In today’s electronically interconnected world where almost every single milestone, anecdote, musing or irritation is put out for the entire world to see, it can feel like no one reserves any mysteries anymore. We all serve ourselves up daily to the giant, unblinking eye of the internet. But with dating, developing an air of mystery is essential. A lot of us like being an open book. Though this can initially put someone who is interested at ease, it can quickly become boring. Some of us are givers and people pleasers. But if we continue to give all our power away, if we make ourselves too transparent or if we fail to weave the magic spell properly we soon find lovers dropping off. Our interest pulls away. For many today we don’t even get to the dating stage. We text or message back and forth but nothing tangible ever emerges. The fact is some people seek a challenge, albeit a well-crafted one. Also, giving your lover everything they want upfront without asking anything in return, without any enticement or unfinished questions takes the fun out of the subtle, provocative dance that is human courtship. The problem is you have to play hard to get, but not too hard. You have to advertise your worth without pricing them out of your market. Here’s how to keep your love interest interested without driving them off.
Think of a date as a performance. The other person should always be left wanting more. Sometimes in our anxiety we want to in a confessionary manner divulge everything about us and get it all out of the way. But it’s important to have a bit more confidence and reserve portions of ourselves, doling it all out slowly. Look at it as a story. You want yours to slowly unravel in a delicious way. Leave them with a cliffhanger here and there. When scheduling a meetup, don’t be too available or accommodating or else you are giving all your power away. Some people change their entire schedule to accommodate someone else. Others need an entourage as if they were Hollywood celebrities. But this can also be a barrier. How can you really get to know each other with so many other people in the way? Don’t purposely obstruct an unfolding romance either. Be available perhaps one or two nights out of the week. Whatever arrangements are being made, the other person should meet you halfway. There needs to be balance. If getting together with you is way too difficult then they may give up. On dates many feel the need to prove themselves. But take a deep breath, step back and realize too that they should also have to prove themselves to you.
If you have a flare for the dramatic, surprise them. Don’t be too predictable. Everyone has inner mysteries that they love to explore, interests they pursue and curiosities that fascinate them. Find out what yours are and slowly introduce these secret mysteries to your love interest. Don’t pressure them. If you ask them where things are going after the third date, or levy some sort of ultimatum you will look desperate, apply too much pressure and end up alone. But if you’ve successfully weaved your spell, you’ll have them enchanted and ready to follow you anywhere. Sometimes we focus totally on ourselves. Step back and consider their situation. Did this person just get out of a serious relationship? Beware of being the rebound. If you are made to compete with someone, drop your love interest immediately. This person does not have your best interest at heart. Instead, they are on an ego trip and playing senseless games. Where could the relationship go if they are willing to play with your heart in such a manner? If your potential date is still in a relationship with someone else, walk away. Otherwise, you can just be friends. Don’t ever sacrifice your friends, family or your children to accommodate them. This person is selfish, egotistical and self-centered. Playing hard to get means enjoying each step of the human love ritual in all its rich complexity and splendor. But make sure you are coming across as interested. If you are cold and reserved the entire time, they may not know. Subtly is the key. You want to send slow, subtle signals such as eye contact, a brush of the arm, for guys opening the door and leading her in gently by the small of the back, leaning in when the other talks and so on. Just be sure to send out signals that, although you are interested, you have a life too. For the ladies who want to know more pick up a copy of, How to Keep a Man: What Every Woman Needs to Know to Keep Him Interested and Happy for Life by Niel Schreiber.