You can tell a lot About a Woman from her Shoes

Womens-Shoes

You can tell a lot About a Woman from her Shoes

Men love to look at women. But unless you have a certain kind of fetish, you aren’t usually looking at her feet, finding fairer places to land your eyes. But this may be a fault. Women of course have a strange and complex relationship with footwear, some of them seem as if they are forming a museum quality collection or starting their own boutique. But according to a 2012 study out of the University of Kansas you can tell a lot about a woman from her shoes. In this study strangers could read a person’s personality with 90% accuracy just by the condition of a pair of shoes they wear most. Women who are aggressive have a penchant for ankle boots while more agreeable ladies tend to wear “practical, functional” footwear. Since there is so much variety in shoes, they tend to be able to display a person’s personality according to this study’s authors. According to relationship expert and author April Masini this makes perfect sense as “The way a woman dresses telegraphs many messages about her. It’s wise to check out her shoes for clues about who she is, and how she’ll behave.” Check her shoes to tell if she’s grounded, assertive or even cocky. As Masini puts it, “Women in revealing, high-heeled sandals are more likely to be confident naked than women in closed-toe heels. You can tell a lot about how a woman grooms the rest of her body by how she takes care of her feet. If there’s a neat, sexy pedicure going on, expect neat and sexy grooming elsewhere. No pedicure? No grooming elsewhere.”

Psychiatrist Carole Lieberman, MD says that low, wide heels or wedges may signal insecurity. She says, “Women wearing wedges want to appear taller without the discomfort of high heels. They may be a little more middle-of-the-road. Also, the wider and shorter the heels on a woman’s shoes, the more insecure she might be.” Does she wear bright, colorful shoes? You have an extrovert on your hands, playful, adventuresome and a risk taker. For something really bright like glaring yellow pumps or hot pink flip-flops, she may be high maintenance. Says Masini, “Peacock tendencies mean she’ll be more challenging, and may even expect to be put on a pedestal. If this is your thing—and for many guys, it is—go for it.” Do you want someone more grounded? Look for a girl wearing boots or flats. According to Dr. Lieberman, “Ballerina flats mean she’s a woman who puts comfort above style. She’s literally down to earth.” Just regular flip-flops when not at the beach however may mean she’s too laid back, and more likely to be so in other aspects of her life. University of Kansas researchers found that conservatives wear nicer shoes and that liberals often wear shabbier ones. If she’s wearing conservative expensive pumps she values herself and perhaps her job is important to her, for expensive riding boots she splurges and likes luxury. But she can probably afford to treat herself. For more insider information that can get you a leg up on the dating competition, read Date Out of Your League by April Masini.

The Downside to Modern Dating

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There are a lot of upsides to modern dating. You aren’t forced into some rigid system that forces you to either get married or stay single. People can decide for themselves without too much judgment how they want to date and what kind of dating is right for them. They don’t have to define relationships in the traditional way if they don’t want to, but they can if they want. It’s completely up to them. Be that as it may, all of this freedom also has certain drawbacks. Here’s the downside to modern dating. First, the person who cares the least has all the power. The most aloof wins. One way that modern daters take part in this little charade is to text back hours or even days later intentionally, just to not seem as interested as they actually are. So in the age of the aloof, it’s hard to tell who is really into you and just pretending their not and who is actually not interested in you and just stringing you along because they have nothing better to do. Remember chatting on the phone for hours on end, falling asleep on the phone, or just the rush you got hearing your lover breathing into the receiver? Those days are fewer and farther between today thanks to texting. Texting can be fun, but it doesn’t make the connection other forms of communication do. In fact, it seems the most insular. Emoticons can’t say it like hearing someone’s words in their own voice. And reading those three little words doesn’t make your heart skip a beat like hearing them.

Social media and texting has eliminated “plans.” Nowadays people can keep tabs on their friends like never before. You never get a straight answer out of people as to whether or not they want to hang out. You also get the feeling that people are perpetually looking for something better to do, and nothing is ever good enough for them to stick to. But in a dating situation, that thing that may or may not be good enough is you. It’s also your potential love interest. What does this mean for respect? What does it mean in terms of our values as a society? Instead of asking someone out, you just hangout or chill. These may even be code words for hooking up. These phrases aren’t going away. And there is nothing wrong with a hookup provided both parties know and agree. But trying to figure out if hangout means hangout, or if it means date, or if it means hookup can be excruciating, and to directly come out and ask defies the rules. The lines between exclusive and seeing other people has been blurred, too. Lots of people are phobic of commitment. There are those who say they aren’t into labels and don’t want to label relationships. Others don’t want to seem as though they are pressuring anyone. But then when someone sees someone else, the person they were seeing before that gets mad. Yet there’s no reason to. They weren’t “together-together.” It just seems that all of the hard conversations have been taken out of dating. But with them all of the certainty, too. And what is left is people perpetually grappling with uncertainty and wondering always if there isn’t something better without enjoying what they have. To have a more positive experience, try reading Modern Dating: A Field Guide by Chiara Atik.

