Bra that opens when she finds “The One”

bra

Bra that opens when she finds “The One”

Introducing another startling love related invention that has come out of where else but Japan. Here we have the world’s first “smart bra.” This undergarment created by Japanese lingerie company Ravijour claims it knows how women really feel, so much so that the bra opens when she finds “The One.” But how does it know? When we fall in love, hormones secreted increase the heart rate. The bra has a built in sensor that detects this heart rate increase and opens the bra.

The garment works like a modern day chastity belt, keeping the girls locked away until the man of her dreams walks in and quickens her pulse. When her heartbeat reaches the crucial level the bra opens to end sessions of awkward fumbling just before the penultimate moment of truth.  Sure there are phone charging rain boots and hats that help you find Wi-Fi. But this may be the strangest wearable tech around. Ravijour has its own sexuality specialist on staff who states on the company’s promotional video, “When we fall in love, we experience an instant boost in excitement. That feeling is unlike any other excitement we encounter in life.”

The company’s hopes for this item are not small. Saying of his invention the creator of the smart bra stated, “Until now, the bra was just a piece of clothing to remove. But now it is an instrument to test for true love … destined to become a friend of women around the world.” What isn’t discussed is if the bra will open at times when the lady’s heart rate increases yet isn’t in the throes of passion with her beau? When she is just told of some horrible news, when she’s seeing a Thriller with friends or her parents, when something startling happens at work or she gets to be a guest on a game show. Will her bra open at these inopportune times? What if she wants to get involved with someone physically but isn’t in love? Where is this technology leading also? Certainly we don’t want too much tech in the bedroom.

There is fear of too much being revealed, especially through social media websites. In the age of “revenge porn” we are reminded that positive technologies often do have unforeseen consequences. Nor do we want to export all of our decisions about our bodies to some gizmo or smart device with a socially constructed idea of what courtship and love should be like. Sometimes the best lessons come from when we are unencumbered by outside forces such as societal views of what is proper when. Sure the smart bra seems fun, and is probably just a publicity stunt to get exposure, but we have to protect ourselves from the encroachment of technology into the more private realms of our lives. To learn more about technology’s impact on modern dating read, Love in the Time of Algorithms: What Technology Does to Meeting and Mating by Dan Slater.

Ban your Man from the Delivery Room

pregnancy

Ban your Man from the Delivery Room

In the olden days, men were barred from being present for the birth. Today, it’s thought that he should be there to support her, be there for her and witness his child being brought into the world. The truth is that, although his support is admirable, you probably want to ban your man from the delivery room. This is not a popular sentiment right now. But it could be a practical one. There are a whole host of things that could go wrong while you’re in there. It’s not pretty. Having him there instead of making it better could actually make it much worse.

First, think about how well he does with blood. Some people can’t stand the sight of it. Then there’s the screaming and moaning. He might pass out. Then you will both have medical bills. You have enough going on in that moment to worry about whether or not he’s alright. While he may be supportive and caring and say words of encouragement while you are going through contractions, he may also irritate you to no end. His words might drive you crazy. No one wants a blowout fight when a baby is coming. The pain of being in labor and giving birth are enough to endure.

If you let him see the birth it may give him issues that can carry over into your sex life. There are those guys who are fine. In fact, the couple’s sex life is just as healthy and vibrant as before the baby. But some guys get an image from the birth stuck in their mind. And they can’t look at you down there the same way again, at least not for a while. Some very natural things happen during childbirth. But when he stinks up the bathroom you’ll have no leverage if you let him in the delivery room. While holding his hand when pushing seems to be a really nice gesture and a scene we’ve all warmed to on TV sitcoms throughout the years, the truth of the matter is when it’s time to push you could quite literally break his hand. That certainly would put a damper on him holding his child later on.

