TIME Magazine App Predicts when you should get married

young-woman-texting

TIME Magazine App Predicts when you should get married

Do you know when the perfect date for your wedding is? If not a new app can tell you. Brought to you by TIME Magazine, this new app predicts when you should get married. It works by first analyzing your Facebook friends’ relationship statuses and ages. Then it determines the median age of your friends’ marriages and proposes that you marry about the same age as they were.

In terms of their calculation procedure, the app only uses friends who have selected to include their date of birth in their Facebook profile, up to and including the year. Researchers for TIME believe that only a quarter of Facebook users include this information on their profile. The statuses the software recognizes are “engaged,” “married,” “in a civil union” or a “domestic partnership.” This is a small number of the average Facebook profile’s friends. One reporter using the app said that it only selected 10 out of her 900 Facebook friends as these were the only ones who chose to report their relationship status. Many others keeping their status private were then not counted in the app’s calculations.

Though it’s interesting it doesn’t seem as though anyone is planning their marriage or dating life around this app, nor should they. It makes one wonder what the point of this app is in general. Is it merely to elicit interest in TIME? There certainly isn’t a perfect date or age to get married. And with the inflated divorce rate, though it has dropped a bit for some groups, having artificial pressures or anxieties tossed atop an already large pile from one’s family and society seems ludicrous and outlandish. Certainly people today know that marriage isn’t something to be taken lightly. Though it has a fun aspect it can make someone who is single feel bad about their situation, as if there aren’t enough things that do that already.

Why not forgo this app and turn to a dating one instead? There are lots of them. Some select singles in your area and make it easy for you to chat with them. Online dating is a great way to do it too. Remember to give the person you meet a chance. Serial dating can be fun in the beginning but can wear you out in the end. If you are dating someone do not use this app to pressure them into marriage. Nor should you show the selected date to your significant other as anything other than a joke. It could backfire on you. Then you’ll be contacting TIME and all over the news for reporting that their marriage app broke up your relationship. Bet that isn’t something they saw coming. Who could have predicted it? If you’re thinking of taking it to the next level in your relationship read, Before You Say “I Do”: A Marriage Preparation Manual for Couples by H. Norman Wright & Wes Roberts.

Are your Friends getting between you and your Relationship?

gossip

Are your Friends getting between you and your Relationship?

Have you been through a series of broken relationships lately? Have you searched through your selection process, your personality, your emotional baggage and all other aspects of you, only to come up empty? If it isn’t you it could be your friends. Sometimes it’s obvious and sometimes more subtle. But your friends are a reflection of you. They can also get in the way of lasting love, if you let them. Are your friends getting between you and your relationship? Take a look at these indicators and see if you are the victim of love sabotage by your pals.

Do your friends ever tell you that your date isn’t good enough for you? If they call your date unattractive, stupid or dull right in front of you, you have a right to be upset. That’s really rude behavior. Still, take a look at the qualities of your date. If they cut the mustard, something might be wrong with your friends. If you are trying to chill with your new main squeeze and your friends are constantly turning up the volume, or the drama to get your attention, take note. They will drive a wedge between you and your partner. That’s not good. Realize that if they are your real friends, they’ll ask about your preferences. But if all they care about is their own entertainment, they won’t even think of asking what you think.

One of the most insensitive things your friends can do is bring up past relationships to your date before you are ready to expose them to these stories, and your role in them. Particularly if you’ve had a foible that’s run through many lovers, or a faux pas you want to put behind you, the fact that your friends, your own friends are bringing it up is enough to make you want to take them all out, ninja style. Currently, with pesky anti-ninja laws in place, they’ll have to live. But if they take part in this kind of behavior, don’t hang out with them anymore. At the very least, don’t bring any dates around them. Have you ever had a friend who wants you to cheat? Or a friend who thinks you’re perfect for their cousin or sibling and will sabotage other relationships so that you end up with a certain person? Yeah, lose that friend. They only have their own interests at heart, though they’ll swear they have your best interests in mind up and down. Their actions speak volumes, their words a pile of drivel.

The worst is a friend who puts you in the worst position. Like a friend who flirts with your date. Nothing is worse than a friend who overtly or covertly tries to steal your lover. Cut that Judas off immediately and remove their name from the record. A friend of the opposite sex flirting with you or making their feelings known is another potentially horrifying scenario. Let them down gingerly. For more advice read, Toxic Friends: A Practical Guide to Recognizing and Dealing with an Unhealthy Friendship by Loraine Smith-Hines.

