Get your Man to Communicate More Openly

communicate

Excellent communication skills are one of the characteristics crucial to a healthy long term relationship. But it’s no secret that men and women communicate differently. Women communicate to let others know how they are feeling, seeking validation, understanding and at times sympathy and support. Communicating their feelings trumps solving problems, though women of course communicate for problem solving as well. Men tend to communicate very differently. The point of communication is to say something, or to problem solve. Men tend to be more guarded and less forthcoming with their emotions, which irritates women at times. Men find nodding, one word answers, or even grunts as acceptable answers to questions, which women find unacceptable. But you can get your man to communicate more openly. The first thing you can do is examine how you two communicate. Specifically, examine how you communicate with him and where the friction occurs. Are you dropping subtle hints? Men do not pick up on hints the same way women do. Your best chance is to communicate directly with him. Tell him when you are communicating for advice or problem solving in the beginning of the conversation, and when you are talking to vent, be validated or just be heard. You can even tell him how you read a wonderful article explaining how men and women communicate differently, offhandedly. Ask him what he thinks about it.

Do not expect your man to know what you want, or what you are thinking simply because he’s a man, or you feel he should know. Men do not come with a rule book on women. And women are complicated; what is appropriate for one is not for another. You have to be direct and tell him what you want, what he isn’t doing correctly, and how to correct the situation. Be positive. Teach him in a cute way if you can. If he is a bad communicator, be patient and give him examples of what you are looking for. Don’t shut him down. Be open to hearing his side of the story. Validate it as you expect him to validate what you say. That doesn’t mean you agree. It simply means you understand how he is feeling and where he is coming from. If you shut him down he won’t feel comfortable with communicating openly with you. If you truly desire open, honest communication, you must be prepared to hear things from time to time that you don’t like, or feel uncomfortable with. If he grunts one word answers and you feel disrespected, put the shoe on the other foot. Communicate with him that way when he wants to know something badly. He will soon know what it’s like and be willing to be more forthcoming with his thoughts and feelings. Let him know what you wish he would say or do. Don’t try to change him. Just get him to open up more, and fulfill your communication needs. Don’t expect perfection, but celebrate progress. Remember that love means accepting someone else’s shortcomings. That doesn’t mean they can’t make an effort to communicate effectively. It means loving them, praising them, accepting them, and never giving up on them. They should feel the same about you. For more guidance on improving your communication with your partner, read the advice of Jonathan Robinson in his book, Communication Miracles for Couples: Easy and Effective Tools to Create More Love and Less Conflict.

What to Know about Dating a Jamaican Man

jamaican man

Whether you know a Jamaican man in your own country, or you are on vacation and are interested in dating a Jamaican man, the culture is a bit different than that of the U.S. The stereotype is that Jamaican men are controlling, womanizing, and disrespectful of women. The truth is they are like any other group of people. Some Jamaican men don’t treat their women well. Others treat them like queens. We cannot stereotype or generalize, but the culture can be a little bit different. Study the culture if you are seriously interested in someone of the Jamaican persuasion. Here are some things to get you started. If you are going out for a date, or hanging at home, realize that they don’t have the same fast food culture that we in the U.S. do. In fact, Jamaicans eat lots of fresh food prepared at home. Fast food may be okay once in a while, but of course it isn’t healthy so he won’t appreciate eating it all the time. So instead, why not prepare something at home, go to a healthier restaurant, or perhaps ask him to make one of his favorite dishes? And what makes a better date than cooking together? Jamaicans are said to have a number of jobs at one time. The truth is that Jamaicans have a strong work ethic. So don’t be afraid to ask him what he does. It will probably make for interesting conversation.

Jamaicans are very family oriented. In American society, being taken to meet a man’s family means that he’s serious about you. In Jamaican culture, not so much. Very often someone in the family is throwing a party. If they are aware of you they will invite you. But that doesn’t mean, should he be seeing someone else, that he won’t bring her to the next family party. So don’t take an invite or a point where you meet his family as too big of a sign. Also, Jamaican men often take what their mothers say to heart. Understand that her opinion in his life in general, and of you specifically, may carry more weight than an American man’s. If you are a bit prudish, dating a Jamaican may not be for you. In American culture, talking about sex is done behind closed doors, never in front of the family. In Jamaican culture the attitude about sex is much more laid back, and may even be discussed in front of the family. Understand this and don’t be too embarrassed if you find yourself in the middle of some awkward, funny, and interesting conversations. Machismo and masculinity is very essential to the Jamaican lifestyle. If you have any gay friends, realize that your Jamaican interest may be homophobic. Talk to him about it before you bring your gay friends around. Lastly, Jamaican men are thought to be smooth. Don’t get too caught up in his accent or the way he can put sentences together to charm and sway you. You can learn more about dating Jamaican men through the advice of Empress Yuajah in her book, How to Date a Jamaican Man: How to Love and Understand a Jamaican Man.