Bra that opens when she finds “The One”

bra

Bra that opens when she finds “The One”

Introducing another startling love related invention that has come out of where else but Japan. Here we have the world’s first “smart bra.” This undergarment created by Japanese lingerie company Ravijour claims it knows how women really feel, so much so that the bra opens when she finds “The One.” But how does it know? When we fall in love, hormones secreted increase the heart rate. The bra has a built in sensor that detects this heart rate increase and opens the bra.

The garment works like a modern day chastity belt, keeping the girls locked away until the man of her dreams walks in and quickens her pulse. When her heartbeat reaches the crucial level the bra opens to end sessions of awkward fumbling just before the penultimate moment of truth.  Sure there are phone charging rain boots and hats that help you find Wi-Fi. But this may be the strangest wearable tech around. Ravijour has its own sexuality specialist on staff who states on the company’s promotional video, “When we fall in love, we experience an instant boost in excitement. That feeling is unlike any other excitement we encounter in life.”

The company’s hopes for this item are not small. Saying of his invention the creator of the smart bra stated, “Until now, the bra was just a piece of clothing to remove. But now it is an instrument to test for true love … destined to become a friend of women around the world.” What isn’t discussed is if the bra will open at times when the lady’s heart rate increases yet isn’t in the throes of passion with her beau? When she is just told of some horrible news, when she’s seeing a Thriller with friends or her parents, when something startling happens at work or she gets to be a guest on a game show. Will her bra open at these inopportune times? What if she wants to get involved with someone physically but isn’t in love? Where is this technology leading also? Certainly we don’t want too much tech in the bedroom.

There is fear of too much being revealed, especially through social media websites. In the age of “revenge porn” we are reminded that positive technologies often do have unforeseen consequences. Nor do we want to export all of our decisions about our bodies to some gizmo or smart device with a socially constructed idea of what courtship and love should be like. Sometimes the best lessons come from when we are unencumbered by outside forces such as societal views of what is proper when. Sure the smart bra seems fun, and is probably just a publicity stunt to get exposure, but we have to protect ourselves from the encroachment of technology into the more private realms of our lives. To learn more about technology’s impact on modern dating read, Love in the Time of Algorithms: What Technology Does to Meeting and Mating by Dan Slater.

Grand Gestures that will Blow him away

woman-surprising-her-man

Grand Gestures that will Blow him away

Are you dating or married to a guy you are totally in love with? Do you want to show him how much you care? For guys it’s easy to come up with ideas to sweep a girl off her feet. A romantic dinner, her favorite flowers, a day at the spa, and a weekend away are all romantic ways to show her how you feel. With guys it’s a little different. You can be romantic with some. With others they find it a blow to their ego. He has no problem doing these things for her. But romance is considered something for the lady. So accepting a romantic gesture can be uncomfortable for some men, even emasculating. His friends may even tease him about it depending on the type of guy he is and they are. So it’s important that when you want to do a grand gesture to blow him away, you do it to fit him, his style and make him melt without blowing his cover. You don’t want to do something nice and end up making him the butt of jokes from his friends. So how do you deal with that? How can you expertly maneuver this fine line and show him how much you care? Here are some ideas.

How about a surprise vacation? Who doesn’t like a get-away? Where does your man like to go? What does he like to do? If you have the means, there are no shortages of places to go from Hawaii to Greece that he won’t enjoy or brag about. A surprise weekend away is always good. If he has a special hobby you can take him for instance for a surprise weekend skiing at a place he’s never been or always wanted to try, or a golf course he’s never been to. If he’s really into Hollywood, a weekend in L.A. will do the trick. If he’s an outdoorsman take him camping, fishing or hiking in a state or national park he’s never been to. Even bringing him to a hidden gem in your town or country can show how much you care.  What about getting him a gift that keeps on giving? Find out what he’s into. Say he loves bacon, there’s the bacon of the month club. There are one’s for beer, hot sauce, cheese, and so much more.

