Romance, Guy Style

Couple-Relaxing

Romance, Guy Style

We all know what women find romantic. But what about when it comes to men?  How you do sweep a guy off his feet? Flowers, candle lit dinners and moonlit buggy rides aren’t it. It can be difficult to guess what gifts or gestures he’ll appreciate. But not to worry, here are some ideas. Here’s romance, guy style. First, when you do something nice for your guy, don’t expect something automatically in return. It kills the mood. You don’t want him to show up with a bouquet of your favorite flowers and just after you swoon say, “Hey, what are you going to do for me?” Instead, make sure a gesture or a gift is just that, an expression of your affection. Of course he’ll be overjoyed and won’t be able to wait to shower you with gifts and appreciation. But let it come naturally. Don’t force it or expect it.

For gesture ideas, why not cook him his favorite meal or bake his favorite dessert? Not so handy in the kitchen? Take him out to his favorite restaurant. If he’s a sports guy, take him to a sports bar where they have the best burgers for the game. For guys, it isn’t about a one size fits all thing like flowers or candy. It’s really about tailoring what his hobbies or interests are to your gift or gesture. Get to know your guy and what he likes and ideas will come up.

Tickets to the game or the concert, a nice watch, a weekend away, a ski trip, a party on the beach, a surprise camping trip to a national park he’s been itching to make it to, a massage, all of these will show him how much you care. Guys often plan dates, outings and so on, though certainly not always. But why not turn the tails on him and plan something that will knock his socks off? If you want to do something little, why not leave a little love note for him, or even a steamy one? Leave them in his briefcase, knapsack, jacket pocket, in a book he’s reading, his luggage or his satchel. Some guys don’t like it when things are too sappy. Others are the sensitive type. Know which type your guy is and write your notes accordingly. Why not write something funny or witty?

Sometimes just lazing around together can be romantic. Sitting by the pool with drinks, easing into a hot tub or coffee and a long brunch in a great café will do the trick. Don’t forget that for guys the physical aspect is an important part of romance. Surprising him in lingerie is always a great way to wow him. And it will make you two closer, too. Isn’t that what it’s all about? For more advice read, 31 Days to a Happy Husband: What a Man Needs Most from His Wife by Arlene Pellicane.

A Simple Way to Like your Lover More

happylove

A Simple Way to Like your Lover More

Do you want to like your lover more? You could focus on the great things they do for you. Think about their amazing qualities and also come to accept their drawbacks, but that last part is sometimes easier said than done. A simple way to like your lover more is simply to do nice things for them, something that’s called “The Ben Franklin Effect” in psychology. Franklin supposedly founded this idea himself, that we like people whom we do nice things for better.

A group called Soul Pancake is testing this theory with a new video out on Youtube. Couples were recruited to take part in a taped experiment. One partner was recruited to cater to the other, bringing them a drink and showing other ways how much they cared about the object of their affection. The other partner was merely to enjoy this extra love and attention. Questionnaires were given to each participant both before and after shooting took place. The result was that the person doing the doting was actually 5% more attracted to their partner than before the experiment began. The host of the video, Julian, states at the end, “Make sure you allow room in the relationship for the other person to also give it back and invest in you. So maybe don’t insist on paying the bill every time, or driving to their place every time. Give them a shot to invest and put just as much into as you do … give your partner a chance to contribute.”

Another study has shown however that putting your partner on a pedestal makes them appreciate you less, while making them nervous that you don’t know them really, don’t love the real them underneath the infatuation. Instead, have your own experiment where both partners are committed to introducing “The Ben Franklin Effect” into their relationship. Talk about this psychological phenomenon with your partner. Practice random acts of love for them. Show your love and appreciation in little ways every day. Have them do the same. See if you love each other more at the end. Little gestures, love notes, sweet or steamy texts, little treats, flowers for no reason at all are just some of the things you can do for one another.

Why not take your lover away for a secret romantic getaway? Surprise them with a lovely, romantic candle lit dinner when they come home from work, give them a great back massage or foot rub, or even wear their favorite outfit to surprise them, looking good just for them. If you have creative talents write them a song or a poem, paint them a picture or draw something for them. Part of the joy of love is expressing it and reveling in it. Show your lover how much you care, they will do the same in return and you will both be enjoying a virtuous cycle of love and appreciation. For more advice read, Giving From the Heart: 57 Ways to Show Your Love by Linda Johnson.

Creative Ways to send Love Notes

love-note-napkin

Creative Ways to send Love Notes

Are you tired of writing the simple love note and slipping it into their brief case, lunch bag or backpack? Are you in a long term relationship and have done it all already, but want to wow them in a new way? Or perhaps you are ready for a grand gesture to tell your sweetie just how you feel. Here are some creative new ways to send a love note that will be so moving they will cover your face with kisses as soon as they see you. If a little note is too ordinary, try sending an entire puzzle! Some people love puzzles. But this one has a message, one you choose. You can say those three little words, tell them how they light up your life, or how their smile is brighter than a thousand suns. But they’ll have to put it together to get the message. Remember to remind them that it’s easier to start with the edges and work your way in. Try differentgifts.com. It will cost around $30. Do you want to let them know how you feel but your short on time? Well, there’s the 365 Days of Romance tin. It will give you messages such as “Let’s watch your favorite move tonight” “I love your laugh” and others. They are like little fortune cookie size papers. Stick them wherever you want. But who doesn’t want to get a love note every day of the year? This one will run you around $10 at tokensofaffection.com.

