Romance, Guy Style

Couple-Relaxing

Romance, Guy Style

We all know what women find romantic. But what about when it comes to men?  How you do sweep a guy off his feet? Flowers, candle lit dinners and moonlit buggy rides aren’t it. It can be difficult to guess what gifts or gestures he’ll appreciate. But not to worry, here are some ideas. Here’s romance, guy style. First, when you do something nice for your guy, don’t expect something automatically in return. It kills the mood. You don’t want him to show up with a bouquet of your favorite flowers and just after you swoon say, “Hey, what are you going to do for me?” Instead, make sure a gesture or a gift is just that, an expression of your affection. Of course he’ll be overjoyed and won’t be able to wait to shower you with gifts and appreciation. But let it come naturally. Don’t force it or expect it.

For gesture ideas, why not cook him his favorite meal or bake his favorite dessert? Not so handy in the kitchen? Take him out to his favorite restaurant. If he’s a sports guy, take him to a sports bar where they have the best burgers for the game. For guys, it isn’t about a one size fits all thing like flowers or candy. It’s really about tailoring what his hobbies or interests are to your gift or gesture. Get to know your guy and what he likes and ideas will come up.

Tickets to the game or the concert, a nice watch, a weekend away, a ski trip, a party on the beach, a surprise camping trip to a national park he’s been itching to make it to, a massage, all of these will show him how much you care. Guys often plan dates, outings and so on, though certainly not always. But why not turn the tails on him and plan something that will knock his socks off? If you want to do something little, why not leave a little love note for him, or even a steamy one? Leave them in his briefcase, knapsack, jacket pocket, in a book he’s reading, his luggage or his satchel. Some guys don’t like it when things are too sappy. Others are the sensitive type. Know which type your guy is and write your notes accordingly. Why not write something funny or witty?

Sometimes just lazing around together can be romantic. Sitting by the pool with drinks, easing into a hot tub or coffee and a long brunch in a great café will do the trick. Don’t forget that for guys the physical aspect is an important part of romance. Surprising him in lingerie is always a great way to wow him. And it will make you two closer, too. Isn’t that what it’s all about? For more advice read, 31 Days to a Happy Husband: What a Man Needs Most from His Wife by Arlene Pellicane.

Clues He’s Serious about you

COUPLE-TALKING-HAPPY

Clues He’s Serious about you

The beginning of a relationship is like poker. You slowly get to know each other’s tells. Their particular signals become clearer as things progress. And suddenly you can read them, even know what they are going to do. Are you dating a guy and wondering what his intentions are? There are certain clues he’s serious about you. Even the most impenetrable guy can seem transparent when you consider these signs. First, does he ask specific questions to know more about you? If he’s asking about your past, your career, your family and friends, about your hobbies, hopes, dreams and your creative projects than he is serious about you. Men don’t show that much interest if they aren’t interested in you. When there’s missed communication does he call or text to clear it up? This kind of consideration is only applied to the ones he cares about. Does he offer to give you advice when you have a problem? How about offering to give you a hand? If you want to test the relationship, when you have a problem ask for his help. And when something is going wrong, seek his advice. If he cares about you, he’ll be right by your side to help, no matter what. When there is something to do around the house, if he’s handy ask for his help. If he isn’t don’t or else you’ll risk making him feel inadequate, as if he is unable to take care of you.

Do you two make plans together? If he is planning his weekend around yours, his summer vacation around yours or if he changes plans to be with you, he is way into you. There is nothing more important to someone than how to spend their free time. And planning getaways, vacations and other plans shows that you can plan other things together in the future. Does he try to help you in your career? Does he give you advice, cheer you on, celebrate your victories and help you get over your defeats? This is a sure sign that he is head over heels for you. He’s invested in you and what you do. And when a man is emotionally invested it means he’s way into a woman. Do you hear from his friends that he talks about you all the time? If so, he really likes you. He isn’t going to talk about you, or even brag about you if he isn’t interested in you. What about holding hands, cuddling and getting close? Some guys are and some aren’t cuddlers. But every guy will want to cuddle a little with his special lady when they are alone. Little things like a hand squeeze or the rubbing of a back or shoulder can indicate that he’s into you. Keep your eyes peeled and watch his behavior. His intentions will soon become clear. For more advice read, He’s Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo.

