Words that Get a Man’s Attention

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What many women want is a man’s attention, at least the right man. But there are certain things you can say that will flip his lid and make him think you’re the most special girl in the world. How do you do that? Here are some words to get his attention in the best of ways. First, tell him you are proud of him. He may be totally off the wall about what he’s just accomplished, whether it’s moving up in the company, acing that final exam or he just put an addition on his house, he may be modest about it. But if you tell him you’re proud and genuinely make a big deal he will glow and smile from ear to ear. Every man loves the enthusiasm and support of a good woman. It also makes you a part of his life. “Come here. I need you.” This is flirtatious, provocative and sexy. So what if you are knee deep in toddlers? Get a sitter once per week and get it on. You need that bonding time. Remember to invest in your relationship. It will keep your bond deep and loving. “Thank you.” Simple gratitude can go so far, especially in marriage and long term relationships. Something goes bad when we stop appreciating each other. It’s with loving kindness and compassion that a relationship as it moves on grows deeper and more profound instead of old and stale.

Leave him a secret or an invitation, and tell him “Secret date night” in a note. You don’t always have to make plans for date night. But it will keep things fresh and keep him interested. What a smooth operator you are. Plus it keeps the bar high for when he thinks of surprising you. Who knew there would be such a payoff from generosity? Even if you are in a long term relationship or a marriage it’s important to keep each other guessing and have fun. Why not plan a treasure hunt for them? You can even make it a naughty one. “I think she was checking you out.” Letting him know makes you his conspirator. He will feel more at ease with you, like he can tell you anything. What’s more it’s a playful and fun little ego boost for him. And guess who he’ll direct that energy toward? Men really hate shopping for women but if you drop a comment like, “My friend really loved the bracelet you got for me. She couldn’t stop staring at it,” he’ll feel amazing. Studies have shown that men want to be appreciated in long term relationships while women want to be desired. For more on how to keep the joy and spark in your relationship, read How to Find and Create Lasting Love by relationship expert Dylan Thrasher.

Reinvent your Marriage

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Congratulate yourselves if you and your spouse have made it to middle age and are still happy in your relationship. Still, empty nesters and long-term relationships in general go through fluctuations. At this point you may find that things are too familiar and have lost their sparkle. You two might be wondering, what now? According to conflict resolution professional and attorney Pamela Zivari, you have a special story together by now that has played out over a significant amount of time. Of this she says, “You’ve become your own play, in effect, complete with character development, unexpected plot twists, devastating defeats and mythological wisdom. Because this growth can’t be quantified, or categorized, or updated, or downloaded, or synched, it’s hard to see and even harder to value than the new blush of excitement that comes from a new partnership. Therefore, before you can make significant improvements in your middle-aged marriage, you need first to respect it just as it is, the fact that it has lasted, and that it’s substantially more significant than you give it credit for.” Still, with this new metamorphosis comes its own challenges. But you and your spouse have suffered worse. This should just be a lot of fun in reimagining and recreating your relationship together, once again in this new place in life. Here’s how to reinvent your marriage.

Instead of concentrating on the things that drive you crazy about your spouse, think about the things you love them for. Look deeply into their eyes and tell them you love them. Acceptance is the road to bliss. Remember that it’s nearly impossible to change anyone. The only person you can really change is yourself. Allow your partner to lend you a hand. It doesn’t mean that you’re incapable. Instead, you are giving them the chance to feel needed, important, worthy and loved. Everyone needs to feel useful and needed sometimes. This is true of both sexes, but particularly for men. When your spouse comes in, give them a big smile, a kiss and a warm hello. This simple act will set the tone for the evening. Ask how their day was and really listen. Don’t take your partner for granted and they won’t take you for granted. Set the tone each day for appreciation and love, and it will come back to you. Do novel things together. Step outside of your comfort zone. Find adventures that are interesting to both of you. Plan it out and give yourself something to look forward to. Make a bucket list and cross off the things you get accomplished. Why not make a wishing board together and help fulfill each other’s dreams? Make your own routines. When you first come in the door, sit and have a drink and talk for a few minutes before the tasks of cooking dinner and whatnot are to be completed. If you accomplish these things, your relationship will be the most satisfying, precious thing in your life. Find ways to show how much you care, and your partner will do the same for you. For more advice on this topic, read I Still Do: Bring Back That Spark- Learn How You Can Rekindle The Flame Forever by Joshua Osenga.