What to Know about Dating a Jamaican Man

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Whether you know a Jamaican man in your own country, or you are on vacation and are interested in dating a Jamaican man, the culture is a bit different than that of the U.S. The stereotype is that Jamaican men are controlling, womanizing, and disrespectful of women. The truth is they are like any other group of people. Some Jamaican men don’t treat their women well. Others treat them like queens. We cannot stereotype or generalize, but the culture can be a little bit different. Study the culture if you are seriously interested in someone of the Jamaican persuasion. Here are some things to get you started. If you are going out for a date, or hanging at home, realize that they don’t have the same fast food culture that we in the U.S. do. In fact, Jamaicans eat lots of fresh food prepared at home. Fast food may be okay once in a while, but of course it isn’t healthy so he won’t appreciate eating it all the time. So instead, why not prepare something at home, go to a healthier restaurant, or perhaps ask him to make one of his favorite dishes? And what makes a better date than cooking together? Jamaicans are said to have a number of jobs at one time. The truth is that Jamaicans have a strong work ethic. So don’t be afraid to ask him what he does. It will probably make for interesting conversation.

Jamaicans are very family oriented. In American society, being taken to meet a man’s family means that he’s serious about you. In Jamaican culture, not so much. Very often someone in the family is throwing a party. If they are aware of you they will invite you. But that doesn’t mean, should he be seeing someone else, that he won’t bring her to the next family party. So don’t take an invite or a point where you meet his family as too big of a sign. Also, Jamaican men often take what their mothers say to heart. Understand that her opinion in his life in general, and of you specifically, may carry more weight than an American man’s. If you are a bit prudish, dating a Jamaican may not be for you. In American culture, talking about sex is done behind closed doors, never in front of the family. In Jamaican culture the attitude about sex is much more laid back, and may even be discussed in front of the family. Understand this and don’t be too embarrassed if you find yourself in the middle of some awkward, funny, and interesting conversations. Machismo and masculinity is very essential to the Jamaican lifestyle. If you have any gay friends, realize that your Jamaican interest may be homophobic. Talk to him about it before you bring your gay friends around. Lastly, Jamaican men are thought to be smooth. Don’t get too caught up in his accent or the way he can put sentences together to charm and sway you. You can learn more about dating Jamaican men through the advice of Empress Yuajah in her book, How to Date a Jamaican Man: How to Love and Understand a Jamaican Man.

Things to Make you Better than his Ex

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When a guy is at a certain point in his life, more often than not he thinks about settling down. But if he has any brains, he evaluates who he is dating carefully to see if they are marriage material. If you really like this guy and want him to get serious, do things to make you better than his ex, and he’s sure to stick around. Be better than her at staying positive. Lots of girls export all their happiness to their man. That’s a whole lot of responsibility to be carrying around. A guy can cripple under that wait. But a girl who is resilient, versatile, who says everything is going to be okay and means it, is a keeper. Life is hard enough. He wants a partner who has his back, not a casualty he has to carry around. Are you an easy going type of girl, or does he have to walk on eggshells around you? If it’s the eggshells, possibly reconsider your position. It’s hard to be with someone who’s difficult to be with. No one wants to be with someone who gets mad at them all the time, or isn’t fun to be with. When you do get mad, tell him what you are mad about. Don’t tell him nothing and not mean it. If you need time to deconstruct what happened and how you feel, tell him so. Don’t feign being mad to gain leverage. Playing games always backfires sooner or later.

A man wants a lady who is comfortable on her own, who doesn’t need to be babysat. If you can entertain, keep things rolling, mingle, and make small talk, you are definitely a great catch. If you look to him to fill all the gaps, hide behind him and make him include you in everything, not so much. Just like women, guys notice when a woman is generous. Whether it’s with a gift, her time, her energy, or leaving a tip, a girl who goes out of her way gets brownie points from her man. Another important factor is whether or not she has her own things going on. Even though guys love attention, no man wants his lady to make him and their relationship the center of her universe. He wants her to have her own interests, friends, goals, and dreams. It makes her interesting and well rounded. It takes the pressure off him, letting him explore his interests and goals. And it gives you two things to talk about together. Finally, a man wants a woman he can be comfortable with. He wants someone who isn’t always high maintenance and who he can hang on the couch and watch TV with, without having to worry every ten seconds whether or not she’s having a good time. He wants someone he feels has his back. A lady he can trust. These qualities are what make a good girlfriend and ultimately wife. These qualities could count just the same for a boyfriend and husband, too. For more insight on how to be better than his ex, read the advice of Wendy Walsh in her book, The Girlfriend Test: A Quiz for Women Who Want to Be a Better Date and a Better Mate.