TIME Magazine App Predicts when you should get married
Do you know when the perfect date for your wedding is? If not a new app can tell you. Brought to you by TIME Magazine, this new app predicts when you should get married. It works by first analyzing your Facebook friends’ relationship statuses and ages. Then it determines the median age of your friends’ marriages and proposes that you marry about the same age as they were.
In terms of their calculation procedure, the app only uses friends who have selected to include their date of birth in their Facebook profile, up to and including the year. Researchers for TIME believe that only a quarter of Facebook users include this information on their profile. The statuses the software recognizes are “engaged,” “married,” “in a civil union” or a “domestic partnership.” This is a small number of the average Facebook profile’s friends. One reporter using the app said that it only selected 10 out of her 900 Facebook friends as these were the only ones who chose to report their relationship status. Many others keeping their status private were then not counted in the app’s calculations.
Though it’s interesting it doesn’t seem as though anyone is planning their marriage or dating life around this app, nor should they. It makes one wonder what the point of this app is in general. Is it merely to elicit interest in TIME? There certainly isn’t a perfect date or age to get married. And with the inflated divorce rate, though it has dropped a bit for some groups, having artificial pressures or anxieties tossed atop an already large pile from one’s family and society seems ludicrous and outlandish. Certainly people today know that marriage isn’t something to be taken lightly. Though it has a fun aspect it can make someone who is single feel bad about their situation, as if there aren’t enough things that do that already.
Why not forgo this app and turn to a dating one instead? There are lots of them. Some select singles in your area and make it easy for you to chat with them. Online dating is a great way to do it too. Remember to give the person you meet a chance. Serial dating can be fun in the beginning but can wear you out in the end. If you are dating someone do not use this app to pressure them into marriage. Nor should you show the selected date to your significant other as anything other than a joke. It could backfire on you. Then you’ll be contacting TIME and all over the news for reporting that their marriage app broke up your relationship. Bet that isn’t something they saw coming. Who could have predicted it? If you’re thinking of taking it to the next level in your relationship read, Before You Say “I Do”: A Marriage Preparation Manual for Couples by H. Norman Wright & Wes Roberts.
Both Sexes can Read a Partner’s Sexual Satisfaction
You may not be able to tell with someone who you had a short tryst with. But when it comes to our partners, both sexes can read a partner’s sexual satisfaction fairly accurately according to a recent Canadian study. So don’t throw on the theatrics. They are bound to annoy your partner. But hiding dissatisfaction isn’t good either. The study had 84 participants, each married or cohabitating heterosexual couples. Both partners were surveyed as to how satisfied they were in their sex lives and what they thought their partner’s level of sexual satisfaction was. Then researchers combined these to see how well each person’s questionnaire matched their partners.
According to the study’s author and psychology graduate student Erin Fallis of the University of Waterloo, “On average, both men and women did well. They had, overall, accurate and unbiased perceptions of their partners’ sexual satisfaction.” Couples who had good communication were found to be able to evaluate their lover’s satisfaction at a slightly higher rate. Those who had poor emotional skills compensated by being able to read their partner’s emotional state. Testing of this was done by showing participants photos of a person’s eyes and having them say what the emotional state conveyed was.
Being able to read your partner was independent of how long the couple had been together, researchers found. This may mean simply that the participants were good matches for each other. Past studies have found that men often believe that their sexual prowess is more than it is. Overestimation is the problem. One University of Chicago study found that 43.5% of men said that their female partner consistently reached climax while 28.6% of females said they actually did. In a 2010 study 85% of men said that their partner’s had orgasmed the last time they had an encounter, compared to 64% of women. Of these, Fallis says that those studies only looked at individuals while this research studied couples. What’s more, sexual satisfaction may include other aspects, not just orgasm.
The couples in this study came from happy marriages. Fallis believes that you would get a much different result in unsatisfied couples. Sexual satisfaction plays a huge role in a couple’s overall marital satisfaction. According to Fallis, “Sexual satisfaction is the strongest predictor of men’s relationship stability — whether they break up or stay together. It’s the second strongest for women after relationship satisfaction.” It’s important to talk to your partner if you are frustrated, are bored or need something to spice things up. When things are happy in the bedroom things are happy overall. You can find the results of this study in the latest issue of the journal Archives of Sexual Behavior. For advice on improving your sex life read, SatisFaction: Erotic Fantasies for the Advanced & Adventurous Couple by Karrine Steffans.
Some people don’t know how to mind their own business. And it can be pretty embarrassing when they question your single status in front of everyone. The nerve of some people. But because they’re related to you they feel like they have the right to be a callous, ignorant, pushy pain. How are you legitimately supposed to answer that question? What are they expecting? What does it even mean? Instead, here is some ammo for answering, “Why aren’t you married yet?” First, let them know that people are living longer now, so why rush it? There’s no hurry. And with the divorce rate the way it is, wouldn’t they want you to be sure? Point out to them that just because people are married does not make them happier. Elucidate all of the things in your single life that make you happy such as your education, career, hobbies and interests and so on. Remind them that there were plenty of dictators and tyrants throughout history that were married. So being hitched does not automatically make you a better person. In fact, lots of plotting wives helped audacious husbands succeed and become tyrants throughout history. If you are a comic book fan let them know that virtually all the superheroes are single. And why is that?
