The Most Expensive Weddings Lead to the Shortest Marriages

ENGAGEMENT-RING

The Most Expensive Weddings Lead to the Shortest Marriages

The price on weddings has risen significantly in recent years. So-called “normal” couples today incorporate detailed websites, photo booths and giant ice sculptures into their marriages, and even throw weekend-long events. The industry likes to marry the idea of love and commitment with how much is spent. But although most of us scour the plan looking for ways of saving a few dollars, some wish money was no object. They secretly drool over celebrity-style affairs in exotic locales, taking place in lavish venues where so many luxuries abound their guests’ heads spin. We dream of becoming a part of what looks like modern day royalty. But be careful what you wish for. All of that style may be hiding a lack of substance, according to a study out of Emory University. You would think those who shell out the most mean it the most. But this study found the opposite to be true. The most expensive weddings lead to the shortest marriages. Two economics professors came to this conclusion. They also found that the higher the price-tag for the engagement ring, the greater the likelihood of divorce.

3,000 participants, married only one time, took part in this study. They found that those men who spent $500 to $2,000 were 1.3 times less likely to get divorced than those who spent $2,000 and $4,000. Those who spent $5,000 to $10,000 on the wedding were 3.5 times less likely to get divorced than those who shelled out over $20,000. In an email to Big Think researchers wrote, “Advertising has fueled the norm that spending large amounts on the engagement ring and wedding is an indication of commitment or is helpful for a marriage to be successful.” Though they’ve found a correlation, determining causation is far trickier. The economists surmise that such a big event inflates the expectations of the marriage. The couple is enchanted into the notion that things are going to be easy from here on out. Both parties have unrealistic expectations which undermine reconciliation when the couple hits a stumbling block. Those who have a more moderately priced affair have a level-headed view and so are ready when the inevitable difficulties arise.

No matter how much you plunk down for your wedding, there are some qualities that can be sustained by both parties to give the marriage the best chance of success. The first is to focus on the positive rather than the negative. There are little things that will inevitably drive you crazy. But if you can remember how supportive and understanding they are, you can perhaps overlook the hair they leave in the shower drain or that they are never once on-time. Invest in your relationship. This could be time, energy or thoughtfulness. But you get out of a marriage what you put into it. Communicate clearly and make sure you understand what your spouse has said or is saying. Lots of fights boil down to miscommunication. Fight smart. If you hurt your partner but win the argument, have you really won? Learn to let the little things go. And find ways to increase your closeness and strengthen your bond. For more on how to achieve marital success read, Strong Marriage, Happy Life: The Core Principles of a Successful Marriage and How to Make Your Marriage Work by Sonya Dawson.

Red Flags with Dollar Signs on Them

Young couple worrying over finances

Red Flags with Dollar Signs on Them

Your spouse’s debt can really wreck you financial future. So much so that people are avoiding certain financial behaviors in others, and with good reason. Who wants to be weighed down by another’s irresponsibility? Here are some red flags with dollar signs on them; behaviors that let you know this person is bad with money. If the one you’re dating carries along some huge credit card debt and they aren’t making any headway on it, be afraid, be very afraid.

It’s not that you shouldn’t date someone with debt. Everyone in the modern world has some kind of debt to a certain extent. What is alarming is the lack of management. Everyone needs to manage their debt. A report by the National Marriage Project in 2009 concluded that debt destroys marriages. No matter what socio-economic class, race, or ethnicity, it’s debt that wipes out marriages. So hitching yourself to someone who has a lot of debt may be a recipe for an eventual divorce.

Do you know what makes the likelihood of divorce rise 45%? Thinking your spouse is spending too much. If you notice the person you are dating has horrific spending habits, they go for expensive trips, spa treatments, shopping sprees and other luxuries they can’t afford, to no abatement, put the brakes on that relationship. You’ll find the common account cleared out before the bills are due. Sometimes couples have different outlooks when it comes to money. One person tries to save as much as they can. The other feels that you can’t take it with you when you’re dead, why not spend it now? But these two vastly different attitudes will tear you apart if you aren’t careful. You have to manage it correctly. It takes a lot of talking, rule making, negotiating, and compromising.

If your lover is frequently receiving unemployment checks, beware. If they were unlucky, that is one thing. But if they keep finding and losing jobs, that’s another. If the latter is your sweetie’s case, kick them to the curb no matter how sweet they appear, unless you don’t mind supporting them. They may be immature, have a hard time getting along with others, or have commitment issues. Whatever the case, it doesn’t sound like good qualities to have in a relationship. For advice on improving you and your partner’s financial situation read, Debt-Proof Your Marriage: How to Achieve Financial Harmony by Mary Hunt.

Things Men do that Don’t Impress

annoyed

Things Men do that Don’t Impress

It isn’t easy finding someone to date around here. The prospect can be at times glorifying, terrifying and downright dull. It surely isn’t easy to catch the attention of the right person either. But sometimes guys go about it all wrong. They try to impress but end up turning her off. Alexander Dumass recently approached AskWomen forum on Reddit and asked what the worst ways to pick up women were. The results are as follows. Pay careful attention gentleman; here are the things men say or do that do not impress. Some guys trash talk women. But if you are trying to impress her why would you insult her whole sex? Follow up question, how is that supposed to make you look good?

