If he’s got these in his Search History, Delete Him

Online-Flirting-Is-Cheating

If he’s got these in his Search History, Delete Him

We are all guilty of looking at things we shouldn’t on the internet from time to time. But there are certain things that cross the line. Respect and trust need to exist in any relationship for it to be healthy and happy. But there are just certain things a husband or boyfriend shouldn’t be seeking out. If he’s got these websites in his search history, delete him from your life or expect trouble the next time you sign on to his shenanigans. It’s perfectly normal for a guy to seek out some porn. They are guys, they are going to look. But if you happen to find an over-obsessive amount, this is a deal breaker. It may mean he’s addicted to porn. He could then have trouble pleasing you.

Another phenomenon that is occurring, guys who expect their wives and girlfriends to act like porn stars in the bedroom. While you may be all about exploring your kinky side, just understand that the women in these films never get their needs met. So if you want him to go down south, or you wish to explore some of your own fantasies, you’d better come right out and talk about it or it could all be over. Another deal breaker in this realm is porn that is too extreme. Sure he may have a fetish which you enjoy or are at least willing to accommodate. But if you find out he’s really into some sick stuff, it’s time to hit the road. Next thing you know he’ll want to bring some of that stuff into the bedroom. FYI, if you’re up for it, a little bit of good quality porn between consenting adults can actually stimulate your love life form time to time.

If he’s been on dating sites since you two have become an item, get rid of him. He’s a player, a narcissist; he’s self-absorbed and doesn’t care about your feelings. He’s looking to cheat. One side note, make sure you two have verbalized that you are in a committed relationship. Some girls just assume. If you haven’t said it, it isn’t true. When you are only dating you can’t expect him to shut down his dating profile. You never know what might happen. He’s keeping his options open or still deciding on you. You may be in the same phase. But if you’ve said the three little words, be mine only and they said yes, then this guy is a heartless scumbag. He’ll give you a line of crap. If you fall for it, he’ll cheat on you anyway, and you’ll be in more pain and hate yourself worse for failing to see through his jive.

If your man has a long history of surfing gay websites, you need to confront him about it. There’s nothing wrong with different sexual orientations. If you fantasize about having two guys, and the relationship doesn’t mean that much to you emotionally, you may find it exhilarating. Otherwise, your man may run off with another man. How will you feel then? If you find him on Ashley Madison or some other type of cheating website, sign off on this relationship. He’s a cheater and a sneak. For help moving on if or when your break up read, You Didn’t Want Him Anyway: Get Over Any Man in 5 Simple Steps by Claire Casey.

Guys, are You Cheating and Don’t Know it?

infidelity

Guys, are You Cheating and Don’t Know it?

If you are in a committed relationship, you probably have a good idea of what the delineation between physical cheating and being faithful is. But there are lots of gray areas in social contexts that while it may not seem like cheating to you, your lady may view things far differently. So are you cheating, in her eyes, and you don’t even know it? It’s a scenario that can spell disaster, at best a big blow out and at worst a change to your Facebook relationship status, nights crying into your pillow and a whole lot of questions from your family and friends. So how can you fend off relationship disaster? Have a clearer picture of how the fairer sex views infidelity.

Do you have a female colleague or friend who you are close to? Do you discuss personal details about your relationship with her? Whether you are complaining that she hogs the bed or that she’s a little timid in the bedroom, you may be crossing the line. Daniel Kruger, Ph.D. is a University of Michigan psychologist who studies differences in gender, specifically in how they view infidelity. “Informational infidelity” is the term he uses for this phenomenon. A woman could read this situation as emotional bonding. Females find this a bigger threat than even sexual intercourse. Kruger says, “If he’s fooling around on the side, she still has the relationship—the investment. But if a guy is falling for another woman, he might abandon her.”

Have you ever checked your ex’s Facebook page or other social media site? If you are friends or you are just curious to see what she is up to, you may see no harm. Human sexuality professor Justin Sitron, Ph.D. at Widener University says, “Socially, we’re primed to think that men don’t care about emotions and feelings—that all they care about is sex.” So you may be innocently checking out your ex’s page, but what she’s thinking is you don’t have the capacity to do so. Sex must somehow be on your mind. Another problem can occur when you are out socially with the people from work. You may saddle up to the bar and buy a drink for a coworker’s main squeeze or a colleague. But even fitting the bill for a cocktail could be overstepping according to Kruger. “It could be seen as being generous and nice,” he said. “But it could also be construed as hitting on someone, especially if you’re buying a drink just for the woman—not, say, a round of beers for everyone.” Buy a round or just your own and your lady’s drink. If there is a special place that you always go to, or the restaurant where you had your first date, do not take another female there. You are putting your life in your hands. Those places have serious sentimental value and so are off limits. Finally, be careful when saying something nice about another woman’s hairdo or getup. It could mean you’ve been paying some attention to her. Think about the compliment you are about to pay before saying it. Mull it over and if it sounds like something that could get you in trouble, silence may be a better route. For more advice read, Boundaries in Marriage: Line between Right and Wrong by Jeffery Dawson.

