Use a Pro to get your Ex’s Texts


Use a Pro to get your Ex’s Texts

We all know how important texting has become in our love lives. Now they are becoming weighty evidence in divorce proceedings according to a survey by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers. Text messaging was present in the top three forms of electronic evidence used in divorce court today. But getting texts for your attorney can be difficult. You can either read them off the phone directly, or perhaps write them down for yourself.

The second method is to have them taken off the phone. This can be done even after the messages have been deleted. If there is some type of access code for security purposes, bypassing that would make the texts inadmissible in court according to John Simek, Vice President of a Virginia based computer security company called Sensei Enterprises, Inc. It’s like the difference between a suitcase that is open and one that is locked. Of this Simek said, “Then there is an expectation of privacy, and you’d better not be blowing by it.” Also understand that cell phone providers don’t store any messages on their end. So don’t go snooping in that direction, you’ll come up empty.

This is where you can use a trained pro to get your ex’s texts. According to Simek, a text message usually stays on the provider’s servers for about two weeks. But a case has to be filed before a security company can go in there and get a text. Otherwise, they have no leg to stand on legally. Searching the actual phone is really the best way to get at texts says Simek. Once a text has been deleted however, it can be hard to retrieve. Computer forensics companies can use several methods to try and retrieve these text messages. BitPim , Sim Card Seizure,  or Paraben Device Seizure are some of the methods used. Keep your fingers crossed.

“Normally it’s pretty volatile, these text messages,” says Simek. How your phone overwrites memory comes into play. But the forensics company will go through all of the internal organs of the phone to see if they can grab a hold of the steamy text your ex sent to their lover. These special software extractions can even get the date and time, important information where court is concerned. Some of the software programs even get inside the phone and take a photo of the text. These companies can even testify in court on how the text was extracted.  So the next time you have a text that can help pay off in divorce court, look up your local computer forensic security company. They may be able to ensure you get your hands on it, and your lawyer does too. For more assistance with evidence seeking read, The Everything Private Investigation Book: Master the Techniques of the Pros to Examine Evidence, Track down People, and Discover the Truth by Sheila L. Stephens.

Want a Divorce but your Spouse Won’t Sign the Papers?

Spouse Won't Sign Divorce Papers

The idea of divorce is difficult for some people to grasp. Sometimes this is due to culture or religion. A person may be embarrassed when their spouse wants a divorce, wondering how it will affect their reputation. The person could still be in love with their spouse but lost touch with those feelings over the years, getting too comfortable and taking their mate for granted. Another thing that may happen is they find it a personal affront and push back. Or maybe getting served with divorce papers is a complete shock and they are in a state of denial. Whatever the reason, just because you want to split doesn’t mean that your partner will accept it right away. There may be a back and forth or a very uncomfortable period of transition. But what do you do when you want a divorce but your spouse refuses to sign the papers?

Sit down and calmly discuss the issue; this could be a very serious and heart wrenching conversation. When served with papers, a spouse may ignore them, refuse to sign, or simply fail to respond ( This will significantly prolong the process. If there is simply no way of reconciliation, you need to address this directly with him or her and tell them why. If you can’t change their mind, and they are digging in and not budging, some states will let you file a default. A default is when a spouse hasn’t responded for 30 days or hasn’t been located to serve papers to. If this is the case, you can file a proposed judgment along with your default. A hearing date will be set and you will be required to appear before the court. You will get the chance to present your case to the judge and a ruling will be made. If your spouse doesn’t show up, they wave their right to a ruling and a judgment is made based on what you say. If you have served divorce papers and your spouse has failed to respond within sufficient time, seek out a reputable divorce lawyer.

Aim For A Balance Of Assertiveness And Empathy

balance ego and empathy

If your goal is to arrive at a peaceful resolution to your divorce, you must aim for balance regarding your wants and those of your ex.  You must remain assertive and steadfast with the issues that are most important to you, but empathize with the point of view of your ex as well.  This might seem impossible depending on your current standing in your own divorce; however, it’s never too late to try a new approach. According to the New York Law Journal, attorneys can coach their divorce clients on how to be assertive as well as empathetic.  This is supposed to be the goal with every divorce attorney, but realistically, we know that many attorneys might go along with a non-negotiating attitude for their own financial benefit.  It has been stated that, when dealing with a divorce case, attorneys are supposed to fight for a just and fair result for everyone involved.  If you’ve brought your divorce case to the court without first trying to mediate, then it’s likely that your attorneys are fighting it out to win you things above and beyond what you’re even asking for.