Ever think of getting him a massage from a proper masseuse? Ask casually first what he thinks of massages before you get him one. Or you can do one for him yourself. Make it a real treat, a full body massage. If you know anyone you can borrow a massage table from, do so. If he’s been particularly stressed out lately, do his chores for him. Give him a little extra time to relax and unwind. It will also show him that you’ve got his back. Set up that thing he’s always wanted to do. From sky diving, bungee jumping, riding in a World War II vintage plane over Manhattan or driving a race car down the track, find out what it is and make secret plans to fulfill it for him. Make him a special dinner once in a while, or buy a nice piece of lingerie if you have a physical relationship and text him photos of yourself. There are lots of things you can do for a man to let him know you love him, and make him feel not only like a man, but like a king. For more advice read, Romantic Gift Ideas for Men & Women-Anniversary, Valentine’s Day, Birthdays, Special Occasions by Suzie Summers.

Want to have a Long and Happy Marriage?

HAPPY-MARRIAGE

Want to have a Long and Happy Marriage?

What traits do you consider pivotal to marital bliss and longevity? Is it good communication, compromise, or developing a deep bond? If you really want to have a long and happy marriage have great sex, or at least enough of it according to research published in The Journal of Gerontology: Series B. 732 married couples between the ages of 57 and 85 were interviewed by researchers, who found that those couples having little to no sex had far lower levels of marital satisfaction. The more often they did have sex, the happier they were according to the study. The researchers expanded their definition in this study to include any sexual act, not just intercourse. So which is it, are these couples hopping in the sack more because they are so happy, or are they happy together because they’re hopping in the sack more? While this chicken and egg scenario hasn’t been sorted out yet, it’s clear that sex is a priority to both partners in a marriage. Of course the more interested and invested you both are in your sex life the longer you will keep your spark alive. One problem is a lot of married people fall into a rut in their sex life. They don’t think they have time considering their other responsibilities such as their career, school, children and more. But investing a little time and energy into your sex life can really improve your mood, help you de-stress and improve the quality of your relationship dramatically.

Do you need some help spicing things up in the bedroom? Consider getting some lingerie or surprising her with some.  There are types for every size and shape. Another idea is trying different rooms in the house. Try the kitchen or the bathroom. Utilize different furniture in your house. Have a conversation with your spouse in a comfortable or perhaps romantic setting and find out what their fantasies are. See what kinds of things they’d like you to do to them and make plans together on fulfilling each other’s fantasies. Take a little trip to a sex shop near your house. Explore toys, bondage, spanking, different role playing scenarios. Make sure each person is comfortable and a safety word is used so that all play is safe and helps build your bond rather than tearing it apart. You can both write sexual bucket lists and start crossing off one from each of your lists, first from one person then to another and back again. Have you ever considered what other positions there are? A quick search online, or in the sex section of your neighborhood bookstore will give you the skinny on different positions you and your spouse might like to try. Why not incorporate some sexy food into the foreplay portion of the proceedings? Really ripe strawberries, chocolate sauce, whipped cream and more can be spread around for a little sultry play. For more, pick up a copy of Sexy Slang’s Bedroom Challenges: 69 Ways to Spice up Your Sex Life by Christi Scofield and Ted Scofield.

What Women Want You to Notice

notice

What Women Want You to Notice

Ever have your woman walk in and say something like, “Notice anything different about me?” This is a game to her, but to you it means stress. What if you don’t notice what it is? Is she going to be upset? So what can you do to make sure that you notice what she wants you to notice without hours in detective school or reading every Sherlock Holmes novel ever written? For an overall look into what she’s really going for, relationship expert and psychologist Tracy Thomas, Ph.D. says “What she really wants you to notice is the effort she puts into things. It’s not necessarily the details, it’s the effort she puts into your relationship, into making herself look cute for you, and into making you happy.” That should put you somewhat at ease and cue you in on how things are from the other side of this dynamic. So if you can’t pinpoint what it exactly is a couple of blanket statements should fulfil the underlying need. Thomas suggests that you “Just say something like, ‘I love how you always look amazing for me,’ or ‘Thank you for putting so much effort into our relationship.’”  Still you will get even better results if you nail what it is that’s changed. Here are some things that women generally want you to notice.