Should You Stay with Someone Who Doesn’t Want to Get Married?

long term

Should You Stay with Someone Who Doesn’t Want to Get Married?

Sometimes you are at a point in a relationship where you are so in love, everything seems perfect. You and your partner have been together for quite some time and you are expecting things to progress. But when you broach the idea of marriage, the other person gets anxious or defensive. Perhaps they don’t believe in marriage. Maybe they’ve been down that road before. Or maybe you get a noncommittal “we’ll be married, someday” without a hard date to count on. If you are with someone who is eluding your efforts to get married, or just says they don’t believe in it, while you do, what do you do? You could hand them an ultimatum, either marry me or I will find someone who will. But that usually doesn’t end well. Should you stay with someone who doesn’t want to get married? That depends on a number of factors. First, are they against marriage in total or just marrying you? If the relationship is mutually beneficial, warm, open, loving and stable but marriage is against your partner’s personal philosophy then you can negotiate and come to some sort of compromise. If this person is just biding their time with you until someone better comes along then this person is not the one for you.

Another important thing to do is to search your feelings about marriage. Why is it that you feel as though you need to get married? For some, it has something to do with their culture or religion. Others are being pressured by a family member. It could be something you have always dreamed of. Or it might be because all of your friends have gotten married. Start to uncover what your real feelings are about getting married and why you feel that way. It will give you a better perspective on why it is so important to you and how to address the issue. If you just want to walk down the aisle, have a great reception and be the center of attention, think of the aftermath. You are supposed to spend decades of life with this person, living side-by-side. So you want to make sure your desire to get married is genuine. Then consider the person themselves. Is this who you really want to spend the rest of your life with? Do they love you? Are they supportive? What’s the communication situation like? How is the sex? If you were both thrown into a crisis situation together, would your relationship make it through? You don’t want to set yourself up for divorce.

Don’t just wait around for a proposal and brood. That will never make it happen. If you’ve still decided this person is right for you, discuss all the insights that you’ve come to with your partner. Don’t pressure them with an ultimatum. They will probably pull away from you. That won’t get you anywhere. Instead, slowly get your partner used to the notion. Introduce things subtly and make the idea seem like theirs. British psychologist Anjula Mutanda says to ask your partner, “If we were to get married, what would be your ideal way of doing it?” Agree with their answer and make it sound as if you are very impressed. Keep subtly moving things along like this and see if you get anywhere. If you want to take a more straightforward approach, sit them down in a comfortable place when you are both in a good mood. Make sure it is free of distractions. Compliment your partner and tell them what they’ve done right and what personality traits you adore about them. Tell them how close you feel to them and how much the relationship means to you. Let them know the reasons why you want to spend the rest of your life with them. Explain to them in a calm manner why marriage is so important to you and why you want that person to be them. Tell them you aren’t pressuring them or giving them an ultimatum. Let them know that you can make each other so happy. And then give them time to think about your thoughts and feelings and let the matter drop. Don’t blame. Don’t be defensive. Instead, use a positive, complimentary and romantic approach. If they still refuse to marry you, you’ll have to be ready to either move on or settle for not ever being married. But if they really love you and you were meant to be together, you two will find a way forward. For tips on being extremely persuasive in your quest read, Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion by Robert B. Cialdini.

My Invisible Boyfriend

invisible

My Invisible Boyfriend

Don’t you hate it when your folks, friends and others ask about your love life? Why are you still single? They so rudely inquire. Or they offer to set you up with someone you wouldn’t want to share a car ride with? MyInvisibleboyfriend.com (Or girlfriend) to the rescue! Now for $24.99 per month you can receive 100 texts, 10 voicemails and even a post card from a real person posing as your +1. You compose the cover story as to how you met, select the photo that best fits your type, click on a few traits and interests and voila! Texts will soon appear in a dashboard so you can see the backstory and context of the conversation. It’s the perfect thing to rescue you from nosy relatives and well-meaning friends. Plus, it could be fun to have a secret, pretend lover. It will even help you out if you are out with friends and they say, invite him along. He (or she) will give an excuse as to why they can’t make it. The service only goes so far. Any explicit texts aren’t let through, and all photos that you send will be erased. That might be a relief for some, those who occasionally drunk dial their boo. The website is the brainchild of co-founder Matthew Homann. Homann came up with the idea and bought the URL Invisiblegirlfriend.com after a painful divorce.

