don’t Let Rumination Ruin your Relationship

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Don’t Let Rumination Ruin your Relationship

Ruminating is thinking about something from every angle, replaying mistakes over and over in your head and obsessing or over-thinking about important aspects of your life, such as your relationship or career. Obsessive behavior is often born out of rumination. Studies reveal that constant rumination can have negative side effects such as depression, anxiety, binge-eating, alcohol and substance abuse and even post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). What happens with rumination is that you get caught up in these negatives thoughts and they consume you. The more you think about them the more you get stuck in their pull and it becomes a viscous cycle.

Professor at Yale University Susan Nolen-Hoeksema, Ph.D, a psychologist says of this phenomenon, “when people ruminate while they are in depressed mood, they remember more negative things that happened to them in the past, they interpret situations in their current lives more negatively, and they are more hopeless about the future.” Rumination pulverizes our problem-solving skills by making us feel helpless, and that it is all just a waste of time. You become so obsessed with the problem and how it makes you feel that you cannot make any plans for actually solving the problem.

What’s more, when a problem looks hopeless, all the people around you become tired of your negativity sooner or later. Says Nolen-Hoeksema, “When people ruminate for an extended time, their family members and friends become frustrated and may pull away their support.” So why do people ruminate if it can be so destructive to personal and romantic relationships? Some people are just overloaded with stress in their lives. Nolen-Hoeksema adds that, “Some people prone to ruminate have basic problems pushing things out of consciousness once they get there.”

According to the professor, women are more apt to ruminate than men. So how do you reduce the problem? First, do things that make you feel positive. Volunteer. Get some exercise. Take part in your favorite hobby or past-time. According to Nolen-Hoeksema, “The main thing is to get your mind off your ruminations for a time so they die out and don’t have a grip on your mind.” Next, empower yourself. Instead of wallowing in the thought that there is nothing you can do, make plans on how to conquer your problem or fear and follow through with those plans. Finally, replace rumination with positive self-reflection. The difference? Focus on the things you can change, the positive things you can do to make your situation better. Don’t let rumination ruin your relationship. To read more pick up a copy of, Women Who Think Too Much: How to Break Free of Overthinking and Reclaim Your Life by Susan Nolen-Hoeksema.