When you first break up, though emotions may run deep, you have a good understanding on why the relationship didn’t work out. But as time moves on you may have nostalgic memories bubbling up to the surface. Sadness, a desire to be with that person, and regret could inhabit your thinking. Though it was clear in the beginning why it ended now the reason could be far murkier. These new feelings don’t match the understanding you have, or had when the breakup first occurred. You aren’t supposed to feel this way. But you miss your ex and even long to be with them. This doesn’t make logical sense, especially if the person treated you poorly or the relationship was so uncomfortable you couldn’t wait to get out of it. But so what? Your feelings don’t have to be logical after a breakup. It’s one thing to have illogical feelings but it’s quite another to put those feelings into action. The disconnect however can be confusing, being pulled between your logical understanding and missing your ex. This disconnect causes shame. If you tell a confidant or a group of them how you are feeling, often they will be shocked, wondering how could you feel this way after the way that person treated you. And this reaction may compound the guilt you are already feeling for missing this person, instead of relieving your pain.
Do not run back to this person. Give yourself space. You need time in order to think things through, let these emotions pass and see things in a more balanced way. Don’t go running back to your ex. Though the relationship surely had moments that were pretty great, if you get back with them the same old problems will creep up again. You’ll hurt your reputation and you’ll have to disentangle yourself from this person once again. Instead recognize your feelings. Don’t judge them or feel guilty, just come to understand and accept how you are feeling and why you are feeling this way. If you left a relationship that was good and you think that you two can work out your issues, and that you both want to, give reconnecting consideration. But if you know logically that this relationship wasn’t good for you or your ex by and large, and there is no way to make it work, then allow yourself the freedom to feel the way you do. Understand that emotions aren’t always logical. Be okay with how you feel and understand it. But when the time comes let logic be your guide. For more on healing from a breakup, pick up a copy of Getting Past Your Breakup: How to Turn a Devastating Loss into the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You by Susan J. Elliott JD Med.