Guys, if you’ve been having trouble with the ladies, think about why that is. Was it the girls you were dating? If so, it may be your selection process that was off. And just as men hate it when women put us in an entire category, so too do they. Don’t be so negative, and if you feel that way perhaps couch those feelings until later, or don’t approach her at all. Don’t insult your current flame. If you are saying negative things about her what makes you think she’s going to want to date you? You see, if you are saying these things about your current girl, it makes logical sense that if this new girl starts dating you she’ll sooner or later be the one being insulted. So again keep the negativity to a minimum.

Showing off how much money you make is a turnoff. As one Redditor wrote, “It’s not douchey to have money or to spend money on nice things. It is douchey to brag about how much money you make and the nice things you own, to make a big show of spending your money so everyone can see how rich you are, or to act as though being wealthy somehow makes you better than those around you.” If you get her number do not send her a photo of your member. Men may be visual creatures but women are turned on mentally and emotionally. If she does enjoy that sort of thing, and ask her first before doing it, make sure you are deeply involved in a relationship.

If you really want to turn her on and make her like you, talk to her, find out what she likes, what she’s into and find out all you can about it. Don’t go down a checklist of why you are the best guy to be her man. This isn’t an interview and you aren’t filling a position. These are women, beautiful, mysterious creatures. Appeal to her on a fun, interesting, human level. It’s more about making an emotional bond than fulfilling the duties of the position. Do not tell her or even brag about how many women you’ve been with. Don’t lie and say you are really into something that you aren’t into just to get close to her. Be honest with her. If you say it’s your favorite film, make sure it is. Women have incredible B.S. meters. Lastly, find out about her. Don’t just go on and on about yourself, or you might turn around and find she’s slipped off. For more advice read, How to Be a Chick Magnet: Learn Exactly How to Attract and Impress a Girl, and Master the Art of Talking to Women by Calvin Biggs.

10 Ways Long Term Separations Can Hurt Wives Financially

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10 Ways Long Term Separations Can Hurt Wives Financially

Long term separations can put you in a kind of limbo. For whatever reason either both parties are loath to say goodbye to the marriage but can’t seem to work out their differences or the financial and emotional burden of a divorce is too much for either party to handle right now. Whatever the reason if you find yourself in this kind of situation you aren’t alone. Long-term separations exist for many would-be couples right now. This phenomenon increased significantly during the Great Recession as parties who wanted to divorce were averse to doing so due to financial difficulty or even unemployment on the part of one or both parties. Some people take a weekend away after a heated argument or a few months away to get some distance and gain some perspective on a marriage. But these are considered short term separations. These can last a year, two years or more.  In the short term it can make a lot of sense in that you two are incompatible but by living your separate lives without officially divorcing you avoid the heart ache, the venom that might arise, and the draining emotional toll that a divorce can have on you, and your soon-to-be former spouse. Every decision however has a positive and negative side. The positive you have missed is called an opportunity cost in economics. In this situation waiting too long could have an adverse effect on your pocketbook.  How exactly you might ask? Here are 10 ways long term separations can hurt wives financially.

Number one, you can’t give any input as to how your assets are being allocated by your husband. How is your husband currently managing the finances? Certainly when a divorce settlement occurs you want to be able to receive that which you are entitled. But when living apart you don’t know how your husband is saving, or spending, racking up debt or taking good care of the bills, managing investments, making them, or selling them off. In a Community Property state if your husband is acquiring more debt you in turn are also acquiring it. Check into what kind of state you live in. if it is an Equitable Distribution state the only time you have to worry about this phenomenon is with joint credit cards or any other joint debt. Find out which type of state you are in. Second, your husband may use this time to hide financial assets so they don’t become a part of some future divorce settlement. Third, if your husband loses his job or his financial situation does a 180 your settlement may decrease significantly from what you may have originally acquired. Besides becoming unemployed he may be injured and go on disability. Perhaps he got into legal trouble and so there goes your savings. Fourth, your husband could move to another state, or even another country. Laws from one state to another and one country to another in regard to divorce vary radically, particularly when it comes to alimony. It usually only takes six months to a year to establish residency somewhere else. Moving to another country could make things far worse for your lawyer, complicating things further.

Fifth, the laws governing alimony could change in the state in which you live. Look into your own state law and any bills coming up mentioning alimony reform, for these have been changing the state of alimony and for the most part negatively impact the former wife in a financial sense. Sixth, your future former husband could meet someone. He may use those assets such as your joint savings to buy his new girlfriend lavish gifts, take her on vacations, to fancy restaurants and so on. He may even support her. Seventh, you may have to diminish your living standards during a long separation. Legally, you may have trouble acquiring alimony at the lifestyle which you were previously accustomed to. If you are receiving far less now to live on your soon-to-be ex could say that you don’t need that much since you’ve been living on such a prolonged period on a far more meager income. Eighth, if your husband runs into financial trouble of the legal kind, you could be on the hook for it too. Though you may feel completely different about him since the time you both said, “I do” in the eyes of the law you are still husband and wife. If your husband cheats on his taxes, is sued, or does some other kind of financial shenanigans those assets, though you feel entitled to your fair share, may go to pay legal bills, fines and more. Ninth, without a separation agreement if you depend on your husband to support you, there’s no legal protection against him cutting you off. Number ten, staying separated long term and floating in that limbo makes it hard to move on with the rest of your life. For more pick up a copy of, On Your Own Again: The Down-to-Earth Guide to Getting Through a Divorce or Separation and Getting on with Your Life by Keith Anderson and Roy Macskimming.