The Benefits of a Long-Distance Relationship

long-distance-relationship

The Benefits of a Long-Distance Relationship

Lots of people argue against long-distance relationships. But if you two are the right kind of people, a long-distance relationship can make love stronger, the relationship deeper and can make each party rise to the occasion, utilizing traits and skills that make them better people. First, a long-distance relationship has automatic breathing room built in. Balancing time for yourself and time together is a great challenge for many couples. Some people like to be together more often. Others like to be apart. Everyone has a relationship style.

If you and your significant other spend more time apart than together, you may be good candidates for a long-distance relationship. It also makes the time you spend together more fulfilling, significant, even magical since it is rarer and therefore, more precious.  In this, you may find that you have a deeper appreciation for your sweetheart and are less likely to take them for granted. Some in this type of relationship claim that a couple sustains the honeymoon phase of the relationship longer. The two aren’t together often enough for it to fade. So each time they see each other the steamy, magnetic giddiness of the honeymoon phase is renewed, at least until they stop being long-distance.

A long-distance relationship builds its own world, for just the two of you through email, Skype, and more. In regular relationships, friends, hobbies, and lifestyles blend together. But in a long-distance relationship, the world is more private, shared only between the two, almost sacrosanct. Excellent communication skills is the number one most important skill for any relationship and long-distancers have it by the boat load. In fact, communication seems to be what they have most of. Affection is also diversified and creatively put forth. If they mention they ran out of Keurig cups you secretly go online and order if for them. If you mention a movie you want to see, your partner will see it too so the two of you can discuss it and have something to look forward to.

Long-distance relationships are more secure in their love. If you’ve seen each other face-to-face for a long time, you start to wonder how committed the other person is. But in a long-distance relationship the fact that the person returns to Skype time and again, calls time and again, and shows their investment time and again keeps you from guessing. If you are considering a long-distance relationship, look at the benefits along with the drawbacks, talk with those close to you, and do some soul searching to see if it’s right for you. For more advice read, The Long-Distance Relationship Survival Guide by Chris Bell and Kate Brauer-Bell.

If He Has One of these Traits, Still Give Him a Chance

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If He Has One of these Traits, Still Give Him a Chance

Single women are the largest growing demographic in America. That said, some experts think that many women who could end up with a man they enjoy being with, deflect men who show interest in them for small, superficial, inconsequential reasons.  In a new book entitled, Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough Lori Gottlieb explores this very notion. Women have to be more open minded when selecting their mates, and stop considering little things as deal breakers. But what kinds of things is she talking about? If he has one of these traits, you should probably give him a chance.

First, if he is younger or older than you don’t rule him out right away. The truth is that you can’t always select who you jive with. Not everyone has to fit some sort of cookie cutter mold. Instead, realize that people of different ages who have a fondness and compassion for one another, whose souls intermingle when their bodies are at a discrepancy, these are still vital relationships one should give a chance to, no matter what loud mouth ignoramus is spouting about dirty old men, cougars or what-have-you. If someone is older or younger than you are, of legal age of course, but makes you happy and you make them happy, what’s the difference?

Lots of women single a man out for what they perceive as certain physical shortcomings. For instance, if he is bald or balding, if he is a little overweight, a tad two short, wears glasses, has facial hair and so on. Often, women bemoan the shallowness of men and of our culture, which is true. But then they reject someone who doesn’t fit some sort of mental image or standard they themselves have set. Sometimes when we first meet someone we find it hard to look past physical things, that turn out to not be a big deal later on. But the guy who has a bald spot may have also written a book. He may have a great sense of humor. He may speak French and know how to dance the Calypso. If you knew all that upfront perhaps you would give him a chance. So don’t judge a book by its cover. Reserve judgment and get to know the person. That said, if there still isn’t any chemistry, remain friends. Don’t try and force something that isn’t there. If he lives far away but you two hit it off, consider a long distance relationship. Perhaps go and visit. Have him visit you. Consider moving or see if he can move.  Life is too short. And if you live your life to other people’s standards you’ll never be happy. But don’t set yours too high either. There are lots of people with amazing qualities out there that can’t wait to sweep you off your feet, if you’d let them.

Is it Ever Okay to Break Up over Text?

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Traditionally, the most respectful way to breakup is considered the face-to-face meeting. But today’s modern, perpetually connected 21st century daters are opting to breakup via text and email despite the fact that it’s often seen as a social faux pas. Recently Voucher Cloud, an online coupon corporation did some research and found that 56% of relationships that ended in the past year were broken off via the digital realm. 25% did so via text. 20% said “It’s not you, it’s me” through social media. 11% opted for an email rather than a Dear John letter. The most common reason why people opted for the online rather than the offline dumping was that they felt it was less awkward. Still, though it is considered rude and heartless by some, is it ever okay to breakup with someone over text or some other electronic medium? Contrary to etiquette purists there are some situations where breaking up electronically may be preferred. Once such incidence is when you’ve only been on a couple of dates together. If you hardly know them there is no sense in being so formal. Just be clear about why you aren’t interested in getting to know this person further, and keep their feelings in mind. They may have had higher hopes than you did.