Are you the Chick on the Side?

woman-waiting-for-text

Are you the Chick on the Side?

Are you dating someone who is acting funny? There are lots of players out there. If you are looking for a long term relationship you don’t want to waste your time. And there are lots of smooth players out there that will make you feel as if you are the only one, when in reality they are balancing a bunch of different girls at one time. So what are the warning signs? How do you know when you are the chick on the side?

First, have you ever been invited to his place? Do you even know where he lives? It’s okay if you two have just started dating. But after a couple of months or so, if you haven’t seen where a guy lives it’s just plain weird. He may live with someone or he has so many girls in and out that he doesn’t want to risk someone leaving something and tipping off one of his dates. He could also live with a woman and he’s afraid of tipping her off. He could also be embarrassed by where he lives, especially if you make more than him. What about his social networking sites? Are you two friends on Facebook, Twitter and so on? If not, does he have some excuse why not or does he say he doesn’t use these sites? If so, he may not want his main squeeze to be aware of you, so he locks down his sites or, if he’s a player, doesn’t use them for anyone but his closest inner circle to keep from being caught.

Is your guy territorial about his phone? If he takes all his calls in another room, turns the volume way down so you can’t hear it, and always has it locked than he may have someone else. He knows that his phone is one of the weak points, and an easy way to get caught, and so has minimized the chance of you overhearing something that will break the whole thing wide open. Does this guy make time for you? If he only texts you late at night, is always busy, and calls and texts intermittently, sometimes days later, then you are probably the chick on the side. A man makes time for the woman he’s interested in. So if he’s acting this way he is making time for her, not for you. If he has a really busy schedule however, he’s in medical school, receiving intense training, or some other career that is hogging all of his time, or if he’s an intense workaholic perhaps he’s committed to his job rather than another woman. Then you have to discover whether or not you can date someone who has limited time to spend on the relationship.

Does your guy plan everything out? If you want to meet unplanned for a lunch date, or you invite him somewhere right out of the blue can he go? If all of your dates are planned days or even weeks in advance, if he is never available on the fly this is bad news. He probably has to lie to his main squeeze to see you and can’t get away. Plan something spontaneous and enticing and see if he takes the bate or still refuses. Look for more than one warning sign. See if you can catch him. Or ask him directly if he’s seeing someone else. Don’t waste your time with someone who won’t make you the focus of his love life. Find someone who will. You are so worth it. For more advice read, Don’t Hate the Player, Learn the Game: How to Spot Ineligible Eligible Bachelors by Lyn Lewis, Ph.D.

Avoid these little things that make a Lady Jealous

girlfriend-is-too-jealous

Avoid these little things that make a Lady Jealous

Have you ever gotten a text from a platonic female friend and answered it too quickly, or laughed at a private joke too loudly and suddenly found yourself getting the evil eye? Lots of things guys think are innocent seem to make far more of an impact on the women they are with. Have you ever helped a girl with her math homework, killed a spider for that single mom across the hall, paid a compliment to a female friend or paid for drinks with a female colleague and made your main squeeze hot under the collar? Though it may not sound like it according to Vinita Mehta, Ph.D. a psychotherapist, “Jealousy is an emotion with a useful function. It helps preserve long-term relationships, which in turn promotes survival and reproduction. It’s technically called ‘evolutionary adaption.’” Jealousy helped our ancestors raise healthy young which in turn helped our species survive, and hard wired jealousy then into our brains. Dr. Mehta says that, “It’s a forceful emotion, which is why little things, such as a casual comment about another woman’s looks, intelligence, or personality, can make her feel threatened. And yes, if she already feels insecure about her looks and you compliment someone else’s looks, it cuts deeper.” So instead, learn how to speak womanese. It isn’t the easiest language to master. But here are some little things you can do to avoid making your lady jealous.