The best results from a divorce will come from mediation and proper coaching from an attorney who understands the benefits of balancing your ego with your ability to feel compassion and empathy.  In the end, after the fight is over, there’s bound to be hate and bitterness that could last the rest of your lives and spread to the people around you.  It might be difficult at first to let your guard down and consider the feelings and wants of your ex, but being open like this will likely encourage the same openness from your ex.  If you’re both able to be assertive while empathizing with each other, you’ll come to a much swifter and less emotionally-charged resolution that the both of you will benefit from for the rest of your lives.  This is especially important if you have children together because your children will learn the importance of compromise in relationships.  Consult your own legal team and see if they’re familiar with this form of coaching for their clients.  It might tell you a lot about their character and whether or not they are really out for your best interest or only their wallets.

Making A Small Issue Into A Crisis Is Typical During Divorce


small issues made bigger

When a divorce is contested, or disputed, and brought to court, there’s typically a lot of bantering back and forth between the two parties.  This communication could be direct or indirect by way of letters from the court, also referred to as court memos.  It’s important that you’re aware of this so that you’re prepared for the possible complaints your ex and his or her counsel will conjure up.  Divorce attorneys will find small issues through their clients and exaggerate them in court memos in an attempt to paint the adversary in a negative light.  This is also an attempt to place pressure on the adversary’s counsel to settle or compromise in their favor.  For instance, bringing up an issue with parenting that wouldn’t normally be an issue and inflating it to be a reflection of the person’s character and overall ability as a competent parent.

An example of this would be complaining about the time a parent allows a young child to go to bed or the type of food the parent is providing to the child.  These are probably things the other party didn’t care that much about while married, but now is using to gain favor in the court, possibly to gain sole custody or just to make the other parent look incompetent on various levels.  A divorce like this is very much a battle of the egos, and it gets ugly.

If you combat this type of complaining and accusing by your ex with the same type of behavior, it’s bound to escalate further and further, not getting you anywhere good anytime soon.  On the other hand, if you take the mature stance and allow your ex to have his or her say and respond with respect, while still holding your ground on important issues, you will ultimately prevail.  This has been proven time and time again among people; what you resist persists.  When you respond to an accusation, like the one regarding what you feed your child, by stating, “I’ll feed the kid whatever I want to; he’s my child, too!” you’re inviting more accusations and negativity.  Conversely, if you respond by stating, “I understand that you and I disagree about what we feed our child; we can talk about it if you want to and we can try to compromise on the issue privately”, you’re altering the energy of the topic from resistive and negative to accepting and more positive.

If more people took this accepting and open stance, they would struggle a lot less during the divorce process.  It’s easier said than done, of course, because emotions run high in a divorce and people become very defensive about protecting their sense of identity in times of great transition such as this.  It takes patience and a great level of maturity to be the bigger person, but you’ll benefit greatly if you do and even your ego will feel heightened knowing that you took the higher road.


There Are Lower Divorce Rates In States That Allow Same-Sex Marriage

same-sex-marriage divorce rate

According to recent census data, the divorce rate for states that legally allow same-sex marriage is 20% lower than the states that don’t allow it.  The lowest divorce rate in the country is in the state of Massachusetts, which was the first state to legalize same-sex marriage in 2004.

Same-sex couples across the United States have been fighting for the right to marry, seeing the benefits of this legalized union that should be made available to everyone without discrimination.  It has been a struggle to say the least, with still many states refusing to allow its legalization.  The fact that the ability to marry is fairly recent for most same-sex couples could account for the decreased divorce rates, considering that the level of pride and accomplishment a couple would feel about getting married would make them work harder at keeping the marriage together for the long run.

It has become so easy for heterosexual couples to get married that it can be done minutes after meeting someone in Las Vegas.  Many people take marriage for granted, possibly because of how easy it is to find someone new and get remarried again, and again, and again.  There’s no tap on marriage and now, more and more, people are okay with getting a divorce because they see how commonplace it has become.  The struggle to get married could be said to bring same-sex couples closer together, because if they can fight to attain a marriage, they can fight equally hard to keep it.