Let them know that you don’t want to limit yourself to merely one disappointing relationship. Now there are all kinds of ways for you to be disappointed. And isn’t variety the spice of life? If you want to make a more serious effort, let them know that you just haven’t found the right person yet. Tell them you want to be knocked off your feet by the gusty gales of love, not settle for some little gust of happiness that blows through and is ordinary and so quickly over. The divorce rate is about half. So you want to make sure you do it once and do it right. If you are a free spirit and never planning on getting married, remind them that you do not live a conventional life. Why limit yourself to one experience while there is a multitude of experiences to be had, in love just as in any other category? If you are female let them know that the U.S. Census Bureau states that single women are happier than men, so you are in the right statistic. Also point out that married men are the happiest, so you are looking for the right guy to make happy. Lastly, question the reasoning behind this person’s question. Are they trying to pressure you? Are they just trying to tease you or be funny? Or do they want to make you feel uncomfortable? Perhaps a shallow barb will put them back in their place if they are being malevolent. But a small joke will put them back on track should they be teasing. For more advice on how to respond to annoying questions, read The Snark Handbook: A Reference Guide to Verbal Sparring by Lawrence Dorfman.
Weddings today are so costly. It seems that you put down the GDP of a small country just to cover all the expenses. Generally you have to figure for a loss. Then there’s that pesky marriage penalty. But still there are tax breaks and many other incentives for being married. When single, you don’t get these but you don’t have an expensive wedding to pay for. Nor do you have to shoulder the debt of a spouse. So in taking everything into consideration, is being single or married better for your bottom line? If you guessed married you would be correct. According to a new article out in The Atlantic Monthly entitled “The High Price of Being Single in America,” a single woman will pay a staggering $1,022,096 more than a married one over the course of her lifetime. There are those tax breaks we mentioned. A married woman is privy to part of her husband’s salary, shared to take care of the bills and so on. Then there’s savings on housing, healthcare costs, even social security benefits. But is it all as straightforward as this article portrays it?
One thing that is always true, housing is more expensive for singles. This goes for insurance, too. According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, 20-somethings spend an average of $9,964 for their housing. For the average married couples that figure is $8,844. For the lawfully wedded, over the course of six decades that can total $67,200. Not a small amount of money to be sure. Not only is housing more expensive for singles, but they don’t have a dual income household to help share part of the costs. Another area to look at is the tax savings. Many times it works in a couple’s favor because there are their certain deductions married folks can take. Often with dual income households, one spouse’s income isn’t quite up to par with the others. When this occurs however the couple can actually save on taxes while not being pushed into a higher tax bracket. In terms of healthcare, single people spend an average of $570 per year, compared to their married counterparts who shell out $482 each on average, due to the costs of coverage being reduced for their status. The exception is that many times insurance companies do not offer a savings by putting a couple under the same plan. It’s best to check before committing to one. Even for lifestyle items such as cell phone plans, gym memberships, even travel expenses are more expensive. To read more about this phenomenon, check out Dr. Bella DePaulo’s book,Singled out.
Online dating has exploded. Far away from the old personal ads in the newspapers, online dating has become popular, even chic. It’s a great tool in your toolbox if you’re single and ready to mingle. You can find out who is single, and be able to see a host of different people who are available in your area in a short amount of time. But with dating profiles it can be hard to read between the lines. Is this person really like this? What are they really trying to say? There are some men you just want to steer clear of online to save yourself a whole lot of time and hassle. First off, if a guy openly tells you that he is in a relationship and is looking for a little action on the side, walk away. If his wife or girlfriend doesn’t understand him, so he says, cut off all communications. He is a manipulator. Not only that, but if he’s willing to cheat on her he will cheat on you, too. And even if he didn’t, how can you ever trust him? Won’t you always be wondering? Save yourself the hassle and move along. There is no shortage of guys out for only one thing, an intimate encounter. If that’s what you want too, don’t be afraid to go and get it. But if you are looking for something more, cut off the conversations with guys that are only interested in one thing.
It’s okay to have high standards, but watch out for the guy who has impossible standards. If he wants a supermodel with a dazzling personality, new car, and a hefty bank account, move along. You’ll spend all your time trying to please him, and getting exhausted without anything to show for it. Don’t respond when a guy is trying to rush you. If he’s asking for your phone number after the one or two times you two have chatted online, tell him to slow down. He wants to either get into your pants or he’s needy. Either way the signs are not good. If he doesn’t want to slow down and get to know each other, tell him to take a hike. Ever come across an empty profile? What gives? This guy doesn’t put forth the effort you want to see in a relationship. What kind of message is he sending? He’s either just looking to see what type of women are out there or he’s much too private, perhaps emotionally unavailable. Then there’s the guy who sends infrequent messages. At first you think things are really happening. Then a drop off in the messages. Then he’s back again. What’s that all about? He is very busy in his career and only goes on in his free time. That or he has someone and is looking to cheat. Either way you aren’t much of a priority. Don’t move forward with any of these guys. If you get good at filtering out the one’s you don’t want, the ones that have potential will suddenly pop out at you. For more tips on online dating, try reading the advice of Maurice D Chuka in his book, Online Dating Tips for Women- Helping You Find Mr. Right.