Talk about Sex before you Get Married

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Talk about Sex before you Get Married

Planning a wedding can be a whirlwind that scoops you up and carries you along. There are so many things to plan and do. But one of the most critical parts of a marriage, your sex life, is often swept aside. Yet, it plays a crucial role. Not only is your sex life important, but the intimacy that stems from it can fuel your relationship and keep it intact for the long haul. But a lack of intimacy can sap your marriage.  Most people expect their married sex life to be phenomenal throughout. Though married people often register higher numbers on sexual satisfaction surveys, the truth is one’s sex life ebbs and flows throughout a marriage. Psychotherapist and sex specialist Vanessa Marin says that those couples who do talk about sex before they get married are more successful overall. It is important for any couple that wants decades upon decades of happy sex ahead of them to discuss it, and come to an understanding about the matter with their partner. Schedule a time to sit down together. It doesn’t have to be stuffy. You can set a romantic mood, get wine and light candles. Or you can just sit down on the couch together and start talking about sex. It’s really up to you, and what style you have as a couple.

The first thing to consider is to ask what your sexual strengths and weaknesses are. Talk about your favorite memories together. Share what the best sex you ever had was. What was it about that time? How did it make you feel? What about it made you feel that way? Ask what theirs was and why. What do you both really enjoy doing together or to one another? What really works for you? Over time, usually couples get better. They get to know each other’s likes and dislikes, and trust builds. Each person should ultimately feel free to open up and express their needs, wants and desires. This will build a great sex life together. It will help build your relationship, as it provides immense intimacy to be able to shed guilt or shame, open up, be understood and accepted, and ultimately be fulfilled by your partner. Ask yourselves how to make intimacy a priority. Marin writes in an article in Psychology Today that she always shares this with clients. They need to set aside time for intimacy. Those clients usually respond by saying, “we didn’t know we had to do that…” Having a fantastic married sex life requires a little bit of care and effort. Schedule date nights, get a sitter and get some special alone time together each week.

Talk about how you feel about the inevitable changes in your sex life throughout your marriage. Are you planning on having kids? You can’t imagine how that will change your time in the bedroom. Menopause and lots of other things will change it too. Discuss how you plan to keep the spark a towering inferno of passion throughout your life together. You don’t want things to get boring. Talk about interests and fantasies together. Marin suggests each person making a list using red, yellow and green lights. “Reds are the things you know you don’t want to try, yellow are the ones you’re unsure about, and greens are the things you feel perfectly comfortable with. Making these lists can be a fun way to keep the chemistry going,” she writes. Talk about what you will do if you ever have a fight about sex. Marin says it is inevitable. Do you have a communication strategy in place? Will you decide to see a marriage counselor or sex therapist if you have to? Know each other’s feelings on these sorts of things. Think about how each of you can nurture your individual sexualities. Lastly, talk about your honeymoon with your soon-to-be spouse. What are the expectations? What will you experiment with? Does the sex take precedence or other honeymoon activities? For more on how to have great sex with your now or soon-to-be spouse, pick up a copy of Marriage And Sex: Marriage Advice On Spicing Up Your Marriage And Marriage Tips About Sex For Married Couples by Suzie Holmes.

If she’s Doing These Things, Call Off the Wedding

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If she’s Doing These Things, Call Off the Wedding

Weddings are stressful, especially on the bride to be. Plans, problems, arranging different things, family members and bridesmaids who disagree, the list goes on. That said, marriage can also be quite stressful. You want a life partner if you are willing to take the plunge. Divorce is painful, lengthy and expensive. Your best chance is to marry right in the first place. To do that you should help her, support her, but watch what signs she’s exhibiting and how she deals with stress. Chances are there will be great waves that come and rock your marriage. This is the time to tell if you’ll be able to weather those storms or sink to the bottom of the murky depths.