If she went out to buy sexy lingerie for you, you’d better take notice. Generally the underwear women buy for themselves is cute but not sexy. It’s generally comfortable with more soft or playful colors, boy shorts, things with Pokka-dots, stripes and patterns. For lingerie they are usually tight, frilly, lacy or revealing. If she’s in something that will make your tongue drop out of your mouth, just tell her how amazing she looks and respond enthusiastically, and she will definitely be satisfied. Take note when she goes to the salon. Most guys ignore this tiny detail, blow over the new hairstyle and are in the doghouse before you can say “woof.” Whenever she goes to get her hair cut take a gander at her head when she comes back. Notice something and tell her she looks good. But if there is a dramatic change you’ll be able to catch it and then you can pour it on to her delight. For a general comment tell her that her hair always looks incredible. If she’s been putting hours in at the gym, make sure you compliment how she looks. Let her know you think her body is dynamite. It won’t only make her feel good it will encourage her in her workouts. Most men don’t notice shoes. But you can get brownie points if you do. If she’s in stiletto heels or thigh-highs take a look at what else she’s wearing and consider her intentions. Lastly, if she’s made an effort to clean up the house, notice and make an impression on how much it means to you. Not only will she appreciate it, she’ll feel valued. Notice her efforts and her heart will always be yours.  For more advice on making your partner feel appreciated, read The Happy Couple: How to Make Happiness a Habit One Little Loving Thing at a Time by Barton Goldsmith, Ph.D. and Harville Hendrix, Ph.D.

How the Desire Differential Generally Works

c

Do you and your spouse have a desire differential? That’s when one person has a higher libido than the other. It is common. One third of married American couples experience this phenomenon. Although it’s common, that doesn’t mean you should be complacent about it. Both parties will be unsatisfied and your connection will suffer. There are lots of programs, self-help books and experts talking about this but few actually get to the heart of the issue. This problem actually stems from deeper ones. Here’s how the desire differential generally works. The person with the lower desire often holds access to sex. If that person can’t be put in the mood, their preference is by and large when the act will occur. Most of the time this isn’t due to a need for power, control or to play out some sort of revenge. There is also an unspoken rule that says that the spouse with the higher sex drive must accept the no sex ruling when their spouse isn’t in the mood. This person may not go outside the marriage to have their needs met nor can they even voice being upset by the verdict. This situation is both unrealistic and untenable. Just like in other ways, to make both parties happy or at least to satisfy them, a compromise should be sought and enacted so that both parties can be happy, their needs met and their choices respected.

There are lots of things you can do when one spouse isn’t in the mood. You can get them in the mood for one. Foreplay, teasing, dressing in a way they find sexy and being playful might help. The other can decide to be open to the possibility if you can change their mind. The person with lower desire might decide to give in and be swept up in the passion of the other. Another option when sex isn’t a pleasant option for one is to do other things in order to satisfy the libidinous party. Oral or manual stimulation or some other kind of act may be performed. Remember that for lots of people and couples desire isn’t always maintained at the same level it was when the couple first got together. After years of marriage you may need to work at it. One psychologist suggests that you should schedule sex. Some couples think this takes the spontaneity out of it. But in actuality both parties have to be creative and help build the mood until the day arrives.   Work on the art of seduction. Play the right music. Wear an alluring scent. Say and do things that you know turn your partner on. You should know your spouse’s sexual buttons a little and be able to persuade them. But first they have to be open to it, or else take them by surprise and see if it’s a turn on and if they’ll go for it. For most humans there are four stages; desire, arousal, orgasm and resolution or our bodies turn back to their nonsexual modes. Lots of people go right for arousal or the touching aspect. Learn to stoke the flames of desire. But for the one with a lower desire, learn to be open and see if you can respond. For more advice on this topic, read Perfectly Normal: Living and Loving with Low Libido by Sandra Pertot, Ph.D.