Does your love have a thing for doctors? Also at tokensofaffection.com try the Love Doctor Prescription Kit. It comes with a prescription pad and a pen that looks like a syringe. It’ll cost you around $6 for the mini-kit. If you want to give a more personal touch, why not write a bunch of notes over the course of a few weeks? Hide them in a big plastic bag. One day leave a little trail of notes and let them find you with some chocolates and champagne. Perhaps have a skywriter write something for you. Mail them a love note at work with a little gift inside telling them how much you love them and miss them, and wanted to surprise them with how much you care. Ever consider sending a singing messenger? They’re still out there. A serenade is a wonderful way to melt someone’s heart. If you don’t play an instrument or sing yourself, elicit a friend. Write some lyrics or a love song. You could even hire a band, or if you know one convince them to perform it for your lover. Breakfast in bed with a love note under a glass or a dish conspicuously hidden can drive the message home. Why not make your love a collage with some of your best memories in photos or written about as part of the artwork? Hang a sign from the local train trestle or motorway. Put a little message on the dog or cat’s collar. You don’t have to spend money. All you have to do is be creative and know them, to show how much you care in a way they’d appreciate. To get started on this love note project, purchase My Basic Needs: Food, Clothing, Shelter, You: 30 Love Notes to Use Anytime, Anywhere by Lane Walker Foard.

Do Men Trade Success for their Marriage?

work

Do Men Trade Success for their Marriage?

As marriage goes on, we all get stuck in our responsibilities, especially those pertaining to our career. Men wrap their egos in what they do for a living. Still, many wives complain that their husband is working all of the time and when he isn’t, he hardly pays her any attention at all. So do men trade success for their marriage?  Many men see their ability to provide as showing love. The more they can provide the more love they are showing, though this is a mistake. Certainly, they want to make their family including their spouse proud. Also there is a lot of pressure to perform. It’s not only guys today. More and more women are entering the workforce better educated than ever before. Lots of women are the breadwinners and there is a growing number of stay at home dads. This phenomenon certainly affects them as well. Still, no matter your gender, it’s is so important to not put your marriage on the backburner in order to focus all of your energies on your career. Learn to prioritize and schedule time wisely. Delegate to coworkers, subordinates and others, though make sure not to overdo it. Teleconference so that you can cut out commute time and spend that time with your wife or husband. There are plenty of other things you can do on the other side of life, the household that will increase happiness and show your love and engagement.

Don’t just say “I love you” though those are important words to hear. Say “How are you?” This little phrase is very powerful. It communicates care and opens things up for communication. Sometimes all your spouse needs to do is vent or have their emotions validated. It doesn’t have to take long but will make all of the difference to them. Once you return to the homestead, be fully engaged in home life. If you need a little time to relax when you first get in the door, it’s completely understandable. Twenty minutes or a half an hour alone should do the trick. But if you are answering work emails or lost in your iPad when your partner wants to talk, you are not taking part in appropriate behavior. Be there and focused on your spouse when you are home and your relationship will have less conflict and will be a lot happier. Sometimes, just do a little something to show that you care. Plan a night out. Get a sitter if you have kids and surprise your spouse. Get them a thoughtful gift or do some gesture to show your love, like sending them flowers or their favorite fruit in a gift basket, just because. Take a minute or two here and there and send them a message. A love note hidden where they will find it, a nice massage after a long day, a sexy email, a sweet text or a phone call out of the blue just to say, “I love you.” For more on getting the most out of your relationship, read Couple Skills: Making Your Relationship Work by Matthew McKay Ph.D., Patrick Fanning and Kim Paleg Ph.D.

A more Positive Spouse means Better Health

Young couple with thumbs up

A more Positive Spouse means Better Health

According to researchers out of the University of Michigan a more positive spouse means better health. Spouses had less chronic disease and were more mobile when their partner was optimistic the study found. This study can be found in the Journal of Psychosomatic Research. The Health and Retirement Study, a government survey of adults over 50 years of age, was utilized for this study. 1,970 straight married couples were followed in this study. It took place for four years and it measured the amount of mobility and chronic disease couples reported. Other research has pointed to vibrant social networks one can call on for support as one reason why optimism has such a strong correlation with health and the health of a spouse. Having people to count on in times of difficulty makes it much easier emotionally, physically and in so many other ways to deal with the harsh realities life can sometimes throw at you. Study lead author and a doctoral student at the university Eric Kim said that, “A growing body of research shows that the people in our social networks can have a profound influence on our health and well-being.” But being better connected isn’t the only reason. “In addition,” Kim says, “optimists engage in healthier lifestyles that simultaneously minimize health risk factors for illness.” The Michigan team is very excited as this is a real breakthrough study. Kim says, “This is the first study to show that someone else’s optimism could be impacting your own health.”

Positivity in other studies has shown to aid in solving problems and contribute to higher overall relationship satisfaction. So how exactly does the health benefits aspect of it play out? We can imagine lower stress and anxiety levels perhaps leading to better sleep. And positivity itself leads to better mental health. According to Kim there are other ways optimistic spouses help keep their partner’s healthy, “So practically speaking, I can imagine an optimistic spouse encouraging his or her partner to go to the gym or eat a healthier meal because the spouse genuinely believes the behavior will make a difference in health. Identifying factors that protect against declining health is important for the increasing number of older adults who face the dual threat of declining health and rising health care costs.” Even if you or your spouse aren’t eternal optimists, there are ways to inject a little bit of sunshine into your marriage. Start writing your spouse love notes. On each one mention something that you love about them and encourage them to write something they love about you. Write a list of things you are thankful for in your spouse and read it when you need a reminder. Have a gratitude jar. You and your spouse can write on little slips of paper what you appreciated about your partner on that week. At the end of the week pull the papers out and read them aloud. Why not surprise your partner with a little something, or a night out just to show them how special they are to you? For more on positivity and how it affects you, read How Full Is Your Bucket? by Tom Rath & Donald O. Clifton, Ph.D.