He could have a meal in front of you. At a time when you can’t eat, having someone enjoy lunch right in front of you can really be heartbreaking. Though it sounds funny, right out of a movie or something, you could knock his lights out when say you are waving around and he moves in to help or comfort you. Lastly, he may want to video tape the birth. Who wants to see that video? It just might be best to have another female present to comfort you. Surely there are some things your husband is better left out of. If he insists on being there, or you really want him there, have him read the book, The Birth Partner: A Complete Guide to Childbirth for Dads, Doulas, and All Other Labor Companions by Penny Simkin.

Don’t go for the Aggressive Attorney when Divorcing

aggressive

Don’t go for the Aggressive Attorney when Divorcing

When we are hurt, or worried about assets or child custody, we may consider getting an aggressive attorney to try and safeguard our interests. It may even go beyond that. You could be hurt, and lashing out in revenge. Whatever your reasoning, don’t consider an aggressive attorney. If you think hiring a “pit bull” lawyer is going to help you, think again. The trouble is those “fighter” attorneys are just argumentative. They may be brash, pushy, arrogant, and rearing for a fight, but that doesn’t mean the judge is going to respect them. In fact, just the opposite may be true. Now, who you thought would be a good advocate turns out to be a liability. If the judge is biased against your attorney, it could definitely impact the case. Another issue is billing. These types of lawyers want to make as much as possible. That means billing you for as many hours as they can. Even if they have lower rates, they could get you in legal fees. Another consideration is the more issues you have to fight over the more expensive it is going to be. So a “pit bull” may drum up trouble just to pocket more of your money. It also means, the more your side fights, the more the other side has to. Lots of money gets siphoned away in bickering and legal proceedings, as a result. The marital estate dwindles, bad news for both of you.

If both attorneys are belligerent “fighters” this could further prolong matters. There is one thing you can say about divorce; those involved never cease to find ways to suck away your money. There are even attorney fee contributions to make things level, should your ex have less access to funds than you. Sanctions could also force you to pay your spouse, further depleting the estate. Some say aggressive attorneys can be found filing motions that don’t make any sense, and prolong the case in order to make sure they get the most out of it, financially. If you have children, you may be setting a bad atmosphere with your ex in which to co-parent in. The divorce will set the tone moving forward. You might make your ex angrier, so that they are terrible to deal with whenever they come to pick up the kids. Forget it if you want to switch weekends. If you and your ex’s lawyers get into a tit-for-tat situation, there is no way to predict when it might end. A short divorce time is about six months. But there are divorces that drag on for two, three, even five years. At that point both of you just want it over with. You want normalcy. You want a chance to start your life over again. But the longer the divorce is prolonged, the longer you will have to put that time off. Plus all the money you wasted. You wonder if it was worth it.

Seek out an attorney that is going to look after your best interests. It should be someone effective but also level headed. Look for an attorney that wants the divorce to be resolved in a fair and equitable manner. You want someone who will take what is important for you and fight for that. You don’t want someone who just wants to win. One strategy “pit bull” lawyers employ is to make things so expensive, that the other side gives up. But you both lose in this situation. Plus you both come off angry which will set the tone for any future relations, should children be in the mix. You may be bitter and worried that you won’t get the things you need, like custody or child support. But make sure you have someone who is going to do the right thing, not play dirty just to win. Be careful when you go to select an attorney, and don’t be afraid to walk away from one or get a new one, if yours turns out different than you thought. If you believe you have this type of attorney, make the switch sooner rather than later. Good communication, mutual respect and trust are essential to the client-attorney relationship. Look for these traits and your divorce will come off better than you thought. For more legal advice read, The Guide to a Smart Divorce- Experts’ advice for surviving divorce by Kurt Groesser, Jan Parsons, Kim Langelaar, and David Heckenbach Esq.