Look out for the warning signs and if things don’t feel right in your gut, feel alright backing out of it. Everyone will understand. If they don’t they aren’t on your side to begin with. If she’s doing these things, call off the wedding. First, expect her to be totally stressed. But if she turns into an absolute nightmare, punch out. Years from now when she’s totally flipping out on you and you have nowhere to run or hide, you would have wished you listened to this advice. If she’s being absolutely ridiculous understand that this isn’t the last time you’ll see this behavior and consider carefully.

Watch out if she tells you to cancel the bachelor party. This is truly the one ritual that exists separate, that is only for the man. It’s a rite of passage in our culture moving from singledom to a married man all in the company of your best buds. Whether it’s paintball, camping or Vegas it’s the one thing that defines maleness in your run up to the wedding. She may say she doesn’t want you going to a gentleman’s club or that she doesn’t trust what your friends might do. But what you should be hearing is manipulative and controlling. Are there other hints at this behavior? Does she tell you what to wear? Has she already selected the names of your children? Does she tell you what to eat and what not to? It may seem cute in the beginning but this emasculating behavior will either make her your superior or force you out of the relationship.

Though you are getting married, it doesn’t mean you have to rush into parenthood. Is your girl living too much in the future? If she’s talking about the home décor of a house you don’t own, what colleges your kids will go to when you don’t have any yet, and where you will retire she is probably trying to catch up with her friends and lose your relationship in the process. Talk to her. Get her to slow down and enjoy the now. But if she refuses, you’ll have to keep up with her friends forever. Better to hit the eject button. For more advice read, The Marriage Compatibility Test: 101 Questions to Ask before You Marry by Richard Chesser.

Ending a Manipulative or Controlling Relationship

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Ending a Manipulative or Controlling Relationship

If you somehow found yourself in a manipulative or controlling relationship, it may seem impossible to end it. Though it can be difficult, it can certainly be done. You may feel guilty, somewhat responsible, wondering if they can make it without you, or visa-versa. But that’s just the manipulation talking. How can you be happy, fulfilled and truly free with this person in your life controlling you? You need to prepare, go through with it and move on with your life.

First, realize that you are being controlled. Has the person had terrible outbursts followed by how much they want and need you? Did you try to leave before and they threatened you, or even threatened suicide? Have they slowly wormed their way into every aspect of your life? Do they put you down in front of others? Are they extremely jealous? Write down a list of all the controlling and manipulative things they have done, or are doing. Keep this list and refer back to it when you feel your resolve wavering. Remember all the reasons you want it to end, and then make arrangements. Are you two living together? Make arrangements to move elsewhere. Do so quietly. Plan what you are going to say. Make it short, sweet and to the point. Let them talk but don’t let them drone on. And don’t let them charm, or cajole or convince you to stay. Don’t budge. Remember your list and don’t back pedal, keep moving ahead.

It may help to end the relationship in your mind first. Pretend you are confronting the person and say all the things you wish you could say, if they weren’t so manipulative. Remember the good times and the bad. Reflect, but realize it’s better this way. You’ll never be able to live your life with them controlling and manipulating you. Think of yourself as single. Be firm. And once you drop the hammer, don’t contact them. Erase them from your phone. Block their email. Unfriend them on Facebook and other social media sites. Keep away from them. Don’t give them a chance to explain. How many chances have you given them? Do not tell them where you are going or where you’ll be living. If you see that person, just walk away from them. Do not give them a chance to chat or explain things further. They are only looking for an in to suck you in. Realize that they are a charmer and have the ability to manipulate you, and resist them.

If there is something you absolutely need to contact this person for, do so through a mutual friend, or have your friend contact them and pick up the item. If it has to be you, pick it up in a public place. Take the item. Thank them and get out of there. Give them short yes and no answers. Be cold. Don’t give in to any of their advances. Spend some time with your friends, relatives and other loved ones. Get busy with work, school or whatever you are doing. Love yourself. And recognize how much better life is without someone manipulating you. For more advice read, In Sheep’s Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People by George K. Simon, Jr., Ph.D.