Guys Are Drawn to the Damsel in Distress

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So many movies are the same. The lovely young maiden is trapped by the evil wretched villain. Her only hope, a knight in shining armor who swoops in to vanquish his opponent, free his lady love, sweep her up into his arms and ride off with her clutching him as the sun sets and the credits roll. But it isn’t just Hollywood that’s obsessed with the damsel in distress, guys fall for this female character, too. Many women, particularly in the West who are independent and can take care of themselves, hate this stereotypical heroine, and Hollywood and other media sources have heard and adjusted. This phenomenon still hangs on. So why are guys drawn to the damsel in distress? Mostly it’s because it makes him feel manly to be able to swoop in and save her. It makes him feel wanted, needed, important, a hero. It also makes her look feminine to him. Men throughout the ages have been traditionally the protectors and providers. Women, whether the modern feminist minded want to admit it or not, are also attracted to men who can make them feel safe and secure. Helping boosts a man’s ego. But saving a woman whom he also finds irresistible, that is a recipe for a man in love. Another thing, it’s easy to approach this woman. She needs help and he can provide it. It puts him at a superior standing.

This feeling of being a man, of doing manly things and becoming secured in one’s manliness helps to build the male ego. When he feels important, wanted, needed, and essential it feeds his ego, makes him feel manly and gives him a sense of pride that he is doing something good for a woman who deserves his services. The trick is to be a damsel in distress and at the same time not to be needy. This is easier said than done. Guys do want a woman to be independent. He wants her generally to have her own friends, career and passions in life. But he doesn’t want to feel as though she doesn’t need him at all. If you want to get closer to him but still maintain your independence, simply ask for his help in something. It could be a little matter. To fix something, ask for help in using a technical piece of equipment for instance if you are both working in the office together. The copier is always a source of consternation for any office worker. If there isn’t anything mechanical or technical around, ask for his advice or opinion on something. Thank him later on and let him know how much he helped. Once you’ve primed his ego in this manner he’s bound to warm to you. Remember not to use this all the time if you happen to be dating a guy or else you may come off as needy. But a little request for help now and then can pique his interest in you and let him know he’s needed and desired. For more tips on how to attract a man, read the advice of Ellen Dugan in her book, How To Enchant A Man: Spells to Bewitch, Bedazzle & Beguile.

Are you Emasculating Him?

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Nothing makes a man feel better about being in a relationship than when he feels his woman supports him, and helps secure him in his manhood. But oftentimes, women bring their men down and emasculate them without even realizing it. She often does it through her natural nurturing impulse or by being too honest but without realizing how he will take it, or how it sounds to him.  Are you emasculating him without even realizing it? Read on to see if you are guilty. Have you ever mentioned to your guy a generous gift your friend got from her boyfriend? If he bought her a diamond the size of a softball, or a month long trip to Paris, you may be taking him down a notch. Men’s egos are partly wrapped up in being an ample provider. A statement like this insinuates to him a comparison. And if he can’t buy the same type of thing for you, he may feel emasculated. Just mention it offhandedly and it shouldn’t bruise his ego. Realize what you’re doing with your eyes when your man is around. Do you give him proper eye contact? If you are always rolling your eyes, avoiding eye contact and looking bored, you are sending the message that he bores you or is of little importance. Be mindful.

Has the relationship been going on for a while and you’ve stopped dressing nicely? It’s okay to be comfortable around your guy and dress down. But if you do it all the time, and don’t put on a special outfit or lingerie for him, he may take it as you’re not attracted to him anymore. Wow him once in a blue moon. When he goes out of his way for you, buying you a special garment that doesn’t fit, a piece of jewelry that is like the one you wanted but not exactly it, or cooked you a gourmet meal but neglected to serve it the right way, don’t make any comments other than gushing praise. If he tried his best you’ll deflate his ego, even if it is just a teensy little critique. Instead, thank him generously and go and exchange the thing in private, or help to serve the meal properly, since you feel bad he’s done SO much already. Don’t beat around the bush too much. If you want to tell him something, don’t shower him with compliments first. He’ll know something is up, and the impact of the following statement will hurt far more. Don’t sugarcoat things; it emasculates him. Men communicate directly. That doesn’t mean you should insult him, but give it to him straight. Lastly, it’s okay not to be too needy. But if you do everything on your own, he’ll wonder what you need him for. Let him help out. Ask his advice. Even if you don’t use it, or don’t need it, it will make him feel needed, wanted, and loved. For more guidance on how to keep your man happy, read the advice of Laura Schlessinger in her book, The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands.