Ban your Man from the Delivery Room

pregnancy

Ban your Man from the Delivery Room

In the olden days, men were barred from being present for the birth. Today, it’s thought that he should be there to support her, be there for her and witness his child being brought into the world. The truth is that, although his support is admirable, you probably want to ban your man from the delivery room. This is not a popular sentiment right now. But it could be a practical one. There are a whole host of things that could go wrong while you’re in there. It’s not pretty. Having him there instead of making it better could actually make it much worse.

First, think about how well he does with blood. Some people can’t stand the sight of it. Then there’s the screaming and moaning. He might pass out. Then you will both have medical bills. You have enough going on in that moment to worry about whether or not he’s alright. While he may be supportive and caring and say words of encouragement while you are going through contractions, he may also irritate you to no end. His words might drive you crazy. No one wants a blowout fight when a baby is coming. The pain of being in labor and giving birth are enough to endure.

If you let him see the birth it may give him issues that can carry over into your sex life. There are those guys who are fine. In fact, the couple’s sex life is just as healthy and vibrant as before the baby. But some guys get an image from the birth stuck in their mind. And they can’t look at you down there the same way again, at least not for a while. Some very natural things happen during childbirth. But when he stinks up the bathroom you’ll have no leverage if you let him in the delivery room. While holding his hand when pushing seems to be a really nice gesture and a scene we’ve all warmed to on TV sitcoms throughout the years, the truth of the matter is when it’s time to push you could quite literally break his hand. That certainly would put a damper on him holding his child later on.

He could have a meal in front of you. At a time when you can’t eat, having someone enjoy lunch right in front of you can really be heartbreaking. Though it sounds funny, right out of a movie or something, you could knock his lights out when say you are waving around and he moves in to help or comfort you. Lastly, he may want to video tape the birth. Who wants to see that video? It just might be best to have another female present to comfort you. Surely there are some things your husband is better left out of. If he insists on being there, or you really want him there, have him read the book, The Birth Partner: A Complete Guide to Childbirth for Dads, Doulas, and All Other Labor Companions by Penny Simkin.

Crazy Things Women Think when he doesn’t Text Back

Woman-on-Phone

Crazy Things Women Think when he doesn’t Text Back

With today’s communication technology we are all interconnected 24/7. That said, our expectations for communication have become very high. No one is patient anymore, waiting for someone to get back to them. But women are particularly anxious when it comes to their guys getting back to them. They start to wonder. And if she’s a worrier, it’s even worse. Here are some crazy things women think when he doesn’t text back within her expected amount of time given. Some women at first check to see if the phone is working. 

“Am I getting signal?” she asks herself, even though she’s been in this very location so many times, and it’s always been crystal clear. If another of her friends text her, she gets excited and picks up the phone, only to be disappointed that it isn’t him. If she’s the jealous type, she may use some colorful language to describe him, or wonder who he is with. Is it his ex? That new, cute girl in his office? Has he even turned his phone off as to not be disturbed when he’s with her? He could be with his friends, talking about how many girls he’s with, and reading that text out loud, laughing at her. She’s ready to get her girlfriends together for an emergency ladies night out to lift her spirits. But then she comes to a point where she thinks a horrible thing has happened, such as that he got in an accident, she’ll feel guilty and upset with herself for all the bad things that crossed her mind only moments before.

At this point she may start blowing up his phone, texting over and over again until he answers. She decides she’ll just rush over there, just to make sure everything is alright. On the way over she considers buying him a car charger and a GPS tracker for his phone so she can keep tabs on him, just in these sorts of emergencies. If she doesn’t find him there, she figures he’s playing head games. Now she’s going to wait just as long to reply to one of his texts. Now she is analyzing every moment of the relationship up until this point. She wonders if he’ll even bother to call ever again. Now she’s really mad. She doesn’t have any time for him now. She doesn’t want to hear any excuse and is sure that he’s acting like a child. Lastly, she checks again to see if her text really went though. If you are a guy reading this, try to respond to her text in a timely manner. It shows you’re considerate and you care. Answer every one of her texts too. If you’re a lady, realize that your man gets busy sometimes. Things happen to his phone. If it happens often, he doesn’t care. Get yourself a guy who does. For more advice read, Text. Love. Power. The Ultimate Girls Relationship Guide for Texting and Dating in the New Millennium by Vanessa Taylor.

Don’t Take Part in these Bad Marital Habits

family with baby sitting at home with a tablet PC

Don’t Take Part in these Bad Marital Habits

Everyone goes into marriage thinking that they’ve got it covered. After all, you know your partner and yourself. If you spent a sufficient amount of time together and made it past some hurtles, what could go wrong? But there are negative patterns we don’t think anything of, which we don’t evaluate in terms of their impact on our relationship, that could cause a rift between you and your spouse. Don’t take part in these bad marital habits unless you want to go looking for a divorce lawyer. If you find you are taking part in these behaviors, or your spouse is, discuss it in depth and come up with ways to counteract them. If you can’t, seek couple’s counseling.

The first is supplanting actual face-to-face communication with texting or social media. No matter how modern and convenient these trappings might be, they don’t equate to one-on-one time. In fact, a lot of couples are even neglecting their spouse over their time with their computer. Make sure you make time for each other offline. Relegate social media time to certain times of the day. And if you texted or posted something important, simply mentioning it in passing to make sure that they got the right message and everything is copasetic is often all that is needed. If you didn’t sleep well the night before, try to understand that you are irritable. Don’t pick a fight with your partner. Some people lash out at someone close to them when they are stressed, pent up, sleepy or irritable for some other reason. Don’t use your spouse as your punching bag. It will tear the two of you apart. If you do lash out, apologize. But find more positive ways to deal with negative emotions.

Are you two always discussing money? Don’t dance constantly around this issue, nor should you have long, laborious discussions about it. If you are like most people you never have enough of it. Manage it to the best of your ability and then put your worries to bed. Money is the number one issue couples fight about and the second one that breaks them up, behind infidelity. There are those couples who don’t talk about money enough who may fall into financial ruin. But if you talk or think about it too much and are obsessing over it, it will weigh the marriage down and drive you two apart. Find ways to couch your fears or allay them. Practice good money management practices. There are lots of free resources online to help you learn financial literacy. Learn positive ways to manage your fears.

There are lots of spouses nowadays who can’t seem to put their phone down. They neglect their spouse to the detriment of the marriage. Have scheduled times where you focus on one another, not your electronic devises. Those should have their own time where it’s okay to surf and play. Some people don’t know how to manage their in-laws after they get married. Mom and dad seem to always be butting in. But once married you have to understand that your spouse should be of utmost concern, as you should be to them. Learn how to manage your parents, and expect your spouse to do the same so that the in-laws don’t run roughshod over the marriage. Find time to just relax and enjoy each other’s company. For more on breaking negative patterns read, The Best Divorce Ever!: Divorcing Yourself From The Bad Habits You Create In Relationships by Susan Hansted Kuntz M.A.

How to Turn a Sexless Marriage Around

Couple,Seven-year itch

How to Turn a Sexless Marriage Around

Sex is an important part of marriage. When it isn’t occurring it drives a wedge between the couple. Soon a vicious cycle occurs, the wider the gap becomes from the time the couple has been intimate to the present moment, the more weirdness, distance and distrust grows between the two. If you and your spouse haven’t been intimate in a while and you are starting to worry, take heart. It’s a common problem. There can be many reasons for it. Each has a solution. So there’s no reason why you can’t rejuvenate your sex life. Here’s how to turn a sexless marriage around.

The first thing to do is to sit down with your partner and determine the nature of the problem. This has to be a conversation that is timed and approached right. Make sure it’s a good time to talk and that your partner isn’t preoccupied. Approach them in a positive way. Tell them how much you love them, how sexy and attractive you find them and ask why it is you haven’t been physically intimate in a while. Be patient. If they get angry leave them alone until the calm down. More than likely they’ll want to revisit the subject with you. Tell them that you love them and want to fix the problem together. Sooner or later they will open up.

Is it a physical or emotional issue? For a physical one, certain medications, medical complications with age or a serious illness can cause the problem. Seek out the advice of a medical professional. If it’s a medication, oftentimes this drug can be substituted for another that perhaps doesn’t have this particular side effect. Other medications may help alleviate the ailment. Often the party who has a physical problem will be touchy and loath to admit it. So keep this in mind when you approach your spouse.

For an emotional issue, realize that a lack of physical intimacy is a warning sign for a deeper and more prevalent issue. Distrust, resentment, repressed anger, or even infidelity can be the issue. To solve the sexual problem, first this other, deep seeded issue or set of issues has to be addressed. Couple’s therapy may be the answer to addressing these issues. Talking them out together as partners while eliminating finger pointing or guilt trips may also be desirable. There may be problems where one person has a stronger libido than the other, or differences in the perception of intimacy. The first step is to talk about it together as cooperating partners and find the solution to the problem. For more advice read, Not Tonight, I’m Tired: A Guide that Helps you Light the Flame Again by Marita L. Kinney and Demoine Kinney.

When an Ego Battle Replaces your Relationship

Dispute

When an Ego Battle Replaces your Relationship

Relationships can do funny things to people. The feeling of attachment can also bring confusion, fear of intimacy and the need to guard one’s self. This is due to past traumas during childhood or in previous relationships. So to protect one’s self this person will often lapse into creating fights, sarcasm, vengeful gestures, passive-aggressiveness, resentfulness, over-the-top competitiveness, self-doubt, frustration and aggression.

This person is afraid of letting their guard down or letting someone in for fear of being hurt. If you yourself think you have become stuck in an ego battle that has replaced your relationship, take a look at these signs. Ask your significant other or consider whether you are experiencing these symptoms. This person has a need to control things and situations. They may have a constant critic going in their head. They may be full of put-downs, sarcasm, criticism or ridicule. The ego tries too hard to control the situation. It is doing so in order to protect itself from love and so ironically becomes the very obstacle to what the person desires most, bonding with their love.

Some people go completely the other way. They give up everything to be with their spouse, their friends, family, hobbies, education and everything they value, just to be with the object of their desire. They lose themselves and this becomes their obstacle to their own pleasure, equal love. The last sign that you are in an ego battle is when one person is “Flat-lining.” This is behavior where one person in the relationship tries to disappear in order to not raise the ire of the other, and avoid conflict. They withdraw from their partner and stay in the relationship in name only. There is no engagement or intimacy. If the right relationship skills aren’t learned, even if this relationship doesn’t last, the person with commitment issues will bring the same problems into their next relationships.

Instead of using negative means to interact in your relationship, see the pattern and learn to dis-engage it. If this is your spouse or lover, teach them that they don’t have to act like this, that this isn’t what love is about. Whenever a problem arises, each side should take a deep breath, relax and manage the negative emotions that come to the surface. Both parties should consciously reach deep down inside and bring out the skills they need to make this relationship work; patience, understanding, openness and the desire to come to an understanding. Counseling or couples therapy may also be necessary. The first step is realizing the problem. The next is working through it. For more advice read, Why You Do the Things You Do: The Secret to Healthy Relationships by Dr. Tim Clinton and Dr. Gary Sibcy.