The entrepreneur financed it through a hackathon he pitched in St. Louis. Afterward, Buzzfeed picked up the story. Homann put in some extra time and elbow grease and got it off the ground, launching the beta site this January. The website teamed up with St. Louis-based CrowdSource which handles all the messaging. Your invisible bae is more than one person actually, and could be any of 200,000 employees. Usually it’s somewhere between four and seven people responding to you. Homann said he started the site as a defense for those who are single and get hurtful questions from others around them. He didn’t notice this phenomenon occurring until his divorce, he said. Lots of positive press came in the wake of the site’s launch, including from The Washington PostBusiness InsiderUSA Today and BuzzfeedBusiness Insider reporter Caroline Moss had her invisible boyfriend come from the city she requested, after including her zip code. She was surprised at the company’s attention to detail. Soon, the site will include gifts or flowers sent to the office and other such services.

Homann told CNN that although he’s thought about people getting too attached to their fake boyfriend/girlfriend, there hasn’t been any case thus far. It does have a disclaimer. One user said he received a text from his invisible girlfriend while on a date, and his date suddenly became more interested in him. Homann says it’s not just to escape the watchful eye of the ‘rents, but sometimes to fend off the unwanted advances of a coworker or hide a same-sex relationship from those who are less than approving. When using the service, you build your own mate complete with personality, interests, traits and more. Invisible boyfriends and girlfriends are prompt, friendly, supportive and caring, even more so than a real S.O. for some. But is this a good tool to get people off your back, get some breathing room and weave an illusion that is low maintenance? Is it an innocent caper or are you taking part in a hurtful lie? This brings up another question for the bitter and jaded, why should we slog through real dating scenarios when we can get a little cyber intimacy for what it costs to have a nice dinner and a cocktail? Of course, each person loves a different way, lives in a different way and has a different situation in their life that they have to deal with. The Dali Llama says that real love is not being judged. So perhaps we should give those who have invisible partners a break and even sovereignty over their own love lives. Just remember there is no service that can take the place of real love. But there are some like this one that can make us feel good, and get the nosy people off our back, at least for a little while. For those who would like some new strategies to tackle singledom read, If I’m So Wonderful, Why Am I Still Single?: Ten Strategies That Will Change Your Love Life Forever by Susan Page.

The Reason Women End Relationships that They Shouldn’t

rejection

The Reason Women End Relationships that They Shouldn’t

Ever think about that one that got away? There was that one perfect relationship that for one reason or another didn’t work out. You wanted so desperately for it to. And you play it over in your mind every once in a while, wondering how things could have been different, how to keep it from blowing apart. Sometimes women end relationships that they shouldn’t, even though the reasons seem perfectly reasonable at the time.

See if any of these have been the case for you in the past, and make sure you avoid doing them the future:

The first is when it comes time to move in together. Some women have a timeline in their head. If they don’t move in with their boyfriend by a certain time than they believe the relationship isn’t going anywhere. This is usually somewhere between the first one to three years. If the man never brings it up, never suggests it, or if he rejects the idea than she is out of there. Believe it or not guys think about the big picture too. But what looks like a whole three years to a  woman seems like a small time in the sixty plus years a man believes he will have to commit to once he marries a woman. And generally speaking living together either ends in marriage or a painful breakup. So men try to be careful. Why not discuss the issue? If it’s been the time where you believe you should move in together broach the issue and see how he responds. Negotiate. If things last another year than agree to move in.

Some women pressure their men to introduce them to their family before the man is ready. Lots of women feel pressured to get married by their family or by outside pressure, their friends are getting married or that they feel just a general expectation. Talk to him and find out why he doesn’t want to take you home to see his family if it’s been long enough. Has he been hurt in a prior serious relationship or even a painful divorce? Does he have trust issues from a difficult childhood? Or perhaps he is embarrassed about his family, likes you and doesn’t want to disappoint you or feel embarrassed in front of you. Talk to him genuinely and sincerely. If you can get him to open up you may find out there is more there than meets the eye.

With the pressure to get married, many women punch out if their man hasn’t popped the question by a certain date. Sometimes it takes a man longer to sort out his feelings than a woman. But when a guy is ready to marry a woman he goes all in. If your guy is talking about the future with you, keep it in mind. He does care for you and will come around. Just keep talking about it and when he gets comfortable he will be all yours. The key to all of these situations is learning to see where your partner is coming from and keep communicating. For more relationship advice read, He’s Scared, She’s Scared: Understanding the Hidden Fears that Sabotage your Relationships by Steven Carter and Julia Sokol.