First don’t pay for things for other women, whether it’s an old friend or a colleague. Coffee, a cab ride or lunch can seem like a little thing to you but to your wife or girlfriend you may be setting off her wrath by triggering deep inherent forces. According to Tracy Thomas, Ph.D. a relationship expert, “Gender role orientation teaches women that, in order to survive, they need to ‘get’ a man for his resources.” Of course society has changed significantly. As Thomas puts it, “It’s irrelevant and outdated, but it’s natural, and that’s why we feel it.” It’s okay paying for something for a female friend here and there. But let your lady know why. Did something extraordinary happen? Did you and your colleague land a difficult account and you paid in celebration? Let your lover know that it isn’t a habit, just a one time or once in a while thing. Even be sure to mention if this colleague paid last time. Watch what you do on your social media sites. According to Mehta, “The online world tends to fan the jealous flames, as it were. She can unwittingly learn that you’re spending time with a ‘mating rival’ by ‘liking’ or commenting on that rival’s status.” Though it may not mean much, even if you are inadvertently liking a female friends status and commenting on it all the time, she may think you are investing in this other woman, not good. To counteract this show her how many other people’s statuses you like and comment on. You aren’t a flirt just a social butterfly.

If you make an observation about how fit the neighbor across the way is looking in a classy matter-of-fact manner it shouldn’t lead too much. But if your gal hasn’t had time to hit the gym and has gained ten pounds over Christmas, it could become a real issue. That’s because she’s feeling insecure about the very issue you are complimenting in someone else. Alicia Clark, PsyD. a psychologist says of this female phenomenon, “We’re threatened by the things we feel most vulnerable about.” Some of the items on this list for women are, “Our looks, our smarts, our attitude, our earning power—you name it, we can be sensitive about it. And what we’re sensitive about is exactly what we notice in others and feel threatened by.” The best way to avoid this one is to hold your tongue, and not compliment another woman like this in front of her. If you do get this sort of reaction however, it’s best when she’s comfortable and perhaps not defensive to find out what her insecurities are and why she feels that way. If you help strengthen how she feels about them then she won’t be so defensive, insecure and jealous and surely, she’ll be happier and a whole lot more fun to be around. Lastly, you can stick up for another woman in front of her. But if she thinks this gal is your number one you will turn from chivalrous knight to a backstabbing villain. Make sure you make her your number one and make her feel secure in your relationship and you won’t have jealousy problems, only a happy, supportive woman. For more on understanding women, read For Men Only, Revised and Updated Edition: A Straightforward Guide to the Inner Lives of Women by Shaunti Feldhahn and Jeff Feldhahn.

Why do Women Sleep with Attached Men?

why

Why do Women Sleep with Attached Men?

Women often blame the other woman when their man cheats. But it’s important to come to the conclusion that it was his fault as much as hers. Still, it is interesting to think what the motivations are for the other women in this love triangle. Why would she do that? What’s happening in her life? Why do women sleep with attached men? There are several reasons. Women are emotional creatures who need passion in their life. They need attention and affection. If they aren’t getting these things in their current relationship and their pleas have dropped on deaf ears they will seek them outside the relationship. Author Jennifer Garam wrote an article entitled “Why I Had An Affair With A Married Man” that appeared in the Huffington Post. In it she writes, “Before meeting David, I felt dead. But suddenly, I was alive, desired, and filled with passion and vitality… Overnight I went from years of celibacy to being naked on the floor of his office in the middle of the afternoon, constantly emailing and sexting, and having late-night dirty chats on Facebook. Consumed with thoughts of him, when we weren’t together I was either lost in memories, reliving every detail of every second with him, or longing for him, trying to figure out the next time we could see each other.”  Sometimes a woman feels isolated and lonely in her own relationship and so when this opportunity comes along she grabs hold, feeling alive again, even if the affair is illicit.

Men also crave passion, attention and affection which is why they also step outside the confines of a relationship. For some women, it’s really up to the man. It’s his choice whether he decides to stay in his relationship or not. Most women focus on the woman. But wouldn’t he have cheated on someone else if it wasn’t her? For some women who have a fear of commitment, dating a man who is married or attached is actually safer than a single guy. She knows he won’t try to pin her down. Some women prefer to compartmentalize their life and having an affair with a man who is attached makes it easy. There are those women who enjoy it because it’s dangerous, and therefore thrilling. Illicit sex is hot, even if it can have terrible consequences. Lastly, some women are selfish. They think that if they can do it, why not? It isn’t their relationship. Certainly there is some reason why this man is going astray and not standing by the commitment he made. Many times it isn’t just one reason but a combination of a couple or perhaps a few reasons. Women are generally emotional creatures. They get swept up in their emotions, especially if they have been craving passion, sex and love and haven’t had an outlet for these emotions. The truth is that female infidelity has actually been on the rise. But infidelity in total is still only 20% for men and 14% for women. If someone cheats on you, find out why and whether you should break it off with them, or stick with them. But don’t give the other women too much thought. For more on this topic, read Being the Other Woman: Who we are, what every woman should know and how to avoid us by Micalle A. Culver.