Why we Date People who Aren’t Good for Us

divorcing

Why we Date People who Aren’t Good for Us

Have you ever been in a relationship you know in your head is wrong but you continue with anyway? Sometimes there are practical reasons like you can’t afford the rent on your own, you’ve bought property together, or just can’t see yourself living alone. But are these really the only reasons? Sometimes people don’t even have reasons like these. They just don’t know why they stay with someone who isn’t for them. So why do we date people who aren’t good for us? There may be some subconscious reasons you are not even aware of. Are you afraid of commitment? Do you happen to break up with someone or get divorced periodically, when just a few years or even months have gone by? These types usually couple with others who are scared of commitment, and just won’t say so. Then they blame each other, but never look at what baggage they themselves bring to the relationship. It’s like a self-fulfilling prophecy. Another reason may be unresolved childhood trauma. The person you select is from the archetype of your first caregivers, normally one’s parents. If you pick people who abuse you, treat you harshly or are just neglectful or emotionally unavailable, look to see if those who took care of you when you were young acted the same way towards you.

Do you generally focus only on the person’s good qualities and ignore the bad? Even the worst people can have moments when they are kind. But if they have a whole bunch of bad qualities and only a few good ones, your fixation is unrealistic. Instead, try to take a step back and look at the whole person. You could also be so caught up in what you felt in the beginning of the relationship that you are still living there and not noticing what is happening in the relationship now. Some people just don’t do well with reality. They’d rather live in denial. But that can only take you so far. And if your reality gets too out of touch with the real reality it could be embarrassing, and even have dangerous consequences. Have you been having a sexual relationship with this person and it’s turning bad or you’ve gotten emotionally attached when you shouldn’t have? Humans are biologically programmed to connect with those they have sex with. That doesn’t necessarily mean that this person is good or healthy for you. Sometimes a relationship is used to deflect a deeper issue in ourselves that we aren’t willing to deal with. Lastly, if you can’t admit you’ve made a mistake then you’d rather ignore the problem than actually face it. Dig and see what you can unearth to make your love life happy, healthy and satisfying.   For more on this topic, read Dating the Wrong Men: The Misadventurer’s Guide through Bad Relationship Choices by Kelly Rossi.

Two Thirds said they’d have an Affair with their Boss

Workplace-Attraction

Two Thirds said they’d have an Affair with their Boss

Having an affair with their boss to get ahead sounded like a good idea for two thirds of respondents in a recent survey. According to this recent poll taken by the upscale cheating website Victoria Milan, out of 3,000 respondents of both sexes, 67% said that they would cheat with their boss “for a salary raise or a promotion” 42% admitted to having cheated with a boss or coworker already. 81% “fooled around” with at least one person at work.  Victoria Milan CEO SIgurd Vedal spoke on these results saying, “Sharing most of our hours working with colleagues leads us to establish further relationships that can deepen into more serious feelings or even unresolved sexual tensions. Many cheaters apparently decide to make a move and resolve that tension — not to mention improving their situation by getting a raise or a promotion!” Even though these numbers are high, 82% understood that they were awfully risky having an affair at work as it could be more damaging to their lives than an ordinary affair. That’s because both work and home life were now at stake rather than an affair where only the romantic life can be jeopardized.

Of course there are all types of reason why people have affairs. Surely spending more time and having a deeper emotional attachment is true. But to use sex to get ahead at work is not only dangerous, it can be costly to your career. When the relationship sours the boss may want to get rid of you as to get rid of any evidence of the relationship. Or perhaps if things don’t go as planned and you two aren’t seeing eye to eye that could spill over into the work world, threatening your career. When those lines are crossed so much more could go wrong than when the romantic world and the work world are compartmentalized. If you have these feelings search them out. Why are you feeling this way? Is it because something in your romantic relationship is lacking? Or is it just hormones and being around this person all of the time? Do you really want to sleep with your boss because you like them, because you want to get ahead? Or is it because the mere position of power turns you on? Why not find someone in a position of power that isn’t in your building or at your job? It may be just as fun but won’t have the sticky consequences. If it’s just hormones and you don’t want to jeopardize your relationship, why not save that sexual energy until you get home? If there is something wrong with your relationship, use this as a wake-up call to try and fix it. Or else just leave it be and mosey on out the door. But these feelings can be the impetus you need to do what needs to be done. To learn more about infidelity and how to move on after an affair read, Surviving an Affair by Dr. Willard F. Harley, Jr. and Dr. Jennifer Harley Chalmers.