If you are in a manipulative, controlling or downright toxic relationship an email or text may be far better a move than breaking up face-to-face. If you know this person has a tendency to draw you in even though you know the relationship is bad for you, than breaking up electronically is a form of protection. Take the same advice to heart in the situation of a physically or emotionally abusive relationship. This person does not deserve the respect of a one-on-one offline breakup. Jettison them via text as the first step toward a new and better life. If the person is merely going to bawl or get upset however and this is what you are trying to avoid, than it’s a form of cowardice and disrespect to break up with them via text or email. Sometimes when you are in a relationship and you want to breakup with someone, and this person catches wind of that desire, they purposely avoid you as to avoid the inevitable. If you are having a hard time nailing this person down after several attempts to try and break up with them, an electronic breakup is warranted and well justified. If the relationship was digital to begin with, there’s no reason not to break up with them via the same medium. If you are breaking up due to some gross misstep by them such as cheating, lying or some other moral morass, they don’t deserve the face-to-face breakup. An electronic sayonara is just fine. If this is a long distance relationship, perhaps a phone call is warranted. But if it’s an ‘on-again, off-again’ type thing, a little text is all you need to separate from them and begin your life anew. For more advice, read Breakup: Why You Need To & How To Do It by Cassie St. Clair.

Picking up Someone While Traveling

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Are you going on a business trip? Are you doing volunteer work or teaching abroad? Or are you just taking a travel year? Whatever your reason, you want to find out how to pick someone up while traveling. Exotic romances are the stuff novels are written about. Why not try to experience it for yourself? Who knows, maybe you’ll find the love of your life somewhere along the way. The first thing you need to do is change your mindset and understand that the dynamic is somewhat different than meeting someone near where you live. There is a limited time to get to know one another. You can’t take it slow. That doesn’t mean you have to jump in bed with the person. It does mean that if you have romantic intensions, you need to make them clear right from the beginning. You are together for only a short while, so hemming and hawing on whether you should ask someone out isn’t going to work. If you feel attracted to someone, flirt with them. See if they flirt back. Then go ahead and ask them to go with you somewhere, even if it’s just for coffee. Don’t try to give yourself a new, cool persona just because you are far away from home. Be straightforward and honest. Own who you are. Don’t string anyone along. Let them know upfront how long you will be in town so there aren’t any expectations or a messy scene when it’s time for you to leave.

If you are looking for a way to break the ice, why not talk about your traveling? The apple of your eye will find it interesting. Ask them what they are doing there or where they are going. Don’t set a date far in advance. If things progress and you two really have chemistry, this will be too late. If you meet the first day you are there, make a date that night or the night after. Understand your time limits and work within them as best you can. One thing to remember though is, if you have someone at home, don’t use traveling as an excuse for cheating. It’s unfair to your spouse or significant other. Even if you think they won’t find out, what about your conscience? How will your guilt affect the relationship? If you two are having problems and are on the rocks, it might be best to break up before you go, if you have a desire to cheat. Telling someone you met someone abroad or on a trip and breaking up with them will compound their grief, and you won’t look so good to those around you. It’s important to use your head whenever you are considering romance in a new place or country. Use common sense. Know what you are comfortable with and your limitations, and what you are open to. Dating in a new city, state, region or country can be very exciting and rewarding. If you’re single, why not try it for yourself?

Breaking up Over the Phone

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Of course, the best method of breaking up with someone is face-to-face. This is out of respect for the person, and also so they don’t badmouth you in front of others on how insensitive you were by doing it this way. On the other hand, there may be circumstances which require the breakup to be conducted over the phone. For instance, when getting out of an abusive relationship or when in a long distance relationship, when seeing the person is too difficult, expensive, or even dangerous. If you are in a situation where you must break up with someone over the phone, there are ways to do it in order to provide closure to both parties, and even show how much you care. Make sure it’s exactly what you want to do. There is no turning back in terms of the phone breakup. Once you do it, it’s over for sure. In terms of the long distance relationship, it may be hard to let go of that person. But how long distance is it? How long will they be away? How do you feel about them? If they come back, do you think it will last? There are lots of questions to ask yourself. Once you’ve sorted everything out, if you’ve decided to move ahead, collect your thoughts and decide exactly what you are going to say. Don’t wait. Once your decision is final, call them when you know they will be around and have time to talk.

If they’re not in a place where they can talk, make sure to pick a time when they are somewhere where they can talk. Don’t tell them or let on. Instead, let the breakup happen all at once. Make sure you don’t beat around the bush. Say what you have to say and make it clear that you are breaking up with them, or that the relationship is over. Anticipate silences, tension, and awkwardness. Give them the true reasons why. You can make it sound nice, but be clear and make sure they understand. Let them ask questions and vent. Don’t cut them off. Don’t get angry or defensive. Let them know if it is possible or not to be friends down the road. Don’t drag out the conversation forever. If it is an abusive relationship and the person demands to see you, deny their request and tell them why. Don’t carry on and on with examples. Don’t let the conversation go on longer than it has to. Wish them the best and mean it. If this isn’t a committed or exclusive relationship, breaking up over the phone might be easier, depending on the person. If they’re not committed or thinking about commitment, and neither are you, then breaking up over the phone might be the right course of action.